View Full Version : How do you reassure your boyfriend that you'll never abandon him???


Evilnlita033005
07-27-2005, 04:53 PM
Me and my boyfriend are very close but the problem is since his family basically abandoned him, he keeps telling me that I'll be doing the same thing. I keep telling him that nothing in this world can keep me away from him. He believes in our love but he keeps questioning my loyalty to him. How do I make that stop? :confused: I don't like it because I've always been here no matter what.

JamesWifey
07-27-2005, 05:00 PM
I know how you feel. I used to try and reassure my husband all the time (that I'd never leave him), especially when he was first sentenced. My husband is a firm believer that actions speak louder than any words. He tells me it is my consistency and dedication to him over the years which erases any doubts from his mind. My hubby was adandoned by his daughter's mother during his last bid, so it was very hard for me to completely gain his trust. Loyalty is something we proved to one another over the years. It does not happen overnight. We both agree it is hard to find a "safe place" in this world. We've all been hurt in the past. Just keep on doing what you're doing and he'll see :D I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck :thumbsup:

Willsgirl
07-27-2005, 05:01 PM
Only thing that you can do is just be patient with him. In time he will realize that you are different and you are in till the end. Just give him time and in the mean time just keep letting him know your there for him, continue to do be there for him and whatever else it is that you do for him. Hang in there it will get better.

longlasting7
07-27-2005, 05:07 PM
Me and my boyfriend are very close but the problem is since his family basically abandoned him, he keeps telling me that I'll be doing the same thing. I keep telling him that nothing in this world can keep me away from him. He believes in our love but he keeps questioning my loyalty to him. How do I make that stop? :confused: I don't like it because I've always been here no matter what.The only way your boyfriend will know for sure that you wont leave him is to continue to be there for him. But its totally up to you if you want to wait on him. If he cant see how dedicated you are to him then hey....
longlasting7:p

Evilnlita033005
07-27-2005, 05:11 PM
The only way your boyfriend will know for sure that you wont leave him is to continue to be there for him. But its totally up to you if you want to wait on him. If he cant see how dedicated you are to him then hey....
longlasting7:p
Abandoning him has never crossed my mind and he knows that but I hate when he gets into his little ruts and tells me that I'm gonna leave him too. :(

j2sq
07-27-2005, 07:56 PM
CONTINE TO REASSURE! Tell him over and over what you feelings are... and just be there for him. Stick by him. ACTIONS SPEAK THE LOUDEST! :)

haswtch
07-27-2005, 09:21 PM
yah just keep with the mail and the showing up:)

HeartbreakHotel
07-27-2005, 09:37 PM
Me and my boyfriend are very close but the problem is since his family basically abandoned him, he keeps telling me that I'll be doing the same thing. I keep telling him that nothing in this world can keep me away from him. He believes in our love but he keeps questioning my loyalty to him. How do I make that stop? :confused: I don't like it because I've always been here no matter what.
Well what I'm going to say is going to be the complent opposite of what you wrote but I thought I'd say it anyways. Of course I love my guy and will be by his side for all time, however a part of me can't always stay by his side and the reason i say that is because it hurts me too much to keep waiting for him...My story is I've known him since I was 14 and he was 17....now I'm 20 and he's 23....my mother made us break up because she threanted to kick me out before I was 18 and I wouldn't have had anywhere to go....anways I picked my mother over my guy...and he promised me he'd be here for me when I turned 18...well I'm 20 now and a few months ago he called me from prison, he's been in there for 3 long years....and was scared that I moved on and he didn't want to hear that as it would hurt him.....anyways I didn't talk to him for 4 years and always thought of him and still loved him...When he called i was so happy but sad at the same time, because he wasn't here because he was in prison...anyhow, those 4 years of not knowing where he was, with who or anything hurt me everyday...however it hurts me even worse knwoing that he hasn't changed, and know even worse than that because he is out of prison and many states away from me so i can't watch over him...I told him staright out that if he doesn't change his ways that it will be goodbye forever as it hurts me so bad.....reading all your posts it makes me wonder if that was wrong of me...so what to you guys think about what I said?

babygurl919
07-27-2005, 10:28 PM
i agree with what everyone said... ACTIONS definitely do speak louder than WORDS. i can't really give too much advice on this though because i DID abandon chris at one point.. i took some time off to get my head together, but now we are back together.. i keep telling him that this time is different, but i know that he has every reason in the world to not believe me cuz of what happened in the past... so, all i do now is tell him in every letter that i WILL be there for him.. i reassure him with words as much as i can, but i know i have to SHOW him that i mean it, too.... and between making the 7 hour drives to see him, writing him supportive letters, sending him encouraging cards, calling lawyers (which he never asked me to do, i kind of just took it upon myself to try and do whatever i could to help him and find out what's going on in terms of his case), and other stuff, i think i'm doin an OK job so far.. i am a broke college student so i cant really send him money or clothes or anything, but he knows that and doesn't hold it against me at all.... i think he is finally starting to see that i'm for real this time.. so, my advice is to just hang in there, keep doing what you've been doing.. he will see in time, i promise....

TakinItDaybyDay
07-27-2005, 11:46 PM
Tell him over and over and over. Even when he finally says he knows, keep telling him.

Chris knows I will never leave him, but in ever phone call, letter, and visit, I tell him over and over again. He always says he knows, but every once in a while he will break down at visits and thank me for reassuring him. It really helps him. I also tell him what I love about him, and what helps him the most is when I tell him that he is WORTH THE WAIT.

Proving it is hard, but he says that I prove it everyday by all the info I find for him, the letters I write, and taking the best care of our baby girl.

ChandaMija
07-28-2005, 03:05 AM
Visit him every chance you get. Ride the bus there. Write him. Add a short but sweet message TO HIM on answering machine. Tell people he knows you miss him. Tell his counselor you love him after asking a specific question. Cry if necessary. Talk to him about negative men on the outside. Replace "I can't wait 'til you're out!" with "It will be sssooooo worth the wait!", "I'm patiently waiting for you, it's hard." or simply "I want you." Kiss his neck. Tell new penpals in same prison that you're his. Again, talk negatively about those people on the outside that he thought you'd be intimate with. THAT is the key. Be open. Talk openly as you'd with a counselor/an Internet best buddy. :)

September
07-28-2005, 09:36 AM
All of these postings were much needed re-assurance that I'm doing what I can do to also keep my baby re-assured. Thanks for the postings.

sharlelia
07-28-2005, 10:46 AM
I visit him every chance I get and write him about everything that is going on in my life as if he were right here to experience them with me.

Texxie
07-28-2005, 03:30 PM
Sounds like the poor guy has really been hurt! For the most part, guys won't just come out and say, hey, I've been hurt, don't hurt me too! I'm guessing his remarking over and over that you're gonna leave him too is his way of asking for reassurance. Just keep giving it to him. You don't know but what his whole day has been filled with stories of other guys' women abandoning them. Patiently and lovingly repeat it as often as he needs it. And come on back here when you've said it for the umpteenth time and wanna vent! :thumbsup:

4MyBabyBoy
07-29-2005, 06:02 PM
So far we dont have that issue and I dont see it in the future either....he doesn't doubt me.
One thing that we have and it's a wonderful thing, is our communication and I think that he can feel the openness we have.

But all you can do is show it...actions speak louder than words.

lilithinwaiting
07-29-2005, 06:40 PM
I think my actions have shown him I would not abandon him, there is really nothing else I can do besides visit, write ,send books. I send the news paper in from the area we plan on moving to , that gives him reassurance. He does get panicky if he does not hear from me in a day or two but I do write daily,it is the prison mail system so now he realizes that .