View Full Version : Men who are gay in prison


Toonice
11-22-2005, 12:30 AM
Can someone tell me, do most of the men mess around with other men? Just concerned?:)

PTO-29412
11-22-2005, 12:55 AM
Toonice,

There are alot of threads floating around PTO that are asking the exact same question, however I will answer it for you here.

"men mess around with other men" is a life style for most people in this forum. We are Gay men and women, and we are not just "fooling around".

You have to understand that while in prison, some men do have sexual relationships with other men, and these are not Gay or Bisexual men, these are guys who need some type of sexual relief, and if it is with a man, than so be it. I have seen several men never partake in a homosexual relationship while in prison, however I have seen happily married men have a gay relationship.

WHY? I do not have the time to type out all of it, but to make it short, we as mankind or sexual creatures, and when someone is locked away for many many years then he can get sexually frustrated, which leads to sex with whatever is the closest to him at that time. Is it wrong if he does this while married? Yes, but it is a choice that he has to make. Their is no way to know if someone is going to cheat on his wife with another man, and I know alot of women fear this, but the truth is you never know.

Where I went to prison (Mississippi) I would have to say that out of 160 inmates in a building, at least 100 of them either had relations or wanted to have relations with another man. The more feminine a guy (my case) the more you were wanted and seeked after. And yes these men were straight, gay, bi, married, fathers, engaged etc.

This is by NO means to say though that all men do this, some states are different, some it is less common and some it is more common. The only way you can feel comfortable is to have a trust built with your loved one.

The Gay lifestyle is not "sick", "Nasty", "perverted", or "gross" as some people try and make them out to be, it is simply 2 people showing love for one another, and it shouldn't be confused with horny men in prison who are looking for the first thing that comes along.

I hope that this helps some, for anyone reading this please remember this is a place for support and understanding. While we all have different views and opinions, please remember that your view and opinions are not the only ones that count. Please keep a open mind and lets keep this discussion as it is meant to be informative and supportive.

dortalia2005
11-22-2005, 11:09 AM
i am in now way against gay relationships however for all those that are married cheating is cheating. no there is no way to no what ones loved one is doing but myself i have to pray and hope that my husband never cheats. i keep my vows while waiting for him and i want him to do the same. it is not easy for anyone to have to be seperated from their love one. gay or straight.

PTO-29412
11-22-2005, 04:40 PM
Exactly dortalia2005,
And it is the faith and trust that you have to rely on. It isn't easy for anyone being in prison and their will always be struggles no matter what the situation.

Mike1963
11-22-2005, 04:55 PM
Bailey

Thats a very good write!! You go Boy !!

renaissanceman
12-15-2005, 10:17 PM
if he cheats inside he will cheat outside...hope that your man is in the 60 out of the 160 who won't cheat.

HeSoHandsome
12-25-2005, 04:32 PM
I agree with posts 3, 4 and 6.

Botz713
12-26-2005, 12:32 AM
Just curious what is the rate of someone getting an STD while in jail; IF he had sexual content with another person? Yes, I know if you're bi/gay/straight you're at risk of an STD, however, is a person in jail more at risk of it? Thanks

BigJoe42420
12-28-2005, 05:47 PM
Just curious what is the rate of someone getting an STD while in jail; IF he had sexual content with another person? Yes, I know if you're bi/gay/straight you're at risk of an STD, however, is a person in jail more at risk of it? Thanks

Botz713,
I don't know what the rates would be, but I would think that they would be higher since condoms are not available, at least not in Ky where I did my time. I personally did not take the risk, I would never have unprotected sex! There were several guys I did time with that I would love to meet again on the streets :D , but no sex is worth dying for.

PTO-29412
12-28-2005, 05:59 PM
In Mississippi they are low.

Condoms are sold on canteen at a resonable price, and most inmate do buy them. They also go through a STD/HIV training class which makes them more aware.

jadedannah
12-29-2005, 12:02 AM
sorry, condoms are not sold in most missouri prisons, which is unfortunate. there was an educational class on hiv, hep c and other stds in the reception prison (where new prisoners go to be classified) but i am unsure if it is still done. there are a lot of men in the prisons who have hiv and continue to participate in sexual behavior. there are a lot of guys who do not have hiv and participate in sexual behavior, too. personally, i am all for condoms being offered on commissary. then again, i am all for conjugal visits.....

Rodg
12-29-2005, 03:36 PM
I know that concoms are not available in CA commissary. Wow, do I ever wish that conjugal visits were! My partner and I made a serious commitment and we've both stuck to it. 10 years to go until we get to do "it" with someone other than ourselves and THAT takes the worry out of the STD issue. ;?)

nikmom
12-29-2005, 05:27 PM
In Mississippi they are low.

Condoms are sold on canteen at a resonable price, and most inmate do buy them. They also go through a STD/HIV training class which makes them more aware.

I was just wondering, if they are 'suppose' to not be allowed to have sex withother inmates, WHY are they selling condoms on canteen? I mean, that is sort of like saying it's ok to have sex, isn't it? If it's forbidden, then they should not offer the tools to break the rules with.

PTO-29412
12-29-2005, 06:32 PM
I think they realize that it is going to happen whether they are given condoms or not, so they offer them for sale to those who are going to do it.

Regardless, with or without condoms, they will have sex. At least this way they are safe about it.

Ken
01-02-2006, 09:02 AM
Many prisons do not offer condoms... unfortunately this is a blind sighted way to force the belief that sex does not happen in prison.... The question that I hear every policy maker asking is: Why would we offer condoms in an all male prison? Who would use them?

haswtch
01-02-2006, 10:06 AM
well duh!

nightbird
01-09-2006, 10:31 AM
This was a very informative post for me and I am glad to read it, it was very diplomatic and explained alot. My man is a lifer and I have often told him I would understand if he turned to another man for a relationship in there or how lifers could do that. He denies it but the truth is I would never know and I need to trust him, same as he has to trust that I am faithful out here. Toonice,

There are alot of threads floating around PTO that are asking the exact same question, however I will answer it for you here.

"men mess around with other men" is a life style for most people in this forum. We are Gay men and women, and we are not just "fooling around".

You have to understand that while in prison, some men do have sexual relationships with other men, and these are not Gay or Bisexual men, these are guys who need some type of sexual relief, and if it is with a man, than so be it. I have seen several men never partake in a homosexual relationship while in prison, however I have seen happily married men have a gay relationship.

WHY? I do not have the time to type out all of it, but to make it short, we as mankind or sexual creatures, and when someone is locked away for many many years then he can get sexually frustrated, which leads to sex with whatever is the closest to him at that time. Is it wrong if he does this while married? Yes, but it is a choice that he has to make. Their is no way to know if someone is going to cheat on his wife with another man, and I know alot of women fear this, but the truth is you never know.

Where I went to prison (Mississippi) I would have to say that out of 160 inmates in a building, at least 100 of them either had relations or wanted to have relations with another man. The more feminine a guy (my case) the more you were wanted and seeked after. And yes these men were straight, gay, bi, married, fathers, engaged etc.

This is by NO means to say though that all men do this, some states are different, some it is less common and some it is more common. The only way you can feel comfortable is to have a trust built with your loved one.

The Gay lifestyle is not "sick", "Nasty", "perverted", or "gross" as some people try and make them out to be, it is simply 2 people showing love for one another, and it shouldn't be confused with horny men in prison who are looking for the first thing that comes along.

I hope that this helps some, for anyone reading this please remember this is a place for support and understanding. While we all have different views and opinions, please remember that your view and opinions are not the only ones that count. Please keep a open mind and lets keep this discussion as it is meant to be informative and supportive.

trick
01-16-2006, 12:44 AM
I agree with Nightbird's synsopsis!

armetisius
01-29-2006, 04:43 PM
I had an experience with just such a thing in the Alabama prisons. Guards, especially the females, would gladly bring you condoms if you were promiscuous-- which I wasn't. My partner while I was in prison and I were monogamous. HIV+ inmates are segregated to one section of one prison in this state. However, one kid went back to his county court for another trial and freely "sexed it up". When he returned he had a case of gonorrhea and was always very promiscuous to begin with. When cases started showing up in our infirmary, our warden, who was and is the most health consious man I have ever met, had everyone (and I do mean everyone) who was even suspected of "playing around" given a blood test and a full STD screen. Everyone was herded into the "gym" to begin with, he came in explained what was going on and told us to look around. Then he told us if there was anyone we had had ANY sort of relations with--that wasn't there-- to go get them now. I didn't have to but those that did said it was the only time they can remember being able to go to a dorm and pull an inmate out like they were a guard. The guards all knew what was going on and just freely let people go to the gym. Then "assembly line" style he had us all tested. I am sure it killed his budget but he had it done regardless. He had my respect for that single act more than any other I have ever witnessed; and he still has my respect for his concern over our "health"--no matter that we were inmates. Just thought that I would share that with you.
A.

brantons_friend
02-12-2006, 03:12 PM
First of all, I am totally new to this site and I am just getting around all of the incredible stories and information that is available here for all of us that have someone in our lives who is incarcerated.

I was just weighing in on the whole cheating thing in prison. I think that if someone is incarcerated for an extended period of time, it is understandable for me if they have sex on the inside. For me, cheating is having an emotional, loving relationship with someone else. Sex is just something that is needed. I think it is unreasonable to think that someone will go for an extended period of time without it. Likewise, I think it should be understandable for the person on the outside to have sex as well when needed - as long as their love remains with their partner.

Ken
02-12-2006, 04:33 PM
brantons friend...

I think that cheating to one is not cheating to another - as long as there is open communication.

If my Partner were to come to me and say I cannot make it in here without having sex - I want to have sex - then it would be for me to accept or not. It would then also be the same for me. He would have to accept it or not. The key here is that we had open communication about it and we made a decision based on our needs and our trust of each other.

To me, if I had a conversation with my Partner and happened to agree that we could have sex outside of the relationship - which I would not agree to - then that would be ok. If he had sex outside of our relationship without asking or discussing it then that would not be ok.

I think that one of the biggest issues being discussed here is that most of the people we are discussing are not gay and they are not necessarily being open about what they are doing. So - is that still ok? I think that is more of the question.

To me cheating is any contact with another person. I have seen too many people have these 'open relationships' that end in misery because they think that they are just having sex and then all of a sudden there is more... the emotions start.

I personally think that as soon as I let my guard down with someone on the outside that I would be in trouble. My relationship would be in trouble.

MrJustice
08-14-2006, 05:40 PM
Sorry to burst your bubble ladies but, as far as I am concerned, anyone who actually believes that their lover/husband, whatever, is going to spend the next 10 years in prison (without access to a Private Family Visit program) and is not going to participate in homosexual sex is either naive or stupid. Women often forget that men hava a different attitude toward sex and find it very easy to justify having sex with other women/men. After all, just because they have sex with someone else, does not mean, in their mind, that they do not love their wives. When I worked in correctional facilities here in Canada (for 13 years), I was always amazed to discover who was having sex inside. Men who were the straightest you could imagine, were surcoming to the temptation. More to the point, those who protested their innocence the most, were the first to drop their pants when a gay inmate offerred to service them. Don't mean to be rude ladies, but, please wake up. Don't put yourselves at risk simply because you have difficulty imagining your partner being "unfaithful". After all, you note that Jonathan indicates that condoms are sold in canteen and that "most" inmates buy them. Who, pray tell, do you think they are buying them for?

MandyMeMe
08-15-2006, 12:39 PM
What percentage then of male imates are involved in this type of activity? I'd like to hear about federal and state.

MonkeyBoi77
08-15-2006, 04:04 PM
I dont think you can put a percentage to it, this stuff isnt about percentages and such, its something that happens and partners need to take percautions and deal with it accordingly.

Ken
08-15-2006, 05:22 PM
I think that the above is correct... I don't think that anyone can accurately put a number to it... I think that stuff happens and you may never know that it did and there is no use worrying about it. It is a situation that truly is - in my opinion - what you don't know won't hurt you...

We have had many discussions here including "Does prison make you gay?" and there is no accurate stat on any of this - it is story based and hearsay.

My Partner is gay - gosh I hope so anyway - and he gives me the down low on this stuff and there are guys in the visiting room that he points out that are 'butch' and 'masculine' and appear to be the perfect boyfriend or husband to the woman that is sitting beside them... but... apparently.... they are gay for the stay or whatever you want to call it.

I think that there are those that will, those that do, those that are forced to, those that would not, those that would never, those that would hurt you if you tried, and those that would do worse...

I think that what I have come to understand, believe, and accept, is that prison is a survival environment, and an environment that unless you have experienced first hand you will not understand the stress that it puts you in. The 'stress' will be different for each individual that is there and the reaction to the 'stress' will be different for each individual. Some men will cave when pressured, some will do so willingly, some will do under protest, and some will never...

The GLBT forum at PTO is a blessing for those that fall directly into the forum profile, and a fear for some that don't that read issues and discussion here and immediately fear that their man is fooling around with other men.

Calm your nerves, relax, and don't stress over the whole gay issue in prison. This forum is here for folks that are gay, or have loved ones that are gay to discuss issues that are unique to the gay community, not to discuss and suppose how many straight men are gay for the stay.

We are here to raise awareness that there are GLBT people in prison and that we do in fact have some separate issues and challenges. We are here to help folks understand that we are in fact just as scared and confused and lonely as anyone else that is supporting a loved one in prison.

All of us that make statements in this forum are not necessarily gay, nor do we have all the answers. None of us have more than our personal experience or hearsay to provide.

Lets not try to decide how many, when, where, and who....

Trust your loved one, and if you don't then build communication with them to where you can trust them. If you question something then you should feel comfortable enough to ask... take the answer like you would any other answer. Believe it or not. You have to build rapport with your loved one for any relationship to work and if you don't have communication and trust then in my opinion you don't have anything.

Do everything in life with your eyes wide OPEN.

MandyMeMe
08-15-2006, 08:22 PM
teb--very well put, i really felt that you laid it out on the line and described it very well. I thank you for that! Sometimes when i read posts like this i start to question what my man really has to go through and i start thinking all kinds of crazy things. But after reading what you just posted i feel much more comfortable about our situation. It's something that i will never know and like someone else posted what you dont know wont hurt you!!

june5
08-15-2006, 08:27 PM
I think what you don't know can hurt you, or even kill you. I'm not making a moral judgment, because I don't care if anybody is gay, but there are alot of diseases out there, including AIDS. I really hope anybody with any doubt as to their mate's faithfullness will have him get an AIDS test.

MonkeyBoi77
08-15-2006, 11:14 PM
TY Teb for the post, this isnt about he said she said supposedly this and that, its for support.

So calm down peeps and relax

Ken
08-16-2006, 04:20 AM
I think what you don't know can hurt you, or even kill you. I'm not making a moral judgment, because I don't care if anybody is gay, but there are alot of diseases out there, including AIDS. I really hope anybody with any doubt as to their mate's faithfullness will have him get an AIDS test.

June5 - no disrespect, but although some of the transmission of HIV and Hep C may be due to 'gay sex', if you look at studies that are published, much of the transmission is attributed to the use of IV drugs (since more sharing of needles is common where needles are hard to come by, and the ability to fully sterilize is not present), and tattooing (since methods are crude and again the ability to sterilize is not present). Many of the people in prison with HIV and Hep C actually arrived in prison with the diseases and many of them don't even know... There is a known statistic where some transmission is involved with the sharing of toothbrushes and shaving equipment, hair trimmers, nail clippers, and other grooming equipment where blood could be common or present. I know that most want to say that this is not the case, but many prisoners cannot afford some basic things like razors so they do share. There are other studies that also show transmission increases simply due to the close quarters that some of our prisoners are living in. More fights and less ways to avoid fights that do and can involve blood exposure. Just more exposure to blood and again no way for the prisoner to avoid or fully sterilize the area or the cell after something like this occurs.

Although AIDS is in the gay community, the highest transmission statistics are not in the gay community. If you look at AIDS history, you would not include a statement about moral judgment when we are discussing this subject. Yes it can be transmitted through same sex contact, but that is not the only way, nor is it in my opinion responsible for the majority of transmission in prison.

Again, no disrespect, but having an HIV test, as well as a HEP C test would be advised for anyone coming out of prison. I would advise it for anyone entering into a sexual relationship whether the person had been in prison or not. But, I would also say, that if your partner tests positive to HIV or Hep C, it would not immediately indicate that they engaged in gay sex. There are many other ways to contract these horrible diseases.

buttercupforwes
08-16-2006, 10:20 AM
Sorry to burst your bubble ladies but, as far as I am concerned, anyone who actually believes that their lover/husband, whatever, is going to spend the next 10 years in prison (without access to a Private Family Visit program) and is not going to participate in homosexual sex is either naive or stupid. ..... Don't mean to be rude ladies, but, please wake up.
:angry: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?:angry: There are men who would NEVER give into the theory of "gay for the stay".

Don't get me wrong I am NOT judging anyone who chooses this lifestyle, inside or outside. But there are men and women who can obstain from sex while their partner is obstaing and waiting for them to come home.

june5
08-16-2006, 10:35 AM
June5 - no disrespect, but although some of the transmission of HIV and Hep C may be due to 'gay sex', if you look at studies that are published, much of the transmission is attributed to the use of IV drugs (since more sharing of needles is common where needles are hard to come by, and the ability to fully sterilize is not present), and tattooing (since methods are crude and again the ability to sterilize is not present). Many of the people in prison with HIV and Hep C actually arrived in prison with the diseases and many of them don't even know... Although AIDS is in the gay community, the highest transmission statistics are not in the gay community. If you look at AIDS history, you would not include a statement about moral judgment when we are discussing this subject. Yes it can be transmitted through same sex contact, but that is not the only way, nor is it in my opinion responsible for the majority of transmission in prison.

Again, no disrespect, but having an HIV test, as well as a HEP C test would be advised for anyone coming out of prison. I would advise it for anyone entering into a sexual relationship whether the person had been in prison or not. But, I would also say, that if your partner tests positive to HIV or Hep C, it would not immediately indicate that they engaged in gay sex. There are many other ways to contract these horrible diseases.

I hope I did not sound like I was making a moral judgment against gay sexual behavior, because I wasn't. I was looking at it from the aspect of cheating. You are right, anyone who is sexually active can get AIDS.

Ken
08-17-2006, 04:08 AM
I hope I did not sound like I was making a moral judgment against gay sexual behavior, because I wasn't. I was looking at it from the aspect of cheating. You are right, anyone who is sexually active can get AIDS.


Not taken that way, that is why I said in the beginning - no disrespect... but there are some out there that think that HIV and AIDS are a gay disease and that the only way it is transmitted in prison - or the main way - is unprotected anal sex. Not the case.

Ken
08-17-2006, 04:14 AM
:angry: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?:angry: There are men who would NEVER give into the theory of "gay for the stay".

Don't get me wrong I am NOT judging anyone who chooses this lifestyle, inside or outside. But there are men and women who can obstain from sex while their partner is obstaing and waiting for them to come home.


June5 - I totally agree with you - there are many men and women that can be completely faithful and remain devoted to their loved one. Sometimes too many sweeping general statements are made that can confuse the issue and our goal here...

I have said in the past, that the purpose of this forum is not to throw all the women on this site doubt that their loved ones are having free-for-all sex with other men in prison... the purpose of this forum is to have discussions about issues that affect GLBT prisoners and their loved ones.

Is sex happening in prisons between men? Yes. Is it out of control and happening like a love fest every night at lock down? No.

Know your significant other - have good communication with them.

In my opinion, if your significant other is cheating on you while in prison they would most probably do the same thing to you outside of prison... I know that this will not be the opinion of most, but cheating is cheating, no matter who they do it with.

reddawgsluv
08-17-2006, 05:31 AM
Ive had "gay" friends who have contracted aids through sex, Ive had "straight" friends who have contracted aids through drugs. It is not a desease that discriminates. My husband served time in prison, he is home now, and things are great. I trust him before, during and after his confinement. We talked, and still do, about many things, and he feels that those who have sex with the same sex, had the tendency before incarceration, whether it be male or female. TO me, a person is just that. I do not attach labels to someone because they happen to have feelngs that are different than my own. Straight, gay or twisted we all live under the same roof. Anyway, Teb, you seem like a great guy and I commend you for your rationalizm. Take care

RMD4EVER
08-17-2006, 08:51 AM
buttercup, i agree with you there are men and women who on the inside are totally devoted to their mates,but there are also,those who want and find sexual gradification from others and find it in others they are locked up with,just as the partner whose on the out side are getting their sexual desires fulfilled,i'm not too concern about whats going on sexually with my husband i trust him,i am waiting faithfully for him and thats all that i am 100 percent sure about,the condom thing to me seems to be a good idea,although not confusing it as to be a message that it's ok to have sex with other inmates,but hey you have all heard that there are co's that perticipate in sexual activities with inmates as well,we as women connect for the most part emtionally to our mates when it comes to sex and men for the most part it's a physical act that they want to fulfill so when and if our mate cheats on us we automatically think he has formed this emotional bond with the other person which may not always be the case and please, i don't mean to offend anyone on here whose gay,i am speaking more out of the hedro sexual text.and isn't it so,that most prisons do all that testing when the inmate comes in and than again before they get out?

MonkeyBoi77
08-17-2006, 09:59 PM
I know they test them when they come in but as for when they get out I am not sure

brandy22
08-17-2006, 10:03 PM
I was wondering the same question... And how would you know if your loved one has but didnt want to tell you??

june5
08-17-2006, 10:07 PM
Not taken that way, that is why I said in the beginning - no disrespect... but there are some out there that think that HIV and AIDS are a gay disease and that the only way it is transmitted in prison - or the main way - is unprotected anal sex. Not the case.

Oh, I see I was really slow on getting your point! It never occurred to me that anybody sees AIDS as a gay disease in this day and age!

june5
08-17-2006, 10:09 PM
I was wondering the same question... And how would you know if your loved one has but didnt want to tell you??

You wouldn't know. That's why I really encourage anybody to have their partner to get an AIDS test upon release from prison. Also sounds like a good idea for the other ways that AIDS is spread in prison that were mentioned, like tatoo needles.

Ken
08-18-2006, 03:58 AM
The main point that I am trying to make here is that we don't want to start a frenzy of fear that all men are having sex with other men in prison and bringing home diseases because of it.... There have been a couple of threads in the GLBT forum in the past that have been a bit out of hand for this very reason and that is not the purpose of the forum or the threads when they are started.

I do think that the GLBT forum is a compliment to the general forums of PTO because it is a forum where conversations like this can exist, but it is just all of our responsibility to keep them in check.

We all tend to talk sometimes in 'generalities' and then some poor unsuspecting mother visits this thread and he 18 year old son has just been incarcerated and she is now not sleeping because he is going to be raped and given diseases...

I am all for talking fact. Rape happens. Disease happens. Same sex acts happen. I just think that we need to keep it in perspective and not create sensational posts.

I love the interaction from the general membership in the GLBT forum - this is the kind of exposure that we need. We need your support to help us be a couple in the visiting room and have that hug and kiss when we visit. We need your support so that we can have contact visits when we are not recognized as a significant other.

Thank you for your support.

In Missouri all Prisoners come home with a set of tests that are done just prior to release. I don't know if every Prisoner in the USA comes home with this? If not, then for your pure protection I would suggest that it be done. In all fairness, I will have the same tests done and present my clean bill of health to my Partner. If he is going to show me his then I am going to show him mine! Haha! I believe that he has just as much risk that I have lied to him and cheated or have a disease that would otherwise be uncovered so it is my responsibility to prove it to him or I have no right to ask to see his test results.

RMD4EVER
08-18-2006, 01:02 PM
you know my husband signed a hippa form (i believe thats the correct name for it) so as i can have all his medical release to me,but,i am not talking about std's or anything like that its just so in case something happens ,his heart, anything medical then i would know what's going on with him,period!

PTO-29412
08-18-2006, 03:35 PM
I think one of the most important things to remember here is - TRUST.

If you do not know them, trust them, support them - then you have bigger problems than who he sleeps with in prison.

I am not directing that comment at anyone in particular - but we need to remember to worry and work on the things we can change - and to let lie the things we have no control over.

A good point that was made is for your man, woman, whomever to get a full medical check up once they come home.

This includes, heart, cholestoral, blood, HIV, HEP, TB, lungs, eyes, ears, ALL OF IT. This way you know how your body handled prison, and you take care of yourself and your loved one. This should be done regardless of who they are, what they did, whom they did etc.

PandemicSoul
08-18-2006, 11:06 PM
I am not attempting to broach the subject of who would, or would not, cheat on their significant others. What I do want to say, however, is that the suggestion to get these STD tests upon coming home, and before any unprotected sexual activity is a necessity. Despite everything you know about your mate, there may be things he is not willing to tell you (engaged in consesual sexual activity), or is too embarassed to tell you (was raped). For his sake, and yours, take the time to get tested.

Please keep in mind the following things:

1. No one, in this day and age, should be shy about an HIV test. It's an extremely simple process, and can be done for free in thousands of locations throughout the U.S. Just look up "Free HIV testing" and you'll find places to look up nearby testing centers.

2. HIV tests are quick and easy. Just a swab in the mouth for a few minutes, and you have your results within about 15 minutes.

3. However, (and this is a BIG CAVEAT): just because your mate got tested on his way out, and showed out "clean," does not mean that he is actually disease free!

The HIV virus, upon entering the body, can "hide" in the bloodstream for up to six months before "seroconversion" can occur. Seroconversion is the point at which the anti-bodies for HIV (or other viruses) can be detectable. Keep in mind that the 90% of the HIV tests you'll have normal access to (mouth-swabs, most of the time) are actually tests for the anti-bodies of the HIV virus, and not the virus itself. These anti-bodies start to show up after a few weeks when the body realizes that an invader has arrived. As the anti-bodies grow more numerous, the test is able to recognize them.

Now, let's say that John Smith is in prison and has a sexual encounter on March 1st that DOES infect him with the virus. On April 1st, he is released from prison and gets an HIV test done that shows he does not have the virus.

Why did this happen? He was in what is called the "window period" -- a brief moment in time before seroconversion when the antibodies for HIV are not yet numerous enough to be detectable by an oral swab test. If you were to do another test in two months, he may STILL not show up as positive, even if he is actually infected!

So, what's the best way to be really sure? Your man should be tested upon coming home from prison, regardless of what he tells you he did or did not do. It's not an issue of trust, it's an issue of peace-of-mind. He should then be tested again in four to six months. At that point in time, you can be reasonably sure, assuming he has had no risky encounters since leaving prison, that he is not infected with the HIV virus.

While many HIV testing centers will tell you that you must wait up to 6 months for the window period to "close," the major on-the-spot oral swab tests generally show in their literature that you can be reasonably sure of your results even 3 weeks after the last exposure to the virus. However, if it were me, I would wait at least four weeks -- be comforted by the results at that point, and then retest at four months to be completely sure.

So, in closing: always get tested, use protection during the window period, and get retested after at least four months to ensure accurate results.

MrJustice
08-20-2006, 08:32 AM
tebkrg..........can you believe that attitude? Every film ever made relating to prisons has shown, at the very least, violent sexual acts between men and yet in this day and age they are still asking who would use them. It really baffles the mind to realize that these are the men and women who are controlling the lives of millions of men and women in one of the wealthiest and probably the most powerful nation in the world, a nation, too, which has one of the highest incarceration rates in the industrialized world. Scary thought!!!!

Ken
08-20-2006, 09:50 AM
tebkrg..........can you believe that attitude? Every film ever made relating to prisons has shown, at the very least, violent sexual acts between men and yet in this day and age they are still asking who would use them. It really baffles the mind to realize that these are the men and women who are controlling the lives of millions of men and women in one of the wealthiest and probably the most powerful nation in the world, a nation, too, which has one of the highest incarceration rates in the industrialized world. Scary thought!!!!

Sorry - you lost me?

Believe what attitude?

Film is fiction - Hollywood does not accurately portray the US prison system - some is right but most is not. I did not think that any of us on PTO think that Hollywood film is accurate... I am not suggesting that there is not violence in prison, but the movie makers sensationalize things... My Partner has commented on all prison movies that we have both seen and suggested that they are not correct.

I guess in general I don't follow your thought in this last post... sorry...

MonkeyBoi77
08-20-2006, 11:42 PM
In Texas I know they are tested when they go in but when they come out I have no clue. What gets me and I don't wanna ruin the thread but all the generalizations is what gets everyone so up in arms, if others would just chill and relax and ask questions maybe the generalizations might come across less, just my 2 cents.

Yummy Yum TS
09-09-2006, 04:41 PM
The question that I hear every policy maker asking is: Why would we offer condoms in an all male prison? Who would use them?
__________________

That is so true. They know that many men mess around in prison but offering condoms would mean admitting that sex is going on and that would indicate lack of control over the captives.

I was in jail for nearly 17 years off and on and I agree that in a dorm of a 100 about 65-75% of the guys have messed around, is in a relationship w/prison lover or can't find any one to do them. Lots and lots of guys mess around. I am sorry but I have to disagree if a man sleeps with a man then he is gay there is no other way to look at it. I use to say because I am a transsexual the men I mess around with are straight but the more I thought about it and examined the kind of things these men prefer to do I realized that they are in fact gay. As I knew many guys who messed around I knew many that did many years and never messed around. They just made them self a fefe bag got a magazine and called it a day. I think that if you trust your man you should not even wonder but if it bothers you then when he gets out you should have him get tested for HIV and STD's and be sure and use protection. As far as the HIV STD rates in prison they are very high and often because of the stigma especially in prison gay and TG people don't access the medical department to address the HIV they don't say anything out of fear. Often they would rather die than admitt that they have HIV. I saw often that the guy knew the TG or gay guy had HIV and still they messed around with them.

Again just be sure when your man gets out no matter how honest you think he is use condoms. If you and your man want to have a child when he gets out wait 90 days (the window period) and have him take a second HIV test before attempting unprotected sex.

danny'sboy
10-06-2006, 04:38 PM
Hi all. Just wanted to throw in my two cents. I just joined the forum and I guess I'm a talker. LOL I was in TDCJ (Texas prison) for about 3 years and I did see men having sex with other men. And I might have fooled around with a few men myself. :) No actual intercourse, mind you. Just some fooling around. And yes, obviously it does occur. Is it the norm? I don't think so. Does it make a man gay just because he has sex with another man when he is locked up? Absolutely not. Gay is much more than just sex. Maybe part of the reason there is so much prejudice against gay people is because people can't get past the sex part to see that being gay is much more than that. Sex is sex... period. Gay is an emotional, psychological, sexual attraction to and romantic love for another person of the same sex. Prison sex is just an outlet for straight men to have sex. Don't confuse the two.

People have been having sex with people of the same gender forever. It wasn't until the last couple of hundred years (if that) that a person had to define themselves as straight or gay. It wasn't until the last century that people had to place you in a completely different sub-culture by who you had sex with.

I don't think that sexuality is black or white. I think it is more like a sliding scale. And, when put in a situation where there is no opposite sex, people will adapt to release sexual tension. Some men absolutely will not (one end of the spectrum), some men gladly will (the other end) but the majority are somewhere in the middle who might, even though it isn't their first choice. But for all you women out there, don't worry that your man is "turning gay" in prison. He is gonna come out the same orientation he went in.

Love, peace, and chicken grease...

Ken
10-07-2006, 05:29 AM
Well said.... thank you.

RMD4EVER
10-08-2006, 06:48 PM
danny's boy i do believe you have pretty much sumed it all up!

STORMY38
10-13-2006, 07:59 AM
I was just wondering, if they are 'suppose' to not be allowed to have sex withother inmates, WHY are they selling condoms on canteen? I mean, that is sort of like saying it's ok to have sex, isn't it? If it's forbidden, then they should not offer the tools to break the rules with.


TRUE, but if they are going to break the rules (and we all know that some do) why not at least give them a way to protect themselves from HIV and other STDs.

CET31
12-30-2006, 09:27 PM
It is my first time on this site and I have to say that the posts are excellent and informative. I wish every person would read and take seriously what is said here. I am 100% gay and I agree that we don't change our orientation, in or out of prison. We are what we are.

Enjay
01-01-2007, 02:47 PM
Finally someone puts it out there the way it is and so everyone can understand it!! Thank you danny'sboy!! I wish you would post this in the "Husbands and Boyfriends" forum where there is so much false information being taken as gospel by those who know no better!! Thanks again!!

timmyslove
01-15-2007, 12:49 PM
va is a more less common state were you hear bout these things, they dont sell condoms and you hardly hear talk bout gay men, in prisons, va prisons are more secure, and security is high, and rules are strict.

LongHaul
02-04-2007, 11:42 PM
And PULEEZ stop with the "if a man has sex with another man WHILE IN PRISON is he gay... NOT" OH YES HE IS EITHER GAY OR BISEXUAL!!!!!!!!!! Sexual release??? OH PULEEZ!!!!!!!! I have had MANY MALE friends that wanted SEX SOOOOOO bad but would NEVER do it with another man, WHY??? BECAUSE THEY WERE ACTUALLY HETEROSEXUAL MEN!!!! If a male engages in sexual activities OF ANY KIND then he himself is bisexual or homosexual.. there is no if's, and's, or but's about it!!!!

Thank you, amen and peace out. Please no offense intended, but now the question is answered - so to speak - right out of the horses mouth. The very act of having sex with a man is what "being gay" is all about. Call it what it is - and stop living in denial.

Ken
02-05-2007, 03:18 AM
And PULEEZ stop with the "if a man has sex with another man WHILE IN PRISON is he gay... NOT" OH YES HE IS EITHER GAY OR BISEXUAL!!!!!!!!!! Sexual release??? OH PULEEZ!!!!!!!! I have had MANY MALE friends that wanted SEX SOOOOOO bad but would NEVER do it with another man, WHY??? BECAUSE THEY WERE ACTUALLY HETEROSEXUAL MEN!!!! If a male engages in sexual activities OF ANY KIND then he himself is bisexual or homosexual.. there is no if's, and's, or but's about it!!!!

This is your 'opinion' and others have an opinion too.

Personally I don't believe in the Bi-sexual label as I believe that you are one or the other and the Bi-sexual label is a cop out. So I have opinion too which is why I post what I post.

You can post 'opinion' on this site without running down every one else with your "OH PULEEZ!!!!!" comments. Don't make fun and don't be so sarcastic or your time on this site will be short.

I am curious and waiting to see all the true to life information and experience that you can provide us to counter all the lies on this site. I also caution you to be careful because experience in one prison differs from another. Your opinion is your opinion and you are welcome to post it here - with respect.

JimmysonlyGirl
02-06-2007, 06:45 AM
I have a question if I may ask from the men that has been on the inside...if a man is ingaging in sexual activitys inside when they go out to visit whould anyone say anything? And if they seen each other on the street would it be brought up?

JimmysonlyGirl
02-06-2007, 07:08 AM
Well I guess I ask a stupid question.....

AsiaNaomi
02-13-2007, 12:58 AM
The more feminine a guy (my case) the more you were wanted and seeked after. And yes these men were straight, gay, bi, married, fathers, engaged etc.

Yes thats true! Many inmates look for the fem. ones! Every time i been inside i had a lot of admirers but never did meet one again outside.

soaringfalcon
02-13-2007, 04:46 PM
Are you saying that men that are gay for the stay are looking for men that somehow remind them of women (by looking for fem guys?) Are most men that are gay for the stay stictly top?

PTO-29412
02-15-2007, 11:21 PM
In my expierience that is all try soaringfalcon, however situations are always different.

Froikheim
03-10-2007, 07:34 AM
You have a point Longhaul but what would you call it if a gay man had sex with a woman.....? Or a lesbian and a man...? Maybe just out of curiousity or possibly desperation. Would that make them "straight" by default?
Then again..If a gay man or lesbian remains celibate, are they still gay?

lahill
10-03-2007, 02:44 PM
i hear that men having sex with men in prison is a very common thing. I also hear that they don't consider themselves gay. This is just a stress release type of thing. It is some type of code to where when the inmate is realeased they often never have sex with other men ever again.

javisbabymama
10-03-2007, 02:56 PM
Toonice,

There are alot of threads floating around PTO that are asking the exact same question, however I will answer it for you here.

"men mess around with other men" is a life style for most people in this forum. We are Gay men and women, and we are not just "fooling around".

You have to understand that while in prison, some men do have sexual relationships with other men, and these are not Gay or Bisexual men, these are guys who need some type of sexual relief, and if it is with a man, than so be it. I have seen several men never partake in a homosexual relationship while in prison, however I have seen happily married men have a gay relationship.

WHY? I do not have the time to type out all of it, but to make it short, we as mankind or sexual creatures, and when someone is locked away for many many years then he can get sexually frustrated, which leads to sex with whatever is the closest to him at that time. Is it wrong if he does this while married? Yes, but it is a choice that he has to make. Their is no way to know if someone is going to cheat on his wife with another man, and I know alot of women fear this, but the truth is you never know.

Where I went to prison (Mississippi) I would have to say that out of 160 inmates in a building, at least 100 of them either had relations or wanted to have relations with another man. The more feminine a guy (my case) the more you were wanted and seeked after. And yes these men were straight, gay, bi, married, fathers, engaged etc.

This is by NO means to say though that all men do this, some states are different, some it is less common and some it is more common. The only way you can feel comfortable is to have a trust built with your loved one.

The Gay lifestyle is not "sick", "Nasty", "perverted", or "gross" as some people try and make them out to be, it is simply 2 people showing love for one another, and it shouldn't be confused with horny men in prison who are looking for the first thing that comes along.

I hope that this helps some, for anyone reading this please remember this is a place for support and understanding. While we all have different views and opinions, please remember that your view and opinions are not the only ones that count. Please keep a open mind and lets keep this discussion as it is meant to be informative and supportive.

this is one of the best ways that I have heard it expld. great job!

SpicaRigel
10-03-2007, 08:19 PM
Jonathan, thanks for putting it so real, and honestly...so many women think their man is so above getting into this male on male sex. GET REAL!!!!!!!!!! Men are men, and look at sex differently, and for the straight guys in prison, it's a release, it does not make them gay! Girls, wake up and smell the coffee, i have said it before it aint no big deal, and if you think it's about cheating, wake up again. WAKE UP! HELLO???????? It's not that they dont love you...they just want to bust a nut...that simple. Shoot,...oh never mind...what do i know? I know this, they threw me in the slammer...i'd have more candy and cigaretts than anyone could dream of...thank God I am off cigaretts tho.

jobezee1
10-18-2007, 01:41 PM
Hi all. Just wanted to throw in my two cents. I just joined the forum and I guess I'm a talker. LOL I was in TDCJ (Texas prison) for about 3 years and I did see men having sex with other men. And I might have fooled around with a few men myself. :) No actual intercourse, mind you. Just some fooling around. And yes, obviously it does occur. Is it the norm? I don't think so. Does it make a man gay just because he has sex with another man when he is locked up? Absolutely not. Gay is much more than just sex. Maybe part of the reason there is so much prejudice against gay people is because people can't get past the sex part to see that being gay is much more than that. Sex is sex... period. Gay is an emotional, psychological, sexual attraction to and romantic love for another person of the same sex. Prison sex is just an outlet for straight men to have sex. Don't confuse the two.

People have been having sex with people of the same gender forever. It wasn't until the last couple of hundred years (if that) that a person had to define themselves as straight or gay. It wasn't until the last century that people had to place you in a completely different sub-culture by who you had sex with.

I don't think that sexuality is black or white. I think it is more like a sliding scale. And, when put in a situation where there is no opposite sex, people will adapt to release sexual tension. Some men absolutely will not (one end of the spectrum), some men gladly will (the other end) but the majority are somewhere in the middle who might, even though it isn't their first choice. But for all you women out there, don't worry that your man is "turning gay" in prison. He is gonna come out the same orientation he went in.

Love, peace, and chicken grease...

I agree with most of what this poster has to say regarding the question "if a man sleeps with a man in prison, does that make him gay?" My answer is no and I agree with this person that there is a difference between a sexual orientation, that is, what one is attracted to, has fantasies about, ect., and what one actually acts out behavior wise, with regards to sex. There have been plenty of married, gay men who sleep with their wives while fantasizing about men. So, are they gay or straight? I'd say they're gay. that's their orientation.

Like this poster, I was also confined to a Texas prison. I suppose it just depends on the unit. Unlike this man, on the unit I was assigned to, men who "fooled around" with other men were definately in the minority. Also, it was something that was certainly kept on the down low, when it did happen, which wasn't that often, and this was a penitentiary with a lot of lifers.

Keep in mind that sex in prison isn't always about sex, especially in men's prisons. I speak from my own observations that there was very little sex going on at the unit where I was, where it was about "bustin' a nut." On the contrary, it usually was about one prisoner dominating another prisoner. Think coersive rape! Not violent rape. That was rare. Coersive rape, or rape by fear. Either way, rape is rape, and this happens.

At the unit I was on, there were a few free world homosexuals, but in most of the cases of male on male sex, it was in the form of coersive rape and had little, if anything, to do with sex.