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Barbara
06-09-2003, 11:26 AM
DO YOU HAVE A SON OR DAUGHTER IN PRISON?

Hi my name is Barbara and I have a son in prison in California. I know the pain and helplessness this causes in your life so I thought we might work together to help each other. I would like to use this thread to list those of us who have children in prison. I put together the birthday card list each month and you might want to give me your loved ones info also. You can send it to me in a PM or post it here if you would like us to send greeting cards. Our problems with having children in prison are different than those of husbands and wives so please help us to form a bond here in this forum. Love Barbara

Valerie
06-09-2003, 01:00 PM
Hi Barbara, I think this thread is a really good idea.I'm Valerie and I also have a son in a California prison.Your right, the pain of having a son or daughter in prison is pretty unbearable ,and it would be nice to try to ease the pain of others in the same situation.

JohnsMom
06-09-2003, 03:52 PM
I agree Barbara and Valerie. I am on the list to send cards for June. I would enjoy sending cards to all our children when I can. I think I sent you a pm several months ago. My son's birthday is in July. I haven't seen him in over 15 months. My trip to visit this summer fell through...just like his transfer nearer home. :(

John Beauford Reg. # 18003-180
FCI Waseca Unit D
P.O.Box 1731
Waseca, MN 56093.

Retired-5
06-09-2003, 04:59 PM
i also have a 25 year old son in prison. Josh has been locked up, off and on, since he was 11. it's been a long haul and now 10 years for a brutal fist fight. what makes my head spin is how they tack the charges on! Josh picked the other kid up, put him in the car and drove him to the hospital. that was TWO(2) counts of kidnapping.....which carries a mandatory LIFE sentence. well, to say the least, i am so glad the kid took the 10 year "deal"; some deal, hun? i haven't seen him in over 3 years. we are very close and have grown to know each other through almost daily letters. he's always out to save somebody which is how that fist fight started. the whole system is out of hand and based on FEAR. my son and i practice the art of love at all times, which is a real challenge in the CDC system. the Prison-Ashram Project has really helped. if you like more info please PM me.

Alice

Barbara
06-09-2003, 05:56 PM
Well we have four mom's that have checked in here alrealdy. Why don't we see if we can get our children to participate in here with us. Give me some ideas guy? Love Barbara

janicel
06-09-2003, 07:54 PM
HI ALL I HAVE A SON IN A FEDERAL PRISON IN RAYBROOK NY HE HAS 6 YEARS TO GO ( ME TO ) I WOULNT MIND SEDING CARDS TO ANYONE , HERE IS MY SONS ADDRESS JOSEPH LAMONICA 55286053, FCI RAYBROOK
PO BOX 9007 RAYBROOK NY 12977 AND ANY ONE CAN SEND ME AN ADDRESS AND I WILL ALSO SEND OUR KIDS CARDS JOEY BIRTHDAY WAS MAY 18 HE WAS 25 YEARS OLD,
GOD BLESS JANICE

JDay
06-10-2003, 01:18 PM
My 37 year old son is in a California prison, and has been in and out of one or another prison for the last 15 years. I think the hardest part of being the parent of a prisoner is the guilt. No matter how hard you try to believe that their problems aren't something you caused - there's always that part of you thinking "if I had only..." and "I should have...", and "why didn't I..." I think most of us believe in our heart of hearts that if we had been "perfect" parents, the child's life would have turned out differently. Not true - which we know with our brains, but I sure have trouble hanging on to that in my heart.

Valerie
06-10-2003, 02:49 PM
JDAY,Thats exactly how I feel!

albajo
06-10-2003, 04:25 PM
WELL I HAVE 2 SONS IN PRISON TRAVIS AND BUCKIE BOTH IN NORTH CAROLINA LOVE AND PEACE ALBAJO

~cheenna~
06-10-2003, 04:30 PM
Hi Barb and all ... my beloved Son is in a Tx state jail facility ... i guess it could be worse where he is but it ain't good either ... I don't know how much longer he will be here as he was due to be moved the first of May to one of only two facilities in TX that run a rehab program ... one may put him about 30 miles closer the other may put him on the other side of TX ... he is 70 miles from me now but since I don't have transportation it may as well be a million miles.

This is the second time Marcus has been locked up, the first time he did a 9 month program in an Alcohol and Substance Abuse Facility ... between that, county time before sentencing and the half way house, he did 16 and 1/2 months ... for this stay, after he was out not quite 2 months he slipped in his use of drugs, knowing how much an impact this would have on his future he made arrangements to go back to the half way house, which specificly had a backdoor policy for just this, well he explained to his PO that he had slipped 2 weeks befor and had his bags packed to go back ... instead, the PO arrested him on the spot and 3 months later after sitting in county he was revoked and sent to prison ... so far between county time and prison he has done 16 months and 1 week with 9 months to go once they send him to the next step which will be ??? . In his 21 years 6 months and 1 week he has spent a total of 2 years 8 months and 3 weeks and ?? to go behind bars! The system here in Texas really sucks and for a long time I really thought it was worse here than most others ... well, needless to say, since being a part of PTO I have learned the supreme error of my thinking! It's truely amazing what an education one recieves once we become intimately involved with the system no matter where we are ... if I were to have one wish from a magic genie it would be to make this horrendously abusive system made graphicly aware to everyone!

All of our situations are uniquely different but we are joined in our simularities by a fine silk thread in the crosses we must bear ... for me I know I am so much more blest than many but I still have my hardships ... I have finally won a 12 year battle to get SSI as of one year ago so at least I do now have an income and I can go out each night and look at the stars anytime I wish to ... in the first year my Son was locked up I drove my car into the ground, visiting him everytime the doors were open and sent him all the money I could and now almost 2 yrs later I am still without transportation, for me that is okay, I can live with it for ... for Marcus it is difficult ... we have always been very close, he is my baby of 4 and in the past yr and 6 months I have only been able to visit him twice, this past weekend (I'm still on cloud 20) and the the other time just before Easter ... I miss him so very much, a pain so very deep in our hearts that I know we all share.

I lay awake at night with all the what if's or if I had just done this or that ... I have gone through stages of screaming at GOD for doing this to him to being on my knees begging forgiveness ... I know you can all relate but how do you deal with it ... my emotions are such a roller coaster at times ... in my rationalized mind I KNOW it is not my fault ... but that doesn't make it any easier to bear ...

Hopefully together we can find a more productive manner in which to survive our childrens sentence making it easier for them and ourselves in the process ...

... thanks Barb for starting this tread, bless you, sweetie ...

JDay
06-10-2003, 08:07 PM
Life as a roller coaster - it's true, China! You think you've got it down, then the smallest thing can wreck a fairly calm week. I'm an emotional mess because of "mental pause" (as my friend calls it) - so add that to the usual up and down of having a child locked away - and if I was looking in (instead of being inside it), I might actually find some of it funny! (Not the locked up child part, but the emotional flip flops!)
- Jane

albajo
06-10-2003, 08:30 PM
YEAH I JUST HAD THAT SURGERY AND ITS PUSHED ME INTO MENTAL PAUSE I CRY AND SCREAM AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVICATION; GOOD THING MY FAMILY WAS WARNED FROM THE GETGO AS TO THE MOOD SWINGS; BOY THAY ARE RUFF AND I MEAN RUFF THAY PRESCRIBED ME A CANCER CAUSEING PATCH DUH DO THAY THANK I SPENT 15 YEARS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD TO DELIBERTALY TAKE SOMETHING THAT CAUSES CANCER; IF MY SONS WERE HERE ID PROBLEY HAVE THEM MOVEING THE HOUSE FROM ROOM TO ROOM ; SO I WOULD TAKE BETS THAT THAY ARE GLAD TO BE LOCKED UP RIGHT NOW(NOT REALLY BUT IT SOUNDED POSSIBLE) LOVE AND PEACE ALBA

JJH
06-10-2003, 08:52 PM
Wow. I just want to cry when I read all this. It is all just so exactly the way I feel. No one else besides a Mom can understand how it feels. Everyone says to just let go. A mother is a mother forever and ever. I will love my son and try to find ways to cope as long as it takes.
Thanks. I feel bad that you all have to go through this, too, but it is very comforting if anything can be comforting at this point. I haven't gone to visit Jeremy yet as he just went to prison a month ago. I am scared and so so sad to see him in there. I don't want to see him behind that glass. County was bad enough. Do you think I should just go anyway? I was going to wait until he can have contact visits? Does anyone know how long that will be? Should I take his four year old daughter?
Lots of positive thoughts to you girls.

JDay
06-11-2003, 03:51 PM
I wish I knew, Kim - but someone from Texas will be along shortly with more specifics for you. In the meantime, I know exactly what you mean about those behind glass visits. There are people who have been doing only that for years, but I think I'd go nuts. I didn't handle six months of it very well!
- Jane

albajo
06-11-2003, 07:33 PM
kim go see him as soon as you can contact or not ive saw buckie 1 time seince jan 13 01; and i saw travis when he was in town 2 times for court; now travis is 400 miles away and buckie isnt allowed visits at all; we are our kids only hope; a mama holds on when everybody else turns their backs; linda x is so faithful keeping in touch with travis ;and phil in paris is so faithful keeping in touch with buckie; plus i dont know who all else writes them but GOD BLESS THEM ALL go see him while you can he could be moved to far away to visit at all; so see him while you can love and peace alba

msveggie
06-11-2003, 07:45 PM
My son is in Missouri prison. It's pure toture to know that others are abusing your child and there is nothing you can do about it.

Kim, go see your son. He needs you more now than ever. It's one of the most difficult things you will ever do, but parenthood doesn't claim to be easy. When I visited my son I cried most the way home for the first year or so. And I traveled over 4 hours to see him. Word of advice keep tissues in the seat next to you if you must make the trip alone. And be prepared to pull off the road if you can't see for the tears. Might want to be careful of listening to the radio as inevitably something will play that will tear you up.

Even now after 5 years I can hear a song I've never heard before and just fall apart emotionally. Why is it that only when I make this trip do these songs come up. One song repeated, "Mama, I'm coming home" still not over that one.

JJH
06-11-2003, 07:52 PM
Gosh, we mothers sure do have the heartbreak, don't we? Our song when Jeremy was little was "Somewhere out there, someone waits for me" from American Tail and I swear they play it every single day!!! And I want to cry every single day!
Thanks so much for responding and I will go see him, probably next weekend. It's really nice to hear from you all. No one else understands (that aren't mothers). XXOO
What do you think about taking his daughter? She asks for him. She asked me if he was a bad person...Isn't that so sad? I told her no, he just makes bad choices. (She is four years old)

msveggie
06-11-2003, 08:42 PM
Kim

How long before you can have a contact visit with him? If it's not too long I would probably wait until then. Also I think I would want to check out the environment before taking his daughter. That way you can be prepared and make it a happy experience for everyone. I'm sure it would be terrible for him to see his daughter if she were figity he might perceive it to be that she doesn't want to see him. Few things you can check on. Some prisons in Missouri will allow children to draw a picture for their fathers. If that's allowed then she might be excitied about delivering one to him. Also one thing that is nice here is that children under 12 are allowed to have a birthday cake with their parent that in in prison if it is pre approved. Most have toys and books in a children's area and video tapes or TV's to help entertain the kids. You will want to know what is available before you go so you can plan accordingly.

You might want to practice a little song or poem that she might be able to preform for him also. This will make them both feel special. Be sure to have pictures of them together so that he and the daughter will have something to look at when they feel lonely for one another.

~cheenna~
06-11-2003, 08:54 PM
Hi Kim ... You're right, no one knows what a Mama goes through but a Mama ... I agree with the rest, it is so very hard to see our babies like this where we have no control but we are there bread of life so to speak ... as long as you are able, I would suggest you see your Son as often as possible ... like with some, he may be moved to far off to visit ... as for his daughter I think I would wait till he can have contact visits ... from what I've read and witnessed, at that age they don't understand why Daddy/Mommy doesn't "want" to hold/hug/kiss them ...they get the idea that somehow it is their fault, that they have done something to displease their parent ... she has probably heard something, on TV, listening to conversations and etc to get the idea that her Daddy has done something "bad" or become a "bad person" ... it is amazing how a child is like a sponge soaking up everything they hear even when you think they don't understand or are deeply engrossed in play ... so just keep reasuring her that he loves her, will be back with her as soon as he can be and that he is a good person, ie. "Jesus loves Daddy and forgives him his mistakes just like he loves and forgives you" ... as to the length of time befor the contact visits, from everything I have gathered it varies from place to place, warden to warden, I think it is supposed to be an average of 90 days but I have heard of some having contact visits from day one ... also, it depends on his security/ranking level ... he should have a ball park idea when you go to see him ... hope this helps some ...

~cheenna~
06-11-2003, 09:18 PM
Jane ~ LMBO ~ ya, sadly, you are right, that men-o-pause crap doesn't help the emotional ups and downs any ... for me as if that weren't enough, I have been chronicly/clinicly depressed all my life ... I have been taking prozac for a long time now and it seemed to work fine but recently I started taking the generic and it has all gone down hill, I thought that I just needed a readjustment but read on here in another thread that even though it is supposed to be exactly the same chemical make up of prozac there are some differences and I guess for me, they may be big differences ... oh well, that's just another busted cog in the wheel of life ... I will discuss it with my Doc next week ... LOL, pray for me till then!

Alba ~ I hear exactly what you are saying on the HRT's ... I didn't even try them in the beginning then the "power surges" got so bad I thought it might be worth a short trial ... WRONG ... I suffered with endomitreitis for 30 years and I'll be darned if the hormons didn't bring the symptoms back big time within weeks ... I told the doc that I spent to many years feeling like my body was stabbing me from the inside with no control over it to sit there and deliberately take horse p*&^ to cause the pain all over again, not to mention like you said, the C risk ... I still "surge" like crazy but my winter heating bills are very low and in this TX heat I don't know if I'm sweatin or surgin ... they say ignorance is bliss ... LMAO

JJH
06-12-2003, 04:13 PM
Barbara, I just read a post from you on the visitation forum. I can not believe that you have not been able to touch your son in 10 years! I really felt for you and your son and have read several of your postings. How in the world have you made it all this time? I am going to go see my son as soon as I can.
Bless your heart, girl.

Retired-5
06-12-2003, 04:32 PM
does anybody ever send transcripts from PTO to their kid/husband or would it make them feel bad?

msveggie
06-12-2003, 04:40 PM
Barbara

I used to take Prozac years ago. After a year or two it stopped working. At least that's what my doctor said and they switched me over to Welbutrin. There are so many antidepressants out there tell them you'd like to try something else. I understand that eventually if you use the same kind continually it can become less effective. I've had my medicine adjusted many times.

Also you might want to consider the long acting , sustained release or whatever the brand you are put on so that it will last longer.

I take Welbutrin SR which means sustained release and Ritilin LA (long acting). I know most adults don't take ritilin but I apparently needed it. When my medicine wears off (some will say it's in my head since there is a certain amount that remains in your system for awhile) I have a definite drop off that is not entirely safe.

Clinical depression is not a mood or feeling it is a physical situation that can affect moods/feelings but there are other aspects of it that most don't understand. Unless you've been there or been close to someone that has experienced it it's hard for people to understand.

Just want to encourage you that if the medicine doesn't work it's not your fault. Keep trying until they get it right.

JJH
06-12-2003, 05:00 PM
I take Wellbutrin, too. I just started it two months ago. No more angry flare ups at anything and everything. I feel so much better. I didn't want to take anything for so many years and then finally my doctor said, "why are you trying to do this on your own?" (Like I wasn't drinking myself to sleep every night) and you have every reason to be upset all the time with your son going to prison" so I finally thought, well, I am either going to kill myself and everyone I know or I will try this. I feel 100% better. I am still sad but I can handle it now. I don't have any side effects either or feel "weird" in any way. I know that there are alot of medicines out there and sometimes you just have to keep trying till you get the right one for you.
Good luck, positive thoughts going your way.

albajo
06-12-2003, 06:28 PM
HONEY TALK TO DOC ABOUT THAT PROZAC; THAY PUT ME ON THAT STUFF AND EVERY TIME I COME CLOSE TO A BRIDGE I WOULD SPEED UP AND SWERVE I ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEE IF MY CAR WOULD FLY; I HAVE NOT HAD GOOD RESULTS WITH ANY ANTIDEPERRESANT; LITHUIMN WELLBUTRON ZOLOFT AT ONE POINT THAY HAD ME ON 16 DIFFERENT PILLS A DAY SEVERAL TIMES A DAY ; I FINALLY LOST IT AND SWALLOWED 150 LITHUIMN PILLS HAD MY STOMACH PUMPED AND WAS SICKER THAN A DOG !! DARN NEAR DIED BUT I THOUGHT AS I SWALLOWED THE LAST PILL!! WHOS GONNA LOOK AFTER MY KIDS?? IM ALL THAY GOT; SO I GOT MY ACT TOGATHER; FOUND A CHRISTAIN SHRINK AND TALKED TO HIM A YEAR AND IM GOOD TO GO NOW; I JUST HAD TO STOP SECOND GUESSING MY EMOTIONS; AND CRY IF I WANTED TO SCREAM IF I WANTED TO OR JUST PLAIN LAUGH OUT LOUD YOU GOTTA CONTROL YOUR MIND NOT LET IT CONTROL YOU I LEARNED ALL THIS IN 1994 AND IM GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT IT; THESE HEAT FLASHES THOUGH ARE KILLER BUT THAY SAY WHAT DONT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER RIGHT; WELL LOVE AND PEACE ALBAJO

dkv
06-12-2003, 08:42 PM
My son is in prison-just writing the words is hard. These stories are are so hard to read I've cried every time I read them. I;m glad there's a site like this, it helps.

JJH
06-12-2003, 08:57 PM
Isn't it so comforting to talk to other Mom's? I have been hurting for so long. There are not even words to describe it. But here you don't have to.

Barbara
06-12-2003, 10:54 PM
Let me start by thanking everyone for their input into this thread ďTHANK YOUĒ.
Thank you Valerie you are always there for me. J Now let me say to JohnsMom thank you for the info on your son, I will add him right away to the birthday list. Alice I am sorry to here how bad it has been for you and your son and thank you for the information. Janice I will put your son down for next May, maybe we could all get together and send a card to him just for no reason at all except that we care. Alba our prayer are with you and your sonís always. China you have quite a story there and if we put out head together maybe we can come up with some ways to have things change. Jane the emotional roller coaster is always there for us even without the ďmental pauseĒ I have been on one since my Richard was 9 years old and he is now almost 40. Kim pleases go see your son as soon and as often as you possibly can it will help both of you. Msveggie my down fall is country music it gets me every time, good advice tissues are a must. I have been very blessed to not have had any ongoing depression so I have never taken a pill for it of any kind. I canít believe it has been this many years and that I am still sane. It is very hard to not be able to hug and kiss my son but then again it is wonderful just to see his beautiful face. Alice I send Richard things from PTO all the time he loves it, I also send thread to some of his friend that I write to. Dkv crying is a great out let for tension maybe that is what has brought me this far, I have certainly shed a swimming pool full of tears. We need to stay strong for our children, in doing that we will give them the strength that they will need to survive and ourselves. Love Barbara

cmc322
06-13-2003, 08:05 AM
Wow! This Is so powerful! To read the other Mother's stories and one time I even looked to the left to see if maybe I had written it! Is was like looking in the mirror. We all have things in common, but this will bind us together forever! Unfortunately, life has thrown this at us and now we have to use everything in our power and that we have learned through the years to get through it and to help our kids get through it. We can blame ourselves or them but the reality is, it is happening now and what can we do to help or make things a bit easier for them/us in the meantime. How can we grow from this? How can we teach through this? How can we make darn sure we find the right stuff through all this madness? Together, that's how! Thank God I found you and I hope we can help each other daily to see the good through all the bad. God bless you and thanks.

My son's name is Ruben, his birthday is October 12th.
He is a Daddy so this Father's day will be tough on him. We write letters all the time and like another Mother said in here, we are sharing so much that we are getting to know more and more about each other. I like that. I will put his address below. I appreciate the suggestion about the cards as I think it is a tremendous idea.
Ruben Hand
C/O LCDC
PO Box 570
Pioche NV 89043

Barbara
06-13-2003, 09:41 AM
Welcome CMC322, do you have a name LOL yours is hard to type:) I will put Ruben on the birthday list right away. Love Barbara

SHERRON
06-14-2003, 08:05 AM
Sorry Barbara I am so late on this.......my best friend......my son........Todd is 26 years old and has a life sentence ( so do I) ........HE has been in now going on 3 years........and yes.........my heart will never......ever ........heal!!!!!!! I have the month of November for the birthday cards.....((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) ) TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheryl
06-16-2003, 08:12 AM
May God send angels to watch over our children, light we can see at the end of the tunnel, knowledge and understand that it's not our fault, peace, and strength from him. Love You Bless You All! cl

RobertaP
06-17-2003, 07:01 AM
My son is in prison in Florida and has 11 years to go. He had a diabetic episode while driving, ran a red light and killed someone and was convicted of manslaughter. Would like to send cards to others in December and would like him to recieve cards and letters from time to time. His birthday is December 2, 1969. He is Gary Prettyman E11652,
Sumter Correctional Institution, P. O. Box 667,Bushnell, Florida 33513-0667.

JohnsMom
06-17-2003, 07:44 AM
I have added Gary to my special Christmas card list and I will send him a birthday card. I will also drop him a note occasionally. Also, welcome to PTO.

Brenda

I am going to print this out so I will be sure to add all our children to my list for cards.

Barbara
06-17-2003, 09:46 AM
Thank you so much gals and sometimes guy :) mother's are truly a different breed of people and we need each others help. Roberta I will put Gary on the master list so he will be sure and get lots of cards. Love Barbara

laurelnicole
06-20-2003, 09:40 PM
I too understand and feel all of your pain. The first time I visited my son, I started crying as I was leaving and though I had thought after all the court dates and the sentencing that there could be no more tears for years as I had already cried more than I had in my whole life, I sobbed again for at least an hour. I could not drive. I continue to think of him and cry at odd times too. Any little remembrance any little thing.

After reading everyones posts, I should feel lucky that I get contact visits and that of my son's 7 year sentence, of which he should do 3 and a half, if all goes well (i have trouble thinking all will go well anymore) , I understand depression as I have suffered from it on and off all my life currently use a natural remedy and find it very effective - St Johns Wart. Thankfully, I am feeling better than in the beginning of this prison thing with my son. I have mostly come to except it as something I have no power over. I do have power over continuing to support my son in any way legally possible. And with that I appreciate this site and the support here with thank you all.

Laurel

My Son's Name is Graham Farmer T72240, High Desert State Prison, PO Box 3030 B-Gym 205 U, Susanville, CA,96127-3030

I visited him for the second time on his 23rd Birthday June 1st. It was a bit easier the second time, mainly because of a little Reno diversion my boyfriend planned and paid for.

He is 350 miles from home and it is definately a long trip. Thank you all for the support and if I can help with this card thing as the kids would say "I'm down" Let me know how to help. Thanx

tLbyakytLmHfsuy
06-21-2003, 04:42 PM
Sorry Barbara I am so late on this.......my best friend......my
son........Todd is 26 years old and has a life sentence ( so do I)
........HE has been in now going on 3 years........and yes.........my
heart will never......ever ........heal!!!!!!! I have the month of
November for the birthday
cards.....((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) ) TO
EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!


This part is just staring out at me:
"Todd is 26 years old and his a life sentence ( so do I)"

**hugs** to you Sherron.... before I only thought of prisoners being punished but lately I've realizing that whole families are affected too...

myson
06-25-2003, 09:21 PM
How do you all do it? You seem so calm and accepting. I cry and cry and rant and rave and the pain never eases. I'm an emotional mess, but I have to be the strong one to the rest of the family. I hide the tears and anger, but at night, when I'm alone, it's a different story. My heart actually hurts. I've prayed, bargained, pleaded with God. I think that if I can just find the right combination of words, that my son will come home. My mind drives me crazy, thinking about how he feels and what's happening to him. How do you hang on? How can I get some kind of comfort?

CDCsMom
06-27-2003, 01:19 AM
Another Mom checking in --- my son has been locked up since his arrest on 9/3/97 , just before his 16th birthday. He has a first parole date of 8/05. I would LOVE it if you'd add him to your card list - his birthday is September 11, of all days! He's Chris Cordero #84375, address is N.A.C.Y.F., Feather Hall, PO Box 213015, Stockton, CA 95213=9015.

I was reading the earlier posts here about songs that make us think of our children - for me it's TLC's Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls, never fails to play at least once on the 6 hour drive between Humboldt and San Joaquin Counties. And it's an OLD song!

Words of comfort out there to MYSON and others: for the last 5 1/2 years I have hurt in waves. At first, I thought I was going to die from the pain, or go nuts. Then there was one day of pain and one of comparative peace. By no means, have the rage and grief gone away but they're mostly manageable now, except on visiting days and after the rare phone call. I can hold it together during visiting and on the phone, but afterwards, I'm a teary, tragic mess, incomprehensible to just about everyone but the people here!! It's especially hard because I work in the legal arena.

Yoga helps, meditation helps, prayer helps, and most of all, contact with others walking this strange and hurtful road helps.

And HEY - can anyone tell me how to become a "registered user"? I have been posting here for a year now, and am still a darn "site surfer" !! No dignity (LOL)

malibu10
06-27-2003, 02:08 PM
My advice is to see you incarncerated loved one as much as you possiby can!! You never know when they will be moved to a facility you have no chance in hades of getting to. My son was in CCA Leavenworth for the first few motnhs then got moved to USMCFP Springfield. Now they keep talking about sending him to Butner, NC, but so far nothing has come of it. That would be way too far for me to go see him and while I don't particularly like USMCFP, at least the guards are nice and I can at least sit next to him instead of seeing him through thick glass and talking to him on a phone.
Visit and write often. As often as you can. It means more to them than you could ever know.
I never thought I would ever be going to visit my oldest son in prison. I mean he has never even gotten a speeding ticket and never got into trouble of any kind. My youngest son, on the other hand was always in some kind of trouble or another and I was continually worried about him. He has since straightened his life out and gotten married. His life seems to be more on an even keel now, except for the fact that now he is serving his country in the military and I am forced to worry about him over in sand country. It's strange how things work out in life, isn't it? You just never know.
BTW, are there any mothers of prisoners who are living in Kansas? I would like to hear from them, (or anyone else).

msveggie
06-27-2003, 02:40 PM
malibu10, I live in Missouri. And I know exactly what you mean about your boys. Strangely enough my youngest son is the one everyone expected to get into legal trouble. He just had trouble abiding by rules and his natural curiousity just got him into all kinds of problems. But my oldest son, never got into trouble always obeyed the rules and was very level headed. My youngest son also went into the military. I have a theory on this. I believe that my oldest son was better able to deal with the cruelty of prison whereas I'm certain my youngest son would not have made it. Anyways after his brother went to jail, my youngest son eventually became a law abiding citizen and even went off to serve his country. Seems ironic doesn't it?

malibu10
06-27-2003, 03:28 PM
msveggie, it certainly is ironic to me. I think you may be right about the theory. I don't think my youngest son could have handled prison, he is too much of a social butterfly, if ya know what I mean LOL. My oldest, on the other hand, has always been a loner and seems to be able to deal with the isolation of prison life better than I feel my youngest could.
My heart goes out to you and your oldest son and may God bless you both and watch out for your son in the military, (if he is still in).

cchilds3862
06-28-2003, 08:07 AM
Hello To All!!

My son was 16 yrs old when he was sentenced to 99 yrs for agg robb. The victim received 14 stitches and her property was returned. I too, am sentenced to 99 yrs. It is very very hard, but I think I am handling it a little better. I just pray a miracle comes our way. PEACE!

Barbara
06-28-2003, 10:06 AM
Welcome to PTO Cyndie, I am so sorry for you and your sons plight. I know that PTO will be some help to you. There is always hope as long as we are still breathing. Love Barbara

kathyb
06-29-2003, 10:21 AM
Hi everyone,
My son will be nineteen in Sept. He is in county jail right now waiting to be sent to Concord State in NH. When I get his new address I will post. I think the b-day cards are a great idea. My son has been in and out of trouble since age 15, nothing ever this serious, but it has been a painful road. I searched and even asked the prision about support groups, I could not find another parent that had a clue, until I found this site. I felt so alone in this. The guilt was tearing me down, I kept thinking if only I had tried harder. I see now that I am not they only parent that has been through that guilt. I have lost my family to very early deaths so really find myself dragging through this life alone, until I found all of you! I miss my son with every part of me, as you all do. Thank you for being here.
Barbara, I must tell you again what a wonderful idea about sending cards, they all need to know that they to are not alone in this.

Barbara
06-29-2003, 10:42 AM
Thank you Kathy for sharing with us, I know how hard it is to be out there alone. Everyone goes through the guilt trip but I have come to believe it is just another way we want to cover up for what our loved ones have done wrong. Once again we want to take the blame for them. In most cases it is just not true. My son has pounded into my head for over 20 years that his plight is not my fault in my heart I know he is right but I still want to take some of the burden of guilt off of him. We call that being a MOTHER!. I received a very nice thank you card yesterday from a man at Pelican Bay, that is where my son is. He doesn't know my son but he too is an artists and I thought you might enjoy seeing some of his work. Love Barbara

JohnsMom
06-29-2003, 11:43 AM
Kathy, first I say welcome to our group.

I felt the same as you until I found many wonderful people in this group. I still miss(understatement) my son but at least here, when I get really down, I have people who understand. People at work and the few family members I have left can't understand and don't want to talk.

Again, WELCOME!
Brenda

CDCsMom
06-29-2003, 09:03 PM
Wow - great thread!! I've been thinking the last couple of days about how hard it is to admit that I failed ... I didn't adequately protect my son from the big bad world out there, most especially from The System. So for five years or so I've been carrying it that I'm a failure as a mom. Spoke to my son about this --- he said Mom, you did your best. Failure would be if you didn't try at all. Then, I came home, and saw this great thread about guilt, feeling like Failure Mom, etc.

THANKS PTO!!!

ldysirois
06-30-2003, 11:27 PM
Hi,I have a son in prison in Granite Okla. Oklahoma State Reformatory. Bless all of ya in the same shape as me

malibu10
07-03-2003, 06:06 PM
HOORAY!!! My son just called from USMCFP!! We don't get to talk long, but the few minutes we do have are filled with conversation. I miss him so much. I can only hope he doesn't come out so changed because of the experience that he has a tough time in the world. I know he will have a tough time anyway, cue to being an so, but I hope he can retain his self.
There is another inmate there who would like to be included in the cards and letters coming from people here. The inmates info is;

Joseph Medina # 16929-047
Springfield USMCFP
1900 W. Sunshine
P.O. Box 4000
Springfield, MO 65801
(Birthday was in early June) We missed it. Darn.

I told my son to tell him I would try to add Joseph to the list as soon as possible. I also told my son that it was okay if Joseph wrote me. i am going to try to do my best to help keep anyone who is incarcerated in touch with the outside world. Maybe a letter once in a while will help someone. (I hope it does.)

malibu10
07-03-2003, 06:14 PM
In answer to 'myson's' post. I don't think there is any real comfort for those of us left at home, waiting for our loved one to come home. My mind drives me crazy too, when I think about where he is, what could be happening to him and everything else. I just try to deal with it all one day at a time and pray every second of every day. For my son as well as the sons and daughters of everyone who has a loved one in custody.
One thing I have finally come to terms with, is that it isn't God's fault my son is where he is. My son messed up and even though I in no way agree with the sentence, I know there is nothing I can do except love him and be here for him.

CET
07-04-2003, 09:12 PM
I didn't know there was a federal prison in Waseca! There are more prisons in Mn that I was aware of. when is his bday in july?
for me the "kids" i have in prison are brothers of my foster kids. I didn't know them until after they were in prison. The hard part is the pain for my kids, that there family was totally split up, and then hearing when I met their brothers, how totally alone they were, not having any idea where any of their family was. parole isn't going well for one.

clovar7247
07-06-2003, 03:17 PM
i agree this is THE hardest thing i have ever had to go thru!! my son in out of state and this is the very hardest part! im in fla --- he is in virginia!! seems like a world away ! money is short .. but we hold on the letters and the one phone call that he can make each month
soooooooo sorry so meny of you are going thuru oll of this also
it IS a blessing that im am not alone --but wish all of our families were together -- but God has brought us together...only HE knosw why....
lov eya ceceila

JohnsMom
07-06-2003, 05:04 PM
Hi Holley,
Yes there is a Federal Correctional Institute in Waseca. I was hoping to visit but...
His birthday is July 12. He will turn 36. I haven't seen him in 15 months. It seems like forever!

Hi Ceceila,
Welcome, although it is a shame we have to meet under these circumstances. I know what you mean about the shortage of money.

Brenda

jean94701
07-06-2003, 05:31 PM
Hi everyone, it's been quite awhile since I've posted or replyed but I feel now I need to.
My son Bobby is in Jefferson City, he was falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit, and was sentenced to 47 years. For awhile I thought I would surly lose my mind, but then I found PTO.
PTO made me realize I wasn't alone. There was so many mothers with the same heartache, and mothers who really knew what I was going though.
About a year ago different parts of my body started really hurting, after several doctors, and a million blood tests and e-rays, they found I have rheumatoid arthritis, but now it is so severe it has affected my hands and shoulders so bad I am almost crippled.
I've not been able to write my son in 7 months, and I can't drive anymore, so I get to visit when I find someone to drive me.
I just know my son would love getting mail, he use to get alot, and he has a birthday coming up, so I know a birthday wish would warm his heart. Thank you and God Bless.

Bobby Phelps 512849
M.S.P.
P.O.Box 900
Jefferson City, Mo. 65102

His birthday is Sept 4th

Valerie
07-06-2003, 06:44 PM
Barbara I just want to thank you again for the great thread.I know how important it is for Mom's and Dad's to share their story. So again,Thank You BSS and God Bless Parents with children in prison.

JohnsMom
07-06-2003, 06:58 PM
Jean,
I got the info on your son. I am so sorry about your medical condition...I know it has to be really hard for both of you. You will be in my prayers. All Mothers and Dads with children behind the razor wire are in my prayers.
Brenda

jamie'smom
07-07-2003, 10:11 PM
Hello my name is Debi and my son is being released from a 8 year prison term, in 2 weeks oh wait 12 days now. If anyone has any advise that would be wonderful. I am so full of mixed emotions giddy and scared and happy and worried etc.etc. I love this site I just found it about a week ago.

Barbara
07-07-2003, 11:09 PM
First Brenda, do I have you son's address? I might but I am not at that site right now so if you didn't get it to me do it now and I will make sure he gets cards.
Jean I got your boys info I have him down for September oh I just looked up and saw the date that is my brothers birthday so I won't forget.
Valerie, thank you so much for your kind words, kindness seems to be all we have left sometimes. Love Barbara

JohnsMom
07-08-2003, 08:34 AM
Debi, first of all, I extend a warm welcome to PTO

Now...What wonderful news! :D :dance: :D
My advice is Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!

Brenda

chickie
07-09-2003, 05:41 PM
This is such a great site. So helpful and everyone understands what your going through. I have a 20 year old daugther in state prison in PA. She was caught up with an abusive boyfriend and now is paying a heavy price. She was up for pre-release this month and was turned down by the head of the prison. The paper work never left her desk. My daugther has a perfect inmate record so far. She was just devistated and the denial of pre-release. If any one of you could find the time to send her a card or some words of encourgment it will be greatly recieved. She is having a hard tome with this news. Thanks you all so much for being here. It means so much to me. Jeannette
My daugther address

Heather Smith Og8110
451 Fullerton Ave.
Cambridge Springs, PA
16403-1238

JVJ
07-10-2003, 12:45 PM
My son was sentenced to prison on June 23, 2003. I just need someone to talk to. I need to know what I can do to help my son survive while he is in prison.

janicel
07-10-2003, 05:31 PM
Val let me first tell you i know how you feel and the pain of having a son in prison, i also have a son in prison he is in 2/and a half yrs, and has 6 more to go, you must be strong for him because he needs you no matter what, you have to write him as much as you can they all look for mail, and im sure that your son will call you as much as he can, God help us all and God will help them, you can email me anytime i really understand the pain janice

cmc322
07-10-2003, 09:02 PM
I just felt that this may help some of the Mothers out there worrying about their children in prison. My son has only been in for 2 months and he is quite the "rebel", but God has really been working on him, sort of like intensive care. I got a letter from him today with a poem that he had written. It is so uplifting that I felt pressured to share...

THIS DAY IS THAT DAY
By Ruben

-This day is that day, parents hope and they pray,
ďGod watch over my child, guide him in Your way.
Help him live righteous, helps keep evils at bayĒ,
God did what he could, but this day is that day.

-Mom, your son has sinned and now itís time to pay,
one year of my life, but look at it this way...
I can see now what youíve been trying to say,
just open your heart son to Godís bright sun ray.

-Heíll show you the path, Heíll guide you on your way,
Heíll shade you from the heat, shelter you from rain.
I feel at ease now, itís going to be OK.
My soul Iíll take back from eternal decay.

-Itís going to be easy, to my own dismay,
how could I have missed it, God loves us all this way.
Thank you so much Mom, until my dying day
Iíll do all that I can, great love Iíll repay.

So you see, sometimes things happen because greater things are about to happen...keep your spirits high and looking to the sky. That is where the miracles come from!
CMC

diamond42
07-10-2003, 10:07 PM
Oh my gosh, what a poem.. talk about goose bumps ,cold chills and tears,,, That was a definete print off to post in my office, if thats' ok? What a up lifter.. God be with us Mother's, Fathers,and our Children... Diamond

cmc322
07-11-2003, 07:40 AM
Diamond,
Absolutely OK to post anywhere. You never know who will read it that it might help. Yes, I will be flying high for awhile with this poem in my mind. Thanks for the nice reply!
CMC

Tara's Mom
07-11-2003, 10:34 AM
Hello,

I am Tara's Mom and new to this forum. I have found it to be just the site I needed to connect to others going through the same things I am.

My then 18-year-old daughter (now 20) made a very bad mistake. She attended a party (unknown to us-she was supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house) at a trust-fund baby's home (also 18), so there was no adult supervision and plenty of alcohol and some drugs. (She was, of course, never implicated in the incident, even though she hosted the event-money always trumps truth). In fact, four of the partygoers bought alcohol at three different drive-thrus (the same chain) in the area who never ID'd the kids, including mine. They closed shortly after her accident.

The party decided to go to a Waffle House around midnight. Upon their return, two of the guys from the party (casual friends) decided to ride with her in her new sports car that she bought. The path back to the party was on country roads that Tara was not familiar with. The boys were very drunk and goaded her into speeding and passing the other partygoers' car. She had a crush on the boy in the front seat and wanted to impress them so she foolishly did it. She was traveling at about 90 MPH and came upon a steep hill with a slight dip where she lost control. She sailed off the road at the top of the hill, and airborne, crashed through three 15" diameter trees before landing top down some 75 feet from where she left the road. The boys were unrestrained and she had on her seatbelt. The boy in the back flew between the seats and pushed the boy in the front seat through the windshield (he died instantly). The surviving boy suffered a fractured pelvis and femur and recovered within a month. Tara suffered a concussion and other scrapes and bruises, but miraculously survived with few injuries otherwise.

She is currently serving time at the Ohio Reformatory for Women for aggravated vehicular homicide and aggravated vehicular assault. Our family has endured things we never would have thought about before. Admittedly, I never would have considered us regular middle class people the kind who could. I have been humbled and my eyes have been opened. It can happen to ANYONE, no exceptions.

When she comes home, we have decided to speak to anyone who will listen (schools, youth groups, adult groups, etc.) about her ordeal in order to maybe prevent others from going through what she has. It is a story that goes beyond the headlines. Very few young people or their families outside the system have any concept of what goes on daily in the family like ours. The waiting, hoping, the "what-ifs" that are our constant companions. If only more young people knew the realities, perhaps, it would make a difference, and we are going to give it a try.

To JJH, when I read about how your's and your son's song was "Somewhere Out There" I was moved to tears, as that is my daughters' and my song, from the time the it came out when they were so very young. When Tara comes home, we three girls are going to get Fievel tattoos as a symbol of our love and solidarity through our lives. It means so much more now than it ever did.

Anyway, I am so glad to have found this site and look forward to finding the kinship that this experience has made so difficult. No one really understands us like we understand each other, regardless of how our loved ones got "there".


I have a poem that she wrote me a few months ago:

IíLL BE ALRIGHT

Iíll be alright, donít worry for me.
The day will soon come when Iím home free.
Itís not your fault, you raised me right.
This is my time to stand and fight.

My mind is clear; my spiritís strong.
When you think about it Mom, it's not that long.
Iíll use this time to work on me.
Life will be better, just wait and see.

The light in me grows each amazing day.
Iím a better person in every way.
My heartís my shield, my spirit guide.
Iíve hurt so bad, Iíve screamed, Iíve cried.

Iíve spread the blame, denied my fate,
Refused to face what was on my plate.
I see clearly now, eyes open wide,
I know that God is on my side.

I see my faults, accept my mistakes.
Iíll make up for it, whatever it takes.
Thanks for your support and all of your Love.
Only good things come when you look up above.


Tara Ė March, 2003, Ohio Reformatory for Women

Thanks for taking time to read a little about my story! :wave:

Bless You All,
Tara's Mom - Laura

Valerie
07-11-2003, 11:49 AM
Welcome to PTO Laura, I'm glad you found us. I hope PTO can help you through this painful time. I'm so sorry about your daughter.

nat316
07-12-2003, 10:35 AM
:cuffs: HI my name is Georgia and I have a daughter in CRC and she has been there sence october I think and I have not seen her sence she was sent there because it is to far for me to go and because I am rasing her two small kids and I can not afford it all so. This is her first time in prison and I hope that it will be her last one she has been in jail but not for very long.I support her in any that I can and she knows that.She will be 21 on the 22 of august and I am so sad a lot that she is there but she did get her self.Thank you

Georgia

chickie
07-12-2003, 10:46 AM
Hi Georiga, WOW My daugther has been in prison since October also here in PA. She will also be 21 in the 24th of August. How is she doing? Mine is dealing with it. Lot's of love your way, Jeannette

nat316
07-12-2003, 11:09 AM
:yes: HI Valerie well she said that she is taking it one day at a time.The judge had given her two years and she gets noting for time served in jail while she was waiting for all her court dates.She is a strong person but being in there I don't know how strong she will last.I love her so much and I fell so bad for her but there is nothing that I can do but support her and pray for her and other kids like her.Georgia

Valerie
07-12-2003, 05:25 PM
My heart goes out to all you Mom's with daughters in prison.I know what it's like to have my son in prison but it must be alot more frightening to have a daughter in.I guess it's just awful to have a child in prison period, again I say GOD BLESS US MOM'S and OUR CHILDREN.

frmbeliever
07-13-2003, 03:30 PM
I have a son in Prison. He was a college student in his 2nd tear when he decided to make extra money. He took a high amount of E-pills to New York and now he is facing a federal sentence. He is my onlt son my heart and joy no matter what he is still my baby. He 25 years old. I minister to my son on daily basis and my son never yeild to the word of God. When I speak to him my heart aches I know God has a plan but my flesh can't help but to suffer.. The reason I know God is in control because in every letter he sends he signs it and than ends the letter with

Hebrew 13:3

You know what's ironic i moved to Lancaster Pa 18 years ago because I did not want to raise him in the Bronx..

God Bless Ada

Valerie
07-13-2003, 04:03 PM
Welcome to PTO Ada, and I'm sorry about your son.

mdsmith
07-14-2003, 12:28 PM
I'm sitting here with tears freely running. My son has been in for 6 years and has about 13 to go. I totally understand the if onlys - people add this guilt onto you - but remember they haven't walked in your shoes. We know sides of our children that others may never know. My son's name is John and here are his particulars - John Prianti 97A7099
Clinton Correctional Facility
PO Box 2001
Dannemora, NY 12929-2001
His birthday is 5/15/74. We write often - but I only visit once a year in May - because I live in SW Virginia - about 12 hours away. We've had 2 trailer visits so far and that's like a vacation for him. Marilynne

frmbeliever
07-14-2003, 07:27 PM
Marilynne welcome to this forum. I will keep you in my prayers. My son's name also is John.


Well God Bless and remember you are not alone

Ada

Hebrews 13:3

Tara's Mom
07-15-2003, 09:43 AM
Dear Chickie,

I am so sorry for Heather. My Tara has had to deal with her pre-release being denied and I believe I took it harder than she did. She has become so numb to the frustration of the prison and judicial system probably just to get through it all. In our case, I had to read it in the newspaper!

The judge was handed the motion on May 30. We sincerely believed he would consider it, as we attached character statements, an employment offer, acceptance letter to college, and a heartfelt personal plea from me. (Our attorney told me if my letter didn't make a difference, nothing would have.) On June 6 (a Friday) he filed a motion denial and sent it to our attorney that arrived at his office on Saturday (June 7) when no one was there.

I was going through the weekend papers on that Sunday night (the 8th) and saw the article in the Saturday paper that told about her pre-release denial. I was devastated. The judge is not very nice and knew what he was doing when he filed those papers so he didn't have to deal with the attorney before the weekend. What a cowardly way to handle a situation! Like your daughter, she has a spotless record with many accomplishments above and beyond the requirements, yet, I am certain, he never even looked at her paperwork. He had his mind made up and that was it.
To have to find out about it by reading it in the paper was horrible! She's a good person and, like every other person in the system, gets treated like something less than human.

I will write to Heather because I know how much it means when they get mail. It can make the difference in their entire week!

I'm so sorry for her and will do whatever I can to encourage her, not because I would pretend to understand how she feels, but because I know how YOU feel!

Bless you and yours,
Tara's Mom, Laura

kathyb
07-15-2003, 01:19 PM
Hi everyone,

I am having such a down day. I went to see my son this week end and I had to take his belongings home with me, he will be moved up state on Aug. 5, I don't know how much more I can take. I know in my head that I have to be strong for him, I am all he has, but my heart is so broken down. Today has been one of the hardest days yet and I don't know why. He has been in county since Jan. 18 and I have had my days, but as I said today is the worst one yet. I have been walking around my house just crying, not wanting to do anything. I was recently laid off from work and I have much more time home alone, maybe that is it? I can't stop crying, I just want to go visit him but as you all know we just can't go when we want. I do feel blessed to be able to come hear and feel safe and let it out, you have all been great. I was looking at pictures of him when he was little, wishing I could have those years back! He tells me to stop blamming myself, that it had nothing to do with me but it is so hard not to think I could have done better or where did I go wrong. I know all you mom's know just what I mean. The pain is so overwhelming, I sat on my bed today holding his clothes that the prision sent home with me just crying and crying. Do the tears ever stop? When he was little I could not wait until he could walk, now I wish I could just put him back in his play pen and know he was safe. Oh well, I guess the old saying stands true "one day at a time". Thanks for being here.

May God bless us all,
Kathy

JoeysMom
07-15-2003, 01:43 PM
Kathy, not to long ago I wrote the same message you just did... Joey has been in for a year now and it is still a roller coaster... But I have gotten this far and Joey is my biggest support... I keep him going and he keeps me going... Just love your boy and like you said take it one day at a time... BIG HUG, Patty

Tara's Mom
07-15-2003, 03:31 PM
Dear Kathy,

It's going on a year since the sentencing hearing (her story is in previous post in this thread) when the officer escorted my then 19-year-old daughter to the county jail, no chance to say good-bye one more time, no kiss, no hug, just a longing look at each other. She hated the county jail and had few opportunities to call home. It broke my heart when I did hear from her and it broke it more when I didn't. She finally moved to state and, though it took awhile, she became acclimated within three months. It's been a series of ups and downs ever since. It's always something. Last time I went to visit her it was hot so I wore a tank top. They called it a "muscle shirt" and made me leave (I live over an hour away.) and buy a t-shirt. The time before that there was a man wearing a true "muscle shirt" and two teen girls with midriff tops and tight jeans they had to pull up every couple minutes or their cracks would show. Usually it just depends on who is on watch as to how things like that are handled and it has nothing to do with fairness. Visitors are treated just like the offenders.

In any event, when the women told me that, I broke down in tears and couldn't even get focused enough to understand the directions she gave me to the local store. I returned in a few minutes and finally got to visit. Needless to say, it ruined my day that was already difficult.

I know that story doesn't help you, but it's just to show you are talking with people who really understand and can support you. I went through so much of the days of tears (I couldn't afford to take off work, so I had to find a way to cope.) I finally went to a psychologist to talk it out and see the psychiatrist in the office who prescribes me anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. It made all the difference in the world! I still have to deal with all the other frustrations in this process, but I have the tools to cope with it so much better.

:idea: My advice is DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! I had gone through lots of troubles in my time (divorce, deaths, etc.), but nothing compared to seeing my baby go to prison. I was miserable and making the rest of the family miserable, especially my husband who is my best friend. If you lost your insurance when you were laid off, there are community services in most cities where you can get help free or low-cost, according to your income. Seek someone out. You've paid into the tax system, so you might as well use the benefits available. Of course, finding a forum like this is also helpful. I'm new, but to see that SO many people are going through what I am (or worse) helps me not feel so lonely since no one I know has ever been in the criminal justice system. Please try to get some outside help, it can make a difference and hang in there, it doesn't actually get better, but you can feel better about it.

Bless You and Yours, :wave:
Tara's Mom - Laura

brokenheart
07-16-2003, 01:05 AM
My son is currently being charged with aggrevated robbery and felony menacing. He went to the prelim and they said that the cap would be 12 years if he waived his right to the hearing. He has been appointed a city attorney cause I can't afford to hire a private attorney. He has a previous record for a sex offense as a juvenile which the attorney said was going to hurt him. They used a bb gun and he had the gun, so where do I go from here? Can anyone give me any advice I am so anguished with pain. What does cap of 12 years mean?
Thanks for listening.
Love Steven's mom

beans_mom
07-16-2003, 01:18 AM
So good to see you posting in here. I'm sure someone here or in the Colorado folder will be able to help you with your questions.
Gillian

Sienna's Mom
07-16-2003, 09:03 AM
Tara's Mom: I can totally relate to your post! I've only been able to make the 1500 mile roundtrip to see my dtr twice so far, at SeaTac Federal. Each visit has been screwed up by something on the prison end! I know what you mean about the young "ladies" wearing next to nothing getting in, then me in a long skirt and sweater being told I can't go in because I had sandals on without socks! They did let me go in finally, as I promised to wear socks when I came back that night - which I did. Her daddy flew up from AZ only to have to go back to motel to put jeans on as he was wearing shorts. Unusual weather in Seattle that week, in the 90's. Then they always tell us something different each time, "only one visitor" NOT TRUE, "You can only stay 2 hours" NOT TRUE, so have to fight them each time. But we get through it and it's all worthwhile when your child walks into the big room and smiles at you for being there! Mavis

Tara's Mom
07-16-2003, 03:04 PM
Hi Mavis,

Thank you for your response. It is comforting to know you are not alone in this stupid upside-down system. I feel stupid for complaining when my trip is just over an hour compared to your 1500-mile trip! I am so sorry for you. It's bad enough to have to make such a long trip and then to be hassled unreasonably is absolutlely crazy! I talk to Tara about it and she just says, "You should have to deal with this every day!" The rules change from C/O to C/O, shift to shift. I hope Sienna is handling her situation as well as Tara is. She is a real trooper. You're right, regardless of the hassles, seeing her is worth whatever I have to go through. Thanks for the support!

Bless You and Yours,
Tara's Mom - Laura :wave:

marlin0314
07-17-2003, 06:26 PM
Hello to all you parents out there! I am so happy to finally have found you! I also have a son who is 26 in prison. I go to see him one day every weekend. It is 150 miles one way. Takes me about 2 1/2 hours one way. so the drive is 5 hours long and I get to see him for 7 hrs! So it is truely an all day affair! But when I see his smile it is all worth it. I just think it is ashame that the prison personal make us feel like we are the bad guys. They use to intimadate me, but no more! I feel that I am human and they can treat me like that! But, in all realiaty, I want to see my son so I guess they can treat me anyway they want because they have the power to accept me or not! But hey, at least I think that I can say whatever I want here! lol

D/ND
07-19-2003, 10:58 AM
Hi Barbara..and all you other wonderful moms,too! :)

My son is 22, down for accomplice to armed robbery. He has ten months, 22 days left!

We are on the downside of five years and getting excited about June 10, 04! Can't wait! My son is in medium, scheduled for MINIMUM next month! Here's hoping he can do it this time! He was there last winter, but couldn't handle the freedom..so he's been back in MED since January/early Feb..where he has spent ALL but those couple months in MIN! He's an oldtimer in a new prison! Forty two,plus months!

He is very upbeat about the whole thing..after the first ten months of denial..and is doing just great! He doesn't tell us when he's NOT doing well..so that makes the days better for me! ;-) He SAYS he's only been in SEG for six weeks out of the whole time! I think that's a positive! LOL

This summer, he is playing softball! Since this place is new, they didn't have much for entertainment when he first entered, but a couple summers ago, they had the guys do the work FOR a field so they could actually PLAY last summer! He just LOVES baseball, so he is in his REALM! He's a captain..something he would never get chosen for on the outside! I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but he could have turned it down, and chose not to, so I'm guessing HE thinks it's a good idea?

I get to see him about every three months..he's only two hours away, but I work in a factory, and only get three weeks vacation! He knows we COULD see each other every day, IF he hadn't gotten any stupid ideas in his head back in 99, so he doesn't complain! You know what they say about the heart growing fonder! ;-) It definitely IS true! I just love walking into that big room and seeing his big smile! He's SUCH a joy to me! Hard to tell people that don't know him, but you guys understand, right?! He WILL do better when he gets out!

If you can't tell, I am a very strong ARIES! I have three sons and have learned that THEY need me to BE the way I am! The youngest is still home..he's 13..anyone remember how much FUN 13 is?! NOT! Yeah...there's more to THAT story,too! LOL

Happy, happy, happy to find you! I read about you in a post on a women's network, but couldn't remember the addie, so I did a search, found you right off the bat, and have been EXCITED to get to the visitin'! LOL

paw79
07-21-2003, 12:52 PM
Glad to see you made it over her Dee! I think of you ds all the time and hoping I can do like you are doing. Pam

Valerie
07-21-2003, 01:05 PM
Welcome Dee,I'm glad you found PTO.Congrats on your son going to MIN next mo.

D/ND
07-23-2003, 04:44 PM
Hi Valerie-thanks for the warm welcome...and thanks Pam for posting about this site on the TT! I pray for all the kids and moms over there..my friends for the last four years! Where would I be without them?

Val..I want to jump right in here..where's the best place to start?

Barbara
07-23-2003, 05:43 PM
Hi Dee, and welcome to PTO. A good place to start might be by giving me your son's info so that I can place him on the birthday and Christmas list. You can PM it to me if you like and also if you would like to volunteer to send cards to others. Love Barbara

ProfessorMom
07-23-2003, 07:56 PM
I have a son waiting to be sent to prison any day to serve life. He is 21.

Barbara
07-23-2003, 08:40 PM
Welcome to PTO ProfessorMom, I am so sorry to hear about your son. I hope you will spend some time here with us at PTO I know it has been the best thing I have done for myself and my son in many years. Please give us a try we are pretty good at what we do here. Love Barbara

paw79
07-24-2003, 07:40 AM
ProfessorMom,
Welcome and I am new to this also. It only has been two week that my son has been in. I talked to son today his lawyer was in and going to try to keep the charges and time down to keep him in country. Praying so! Pam

D/ND
07-24-2003, 08:45 PM
yes, welcome, professormom..i think you will find a lot of support here. i'm new,too, and just from reading some of the threads, i get the feeling that everyone is very supportive and most of all..honest. i need honesty above all.

i'm so sorry to hear this awful life sentence your son is facing. i can only tell you to stick by him, write, visit, let him call if you can afford it, and let him know you love him despite what he did.

there is life in prison, believe it or not..and your son needs you to be there for him.

you have my prayers

janicel
07-24-2003, 09:20 PM
Welcome Professmom im so soor y about your son, i cant imagine a life sentence i thought my son got alot of time 10 yrs try and stand tall for your son and be there for him no matter what it takes he needs you, God Bless
i pray for all our sons and daughters,
janice

CDCsMom
07-24-2003, 09:28 PM
hey Professormom ... from one pro mom to another, my son was facing some 80 years and got a suspended sentence, which he's still working on some years later. I can't imagine your grief or pain, but offer you my support. Email or PM anytime ... I seriously doubt anyone gets through this alone, and the power of having people who can hear without judgment is awesome healing.

JJH
07-24-2003, 09:42 PM
Dee, thank you so much for saying there is life in prison. That is the most comforting thing I have heard in a long time!
Power to the Mom's!

D/ND
07-25-2003, 01:39 PM
have you ever read any of the chicken soup books, kim? did you know there is one specifically for prisoners? it's got some very uplifting stories written by inmates..and i got a lot of peace in my soul after i read it.

i know my son uses his gifts to make the best of his time there..not that he's a saint..but he is a people person..and really understands the human psyche..he's a natural psychiatrist..getting to be a good listener and philosopher,too. lol

the other night when he called, not only did i calm him..he also calmed me about some stuff going on with me. had some very sensible advice for me...very weird !!

power to the moms..totally agree..where would this sad old world be without some strong women? ;-)

JJH
07-25-2003, 11:20 PM
Dee, thanks for your words. I think that us Moms are so comforting for each other. I feel a real power within us all to help each other survive. Hugs and Prayers for strength back to you.

desertskys
07-27-2003, 04:42 PM
Hi All,I'm in Southern CA.My 20 yr. old son is in County Jail ( since May) for a Diu.With prior charges.I can barely type, but I am so scared , and so upset that I have to try and make some sense and find some way to be stronger. I feel I've failed my son. Not only in his upbringing, but because I'm unable to pay for an attorney to defend him. He has been denied Drug Court after being interviewed for 2 minutes. The Public defender told me on Friday he's definately look at State Prison time. His prelim is On Tuesday 7-29 And I'm so afraid for him, for this PD promised no state time,And I know he's going to be so devistated. Yes he's made some real poor choices, but this is basiclly a good kid,And I really wonder, as with all of your stories, if incarceration is the answer to punish these young people for mistakes they have made when they are so young. I appreciate so the "stories" of others , & to know I'm not alone. Thanks for listening.

paw79
07-27-2003, 05:42 PM
Welcome,
First of all let me say you are not a bad mom and you have not failed your son. You are a concerned mom if not you would not be posting here. Don't feel bad you can't afford a lawyer if it would have not been for my sister my son would have a PD also. I also am scared for my son he is 21 and could be facing at least 5 years in State Prison if some charges are not dropped. He is a good kid also made some wrong choices and with the help of some gung ho cops in our town that were on the look out for him has gotten him where he is now. This board has helped alot. You are not alone. Pam

msveggie
07-27-2003, 09:00 PM
Well for those of you that are going through the legal system and you child has not been sentenced yet, may I make a few suggestions.

My son is in a state prison and I didn't know any of this stuff at the time. I wish I did. You might want to check out the alternative sentencing that is available for your state. Don't ask your attorney to do this as they can be too focused on the legal terminology and whatever it is they do to prepare for a case. Once you find out what is available contact the person in charge of the program and ask questions about how it works. Then ask them if a person in your child's situation could benefit from their program. If they say that your child would be a good canidate for their program get their name and number and if possible whatever documentation about the program. IF you really want to go for the gold get a statement from them in writing saying they believe this would help your child and meet any legal requirements.

Next take this information to your lawyer or public defender. Ask them how you can request something like this rather than prison time if it looks like that is what might happen. If you have done the research and have most of the work done for your lawyer then it makes it much easier on them.

Many of our children are doing state prison time when they should have been sent to a boot camp, or some other type of alternative sentencing. They should not in my opinion be going to prison at a young age when they have never been in trouble before unless they have seriously intentionally hurt someone.

Good luck to you all. Your child's best advocate is you. Even though you may not know the law, you are willing to learn whatever is necessary, right? Call everyone and anyone and let them know that you are not informed about how all of this works and you want to know what the options are for your child and how to go about getting more info on it.

Valerie
07-27-2003, 09:20 PM
Dear Desertskys, I'm sorry for what you are going through and everyone goes through the feeling that they weren't good mom's, I know I did and still do. All any of us can do is our best and by the sound of your post,I'm sure thats what you are doing. All I really can tell you at this point is things do get better, for you and your son. I'm glad you joined PTO, keep coming back. Your not alone and someone is here 24hrs. a day. Good luck to you and your son.

Northwest Mom
07-28-2003, 02:26 AM
I don't have the words to express the sorrow I am feeling for you right now! We do care and we all are with you! Stay with this new family you have found! It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

You and your son will be in my prayers always,

Suzie

paw79
07-28-2003, 12:34 PM
Ms Veggie,
Where did you start looking who did you call first? Pam

D/ND
07-28-2003, 04:19 PM
desertskys-

welcome to the pto..lots of nice people here!

i know there's a lot of difference between california and the rest of the country, when it comes to..well..a lot of stuff..but weren't they the first to start the three strikes law? i get the feeling from some posts that they are more likely to 'throw the book at 'em' than here, that is for sure. a person would have to get numerouse dui's to get any sentence at all. i know a man that got 23 dui's between 18 and 25..and wiggled his way out of all but one..ended up spending just a few weekends in county on work release. his big advice was get a lawyer that specializes in dui only..and trust him..cause that's what they do. he said there are lots of them out there, and they know what they're doing, because there are always dui arrests..and states really don't want to spend a lot of money incarcerating dui offenders. he also said not to worry about the money, cause they will garnish future wages..if you're in a garnish state..and not your wages, but your son's wages. now..if there is some violent crime he's got in his background, that's a different story. for my son, accomplice to armed robbery is a violent crime..even though he, himself, is not a violent person..he chose to team up with a gun lover..his bad choice. they could have done the same crime without the gun and maybe gotten a year down out of the whole thing..and it wouldn't have been considered violent..so he could have applied for parole. lots of bad choices.

ok..this brings me to the hard stuff. yes, there are lots of programs out there..and i know pam, for one, had her kid taken into a program..a boot camp, i think it was. it straightened him out..for three years..and now he's back in trouble again. i can honestly say i don't have a lot of faith in those boot camps..for my family, anyway. just my humble opinion. at the time, my son's arrest, under the circumstances, was the best thing that could have happened to him. he's one of those people that needs more than a two by four upside the head..he needs a 12 by!

there are lots of sources out there..here's a link http://focusas.com then put a slash forward and your state..you should be right there. btw, pam, i got this link from debbie on the tt.

hang in there..don't let the tears bring you down..find the strength you need here..we'll help you up over the snowbanks! that's a north dakota thing ;-)

JJH
07-28-2003, 05:15 PM
I just want to tell you that my son has had a court appointed lawyer twice for serious charges and they did a great job. I don't think he could of had better representation, really. Just wanted you to know that it isn't always dooms day with a court appointed attorney. I even refer people to them. Your son is too young for prison. Maybe the judge will know that. The judges we have seen have been good people. Good luck.

msveggie
07-28-2003, 06:04 PM
Pam,

Well I started my search on the internet. I had written a research paper for an English 102 college class I was taking at the time on the topic of Restorative Justice. I found all kinds of stuff that way. Let me get back to you on this. I'll see if I can find something for you.

msveggie
07-28-2003, 07:13 PM
Pam I don't know what your son's charges are but her are a few links for your state

http://www.prisonsociety.org/CFWINTER2003/01.html

http://www.york-county.org/departments/courts/aprob01.htm

http://www.prisonsociety.org/programs.html

http://www.judgeoriemelvin.com/leadership.asp

http://www.pabulletin.com/secure/data/vol31/31-6/216.html

"alternative sentencing -- including electronic monitoring or adult boot camp for nonviolent offenders "

the above statement was found in the following link;

http://www.prisonactivist.org/pipermail/prisonact-list/1996-February/000217.html

Well this gives you a start and some phone numbers to call on the first link. All I did is go to google.com and then type in the key words, Pennsylvania Alternative Sentencing. Then hit the search button. There is more but this will get you going.

desertskys
07-28-2003, 07:38 PM
Wow !! what a Warm Welcome,
I already feel a weight lifting, thou still scared about tommorow's court appearance. spoke to a few private Atty's today, that were more reasonable and 1 ( bless him) that will stay in touch by cell if we need him,He'll be in the same bldg.
It's a wonderful thing isn't ??? this internet connetion, and how we an reach-out to others who are going thru the same thing.I've been blessed now I see.. to have found PTO. And I thank you for all you're words of support.
Thanks,
Trav's MOM

brokenheart
07-29-2003, 12:52 AM
Welcome to PTO all the new moms I am very new here to but to be honest don't know how I would of come this far with out PTO
I thank all for being here and the support is great.
Hi, my name is Cindy and my son is Steven he is 18 years old, and along with all the other moms here I am very devastated as to what they want our youngsters to be sentenced to. My son is also sitting in the county jail cause I cannot afford his bond of $20,000 and this is his first adult offense. He has waived his preliminary hearing cuz this is what his appointed private attorney has told them and the DA would give him a cap of 12 years now they are still negogiatiing talks. MSVEGGIE we have a program here in Denver thru a church ministry that I asked his attorney today about this possible being an altenative sentencing and to no avail she says absolutly not because it is a crime of violence aggravated robbery they used a bb gun with out even a cartridge in it. I don't how this is consisdered a crime of violence at all being this weapon could not harm a bee. I asked her how would sending him to prison be of any benefit for him so young and she just shuts me down as to this would not at all will never happen and i asked her is it the DA or her that wants to put him in prison. I feel as through she don't really care about what really can happen to him. This really upset me today and I get really down when I talk to her like she really don't care at all. Should I consider getting her off this case or should I give her more time to perform and see if she will do somthing for us when I was calling around for attorneys they told me so much more than she is telling me. My son feels the same the other kid that was with him had the same charges and is out of jail and had his charges dropped from a class 3 felony to a class 4 of course when I asked her about this she says it is due to him being able to testify against my son cause he admitted to taking the money out of the cash register. I am having the hardest time in my life seeing my son go to prison for using a bb gun. He and his friend made a very bad choice and he is going to have to go to prison for one bad choice in life just saddens me. The other kid has had so much success with his public defender and people told me not to worry that having a appointed private attorney is much better... yet I have not seen it happen. If anyone has any ideas or advice please PM me.
Thank you,
Praying for our children,
Love Cindy

paw79
07-29-2003, 07:23 AM
Thanks msveggie for the links will start looking. His charges are for sexual assult is this consider a violent crime. He was having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend the boy need what Dee son's need a 12 by 12 right up sides his head sometimes doesn't listen for nothing. The mother of the gilr ley her stay at my sons place she lived upstair and he lived downstiars in a apartment. She was one month shy of being 16 which is age of consent. Cops were called for loud screaming at his place by the neighbors I guess the mom walked into my son apartment and found them after her daughter didn't do something she was supposed to and the rest is history. Cops came and my ds not knowing to keep his mouth shut after many times of me telling him don't tell them anything until you talk to your lawyers talked and so did the mom although she told the cops she didn't want to press anything they said to bad and did it anyways. Ths one cop that was there is just one step above the law. Pam

D/ND
07-29-2003, 05:15 PM
hi cindy..

yes,i'd be looking for a new attorney..this one has a bee up her butt..and you aren't going to change her mind.

i'm sorry to say that using any kind of gun is a violent crime. i don't want to upset you, but the person standing in front of the gun didn't know one way or another what kind of weapon was pointed at them. they could have had a heart attack, then your son would be going down for something even worse.

i hate to tell you, but bb guns can kill. the technology now days when it comes to bb guns and pellet guns is scary. i remember a case in minnesota..the boy playing with the bb gun had pumped it up to the max, put the barrel right on the other kid's chest..the bb hit perfectly. that kid has to look in the mirror every day. more of a sentence than you can ever get in prison.

didn't he admit that he was involved in this robbery? that's the one thing that saved my son from a longer sentence..he did it, he admitted it right away..a very good choice after a really bad one. for that, i am proud.

even after i've said all this..your son deserves as good an attorney as the other boy..and the same kind of outcome. find a different attorney. the young man that was actually holding the gun the day he and my son decided to rob a bar..his parents fought and fought to keep his sentence down to the same as my sons..he didn't come forward after my son was arrested, he tried to run, his parents hid him..it think, to this day, they still feel he didn't even do the crime. that's their cross to bear. in the end, they got a second mortgage, paid $20,000 to a lawyer, and got their son the same sentence..they were looking at 15 years. got it down to five years.

i don't want to be hard on you..you have been through enough..but sometimes we just have to face facts. it really does make it easier to bear. we make a mistake..we have consequences.

i hope you find someone that's willing to work with you. my son chose a public defender..they call him lowball at the prison he's in..he doesn't give a darn one way or another what the outcome is..he's getting rich of our tax dollars..that's all he cares about. again..this is his cross to bear. i'm sure he doesn't get it yet..but he will one day..even if it's on his death bed..he'll get it.

hang in there, cindy..we're here for you!

JJH
07-29-2003, 07:27 PM
Yeah, I was thinking that when I read this. Even if it is not a real gun, just the fact that they used it, whatever it is, as a gun counts, I think. I think it has to do with the threat.

brokenheart
07-30-2003, 04:35 AM
Thank you Dee for the advice cause I really needed a sounding board to be able to bear the cross on this. I have been on the internet looking for Pro Bono in Colorado no luck yet. I have to go and get a job so I can help my son I left my last job in October when my father had open heart surgery and have been enjoying staying home with the girls. School will be starting so I will look for a job so i can help my son all I can.
Love Cindy and praying for all our children in the system

P,S. the bb gun they used was broken and didn't even have a cartridge in it... but u are correct the other person didn't know what it was.

paw79
07-30-2003, 07:31 AM
Cindy,
I also agree I would be looking for a new attoney and as sad as it is money talks and so does power. We have a state senator here in Pa that was DUI and killed a man his defense, thought it was a stop sign. His sentence, house arrest for a couple of year. Justice I think not!. Pam

blfox123
07-30-2003, 03:30 PM
Hi All,

I am new to this, but I am so glad I found it. I have been reading your posts and it has brought so many feelings.
Alice, when I read yours I almost cried, it sounded just like my son. I feel so bad, most of my son's life has been spent behind bars. I keep thinking, if I had done this or that. Or if I had divorced his dad way before I did. His dad let him get away with everything, but I was not strong enough to change my life until it was too late. But I cannot blame his dad, it just makes me feel better. My son is 29 years old and is married with 1 son, who he misses dearly. He has been in the system since he was around 12 years old. Once they get you there, forget it. He is serving 10 years now, most of the reason for that, I know, is his past. They were just waiting to get enough on him to send him away, and sure enough it happened. He is in Wallace Unit in Navasota, Texas. But he has been in Colorado City, Texas and a prison in Jacksboro, Texas. He is 232 miles away. It is not so far, yet it is. He is a Trustee and seems to be doing as well as can be expected. He seems to do well in a structured inviroment. Has anyone else noticed this about their son or daughter?

Good Luck to you all and Thank You for the shoulders,


:wave:

D/ND
07-30-2003, 04:17 PM
hi blfox..welcome to the pto..you did find a great source of support here..i haven't been here more than two or three weeks myself, but i know i love it already. wish i'd found this four years ago.

please don't blame yourself or feel any guilt. to quote one of my favorite authors and poets, maya angelou, WE DO WHAT WE KNOW TO DO, AND WHEN WE KNOW BETTER, WE DO BETTER you can only do your best at the time. none of our kids came with an instruction book..if mine did, he probably burned it over in the neighbor's back yard..lol

i like to blame my husband, his father,too. he hasn't had more than an idle interest in his two older sons for their whole lives. not until his kid landed in prison, did he see what had happened. he spends a lot more time with the youngest one..but now that he's started getting into some mischeif, he's getting that old look on his face..the one that says he just doesn't care. that's sad..he thinks that not spending any time with the kid will make him hurt..and feel remorse. he doesn't understand anything about anyone but himself..and he doesn't want to know. i feel sorry for people like that..so full of themselves. :-(

thinking of divorce here after 26 years and one day! i'm pretty sure the boys would have been better off without him here..but then, you know everything happens for a reason.

for me..i feel like i have it in me to try to help people up over those snowbanks..through the storms of life. it's something that helps me get through these storms. i know it helps others to hear that life does go on..that it's not our fault..that we are not alone..and to put your troubles on God's shoulders.

my son has add/inattentive type..so he does better in a structured environment,too. not to say he has never had a write-up! lol he has a hard time staying in his area..tends to wander around visiting,when he can. i tell him he will have to get control of that..but it's all up to him in the long run. i can't force him to do anything..never have been. he's a very strong willed red head! ;-) enter the freight train analogy here!

what you said about waiting to get enough on him to send him away..oh, woman, you are so right there! my son could have easily spent a few nights in jail for some of his antics before he did 'the big stupid thing'..but never spent more than one night there..they were just letting him hang himself with his own rope..and he did. enter stubborn redhead again..we told him and told him and told him..but he knew better. even the day he stood in front of the judge and she said 5 years, no parole..he still didn't believe it! took him 10 months to understand that the only one that got him where he is..is himself. like he tells me every time he calls..he is the one responsible for everything he did and does..he is the one that has to look at himself in the mirror. i have tried to blame his friends..that's when he tells me to blame HIM for choosing THEM. he says if i hadn't gotten into trouble with joe, it would have been bob or jim..it wasn't THEM, it was always HIM.

glad to hear your son is doing well where he is. every storm has a rainbow..we need to look for those rainbows. i'm sure you can list a lot of great things about your son. his life isn't over..it may have just begun. he is a father..and sounds like a good one. even behind bars, a man can still be a good father.

blfox123
07-30-2003, 04:44 PM
Dee,

Thank you so much for your reply. It sounds like we all have a lot in common. This is a good place and I am glad that I found it.

Bless you,

blfox123

Pergo101
08-02-2003, 03:37 AM
Kim, my son is prison and I know you can have contact visits after ninty days. but go as soon as you can it makes a world of differnce to them. My son turn 22 in jail on May25th and i would love to send cards to anyone that gives me a list. My son is still in a transfer unit so he could be moved again at anytime. Please send me the list. I found this site and I thank God for it you guys restored my Hope! bless each of you. I was so lost and had no way of knowing what to do to help him. :wave:

msveggie
08-02-2003, 10:29 AM
I tried to post here earlier in the week but lost my internet connection (justgot unplugged for a second) and when I sent it the whole thing was lost. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I've just been under alot of extreme stress and was unable to reconstruct my thoughts that day.

Anyways, let me say something that I am trying to prove myself. And if I am successful with my son's case then I will have proven my point. Yes there is no denying that money is power. But there is another power that can be just as powerful if not more so. Knowledge. If you have the right information and presented in the right way, I believe it can be very persuasive once the one with the authority to make these decisions believes it is in everyone's best interest, including their own to grant your request. I will try to expound on this later.

Pergo101
08-02-2003, 01:12 PM
Yes, this is true and I am trying to learn all I can to help him while he is in there. I need to fine other parents that have been thur this that might be able to help me on what to do. So that I don't make a mistake that might hurt him. I am will to learn all I can. Thanks so much for anything you might be able to show me. :wave;

kevsmom
08-03-2003, 10:12 AM
Dear all,

Today is day 7 and i thought I was getting better. I miss Kevin so bad it sears like a burn through my body. Instaed of hot flashes, these are pain flashes. The pain leaps up and burns all through me and the tears fall like rain and I cry out to God to PLEASE help me by touching Kevin's hair and face and putting his arms around him for me.
I can find little solace; only you all seem to understand, and God.
What are your husbands saying and feeling through all this and how do they let you know they understand??
I feel so alone.

Barbara
08-03-2003, 10:21 AM
Good Morning Kevsmom " if I had your first name I could address this to you better" some days are just worse than others honey, you need to stay positive for you and your son. I know this is hard to do but you need to find a way to do this. I really don't think to much about my son being in prison, I think of all the great letters I receive from him and what will be in the future. I guess I live in a dream world but it works for me and I feel strong and I know that helps my son knowing I am ok and not losing it because of him. Love Barbara

paw79
08-03-2003, 11:37 AM
kevsmom,
It does get better with time. I guess with me I have been though alot with my son and I guess I knew in the back of my head this is where it would lead. At least I know he is not getting into anymore trouble on the street. Pam

Pergo101
08-03-2003, 03:06 PM
Hello Kevsmom, Yes it is hard for you but just remeber that you have to be strong and this will help your son. I know that every letter I get from my son I read over and over. I got to see him for the 1St time since October 2002, this weekend because I live over 375 miles a way. But just the vist we had made both of us understand we have to fight till the end. He has to fight to keep his sprits up and I have to fight to get him out. But do not let it get you so down that you can't see your way to remember he needs you more in his life now then ever before! God bless you and we are all there for you.

blfox123
08-04-2003, 06:41 AM
Pam, I am glad that I am not the only one who feels that way. I also have been through a lot with my son. It seems like a lifetime, and I also had a feeling where he would end up. I also know he is not getting into trouble and maybe learning something that will help him when he gets out. He is my youngest and my heart aches for him, but I know that he had choices and he made the wrong ones. I have learned not to beat myself up over this and to write and be supportive and hope for the best.
Kevsmom, hang in there and time will help. Hopefully reading these posts will help you to know that you are not alone.

JJH
08-04-2003, 06:33 PM
I think that if you are like the rest of us...you eventually start trying to accept all this and even block all the horror's of prison from your mind. I don't think that you can dwell on it for too long or you will loose your mind. I have said that I like to pretend that my son is at camp and making lots of friends. I know that's a little over the top and I sound crazy but I seriously can not face what he faces everyday. I just have to hope and pray that he is learning to cope and that all this may have a positive outcome for him in the long run. I do think there is positive in all this even if it is not always easy to see. Hang in there, girl. You will survive.

kevsmom
08-04-2003, 07:04 PM
My thanks to you all. I would be TRULY LOST without your support.

paw79
08-04-2003, 07:34 PM
I know there are others out there that feel the same way. Today has not been one of my good days. Son gets sentence this week for his PV He told me I didn''t have to go to court. I am not to sure if I will or not. His sister's birthday is on the day I visit him and I am torned about what to do. We have not shilelded her from anything she will be 14 on Friday and this latest happenings have really upset her and she is tired of all my time being spent on him. So what should i do? Pam

JoeysMom
08-06-2003, 04:45 PM
Hi I can't remember if I have posted here because my memory sucks :) I am Patty (Joey's Mom) he is 32 years old and has 12 more years to go... He is in Calif. at PVSP... He is the love of my life and changing for the better every day... It's been a long hard road so far and there are many ups and downs more downs than ups :( but I have came to the conclusion that there isn't much I can do about this except support my son and love him through this and thanks to many of the people in this group and al the help we have gotten... we are going to make it...
God Bless you all, Patty

JDay
08-06-2003, 07:57 PM
Boy, that's a tough one, Pam. My inclination to to expect a 14 year old to understand priorities...that she will have many more birthdays (and that you will celebrate big time but a day early or late), but that her brother needs you right now in an emergency sort of way. I'll be interested to hear what others think about this question!
- jane

blfox123
08-06-2003, 09:31 PM
I agree with you Jane. Right now, Pam, your son needs you more emotionally. Spend a special day with your daughter let her know how much you love her, but that he needs you more right now.

DeNada
08-07-2003, 12:59 AM
I came here with questions, and leave with answers. And I never even asked the questions! I've never met any of you, yet I feel closer in spirit than to 99.9% of the people in my life. Let's keep talking. Thank you all for your insights and perspectives. I feel like one of those silly glasses you can't pour water out of. No matter how well I reason through the guilt, the what-ifs, the disbelief, the shame, all of it--the pain remains, but the love is stronger.

- lisa

Barbara
08-07-2003, 01:04 AM
Welcome to PTO Lisa we are glad to have you here. If you want to ask questions this is a good place to do it. Love Barbara

samiam158
08-07-2003, 01:00 PM
this is the forum i was hoping for...thank goodness....My son was out for a few short months before he flew the coop...I am still so sad.He was just arrested in salina kansas on bank robbery and 2 more banks in other states...he had been in and out of the judicial system since 16....having seen him for that short period of time felt so good and he looked sooo good and he said all the right words and was loving...but...he had said from day one that he missed his "friends". His trial isnt until sept 30 but i have a feeling he'll go back to atlanta ferderal prison...i have never visited him but i spend $$$for phone cards and stamps and what ever i can....i'm just barely coping knowing he is back in prison...my sanity would totally be gone if i could see him but couldn't touch him....everyone has only so much they can handle....i feel bad that i feel that way (not being able to see him) but ....oh well i have no other excuse

paw79
08-07-2003, 05:25 PM
Thnaks for the imput ladies. I will be visitng my son as my daughter is having a friend over and I am dropping them off at a movie while I vist him. I am a little concerned haven't heard from him since Monday and he usually calls someone and hasn't.
I can understand my daughter point of view her brother has needed me more for the last several years. I just worry about her and all my time being spent always taking care of sons needs. Pam

blfox123
08-07-2003, 09:18 PM
Lisa,

I am so glad that we can help you. I, myself, have only been here a couple of weeks. It is good to know that you are not alone. There are others out there going through the same thing. I know about the pain and the shame and embarassment. Here you do not feel that. Very few people in my life know about my son. Mainly just my family. I have worked for the same company for over 7 years and I have only told 1 person whom I trust dearly. I just do not know how they would react and I don't think I want to know. Here we do not have to worry about that. There is no shame, no pity just kindness and understanding.

paw79
08-08-2003, 05:54 AM
Fox,
Well people here know about my son it was in the paper. The people I work with are very supportive. I work in a middle school. The building principal is also understanding and when I went to him about taking a leave of absence a couple of years ago when we were in the throngs of my sons drug abuse and I hardly was ever at work he was very understanding and told me work when I could and not worry about the rest. So I have been blessed with that. He also knows about the latest and the same applies. Still it is such a blessing to be among friends here who truly understand how I am feeling. Pam

blfox123
08-08-2003, 07:51 PM
Hi Pam.

You are so lucky! You have a very understanding boss. Having supportive friends is very important. I hope that everything works out for you, keep us posted.

D/ND
08-08-2003, 08:39 PM
Pam..sounds like you're settling down a little? You know this daughter of yours really needs you during this stressful time,too..I know you haven't forgotten her..but you know how sensitive girls are! Not that I'd know..but I was one a long time ago..when rocks were soft!

You are lucky they understand at work. Where I work now..it's all up to the foreman's personality! If he's an ogre,you have to go through personell. If he's a nice guy, with a sense of right and wrong, it's no problem. Some of them will even let you switch shifts..they have to approve it one way or another..can get hairy sometimes!

hey..there's a message for you at "home"! check it out!

D/ND
08-08-2003, 08:49 PM
BL FOX--

I used to keep my son's being a guest of the governor to myself, except for one person, too! One day, I just thought I'd tell another one..don't ask why? Well..I think I know why..it's because I had to find the others...the other people that were keeping the same kind of secret! One by one, I seemed to find them everywhere! One gal's brother was in prison..having such a hard time. She was,too, of course, cause that's what we do outside the wall! Then I met another, and another..we have a bond..and it's very important to all of us..kind of a hidden trust between us..one no one else knows of.

I can surely understand why you wouldn't want to talk to your co workers..cause some people are so insensitive..like the one young guy that said to me, with eyes wide.."What did you do to him?!" I figure he has to pay for that one, himself, sometime. It's not up to me to do that.

It does help to have this site, though! I have looked and looked and LOOKED for four years now..and could not believe when I finally found a place where I wasn't judged,but understood. A place where everyone cares for each other's feelings. A place that feels like home..very comforting!

msveggie
08-09-2003, 05:05 AM
Pam, I can understand what your daughter is going through while her brother is probably in her eyes getting all of your attention. Now as a mothers we tend to give our children that need us the most the extra attention they require to make it through their unfortunate situations even if it was their decisions that placed them in the particular circumstances they face. In my opinion to turn your back on them now as some would suggest would be like refusing to visit them in the hospital after they got hit by a car because they ran out into the street without looking both ways first after you had instructed them to do so for many years. People just don't always understand this. Would they allow their child to suffer and possibly die in a hospital alone since they knew better than to run out into the street and chose to do so anyways. Same type thing to me. Whether in a hospital room or prison for making a bad decision our children need us regardless of where their mistakes will take them.

That being said I am sure no one here disagrees with me on being supportive of our children during these terrible times. However the siblings tend to feel neglected at times and even down right jealous of the one getting our greatest amount of attention. It's not an option to put less effort into the one in prison. But somehow we need to remember to give the other children their special time also. It's not good for us to constantly talk about, worry and fret over this one with all the legal problems in front of the others. They need for us to acknowledge their lives also. It's difficult to do that sometimes. How do I talk to my younger son about his latest victory on a video game while my mind is focused on his brother going to prison for many years? But we really have to find a way to show genuine interest in them also and set aside our concerns for the one in prison while we do it.

Example, my younger son would get very upset and jealous when I would go see his brother. Mind you my children are now 21 and 23 years old. But I would notice my youngest would ask me for money occassionally for things I felt were unimportant and not at all necessary. Oh he would tell me he would pay me back when he got paid of course. But if I told him I just didn't have it and could not afford to give it to him since many times he just never did get around to paying me back he would get upset and always mention how I could spend tons of money to go see his brother 4 hours away from us but couldn't manage to buy him a few tacos on my way home from work. I begin to notice he mainly wanted these things after I went to visit his brother. Eventually I came to understand it wasn't the tacos that he really wanted it was my time and attention. So when I went to visit his brother after that I tried to make sure to do something special with my younger son either immediately before or afterwards. It wasn't long before I found the jealousy subsided. I hope all of this makes some kind of sense to you all. I'm not exactly explaining it very well maybe later in another post I'll do a better job of it. Hope this helps some.

paw79
08-09-2003, 07:08 AM
MS,
You have explain it beautiful! This is exactly what happens with my daughter. She has even made commets about how her brother is always taking up my time and money. I have to learn not to talk to much and focus so much on my sons problems in front of her. She will be staring high school this year and in 4 short years she will be gone. When I think about it, we have spent half her life dealing with my son. I will not leave him. I visted him yesterday and will still write and have him call me. I have sent him books to read. I just feel it is time to focus just a little bit more on her and my grandaughter. Pam

dwurts
08-10-2003, 10:17 AM
Hi my name is Dee and I have just found this site. It's wonderful. My son is Chris and he is in No Kern county right now. I search the web daily for info , I guess just to feel close to him. I am numb from constant pain.
I put my son up for adoption when he was a baby and I was just 17. In those days it was just not done, having a baby out of wedlock. When my son was 26 I finally found him after searching since he was 8. He was just out of prison 1 year. I found out that the adoptive parents split when he was 3 and they adopted a girl also, 3 yrs older than my son. The adoptive mother remarried her boss and moved them from Ohio to California. The step father was molesting the daughter and my son refuses to admit this happened to him. At 12 and 14 these children confronted the mother who told them "they never liked Ron" ! Can you imagine? The daughter was immediately sent back to live with the adoptive father and his new wife in Ohio, my son then started running away as he was being physically abused by this man. The police were called and my son was put in Juvenille. He was to be released at age 13, only to be visited by the adoptive mother and step father to tell him he could not come home. He was turned over as a ward of the state and remained there until he was 18. He had grown so angry! After that he went to a foster home and said he was so angry he could not comform. He was out of jail 1 and a half yrs from age 12 to 26 when I found him. He had been on parole for all those years. I moved from Tx to California to try to help him. There was an immediate bond between us but he kept pushing me away. I just kept hanging in there and bugging his parole offiers. He finally got off parole in 2002 but he is not able to stay out of jail, mostly stemming from a drug problem. He also has a very deep seeded anger problem, which is understandable. I finally reached my limit in April of this year and I returned from California to Texas to live. He married and I could not continue to interfere in his marriage and his wife was very jealous of my relationship with him as she also had many of the same rejection issues. It was pulling him in too many directions. About a month after I returned to Texas he went crazy again and got busted. He is now awaiting classification at N Kern. I don't cry like I used to but my heart aches and the guilt keeps returning. I don't know how to help my son. This go round he got 2 yrs and 4 months. My heart goes out to all of you and I'm so happy I have found this site.

paw79
08-10-2003, 04:49 PM
dwurts,
Welcome to our lifeline. I really do belive it is a lifeline. caring women who understand. You did whatyou thought was best for your son at the time you put him up for adoption and it takes a loving mom to understand you could not help your child at that time in your life. Do not beat yourself up for that. Of course your son is angry what life has dealt him it was a rotten deal. He needs help to overcome this issue although at some point it has to stop being a excuse for he does have a choice he can make himself. I used to blame everything on my sons father he saw so much with him now he has had and still does have so much other family support that he has no excuse other then he doesn't want to listen and do his own thing. Some day i hope he gets it as i hope the same for your son. Pam

Apehanger
08-10-2003, 08:38 PM
Hello, my son was stabbed in a missouri pen yesterday.

Barbara
08-10-2003, 08:41 PM
Hi Apehanger, I am so sorry to hear this, is he all right? Are you all right? Love Barbara

Valerie
08-10-2003, 08:47 PM
Apehanger, I'm sorry, tell us what happened if you can. How is he ?We are here for you. Stay with us , talk to us please. believe me....We care. How are you doing?

paw79
08-11-2003, 10:55 AM
I am so sorry to hear this. Please let us know how he is doing. Pam

Pergo101
08-11-2003, 11:47 AM
Apehanger, sorry to here about your son, How is he doing ? Keep us informed for he is in our prayes, please let us know if there is anything we can do.

Pergo101
08-11-2003, 12:11 PM
Hey, sorry I have not been replying but I have had some really bad days. Just recieved the court documents on my son's case. It shows that the little girl he was accused of having sex (at 3 am in the morning) with went afterwords and told her mother ,the mother called the police and they took her to the doctor. The Dr's report states she could have had sex within the last 24 hrs. But no test were taken as the mother didn't want to put her daughter thur anymore.(this is the frist case) two days later they state that the little girl came back over to my son's apartment and had oral sex with him then went home and again told her mother police were called and 4 days later my son was arrested.( the same police officer each time.) Something sure sounds wrong here. Now I find that they destroyed the evdince after the judge looked at it,(due to the childs age). The paper work also shows my son going before a judge we never heard of(which never happened.) Now we find out that the st lawyer we hired new a bout the doctor vist but did nothing to help my son's case with. I wish we had satyed with the DA that was assinged to him we would have been better off. I have spend all I have on this last attroney now cannot aford to fight this case. I have been told the appeall my son sent in was denied due to it being 2 days late, it has to be with in 60 days of sentecing. So now I am back to trying to find legal ways to optain a lawyer to help me and tell me witch way to go. I am sorry I am just so mad and it seems all I want to do is cry. Thank - you for listeing to me

paw79
08-11-2003, 07:12 PM
Something sounds strange here why we should come have sex with your son then go home and tell her mom. Whta was she doing out at 3 a.m. without her mom knowing. We are going though this with my son in his case she was 1 month from being legal age they were in love and mom left her with my son while the rest of the family went away let them go away for weekends.
Your lawyer doesn't sound like he helped you at all can't yor report him to someone? Pam

kevsmom
08-12-2003, 07:01 PM
Pergo101,
my son is in on an unrelated charge to yours, but I know alot about sexual abuse evidence and doing NO tests on her is TOTALLY against all practice--the case should be dropped for lack of evidence if that is really the case; let me know if I can help with any factual stuff.
kevsmom

janicel
08-12-2003, 09:03 PM
apehanger sorry to hear about your son is he alright pray to god and i wont ask about you keep us posted please
janice

Apehanger
08-12-2003, 09:44 PM
Janiceel;
My son is in Admin Seg and so is the perp. I called his case worker, she saw the stab wonds with a doctor. They stiched him up and now there is the investigation. The big thing is that there was a parole hearing next month. He would have done nothing to screw that up. The caseworker expressed concern over a setup. He can be in the hole for up to 1 year on this offence. Just disent seem fair, he gets stabbed, if he tells who dit it and why he will deffinatly be in a much worse ordeal woth other inmates. If he keeps quiet then he looses a parole hearing that would show thirteen years of rehabilative conformity. And he will be in the hole for the year.
Jim

Apehanger
08-12-2003, 09:47 PM
I'll need to quit fat fingering the keyboard, lol looks like I dont know how to spell... LOL

grammyk
08-13-2003, 02:15 AM
Hi everyone. My son, Chad was also born on Sept. 11th. He is 25 and has been in CA. State for 4 years. I live 4 hrs. away but as I am disabled, I need someone to take me to see him. I've had 1 contact visit and just had a behind glass visit. He was recently attacked and is in P.C. right now. I have taked and cried to many people at that Prison. For this attack to have happened, a C.O. would have had to be involved so there is a full-flegged investigation going on. Both times I have seen Chad we both have just been so happy to see each other, there really haven't been any tears. But, when I'm alone, it's rough. He does call a lot so that helps. It is so great to have found a place to talk to so many I have something in common with. Bless you Barbara.

grammyk
08-13-2003, 02:17 AM
Oh, and Chads Mom's name is Donna

grammyk
08-13-2003, 02:44 AM
Looks like I posted in the wrong area. I have 4 sons and I had a hard talk with them before they turned 18. Watch out for the under age girls. Actually, to beware of all women. If some want to cause you a problem or get back at you, they can and will cry rape. Chad is my youngest and he came too close one time. This is not to say it doesn't happen for real, often. Man, I wish I had some answers for you. Could Legal Aid help you? Or call every lawyer in the book and see if anyone will take on a Pro-Bono case? You aand your son are on my Prayer list.
Donna

grammyk
08-13-2003, 03:01 AM
Jim, Chad is also in Ad/Seg for his own protection while the attack on him is being investigated. He was told if he didn't name his attackers, they'd send him back to his cell. Sounds like they threatened him to me?????? Only one guy actually "did the deed" and, Chad refuses to go to court and testify. The guy is a "lifer" and, Chad knows he'd just have it worse even if he's moved to another Prison. But, he is treated like he was the one in the wrong. They tell me it's the only place they can keep him safe. I asked them if I needed to get him a lawyer and they sounded pretty nervous as they assured me that wouldn't be necessary. I call at least twice a week to see what is happeneing in his case. They have let him call me twice to assure me he is alright. So, I suggest you call and insist on talking to his Counselor or anyone in charge, as often as you can. Keep me posted, ok?
Donna

janicel
08-13-2003, 09:46 PM
Jim there areno words that i could say im so sorry to hear about this with your son, but i have heard that they put people in the hole to protect them, buta year give me a break, call the prison and ask to speak tosomeone in charge, best of luck and my prays are with you and your son keep us posted ok janice

ginamure
08-14-2003, 10:20 AM
Hi I AM BENITO'S MOM AND BENJAMEN'S AUNT I FEEL SO DOWN AT THIS TIME OF YEAR MY SON AND NEPHEW BOTH ARE IN PRISON FOR DRUG RELATED THINGS.
MY SON BENITO IS ONLY 200 MILES FROM ME BUT WITH OUT A CAR I CAN'T GO SEE HIM HE IS IN A FEDERAL WITHHOLDING PEN RIGHT NOW AND IS GOING TO BE TILL OCTOBER THEN HE IS BEING MOVED TO ARIZONA PEN FOR 17YRS. HIS DAUGHTER WILL BE 1YR. OLD THIS SEPTEMBER AND HE HAS ONLY SEEN HER A COUPLE TIMES HE WAS LOCKED UP WHEN SHE WAS BORN......BOY I MISS HIM SO.YOU SEE MY OLDEST SON WAS KILLED IN A AUTO ACCIDENT IN 1999 SO IN A WAY I HAVE LOST THEM BOTH ONE TO GOD AND THE OTHER TO THE SYSTEM..
MY NEPHEW BENJAMEN IS IN OREGON PRISON (STATE) HE HAS AROUND 4 YRS TO GO...HE IS SUCH A NICE YOUNG MAN AND HIS PARENTS ONLY LIVE 45 MILES AWAY AND NO ONE EVER COMES TO SEE HIM I WRITE TO HIM ALWAYS....
OK THANKS FOR LETTING ME TALK ON HERE ......
GINA

Pergo101
08-14-2003, 10:52 AM
Hi Pam, yes this dose sound like something is wrong, its all on the court paper work. I ask the same questions to the DA and was told it takes time to look all this up. Why? I have the court records in front of me I ask! The little girl said she climbed out a window and her mother did not know but yet she went back and told her mother right after it was suppose to have happen. Why would she go back a second time after talking to the police and doctor. Where was the mother at and why wasn't something done about the little girl being out that late the mother should stand accountable for this (I THINK) but what I can't understand is why they destroyed the paper work This too is in the court records.But again nothing we said in court helped. On one of the papers the judge sign (she states Court finds the allegations that the deft . plead true to be true and the ones plead not true to also be true.)Nothing is in the paper work on anyone who testified for my son. Only the statements form the person who testified for the state. So yes I am calling everyone i can think of. We did, file on the lawyer we had but again it takes time. I think a year is long enough. But I will fight to the very end. P.S. the little girl is now having a baby by a another boy. why is this boy not in jail she would only be 15 yrs old now. I am mad!

Pergo101
08-14-2003, 10:59 AM
Kevsmom, Thanks I will, But this is going to take time just pray for me and my son and keep giving me the courage to keep fighting. I thank God I found this site and for all of you out there that understands.

Pergo101
08-14-2003, 11:11 AM
I have only been in the site for a month. I too went from web page to web page looking for the right people that would understand what I was going thur. We are glad your here and I wanted you to know we are here for you. Let us know if we can do anything for you. Love shirley

paw79
08-14-2003, 01:16 PM
Pergo,
The court system stinks. My son was just sentence to 3 months for his PV and the month he sat in jail counted for nothing they just made money. The girls mom has said she talked to the DA about getting charges dropped he said he just got the case and will see if they can reduce the charges and work for a lighter sentence we will see. This all just stinks. Pam

Pergo101
08-15-2003, 06:05 PM
Hi Pam, that is what they are telling me the 1st year he spent in county dose not count. i don't understand he was in jail after all. Yes, it dose stink somethings very wrong. But the state picked this up so fast it was unbelieveable. I guess the state needs money to suport all the wrong doings they have going on.

Pergo101
08-15-2003, 06:12 PM
Kevsmom, yes that was the case. but now they have no evdince so all we have is what the judge said. By the way the judge he did go before her husband was incarcrated 3 days before for embazzling money. All the guys that went before her that day got 10 to 20 years and one got 40 yrs.Seems to me she just hatedmen that day.(but can't prove it)

paw79
08-16-2003, 12:22 PM
Pergo,
That is terrible about the judge I am sure she made a point with those sentences, I saw my son last night he said his judge was not in to good of a mood the guy before him gave him crap so he wasn't to happy. Although his lawyer did get his sentence down to 3 to 6 the judge was going to give him 6 to 12 so I guess that one month isn't to bad so he really got 4. He is now checking on work release that would help. Pam

Emeraldeyez
08-17-2003, 06:42 AM
I have a son in the prison system. He's in Florida which is kinda hard since i live in New jersey. I finally got up the nerve and went to visit him. It was hard seeing him in there but i feel much better since the visit. He is at the Gulf forestry Camp which he just got moved to. I haven't seen him for 4 years. It was bittersweet. I didn't want to leave him here when i came home. But now i am home and miss him even more. He is suppose to get out in june with his gain time. So i am hoping and praying everything goes right and he gets back on the right tract, Is there anyone that has a son or daughter at he Forestry Camp?

Yosemitejim
08-17-2003, 01:42 PM
Hi all,

My son will be sentenced to CA state prison this Thursday. Family friends and I will address the court for a reduced sentence for diversion/rehab. I hope we are successful.

JJ had a very promising future until he discovered methamphetamine, burglary, and other activities. He used our home as training (stole from us and our neighbors surrepticiously on many occasions) while refusing any contact with his family. Using our home left us in a tough position as both loving family and victims.

As with all of you, I have the "good, bad, and ugly" days. Hopefully, things will improve with some finality.

Thanks to all of you for sharing. You're great!!!

Take care,
Jim

Emeraldeyez
08-17-2003, 02:20 PM
Dear Yosemitejim,...My heart goes out to. My son also was caught up in the things u have described. He also stole from us. I had him in rehab a couple of times. He would come home and stat it right back again.
then i told him he had to go. So i sent him to Alabama with my brother. He did good for a year or so. Then he started manufacturing meth and selling it. So now he is in the Forestry Camp in White City florida. He got 2 years and now he has 1 year left to do. He wants to come back home to New Jersey when his time is up. That scares the hell out of me. To tell u the truth i don't think i want him to come home. Its not that i don't love him cuz i do with all my heart i am just sooo afraid of him screwing up again. It would diffently put me in he nut house if that would happen again. So u r dam if u do AND DAMED IF U DON'T. My son is 26 years old and i am hoping and praying that he is ready to start living a good clean honest life.

MargaretRae
08-17-2003, 07:23 PM
My son is incarcerated at Madison Correctional Institute in London Ohio. Because I have post-polio syndrom, I cannot travel the 150 miles or so to see him. I write to him everyday and he calls twice a week for a precious 10 minutes a call. I tell him, "honey I carried you under my heart for nine months, but I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my life. Someone said that a Mom is the only one who understands what we feel. I believe that you are so right.

dwurts
08-17-2003, 09:24 PM
This is in response to Emeraldeyez, My heart goes out to you. My son also was caught up in the whole meth thing. He stole but not from me but he kept going to jail and getting out on doing the same. The last time he went to jail his parole officer wanted him to live in sort of a halfway house when he got out and he was all in favor of it. The day before he got out I received a msg on the ans mach from PO saying he would be dropping my son off at my house the next day around noon. I was so thrilled to see him and wanted so much to belive him that I agreed to let him come live with me. He was 27. I knew in my heart at the time that my love and faith in him would not overcome the drugs if he wanted to go back. It was about 3 mos later that he started doing drugs again and I had to kick him out for his own good and mine. My point being, he is a grown man now and if he's serious about doing the right thing he should agree to get help. I still look back and wonder if things would have been different if I had put my foot down that day and said "You can't live here" because he did fine for about 3 months and when he slipped he was gone. Kicking him out just opened up a whole new can of worms. Maybe your son could go to a sober living home and learn how to do it on his own or something.

jerri
08-17-2003, 09:28 PM
I am new here too, but I feel like all of you. My son is again locked up an it is the worst thing in the world. He was gone for a bit over 4 years and I was terrified for him to come home. I was so excited but so scared. Every time he would walk out the door I was on edge until he would get home. It is a terrible feeling to be almost afraid to have your child come home. I love my son more than life and I can't imagine life without him. It is the worst time of life. I am having a very hard time dealing with the situation. I know we all are. My son's girlfriend is due to have his baby daughter in about 30 days and he won't even be here. I am so angry and hurt and a total mess. I sometimes don't know how I feel. I wish you luck Yosemitejim. God Bless You All. I know this all sounds somewhat jumbled but I guess that is where I am at right now. sorry.

paw79
08-18-2003, 02:56 PM
I understand the part of on livivng on edge when they are home I hate waiting for that phone call or the someone knocking on the door. It sure does wreck havco on your nerves. Pam

im1finelibra
08-19-2003, 04:46 AM
I too have a son in the prison system. Lee was just sentanced to 3 fixed and 10 indeterminate for Grand Theft Auto. Not his first one I am sad to say. He has been given a chance though, to complete a 6 month rider program in Cottonwood Idaho. If he is successful in his rider program he will be home in January 2004, with 10 years probation over his head. I am hoping he will make the program heis missed very much

Emeraldeyez
08-19-2003, 05:30 AM
I wonder if these kids think of what they do to us while they are in the prisons. Becuz alot of times when they get out they wind up doing the same thing again. this is probably the 4 th time my son was in jail. I know it is hard on them also but u know what they do it to theirselves. The famalies don't ask to be in this situation....Don't get me wrong i love my son with all of my heart i just don't like the person he turned out to be. And i tell him that . When i went to visit him while i was in alabama a few weks ago it was horrible. I was happy to see him and to touch him but it just ripped my heart out to see him like that. And i am sure it tore him up also. The worst thing was the last visit we both cried and held each other.I didn't want to leave him there. I hoped to god that this will be the last time i will ever have to see him behind bars again. My heart just can't take it again. June 2004 is when i pick my son up in Plorida and bring him back home to New Jersey. And i am scared to daeth! He will be 26 on October 1 it is time he straightens the hell up. I guess u can say i am angry at this point,scared,embarassed,hurt, and now somewhat releived that this nightnare will be over in 10 months or will it be?................................Darlene

paw79
08-19-2003, 09:46 AM
Darlene,
My words exactly. I am worried about my son not getting it. He has been in and out of trouble for the last several years and I am worried when he gets out it will be more of the same. We can't take it anymore emotionaly, money wise and we have a dughter who wants to go to college in 4 years. I get you way at times this past week I have been so angry at him I could scream for putting us in this spot then other times I cry for him. Today as I was cleaning I came across one of his baby pictures and wonder how did it go so wrong? Pam

JoeysMom
08-19-2003, 02:15 PM
I agree with you all... As much as I love Joey I have to addmit he would never listen to anyone... It took going to prison to finely get his attention... The hard part is he hasn't only hurt himself but he has hurt a lot of people that love him... Patty

chickie
08-19-2003, 02:33 PM
YUP, the same way with my daugther. She listened to no one. Now being in jail has changed her so much. She wishes she could change her past. She has hurt everyone who loves her. We just pick up the pieces and support her all we can. This has been a BIG learning experience for all of us. I am so glad I found PTO. It helps to know I'm not alone on the outside looking in. Jeannette

im1finelibra
08-19-2003, 07:46 PM
i too wonder if it was something i did or didn't do. Lee is one of the most kind hearted people i know. He is giving and forgiving. But Lee is analcoholic, and after one drink he is not the same young man that wasso wonderful just a few moments before. I too am in debt, I wonder if I will ever own a house or a new car. My love for him and my belief that he will change gets me thru each day.

Northwest Mom
08-19-2003, 08:47 PM
Hi Mom's!

I was reading your posts and I can hear myself in so many of your words. First thing, unless you gave them the drugs, or drinks, gun, whatever, you have to realize none of us did anything wrong. Guilt is man-made and I have to say I have "made" it for myself many a time. But I have come to the point that I realize I didn't make the choices for my son. He did that himself. He picked his friends, he lived the life he wanted, and now he is serving the time. But I agree, I don't think they comprehend what they put us through. Some days you wake up and think you must have died and ended up in hell! Because it sure isn't heaven!

Pam, the baby pictures will kill you everytime! That is the hardest part for me. Well, that and all the "Good-byes". If it's not on the phone, then it is the good-by at visiting. It is so painful.

We did the best we could with the "tools" we had at the time we were raising them and that is all we could do. We loved them and had hoped that love was enough. It hurts to find out it wasn't. So, now we hold our breath, say a prayer, and hope that just one thing will change them and they will return home to be the wonderful person we know they can be.

Until then, a hug to all the Mothers who shed tears for the dreams we feel are lost, the child we miss, and for the hopes we hold close to our hearts! We will be forever, after all, their loving Mothers.

Hugs,

Suzie

Yosemitejim
08-19-2003, 09:47 PM
I agree with all that you have said. Unless you have this experience, it is really unimaginable. Because of the poor choices of our son(s) and/or daughter(0)s, our families and selves are unbelievably altered.

Thank you all for your ears and thoughts.

Jim

Barbara
08-19-2003, 10:11 PM
Well I am such an odd ball I have a very different take on all of this. Has my life really changed so much, I think not? Do I still get up every morning and go to work you bet I do. Do I come home whenever I want yep, can I go to the park and smell the trees, walk on the beach whenever I want to yes again. Have I gotten to watch my grandchildren be born, go to school, watch them play little league games, graduate high school all the many, many birthdays? Yes I was there for all of these things, did I have to do these things alone no I had a family to do them with. Did I send him money well dah but not nearly as much as I spent on my children who were not in prison. Do I miss my son, with all that is in me but he is the one that missed these things not me. Does he blame me for his choices not for a moment in thought or deed. Will I be here for him when he comes home? Forever and a day I will always be here for him but I have never been there WITH him. Love Barb

narleymarley03
08-19-2003, 10:33 PM
Barb- How many years into your sons sentence were you able to become so rational?

Barbara
08-19-2003, 10:42 PM
I guess you could say very quickly, I just didn't accept it for the first 20 year :) Love Barb

jerri
08-20-2003, 12:23 AM
I can't even imagine myself ever coming to feel the way you do. I hope someday i can. I don't believe I have ever felt so many different emotions all at the same time. Barb, you give me a whole different perspective on the situation. i really admire your strength and wonder where you got it from. Was there a time when you just looked at the whole picture and decided it was time to get on with it or was it gradual? I surely hope that I can gain the courage you have. I am probably stupid but I actually feel so guilty if I enjoy anything in my life because my son Travis isn't able to. I know you probably felt this way (maybe still) but I know it just destroys me. I am having such a very hard time dealing with the whole thing. I can't remember the last time I had a good old belly laugh. Boy, do I miss that. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. It seems like I've gotten lost and I don't know what to do or which way to go. i really admire the strength you all show and I hope I can maybe learn how to become stronger myself. God bless you all and your families.

Barbara
08-20-2003, 12:38 AM
I can honestly say that my son has given me all the strength I have and that is a lot. Of course I went through the period of wondering what if? I had been a better mother, had been home more, didnít have to work everyday all the things that you all are wondering. I beat myself up pretty good trying to take the blame but the bottom line is it wasnít my choices it was my sons choices. I believe my son to be a good and very strong man and I believe that I had a large part in that. He never fails to give me the support I need and I guess by doing that it gives him the support he needs. I only get to see my son a few hours a year but it is the best few hours in the whole year. I think it is important to like your children, I didnít not say LOVE your children I said LIKE them and I really like Richard. Love to me comes natural for a mother but to like someone is earned, think about it! Love Barb

JoeysMom
08-20-2003, 09:51 AM
Jerri, I feel the same way you do... My heart aches when ever I find myself having fun because I know how my son is suffering in prison... I am much better than I was at first but I sure could use a big dose of Barb's strength too... Patty

Barbara
08-20-2003, 10:09 AM
LOL why don't you write to Richard maybe he will share some of that strength with you that he sends to me. Love Barbara

JoeysMom
08-20-2003, 10:12 AM
I just might have to do that :)

Emeraldeyez
08-20-2003, 12:16 PM
Dear Pam.....I know what u mean when u say u r angry at him. And i feel so mad at myself for feeling that way. Then i think of all the sweet things he has said or done and it quickly disappears.And the baby pictures are the worst. It makes u think where have u gone wrong. I am passed the blaming stage becuz the way i see it i didn't do anything wrong in raising him. The choices he made he did on his own...nobody put a gun to his head and made him do what he done. I think alot of people misunderstood me when i said i didn't like the person he became. I love my son and always will no matter what he does in his life . I just didn't like the person he was when he was on the drugs and what he has done to his family. To me that wasn't my son it was someone else. Thats what i try to tell my kids...whatever u do in life will always affect ur love ones one way or another..Whether for the best or for the worst. they need to think in advance how is this going to affect them for one and then their family. I am sure if these kids thought about it before they done what they have done alot of them wouldn't be in trouble.

janicel
08-20-2003, 07:55 PM
Hi All ive been reading all these postes and me to have blamed myself for what my son has done to me and my family he has pulled us apart, my heart never stopes crying day and night i see my son face everywhere i look but he is not there. i know he made these choices, i say why , its been alittle over 2 years for me and it gets harder not easier, my heart gos out to all the moms and dads who have sons and daughter s in prison someone said to me take out the word prison, make belive he is in college or married, but it is still there God Bless all of us and them, janice

paw79
08-20-2003, 08:12 PM
Emerald,
Thank you for your words. I know no one put a gun to his head and all his past crimes have now caught up with him. I do beleive he has gotten a bum rap with this case although i remind myself he put himself in the postion to get himself into trouble. I feel so bad with everything he is missing with his daughter. We took her to a amusment park today and I was thinking this should have been him here with her watching all the fun she was having and that is what makes me so angry with him. Pam

blfox123
08-20-2003, 09:17 PM
Barb,

I read your post and I realized that I feel a lot the same way. I used to feel bad if I had a good time, or really enjoyed myself. My husband and I like to travel and I wish my son had that opportunity to see the things I have have seen. But I also realize that he made his choices, he had chances, but did not make the right choices or take advantage of the chances he had. This is his second time in prison and he is in for 10 this time, in Texas that could be 5. He is 29 years old and spent a lot of his life locked up. That is really sad, but I quit beating myself up. I love my son, but I also love my life and intend to enjoy it.

Barbara
08-20-2003, 09:29 PM
Thank you Blfox123, I really was begining to think I was a real butth**e for feeling this way. I have a life out here and what kind of help would I be to my son if my life were to stand still like his is. Love Barbara

jerri
08-21-2003, 12:04 AM
I was just wondering if maybe some of you would please say a prayer for my son Travis. He has a parole hearing tomorrow and a preliminary hearing on Friday. After he got out of prison last year I was hoping and praying we were all done with hearings and charges and court. I just don't understand anything. I know my son has had so many opportunities and so much support that none of this should be happening but it is. I am so afraid. He could be facing 10-20 years. i will die if it goes that way. I can't even imagine what he will feel like. It's like I go into his head and I can feel the fear and disbelief he feels. I love my son so much. He is like the best part of my life. My world just will totally collapse. I don't mean to sound whiney, but I am absolutely terrified. I just don't know what to do. So, I really don't have a right to ask you all to pray because I don't know any of you, but I can't tell you how much it would be appreciated. Thank you.

jerri
08-21-2003, 12:06 AM
By the way, thanks for listening, too.

Barbara
08-21-2003, 12:28 AM
Yes you do have a right to ask for our prayers we are family and families pray for each other. I am so sorry that you are facing all of this but you are not alone we are with you. Yes you will have my prayers lots of them. Love Barbara

jerri
08-21-2003, 12:54 AM
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your prayers and just the fact that you care. I live in a rural part of Pa and I don't have a lot of friends or neighbors. My husband is a wonderful man. He is my son's stepfather but they are very close. They couldn't have a closer bond. But, like me, my husband is tired and very hurt. So, you see, I don't really have anyone to talk to or to cry to. You know how you feel all alone in this situation anyway, but it's like I really am. I am never going to survive this. I don't want to wear out my welcome so I am going to go now. Just know that I really do appreciate your prayers and thoughts. God bless you all.

Barbara
08-21-2003, 01:09 AM
Oh honey you could never wear out your welcome with us we all are in the same place in life. There will be lots of us praying for you and your son. Love Barb

im1finelibra
08-21-2003, 01:49 PM
Thank you. You do not know what that means to me. I have friends who know that Lee is gone for now, but no one seems to know what to say, when all i would need is just a smile and a hug once in a while. Life seems to throw some curve balls, just when you start to exhale and think things are getting easier, no doubt this is just another one of those fast tricky balls sailing through my life....thanks for being there.

shawna

blfox123
08-21-2003, 03:51 PM
Jerri,

I will pray for you and your son. No matter what you think, you will survive this and you will be stonger for it. I just remember, God does not give us anymore than we can handle. Let us know what happens.

gimmyx2
08-21-2003, 08:36 PM
How do you have such a awesome outlook?? I totally agree with the liking a person statement. I was thinking today about the feeling of guilt when the family is all together and enjoying things. I just wish there was a way I could somehow include my son, that may sound foolish but that is truly how I feel. He is an incredible young man and made some bad turns hearing you talk of Richard makes me feel as though maybe that is what our son is doing trying to give us some of the strength to get through this. You have such a way with your words really you do. Thanks. Love, Donna

Barbara
08-21-2003, 09:08 PM
Thank you Donna, I am not sure that I deserve your praise though. I have been going through this with Richard since he was 13 years old and he turns 40 tomorrow. You have heard how people get institutionalized well I think as a parent I have also. It is a very sad thing to say that you have become use to living like this but I think that is just what has happened to me. You know I have a business for Richard and his art, we work on the business end together and he furnishes the art and artists for us to use. It is kind of like corresponding with your partner that just lives in another town. I really donít think much about him being in prison, I just concentrate on us working together in this business. I know that must sound odd to a lot of people but maybe it is the way I have found to deal with the situation. He also has an artist friend that is writing a book on dogs and I am compiling and collating the art for the book. All these things keep me very busy and I guess help to keep my mine off the fact that my ďPretty Baby BoyĒ LOL is in one of the worst prisons in the world. Love Barb

jerri
08-21-2003, 09:34 PM
blfox123, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. They really do help. And Barb, thank you so much, also. The preliminary hearing tomorrow is the one that will be the scary one. The parole hearing today was just to maintain the detainer they have on Travis. My whole body is like churning with fear and anxiety. I'm sure you know what I mean. I wish there was a different way to deal with "offenders" beside the prison system. I really don't believe that there is rehabilitation as they say. I think if anything my son learned more negative things inside than he knew before going in. He was only 17. He turned 18 in a maximum security prison. From there, when he got to his "home" for the next few years, some older guys took him under their wings and basically helped him survive. I am aactually thankful for that. I don't know what would have happened otherwise. I just think there has to be a better way. Each person is different and responds to different things. I think they are all worth the time to find out exactly how to help them and get them on the right track. Maybe I am wrong, but when my boy was gone before, we met some really decent guys during our visits. My heart and prayers goes out to every parent who is sitting where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Thanks to all of you.

blfox123
08-21-2003, 09:37 PM
Barbara,

I can identify with you, I also have been going through rough times with my son since he was about 12 or 13. He is now 29. I used to cringe when I saw a police car. I went through some real hard times and I felt so guilty. But I married a wonderful man that helped me realize that it was not my fault and I did all I could for him. I still feel bad for my son, and I always will, but I now feel good about myself. I have been to visit whenever I can, and we always enjoy the visits. He is in a Trustee Camp and is doing well. ( at least that is what he tells me) This may sound terrible to some, but at least I know where he is and that he is not on the streets. After you have been through years and years of tears, jails, lawyers etc. you begin to feel relief that your life is normal again, or somewhat close to normal.

jerri
08-21-2003, 09:38 PM
To Barb, God love you. You are a special lady and you should be very proud of yourself and you boy. Thanks for the inspiration.

paw79
08-23-2003, 03:03 PM
Ladies,
Please say a prayer for my son. I went to visit him Friday night and he was in a real foul mood. He thinks his lawyer is giving him a bum rap. I am not to sure if this is true or not. He said the lawyer has told him he could get 2 years for his PV on top of the other charges he is facing. The lawyer told me my son got 3 to 6 month for his PV. He also said the lawyer said he only had 2 counts against him not true 5 charges. He also said the cops never procesed him when he was taken in. He told me the District Justice told him he had to be processed within 48 hours. I am really worried and don't know what to do. I also have talked to the prison about his work release and they tell me one thing and him another. I was also told this system is all who you know and what you can do for them from soneone who works on the inside. I am lost and don't know where to begin. My son called his grandmother today and was swearing about the system and screaming at the top of his lungs. She almost hung up on him it was that bad. HELP!!!! Pam

im1finelibra
08-24-2003, 04:16 AM
Hold on Pam. I know tht it looks like we will never understand the system or ever get a sdtraight answer. But one day you will wake up and it will hit you. That you, nor your sons attorney or even the jusge really has the final answer in your sons trouble, But God does and he will do what he sees fit, and no matter how bad it may look or feel when your son is sentanced, you will know, that god will bring your son home safe, just not today. I tell myself that over and over, that I cannot, even though i try, control Lees fate. I must too, turn this over to god. I am praying for your sons quick trip home. God Bless.

shawna

paw79
08-24-2003, 07:30 PM
Shawana,
Thank you for your reminder it is so true and as much as I try to help God along it is in His timing not mind. One of my friends told me almost the same thing as you. That none of this is taking God by surprise and it is all in His hand. Thank you so very much! Pam

chickie
08-25-2003, 08:55 AM
Hi, I just spent the weekend visiting my daugther Heather. It was he 21st birthday on Sunday. I think this was harder on me than her or she put up a good front for me. I want to thank everyone for sending cards. She said it made her birthday very special.

asmith5240
08-25-2003, 05:48 PM
My son is 22 and is an inmate at Washington State Reformatory. He has been incarcerated now for just over a year. It has taken me this entire time to get to a point where I could reach out for help. Thank everyone for sharing - it is making it easier for me. We live in Minnesota. Our son was in the Army and stationed in Seattle when he got in trouble. I'm sure like many of your children, he was never in any trouble before this incident. He was a good kid with a wonderful sense of humor. I really miss him. Seeing him in that environment isn't like seeing him at home. He has had a very difficult time adjusting. His appeal is currently underway and we are hoping the system will work this time.

I am trying to get the prison to allow me to have a Counselor treat him while he is there. The Superintenent is saying no way because it would open the flood gates of requests for private visits. There must be some way families can participate and support their loved ones. Communities cry about the cost to tax payers to support those incarcerated, here I am willing to pay any amount to help my son and they will not allow it. Anyone have any suggestions on how I might achieve my goal of having a Counselor treat my son while he is incarcerated?

Northwest Mom
08-25-2003, 07:21 PM
WELCOME TO PTO! I wish I could help you!

SadMom@home
08-25-2003, 09:12 PM
To all of you ladies and Mom's, everything you have written I am feeling too. Each and every one of you ask God for the power to get through this.......it is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I pray for him to watch over my son and to help guide all these young men and women to the right place in his Plan and that they all seek it. May God bless each and everyone of you through your pain and suffering cause I know it never goes away but we can and have to be strong for those inside so they can seek us when they need us. They need to know that we love them and will always be here for them.

Much love to each and every one of you,

kevsmom
08-26-2003, 05:50 AM
To Pam, Jerri and Janice, please know that I am praying for each of you and your families. Through my own pain, I connect with each of you. THis week, Kevin has a bond reduction hearing in Oregon and I am going there with my other son to pick him up. I am terrified and so is he that this will all result in a conviction and long sentence. Over the last few days he has become almost numb with the fear of being out waiting for trial. I worry about him running or hurting himself. I have not slept now for more than 7 days.He says he will need to recover form this onth in jail and cannot talk about it. I am not sure I can hear it but I know he needs to talk. I am reading a GREAT book called the Power of Now. It has helped me recognize that there is only NOW with Kevin; the past is gone and the future does not yet exist and I have no control over it. Imagining a good or bad future is not an activity that does any good to anyone and eliminates the possibility of joy right now. I am trying to absorb thos elessons. My prayers for joy in each of yoru hearts is strong. kevsmom.

Adam's Mom
08-27-2003, 04:08 PM
I would absolutely love to get involved by sending bday cards to others who are incarcerated. Please let me know how I can accomplish this. My son's bday is May 16 and he's located at the Holliday unit in Texas:

Adam J. Smith #1178423
295 IH-45 North
Huntsville, Texas 77320-8443

Thanks!

paw79
08-27-2003, 06:48 PM
Kevsmom,
I am praying for you also. It is so hard. I got a letter from son he can't stand the bars anymore and wants out. He can get out on Nov 16 for his PV then go back in for what ever sentenced he gets for his current charges. I am afraid that he might run when he gets out although he swears not! Pam

jerri
08-28-2003, 12:23 AM
You know, it is a terrible time for all of us having our kids locked up like this and we all just feel horrible. But I know I am also very angry. This whole situation just sucks. I get so tired and so frustrated I could just scream. Sometimes when I'm alone I do. I just can't handle the fact that my son had every opportunity and just blew it. I feel really bad, yeah, but I am just so mad. How can he just keep doing the stupid things he does? I will never understand no matter how hard I try. I want to just lose it sometimes. I love my boy with everything I am but sometimes I could just smack him upside the head for continuing to put himself and everyone else through this. His girlfriend is due to have their baby within the next month. This should be a wonderful time for them but instead we are dealing with this. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I get totally lost. Maybe I sound cold-hearted but I am just so very tired. Thanks for letting me vent. I guess if I didn't love him so much I wouldn't have all these feelings tearing me up. But I would never let him down for anything. Sometimes he just makes it hard to go on. I wonder if any of you feel this way or if I am just finally going over the edge. But anyway, good luck to all of you with your kids.

Barbara
08-28-2003, 12:41 AM
Jerri
We all get tired of this kind of life you are not alone believe me. I think some of our children just march to a different drum you know what I mean? Have you noticed how many of our babies are described as being loving, easy going, kind, considerate just the perfect kind of person. Makes you wonder doesnít it? Love Barb

Valerie
08-28-2003, 12:50 AM
Jerri I am going through a similiar situation and it's just so hard to understand our kids and why they do the things they do. We can just pray that some day they "get it". I hope all these things that we are going through now will make us stronger. We are not alone in this and at least we have PTO to share. I'm sorry your having a hard time.

Northwest Mom
08-28-2003, 01:36 AM
I don't think you sound cold -hearted at all! It sounds to me like you are a mom who really loves her son just like the rest of us. I gave up on the anger, it didn't get me anywhere, and I just kept loving. I'm much better at that :)

We are all right here with you and we understand. And we won't let you go over the edge! We're here to catch you!

Hugs!

blfox123
08-28-2003, 06:38 AM
Jerri, I have felt the same way. It takes time to get over the anger. There were times when I just wanted to scream at my son and really dump on him!. But you know what? It would have made him feel bad for a while, then it would have just gone over his head. He has a wife and a son, and his son has grown up without him. You are right, they not only hurt themsleves, but everyone who loves them.

Emeraldeyez
08-28-2003, 06:57 AM
I love reading what everyone posts. I see myself in all of yous. I think i went thru every emotion there was and then some. I was angry and embarassed for a very long time. But u know what why should i be. He is the one that has to live in prison not me. He is the one suffering. I cry everytime he calls. I love my son with everything i am. He made some dumb choices in life , hopefully he learned from his mistakes. He has 10 months left to serve then he wants his dad and i come and get him and take him home to NJ. I believe everything happens for a reason. This whole experience has made me stronger and brought me closer to my son. I can't wait til he is released. This is going to be the longest 10 months ever. He is now working outside the gate so i know he must be feeling somewhat human again .

asmith5240
08-28-2003, 08:16 AM
I know that I have been very angry at my son for what he has done to himself and our entire family. I let him know often how hurt we are and frustrated we are with the choices he makes. But I also let him know how much we love him. I think it is important that our children understand how their actions impact others. My emotions change everyday. Today I'm angry and tomorrow I'll be sad. Who knows what the following days will bring. Somedays I can hardly take it.

paw79
08-28-2003, 04:04 PM
Jerri,
As you can see you are not alone with your feelings. We all get tired and angry with our children. I know at times I am at my wits ends with him all the empty promises that he will do better. I know he thinks he means it just can't get around to doing it! Pam

jerri
08-29-2003, 12:52 AM
You are all so great. I really thought I was terrible for being so angry. I guess we're just human and we can't control the world. I just don't understand how things turn out like this. You have this beautiflul baby and so many hopes and dreams for their life. You do all you can and the best you can. Why isn't it enough? Why is everything so wrong? I guess I will never know. I want to say thanks to you all, though. I don't really have anyone here to talk to about this and when I try people just say I'm sorry and it will be alright. But you know, it's not alright. I have to watch myself sometimes because it would be so easy just to do something stupid. I don't drink or anything but i sometimes think I sure would like an escape. Sometimes permanently. i just have to trust God and try to be stronger. I guess we all do. I guess that's why we're all on this site. Well, thanks again. I hope I can help you guys out someday. I hope we all can find a little peace along this road.

Valerie
08-29-2003, 01:19 AM
Jerri your not terrible at all for being angry.I go through so many emotions and for me, I'd rather be angry than sad at least now and then.It's the sad part that I just can't stand.We will all get through this together. Just keep coming to PTO and vent cause it really does help.Tonight I'm angry!

Barbara
08-29-2003, 01:20 AM
Jerri you can always come here and talk to us and know that we will always care. You scare me a little when you speak of escape that is not the answer. Our heartache will never be all right but it does lessen as time goes by. We find the good things to concentrate on rather than the sad things. We will grow from our children just as they will grow from us, they need us so please donít look toward an escape look toward a better future. Love Barb

Northwest Mom
08-29-2003, 03:21 AM
Hi Jerri! We are all here for you and we all understand how you feel. Lean on us and we will all get through this together!

Hugs!

paw79
08-29-2003, 05:17 AM
Jerri,
Whta part of Pa maybe we are near each other? Pam

chickie
08-29-2003, 06:42 PM
Hey there Pa people! Where are you all located? I'm right outside Harrisburg. My daugther is in Cambridge Springs which is about 30 miles outside Eire. It's a long trip but we do it once a month just for her. Escape crossed my mind also - but there is no escape. It's not worth the risk. Keep writing letters, keep the collect phone calls going, and visit when you can. You will be surprised at how fast the time goes. I am. I'm still very angry. It's a lot like griving. Not hateful anger. My heart hurts from missing her so. We are here for one another. We all have a different story to tell, but the outcome is the same.....Our child is in prison....... Jeannette

paw79
08-29-2003, 07:16 PM
Jeannette,
I live near Hershey. So are we close or do you live the other end of Harrisburg. Pam

AnnieDee
08-30-2003, 09:42 AM
Hello Everyone

I also have a son in Gowanda Prison. I have posted several times, but I cannot find my post anywhere and I don't know if anyone can see them because I have not recieved any response from anyone. Can someone please help me. I hve been to the help site and I have emailed the administrator.
I would like to get this solved so that I may participate on this site. Please Help -Thank You all

chickie
08-30-2003, 10:01 AM
Pam, We are close. I live in Enola, the other side of Harrisburg from Hershey. Where is your baby in prison at? Jeannette

paw79
08-30-2003, 10:34 AM
I know where Enola is so not to far from me. My baby is in Lebanon country jail right now for 3 to 6 months for a PV then we have to wait and see what happens on his open charges. Pam

Barbara
08-30-2003, 11:19 AM
Hi AnnieDee and welcome to PTO. I am the Mod here and I would be glad to help you anyway I can. I just did a check on what you have posted and I don't find anything but this one post here. When you posted were you starting a new thread? or were you responding to someone else's thread? I you would like to start a thread of your own you have to click on Post a TOPIC in the forum that you would like to be in. Why don't you try it again and I will watch for you. If you have any questions just send me a PM and I will try to help you. Love Barbara

jerri
08-31-2003, 01:03 AM
Pam, I live about 45 minutes east of Pittsburgh. I live in a rural area near some ski resorts. I'm about 3 or 4 hours away from you. I can't remember who said they live in Enola, but that's where I bought my dog and that is about 4 hours from my home. Again, thanks to everyone. I really don't know how I would cope if I couldn't come on here and talk to you guys. I know it sounds kind of strange, but I actually feel a closeness with you all. I guess because we're all in this crummy place at the same time. I talked to my son tonight and he wasn't in a very good mood. Maybe because today was my birthday and Sunday is his. I have only had one birthday with him in the last 6 years and that was last year. I know some of you have not even had that and I'm sorry. We'll just all pray together and that will make this more bearable I guess. Peace.

asmith5240
08-31-2003, 10:22 AM
I was wondering if any of you have othrer children, other than the one that is incarcerated? I feel so guilty about the amount of time I dedicate to my son who is in prision versus the time I dedicate toward my daughter. Both of my children are adults but I know that my daughter could still use some of my attention. It seems that whenever I talk to my daughter we always end up talking aboout her brother. This incident has consumed our family and I feel like my daughter may got lost in all the mess.

paw79
08-31-2003, 03:44 PM
Jerri,
Happy Birthday!!! I hope you had a great day no matter what! I am not looking forward to the holidays this year and Dec will be real tough as It is my sons birthday and his daughter birthday and Christmas. I know we all will try to make the best of it we have each other! Pam

joshsdad
08-31-2003, 07:04 PM
hi ever body i am joshsdad my son is in prison in kilby prision in alabama. only in eight days today

joshsdad
08-31-2003, 07:07 PM
i have other children...
having a child in prision is very time comsuming

Valerie
08-31-2003, 07:43 PM
Happy be-lated Birthday Jerri!

Alison,I know what you mean! It seems like all one's concious efforts are spent on the one thats in trouble,at least it's that way for me.

Joshsdad, welcome to pto and welcome to the "do you have a son or dauhter in prison" thread. As you can see, your not alone.I'm glad you found us.

jerri
09-01-2003, 12:40 AM
Hi Joshsdad! I'm pretty new here too but I can tell you that you will sure get alot of support here. It's not easy but everyone here knows what you're going through. Just keep on writing. We're listening. Thanks to you guys for the happy birthday wishes. Maybe next year it will be better.

paw79
09-01-2003, 10:06 AM
Joshdads,
Welcome it is hard isn't it. I am not doing to ggod this week. Sometimes I don't even want to think about it and hope it is a bad dream and will wake up soon! Pam

joshsdad
09-01-2003, 04:17 PM
thanks for the warm welcome and the support
i need all i can get

joshsdad

janicel
09-02-2003, 06:00 PM
WELCOME JOSHSDAD. I KNOW JUST LIKE ALL THE REST OF US HOW HARD IT IS TO HAVE A SON OR DAUGHTER IN PRISON BUT WE MUST STAND TALL AND GIVE THEM THE STRENTH TO GO ON WRITE ALL THE TIME AND IM SURE YOUR SON WILL CALL YOU , BE THERE FOR HIM HE NEEDS YOU JANICE

paw79
09-02-2003, 06:06 PM
I have other children and for the last several years it seems like all my time is taken up by the one in jail. It seems everything involves around him. I am trying to make that less so whether that be wrong or right it is just something i need to do. Pam