View Full Version : "I got Flowers Today" A Poem To All Women!


211z GurLL
08-09-2004, 10:11 PM
I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)

I got flowers today!
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didnít mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
It wasnít our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all overóbut I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didnít hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldnít go to work today because I didnít want anyone to knowóbut I know heís sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Motherís Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
Iím afraid of him, but Iím too scared and dependent to leave him! But he must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers todayÖ.
Today was a special dayóit was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Womenís Shelter, but I didnít ask for their help;
So I got flowers todayófor the last time.

Oscar714
08-09-2004, 11:24 PM
Thank you for that poem......... I had goosbumps while reading it and my heart sunk, literally, at : I got flowers today. Today was a special day- it was the day of my funeral. I recently called 911 after a brutal experience with my husband for which he is now serving time . It took a lot of "flowers" for me to get to the place within myself that I would face the fact that "flowers don't mean sorry" I am at a loss for words......... reading this poem has made me really joyous that I made that call, even though it has resulted in his incarceration, but he is doing well and getting healthy, inside and out. I really encourage any women who read this and see themselves.....God will guide you in your situation, the courage to leave is within you. Don't accept "flowers" for sorry's. Real repentance means being sorry enough to change. (Not to buy the bigger bouquet next time)......and like the poem goes, not all of us are fortunate enough to have a "next time".

Thanks again 211z GurLL

Phil in Paris
08-10-2004, 12:08 AM
211z GurLL

Thanks so much for sharing this poem. I'm now speechless, it's so sad and heartbreaking. :(

Thank you again.
Phil

Kyla
08-10-2004, 12:11 AM
That has left me speechless and silent, that was so powerful. Thanks for posting that, it really reaches out... thankyou.

JustLisa
08-10-2004, 12:14 AM
Wow.. that gave me chills reading it.. I am blessed to have never been in a physically abusive relationship.. I pray for all the women and children and men who are in these relationships.....
Thanks for sharing the poem..

francis
08-10-2004, 03:22 AM
that broke my heart...i saw the end comming..i didn't want to finish reading..because i knew..

my hopes and prayers go out to all who need help in an abusive relationship

mrsdragoness
08-10-2004, 05:24 AM
I've seen this before. My name could be on that poem except that I didn't have to die before the beatings stopped.. lucky for me (and the child I was carrying) he stopped when he put me in a coma.

Unfortunately, as powerful as this poem is, women STILL go back to their abusive husbands after reading it. I've seen it in shelters where I've spoken to groups of women, attended a few funerals of a couple of them later.

Thank you for sharing. If posting this leads even just ONE woman to getting help, you can take pride in that you have saved a life!

mrsd

rottn
08-10-2004, 06:50 PM
This could have been any number of women I know..and a couple I did know. I'm crying like a baby right now.

Sunnie
08-10-2004, 09:44 PM
Thanks for sharing this. I am speechless :(

praizewarrior
08-10-2004, 09:48 PM
Isadora,
I hope you read this!

sweetpea
08-11-2004, 10:43 AM
Wow, thank you for sharing that with us. I have never been in this situtation, but this poem really gave me goosebumps...I cant even imagine being in these shoes of the woman in the poem. :o

westybosm
08-11-2004, 10:55 AM
oh my God, this poem brang tears to my eyes.

FLACOYBABYGIRL
08-13-2004, 04:16 PM
I have had a terrible week and just today I started to think if it was right that I put a Restraining order on my ex-husband. I starting feeling bad I don't know why. In reading this I now know that what I did was right if not for my sake for my kids sake cuz they are the ones that need me. Thank you so much for sharing this poem.

Reikimom
08-14-2004, 03:55 AM
OMG :cry: :nospeak: :broken:

Retired-10
08-16-2004, 09:42 PM
I have a version of that poem framed and hanging in my office!

Teardrop
08-17-2004, 11:06 AM
That is a wonderful poem, it brought tears to my eyes. Especially the part that says that the long sleaves and make up could not cover up the bruises and I couldn't go to work. So many sad memories... Thank you for posting it.

spyda
08-29-2004, 10:22 PM
Thanks for sharing this with every1!

As terrible as this poem sounds, we are the only way that things will change. We have to take control of our lives ladies! The 1st step might be just talking with a friend or relative, and the next might save your life.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all that might be hurting tonight! Many blessings!

Isadora
09-11-2004, 10:56 PM
Well praizewarrior I did read this. And do you know what? I got flowers last night FOR REAL! They were green and white because he said he knows green is my favorite color. Isn't that sweet? Now today we had another argument and it's 1 am and I can't find him. I'm at work, I called home to tell him I was working over, all I got was the answering machine. Then I called his cell phone, and all I got was the voicemail. This is not like him. Usually if I am not home on time he is all worried and calls me to see what's up. Well anyway that was a scary poem.

praizewarrior
09-12-2004, 09:48 AM
Isadora,
I so hope all is well with you. I have been praying for you and your husband and that His will is manifested in both of your lives. Please feel free to pm me anytime you need to talk.

angel26719
11-15-2004, 11:44 PM
i know the feeling cause i am in a abusive relationship right now my bf has been in and out of jail for domestic violence and i go back to him all the time cause i dont have self estemm im use ot him saying im stupid and dumb and hitting me i dont konw what to do some days and when he drinks its worse he has a mental illness he has thought disorder and something called with exploisvie disorder where he can get mad at a drop of a hat somedays im afraid of him others i dont care any more \
kathy

queenmae2u
11-15-2004, 11:57 PM
Wow how sad.........but very very true. Women misunderstand the guilty gifts and think that it IS ok to stay and will only get better. It also happens to males. Sometimes it's too late and they should had left a long time ago, when the first signs starting showing. I'm glad I left my husband before it reached this point. He was already threatening and if it wasn't for Rick, I would still be in my same situation, scared to leave and just take it, like a fool.:(

queenmae2u
11-16-2004, 09:31 PM
I would like to add this to the poem thread for some readers to see some of the signs of a batterer. I hope it may help atleast one person or someone that you may know, God bless.....

LIST OF WARNING SIGNS HELPS WOMAN RECOGNIZE ABUSER

DEAR ABBY: In 1996, in memory of a 19-year-old battered woman who was murdered by her boyfriend, you printed an item requested by her family. It changed my life. On March 29 of that year, my dad said, "I have something for you," and handed me your column. It contained a list of 15 warning signs of a batterer. It was my wake-up call.

At first I thought, "How can this help ME?" Well, it did. No. 1 took me back to the beginning of my relationship with my fiance. By the time I reached No. 15, I had reviewed the past seven years of my life.

Few realize how important a role verbal abuse and criticism play in an abuser's efforts to gain control and keep you from leaving. The verbal abuse was harder for me to deal with than being kicked in the back when I'd walk away from one of his outbursts.

After reading that column, I finally understood there was nothing I could change about myself that would make him love me. Thank you, Abby. I wish I could let the family of the 19-year-old woman know they changed my life. -- GRATEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: People often ask if I ever hear from readers letting me know how my columns have affected them. The answer is yes, and today I'll reprint that list in YOUR honor.

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or, "I didn't really mean it."

beenthere2x
01-18-2005, 08:19 AM
Hi, I dont really like to talk about this alot but if it can help anyone then so be it. I was in a relationship with a man that started in 6/99. It was good and bad. During one of the bad moments I met another man who was my bf friend and intervined during a phsycal fight. We started to talk and in time I left my bf for the friend. WHAT A MISTAKE! He was very abusive and could control me just by looking at me. I had him locked up a number of times for DV. He rearended me @ 50 miles an hour while I was trying to et away from him, another for kiddnaping me at knife point, and other times for "just smacking me around". Well as dumb as I was I always went back. During the knife thing while he was locked up I went back to my ex and as luck would have we both got locked up on drug charges. While in, I made contact with the "boyfriend" so that he would take care of my stuff when he got out in a matter of days, and that he did, he sold so much of my stuff. Well it was just material, right? Well my guy got 3Ĺ years and I got out, and like afool went back. With the understanding that if I was hit again I wuld leave this time for good! Well it didnt take lone and he was at it again. So i packed everythng in my car and left. I went to a bar to have a drink and try to figure out what to do adn he was there. I seen him leave but didnt see him come back in. I was alone at that bar and an old friend from years back called me over, I didnt dare go. My "boyfriend" came up and wanted a ride and I said no. he waited till closeing and with the owners help got me out side. When I wouldnt let him in the car he held the car door closed and wouldnt let me in either. As we argued i could see the owner looking and laughing. Then when I didnt expect it he grabed me by both sides of my face and said and I will never forget "YOU WILL NEVER KISS ANOTHER!!!" and bit me. With half my lip hanging he still took me to the hospital and tried in vain to say it was someone else in the parking lot that did it. He went to jail and now to prison. He got 10 years for it, which in my eyes is not nearly enough. I got married a year ago and cried so hard I because I couldnt wear lipstick. I dotn wear it on the norm but that was a special day. I just thank God that I didnt end up loosing my life and that the courts intervined otherwise I have no doubts I wuld either be still "trying " to make it work or be dead!
That is my story take what you want and leave the rest.

lovenomore
01-18-2005, 08:38 AM
What a thread! The poem is great the stories are sad!
Thank you for sharing!

AND beenthere2x thanks as well... I hope these stories help someone!

queenmae2u
01-18-2005, 09:11 AM
WOW, Beenthere2x, I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I wish you the best of luck for a wonderful future. (((Hugs))) Karla

WVdaddy
01-26-2005, 05:05 PM
I have two daughters one 22 and the other 26. The 22 y/o has been abused by several boyfriends,the worst was the one that punched her in the stomach when she thought she was pregnant. This same (so called man) also inticed her into stealing a prescription pad from a dentist office so he could go on a forgery spree to get the drug Oxycontin. When she was caught she bore the full brunt of the charges and is now serving time in state prision because she wouldn't implacate him in the crime. I guess there is all kinds of justice in this world though. Just before this past Thanksgiving he supposedly was so wrought with guilt because of her being in prision the he blew his own brains out. I found out later though that his ripped off a drug dealer and was so scared of the dealer killing him that he did it himself (one of the few things he ever did right). My 26 y/o pld is married to one of the most useless men I have ever known. The man is 30 years old and has not worked a total of 6 months his entire life. Over the past 6 or 7 months the DV between him and my daughter had escalated to the point that I am afraid for her and my grandchildrens lives. He has been arrested about 4 times in the past 6 months but the court system keeps letting him out and my appearently near brain dead daughter(jk) keeps taking him back because he swears to never do it again. I've talked to her time and time again about his problem but she believes that he will change. Any advice On what I might be able to say to her to get her to wake up and smell the coffee would be greatly appreciated. As for myself I don't understand why a man feels that it is neccesary to beat the woman he supposedly loves. Not once did I ever strike thier mother or them for that matter.

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY
02-03-2005, 12:28 PM
Ohhh...that poem sent chills running throughout my entire body-what a poem...im speechless...

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY
02-03-2005, 12:35 PM
WVdaddy-IM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE DRAMA YOUR DAUGHTERS HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH DUE TO THIER B/F, HUSBAND. THIER ARE HELP LINES OUT THIER THAT YOUR (MARRIED) DAUGHTER MIGHT WANT TO CALL-THE WOMEN HAVE ALL BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATIONS AND CAN HELP HER 2 UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON-AND THEY CAN HELP HER GET OUT BEFORE ITS TO LATE. SHE IS LUCKY TO HAVE A MOMMA WHO IS AS CARING AS YOURSELF-SOME WOMEN DONT HAVE THAT IN THIER LIVES, AND DUE TO THAT THEY CAN FEEL "STUCK" OR EVEN HELPLESS. IM GOING TO LOOK UP SOME WEB-SITES 4 U, AND ILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THIS ONE-UNTIL THEN...

CRAZY4ALBERT
02-04-2005, 06:24 AM
That is such a beautiful, but sad, poem.........

CG119
03-07-2005, 04:18 PM
Wow, that poem hit me hard. I am currently leaving that kind of relationship right now. I have been with my bf for 4 yrs and have been dealing with the abuse for about 3 yrs. After the second attack I had had it. I now have a restraining order on him and I am sooo relieved. I have 2 kids and as hard as it is I am on my own. My thought is I don't want my daughter to think its ok to let some one beat and verbaly abuse her and I don't want my son to think is ok to treat a woman like that. For all the woman who are going throuh this, I pray for you.

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY
03-11-2005, 03:50 PM
U Have All Been Through Soo Much Drama...my Hugs And Prayers Go Out To U All!

richie'sgirl
03-12-2005, 10:24 AM
Growing up I believed women who stayed in violent relationship's were either stupid or insane,until I turned 17 and found myself in their shoes and I felt the same fear that all victim's do,I finally understood why they stay.

Official figures say women usually endure an average of 35 beatings before they find the courage to leave for good.

My ex spent a long time wearing me down with emotional abuse first to the point I was grateful to him for everything,simply because I was stupid,fat,useless,ugly,nobody would want me,all the things they want us to believe.From then he could do whatever he wanted and boy was he good,he even had my family believing he was the victim in all of it.

I got beaten for smiling at someone,or wanting to get a job,he never let me out of his sight 24/7 for a 7 year period.We lived in one room of a shared house for 7 years and he never let me speak to anyone else unless he was there,if I cooked,he sat in the kitchen with me.
I had 7 miscarriages because he wouldn't let me have birth control,but would beat me as soon as I got pregnant,for me it came to a head when he was becoming sexually violent and threatening to slit my throat during sex.
Suddenly the light finally went on in my head and I knew that I was better than that,I'd done nothing to deserve his violence and he was sick.

I recruited the help of a mutual friend(his boss),who herself had escaped a violent marriage,she found me a home across the country from him and I started my life over again.

It's been 10 year's since I escaped him and I am grateful for the life I have now.

It's all very well resources being made available to victim's of domestic violence,but by the time help is needed,the victim has usually been brainwashed in some way so they think either they are to blame for their partner's outburst's,or that things will get better,but they don't.

I wish I'd listened to my dad,he alway's told me,if a man hits you once,he will do it again,get out the first time.

Thankyou for posting the poem,I'd read it before,but it's alway's good to bring these subject's to people's attention.

fraulein
04-22-2005, 03:56 PM
I got this poem in an email.. from my (extremely abusive) exhusband's new wife!

I wrote her back asking her straight up, WTF?... i think hse needsa building to fall on her head... and she knows how it was for he and i .. and she isnt some young twit, either, but a mature woman that should see the obvious... well now that he's hittin the sauce again.... I guess I can say a prayer for her, too.

dolphina
04-25-2005, 05:46 PM
Excellent poem!! Thank you for sharing

JuJuBean
05-20-2005, 05:44 PM
I used to work at a battered women's shelter. There is more truth than poetry to that poem.

Thank you for posting this.

inlifesshadow
06-11-2005, 01:24 AM
i am that person...in the poem... i was 15 when i got married. I had nothing, i was on the streets alone and broke. when i met him it seemed a godsend, he opened doors, made sure i had food and a roof over my head. flowers everyday and a proposal over a microphone at a pooldeck spring break party in front of hundreds of people.he had a house a car and a good job and so i said yes... he had told me he had hit his x wife one time because she tried to hit him with a frying pan. i believed it all, then we got married...
i found out his house was his friends that was away for 6 months. he had broken in and made a spare key. Same with the car, and his job was nothing more than running a gocart track for 5.15 and hr. the first time he ever put his hands on me was after i had found us a house and he was upset that he "failed" me.... so he through me accross a room and i hit my head on a lawnmowerblade. that kind of pushing shoving went on for about a month before he got drunk and wiped a parking lot clean with my face untill his best friend stopped him. after that it was like clockwork... every other night... a punch in the face...etc. then one night i guess i was talking in my sleep and i woke up to him punching me because i had said something about missing sombody.... of course then i had to stay up untill he feel asleep which was sometimes 2 or 3 days.once we moved to miami everything was ok again. no fighting no abuse nothing ... untill he lost his job.i remember waking up one night to him ranting about me cheating on himand being held against a wall for three hours with his thumbs pressed into my throat untill i was uncontious.well the same guy who stopped him before moved down with us and once again stopped him from killing me. 2 days later he was in jail for a year... when he got out. he found me and i went back... i was only 17 then and was still under the he does it cause he loves me and its all my fault cloud.we moved to CT 5 months later and he ended up paying somewomen to jump me. CT is a womans state so he wouldnt touch me there... untill he got drunk 4 days later and put a 5 inch deap dent in the side of a dryer with my head... so i finally left him. hes back in jail now. the sad thing is ...i still love him.... so hey who knows but for any women out there that are with someone.... love is suposed to feel god .. not hurt, so if he disprespects you in any way... leave dont think you are bad tell him to f... off you are way more meaning full that anything else... good luck

queenmae2u
06-11-2005, 09:49 AM
Wow, inlifesshadow, I am so sorry for the pain you had to endure and very thankful that you're still here to tell us your story. I'm glad that you got out even if you had a broken heart. your life is more important! I wish you the best of luck. Take care, Karla

inlifesshadow
06-11-2005, 01:50 PM
Thank you

Alizentang
08-02-2005, 02:56 PM
this is a very powerful poem, I recieved a copy of it a few years back when I was living in a women's shelter. I kept a cop in my purse for almost a year and every time that I wanted to call him or see him it helped. Thanks for sharing this.

DJB's Wife
09-08-2005, 06:28 PM
This poem hit home for me. I can't wait to share it with my step-mom. She will now understand why she came to my house and found flowers in the garbage. I am so glad that I got out.

If there's anything I can go to help anyone going through dv, please PM me.

bullittgirl
10-04-2005, 12:30 AM
my husband becomes very violent when he drinks.He has two d.v. convictions and a conviction for busting out a cops window, he is currently in jail on a probation violation and heading to chino for an evaulation before sentencing in jan.2006.the last conviction was he made a threat to commit body harm to his mother and she recorded it and turned him in.He has again promised to stop drinking this time for good .he begs me for another chance.i still love him after 12 years of marriage cause i see and know the goods things he is when alcohol doesnt touch his lips.Im financially setup due to a inheratence.He wants me to hire him an arrorney .i dont know what to do .i just know i miss him and his kids are missing him too.zach is 11 years old and julia is 5 .anybody have any thoughts on this ???

TimeTestedLove
10-04-2005, 01:48 AM
That is an eye-opening poem for any woman....for those women who have been subjected to abuse and still question whether they should get out....getting out while you can leave on your own two feet is better than being carried out by six pair of feet....I think this poem needs to be recirculated again via e-mail for someone that may not have seen it ....God be with you all

To bullittgirl: I know his children may miss him...but they will miss you more....also I was always told that you can determine how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother.

When I was in high school there was a poem that I thought was cute but it was also powerpacked with meaning in regard to affairs of the heart...I forgot who the author was but I always remember the poem:

"I placed my hand upon my heart

And swore that we would never part.

:banghead: I wonder what I would have said
If I would have placed it on my head.":idea:

__________________________________________________ _

God is love....We are made in His image....Therefore love is the essence of life....Thus love is that component of creation that determines who we are, what we are and why we are. -TimeTestedLove-

DJB's Wife
10-09-2005, 09:40 AM
Bullittgirl - It's a very difficult decision, I know I lived through it. He can still be a part of the kids lives and not be part of yours. There are some men that change, but it does require counseling and the will to change - much more than saying I will change. Make the decision that is truly best for you and the kids.

nu2this05
10-09-2005, 11:12 AM
it makes me want to cry.....

shell021001
10-09-2005, 04:46 PM
I am printing a copy of this to send to my sister. She just recently left a bad and abusive relationship. He left her alone for the first couple of weeks, but now he is calling 20-50 times a day, he has broken into her apartment twice, and he is stalking her at work. She is afraid to go home to her apartment ( she rents a basement from a friend from work and her family) because she is afraid he will do harm to them. He sent her a dozen long stem red roses to her place of employment earlier this week. She went to talk to the police after he broke into her apartment again yesterday, and they said there was nothing they could do to help her. I'm afraid for her......She is going to try to get a PPO against him tomorrow, but I don't know what kind of concrete evidence they need. She has left him, and he won't leave her alone.

I'm going to send her a copy of this poem, it gave me goosebumps!!

Pray for us!
Michelle

Brent's Mom
10-09-2005, 05:07 PM
That did make me cry and brought back memories of my beloved sister Cynthia who passed away this last jan3rd, but not from a beating altough thru out her marrage thats all she got. She no longer had any self asteam left and set out to distroy herself which she did. Evan after reaching out to her on many occations she still couldn't see the light. So on January 3, 2005 she over dosed on pain medications. I miss her so and wish life could of been better for her. I pray now that she has found her peace that she had looked for so many years. My love will always be with her. Thank you for sharing that poem. I just wish and pray women read and hear it for thier own sakes.

missinmibabe
10-09-2005, 05:17 PM
Wow! that poem sent chills up my spine and gave me flashbacks from memories that ive been trying to bury....my sister is 20 and has been in an abusive relationship for 6 yrs now and i used to see him hitting on her all the time..this poem hits close to home!! very deep.

marj_barrington
10-10-2005, 12:12 AM
thank you for letting me read this poem, its so hard cause i can be that woman in that poem right now, only difference is im still alive, please pray that God helps me and i be given better discernment on what to do, im on a dilemma right now.

harry'sdaughter
10-10-2005, 08:05 AM
how many times
does
something
have to
HAPPEN
to us
before it
OCCURS
to us????

:confused: :banghead: :slap: :cry:
:help: :help: :help: :help: :help:
:help: :help: :help: :help: :help:

ceerose
10-23-2005, 01:13 PM
Hello All,

I was in a very emotionally/verbally abusive relationship with a man I could not find the strength to leave, and I consider myself a very very strong woman with a very high self esteem and I AM STRONG AND I ALWAYS LOVED MYSELF EVEN DURING THE ABUSE. I KNEW IT WAS HIM WHO HAD ISSUES, BUT I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM WITHOUT HURTING HIS CAREER.

It was my love for him that kept me in the relationship for so long. I could see that he was mentally ill and he took his anger and rage out on me for the stupidest things.

We are both in the military and were at the time of the abuse so the first time he tried to get violent, I threatened to turn him into our chain of command if he ever put a bruise on me and at the time I had a look in my eye like, "don't F_ck with me or else" so he believed it. The military would have eaten him alive and he would have lost his "Golden Boy" status so this was a real threat to him.

At the time, I was very fearful inside and I was only bluffing him hard, but I convinced him so he never did hit me. I knew that I could not turn him in because I loved him and I felt like I had to protect him from them because if they knew what he was doing they would take him away and I felt like I could never be happy without him.

He began pushing me around real hard, but made sure I fell on something soft like the couch or bed. It made me so angry I would immediately get up and stare at him and not say a word until he backed down or left me alone, which infuriated him that I NEVER cowered to him. I could always tell he ALWAYS wanted to rip my head off because I was so strong and I did not fear him because he wisely showed restraint from violence even when he was very very drunk which was became an everyday thing.
:angry:

What he could not due in violence, he well made up for it in verbal/emotional abuse. If you think that it cannot physically hurt you, you are so very wrong. If you do not have that sick deep love for your abuser, than maybe the verbal/emotional abuse will not hurt you as much, but I as strong as I was I clinged to every word that came out of his mouth and he cut me to the core on a daily basis. He could see that he hurt me deeply as I would always break down in uncontrollable crying because the pain was so intense. How could someone who you loved so deeply say hateful terrible things just to cause so much intense pain? I never had been with another man and I never ever wanted to be with anyone else. Why did he call me a whore, slut, cunt, bitch...which was well deserved since I stood up to him...I felt like a bitch. He knew that was not me. He also knew he was intently hurting me and I wanted to divorce him. :thumbsup:

He threatened to kill himself if I left him. With his intense outrageous fits he threw over silly stuff, I believed he fit the profile of a man who would take his life if I left him so I stayed....way too long.

Eventually, my body broke down and after each daily episode of abuse, as I was crying myself to sleep, I prayed to God and pleaded with him to make a way for me out of this. I was miles away from family and friends and had just moved back to the States from being overseas she the majority of the intense abuse occurred.

I ended up over the next months with Fibromyalgia which has been one of the most horrible physical conditions to manage. YES, THIS HAPPENED DUE TO THE ABUSE. I started having headaches, tight muscles in my neck and shoulders, that I thought were just stress related. Then my arms started going numb and I had spells of intense fatigue that forced me to fall asleep. He would call me a "worthless piece of shit" as I was passing out from the fatigue because I was not going to be available for a few hours to watch our year old daughter.

By the way, all of the verbal/emotional abuse happened right in front of her with no regard for the fact that I was the mother she loved and adored.

I suffered terrible anxiety attacks and I thought I was having a heart attack and I struggled with depression because I longed for him to see how much I loved him and how I was suffering inside because I did not want to leave him alone. He was my world at the time.

After many bad episodes, he would send me flowers. Although the flowers were beautiful, they represented a time when he was well aware that he had intently hurt me and knew what he was doing was wrong. :angry:

They began to lose their effect and I began to hate the flowers.

He raped me one time the night before I went on a business trip out of town with some coworkers. I tried to get him to stop, but he was very drunk and I am sure he was angry as well, but he was out of his right mind and would not stop so I angrily let him finish, but I hated him for it. I am sure he did not remember. :mad:

Not surprisingly, I got a dozed of the most beautiful roses delivered to my hotel room. I hated those flowers for what they represented. My coworkers could not understand why I hated them since they were so beautiful. I did not bother to tell them, because I had to protect him....right? After all, I loved him to death...right, that is what love and forgiveness is all about righ?....or so I thought at the time.

He made sure he sent them when someone else would be there to see that he was such a wonderful husband was so caring that he sent his wife flowers, "like when I was at work, or when I was at home visiting my Mother" who thought what a nice man he was.

After leaving him over and over I started to develop positive relationships with other men at different times when I left and I learned I could be loved and accepted by someone else who was not so jealous, abusive, controlling, and disrespectful of a woman. I felt empowered to tell him about my male friends I had met so he could know what it felt like to be insecure after someone hurts you and violates your trust. Nothing happened, but I wanted him to feel like I was slipping away and I wanted him to finally accept that one day I would be out of his life for good. :thumbsup:
-
I am in the military and so 85% - 95% of the time, my coworkers or friends are male so this is I do not have to hunt for someone to make him a little jealous so he would snap out of it. He had no reason to feel jealous before he hurt me, but he hurt me and the relationship was controlling and abusive from the first day after we were married. I have pictures of our honeymoon and my face was red with tears from him hurting me and making me cry......He just was not so intense in his anger until 5 years after we were married and he was forced by the he military to live in a cold climate he did to want to live in.....like it was my fault...... :angry:
I had a few female friends before I married him, but he tried to sleep with all of them so I was too insecure to have female friends over to our home, unless they were married and their husbands accompanied them.

I never forgave him, but I wanted to marry him anyway since I was so deeply in love and he was my first.

He eventually got an assignment to Korea and he had to go by himself for a year. I was going to stay with the girls and move to Germany. He was going to move to Germany after he finished his job in Korea.

I divorced him right before he had to go so he could not fight me for custody.

He always threatened to take our 2 daughters from me and ruin my career if I left him.

I am just now after 12 years dealing with the pain, scars, and misery he left behind. :angry:

I am with my RD and hopefully final husband who I believe is my true "soul mate' that I never really knew existed until I met him and we talked. We knew we were meant to be together and it felt so very RIGHT.:thumbsup:

I lived with my abuser for 7 years after the abuse and I had plenty of time to mentally start taking responsibility for my portion of the mistakes we BOTH made in our failed marriage. I discovered "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venous." My boy was ALL MALE and he had no clue how to treat a woman since he was raised with 4 brothers, no sisters, and his mother was aggressive, controlling, and a gossiping busy body in the community. I have no doubt she caused a lot of his problems, or knew about them. I found out years later from him that she sent him to a Psychologist when he was a child because he was too hard to handle at home in his safe environment although he was an "Angel" in school and public.
I WISH I HAD KNOWN THAT:idea: ....BEFORE I MET OR MARRIED HIM.

HE MARRIED A STRONG WOMAN LIKE MOM AND HE TOTALLY REBELLED AND BECAME ABUSIVE TO ME AND WITH NO FATHER AROUND TO STOP THE ABUSE, IT GOT OUT OF HAND.

I WAS TOTALLY UNPREPARED TO HANDLE THIS MAN, BUT I DID ASK GOD FOR HIM:eek: .....BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR AND JUST BECAUSE YOU GET IT, DOES NOT MEAN IT IS GOOD FOR YOU.

My current husband is an educated man and yes, he has the brain to be abusive too, but he choses not to be abusive, and he never has been abusive to his ex wife or his mother who he treats so well. He has a BS in Psychology and a Masters in Social work. I am so proud of him for committing his life to helping children in abusive homes. He has helped convict many abusers and he knows what is inside of this sick ex husbands head and he has educated me so much. :thumbsup:

I have also seen many therapist and I will continue therapy to deal with the trauma of abuse although my husband has been a tremendous help and ALWAYS takes the time to listen to me. It has been 12 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday. When will the pain of losing so much to a very sick man go away? :(

Do they deserve to go to jail when they emotionally abuse?:confused:

My ex has tried his best since our divorce to ruin my career through the "good old boy" system that is till alive and well.:blah:

He remarried quickly to an abusive female who had 3 other kids by 3 different fathers and she instantly took over the relationship with my girls when I had to deploy to Saudi Arabia for four months after 9/11 and treated them like I did not exist. Within two weeks of being in Germany after I left the country she was having my then 11 year old shave her legs and buying her a training bra and she was not ready for it yet. She wanted to be the one to give this first experience to my daughter as a Mommy/Daughter thing and he enjoyed telling me all about the experience on the phone like his new wife was so thoughtful.

I was sickened and u[upset and this was just the beginning of a ton of hurtful things they concocted for me. They moved within 300 yards of us even though I tired to stop it before I returned from Saudi.

Shortly after my return from the desert, he started telling my girls not to listen to me if they did not feel like it. He started having my oldest come to his home after school so I had to go to his house to get her or he would send her home when I got home in an attempt to know when I was coming and going. He told me he could hear my truck when I got home.

I reported the disruptions of my life to my Chaplin and my chain of command and I was given a new job 20 miles away and I was ordered to move away from him.

Fearful of me moving 20 miles away and unable to stop me since I had custody M-F and he only had weekend custody, with his new wife's wholehearted support, he lied his way into getting a German judge to giving him temporary custody of our daughters by painting me as an uncaring unfit mother.....(far from the truth) and telling the Judge that I was moving away from him to minimize his right to be with his kids.

The German Judge did not have a copy of our Oklahoma Agreed Divorce agreement in German and the Judge did not read or speak English so he only did what the my exhusband German Attorney told him and he granted the temporary custody. I moved from him without my daughters and hired my own German attorney to fight the custody. One year later he was allowed to leave the country with my daughters although the German court found me to be a fit parent, the girls had lived with him a year and they refused to decide custody but only granted him the right to leave the country with him so the US courts could decide custody. I picked up my youngest daughter upon advice from an Oklahoma attorney before school started....Their father was not home and in front of witnesses I was physically attacked form step mom who tried to pull my 3 year old out of my arms.I took her back to NC, but he came back from a business trip and hired an Florida Attorney and lied to him and told the Attorney that Germany gave him custody of our daughters when in all actuality the German court only granted him the right to leave the country with the girls until custody could be determined in the US. I already had an approved US custody order from Oklahoma. Florida should have never gotten involved in this case.I cannot live happily without my daughters and the pain of being separated from them is and has been overwhelmingly painful for all of us. My youngest was 3 when he had her taken off of me and it tore her up. He did not care how she felt, he wanted to hurt me. With every visit she had with me her little heart ached when she had to return to his home, no one will hear the voice and words of a small child and I am in tears just thinking about how much she has been hurt by her own father who projects himself to the world as such a loving parent. My oldest remembers the abuse well, but is sickly bonded to her strong, protected loving father who has tried everything in his power to alienate me from my girls. He will not allow phone calls except sometimes when he feels like it. He has refused visitation many times in Germany and nothing was done about it....:angry:

When he came to NC to get my daughter, while he was waiting a day or so to get her, I called him on his cell phone to make arrangements. He was so drunk he put down the phone without hanging up to spite me. I overheard him trying his best to convince a woman to go upstairs with him to his hotel room. I could not believe I had caught him cheating on his new wife while he was out of town to pick up our daughter.

SOME FAMILY MAN HE IS .....BUT SHE DEFINITELY DESERVES HIM WITH HER EVIL HEART. ;)

It has been over 3.5 years, 4 jurisdictions, 4 attorneys later, and I am still fighting for them in a Florida court. I have had an attorney in Florida for 2 years now :( and fortunately for me, my exhusband original attorney has just dropped him a couple of months ago. "Irreconcilable differences' is what she stated in the petition. The Judge granted it and he hired a male attorney who has just taken over the case. :thumbsup:

You want to know why Florida has had so many hurricanes this year? :idea:

I have sent my wrath to Florida and I will continue until they let my little girls go.....:rolleyes: just joking, but that is how my husband and I feel.

My current husband hates the fact that such an abusive man has been able to successfully manipulate the court systems German/American with smoke, mirrors, and lies and is able to raise our daughters after being so terribly abusive to their mother.We pray for JUSTICE in this on going court case......:angry:

I have been in the military for 20 long years :) and I am retiring to heal my mind and body and to focus fully on getting well and fighting for my daughters. I still live in their hearts and they see signs of him abusing his current wife :p and they know he is NOT a good man from what they have seen. My oldest daughter use to think she wanted to marry a man like Daddy, but I told her to open her eyes and realize that is the exact reason why I am divorcing him....so she would not marry someone like him. She has decided since growing up on her own accord that it is very important to find a man who treats you well and does not fight with you, but will be supportive and listen.....like her Step Daddy:thumbsup: :)

Even though like females do....they love their father to death and are fiercely loyal to him:( . I have never done anything to interfere with their relationship with him since he is their father and they deserve some sort of relationship with him separate from my interference. I am convinced he will screw it up all by himself and it is not my place to do anything to destroy it. :p They need to know for a healthy self esteem they are loved by BOTH parents and the are well aware of that despite his vain efforts to destroy our relationship...it has only strengthened it as they see how much of a priority I make them and how hard I WILL continue to fight for them.:thumbsup: They will be having my Grand babies and I love my children....they are our future and we will live forever through them. :)

Unfortunately, the apple does not fall far from the tree....the court must intervene.....and minimize give them back to me so we can re balance the relationship and he HAS TO BE REPRIMANDED FOR THE ACTIONS HE HAS TAKEN AGAINST HIS OWN DAUGHTERS VIA THEIR MOTHER.:angry:

HE MUST BE ORDERED TO GET LONG TERM THERAPY. :idea: :thumbsup:

I AM A WONDERFUL MOTHER AND I LOVE MY DAUGHTERS WITH ALL OF MY HEART. :) THAT IS WHY I LEFT THEIR DAD SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT A WOMAN CANNOT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND SURVIVE FOR THE SAKE OF THE GIRLS. A MOTHER MUST LEAVE HER ABUSER TO SEND THE STRONG MESSAGE TO THE CHILDREN AND LET THEM KNOW THAT THE BEHAVIOR OF THEIR FATHER IS UNACCEPTABLE AND IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX HIMSELF, AND NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY ANYMORE. :thumbsup:
IF HE TRULY LOVED HIS DAUGHTERS HE WOULD LOVE THEIR MOTHER WHETHER WE ARE DIVORCED OR NOT AND HE NEVER REALLY DID LOVE ME LIKE I LOVED HIM.


I PRAY YOU WILL FIND THE STRENGTH TO LEAVE YOUR ABUSER NOW, IF YOU ARE GETTING FLOWERS. :idea:

IF IT IS NOT POSSIBLE, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, AND RELENTLESSLY FIND A WAY OUT. :thumbsup:

HE WILL CHANGE.....He will get WORSE...:blah: ...and it is only a matter of time before you will wake up and realize you don't deserve to be treated like that, OR YOU WON'T WAKE UP AT ALL:( .

FORCE A CHANGE IN YOUR OWN LIFE AND DO NOT INVOLVE YOU ABUSER IN YOUR PLANS OR DECISION MAKING. ;) :p ;)

Go and see the movie, "SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY"

IT HIT HOME FOR ME....

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WEDDING RING IN THE TOILET FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE....TAKE IT WITH YOU AND WEAR IT UNTIL YOU HAVE HEALED ENOUGH TO LOVE YOURSELF AND INSIST ON BEING TREATED BETTER BY THE NEXT MAN IN YOUR LIFE...YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE....FIND IT INSIDE OF YOURSELF AND SHARE IT WHEN YOU ARE READY.:thumbsup:

LEARN TO FORGIVE AND NOT HATE....HATE WILL CONSUME YOUR ENERGY SPIRIT, AND SOUL, NOT HIS....IT IS SELF ABUSIVE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO HEALING. DON'T WAIT UNTIL A CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED AND YOU ARE IN THE COURT SYSTEM WHICH WILL NOT ALWAYS WORK FOR YOU WHEN YOUR ABUSER IS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND MANIPULATIVE LIKE MINE IS.

HIS MISTAKE WAS HE MARRIED A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT WIFE:p , ...who is just a little too long suffering, stubborn, confused and unwilling to let go until it really really hurt...

Thank God I had a sister who convinced me life without him would be a lot better and that there were other men who would be good to me just like her ND husband was good to her beyond what she believed was possible. :) I longed for a love like that.....;)


DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD AND START LIVING AWAY FROM THE SICK ABUSER AND GET THERAPY TO HEAL FROM THE ABUSE OR IT COULD HAUNT YOUR FOR YEARS LIKE IT IS DOING ME.:o

GOD FINALLY HELPED ME RID MYSELF OF MY OWN DEMONS AND HE STEERED ME IN THE DIRECTION OF A REAL ANGEL, BUT IT WAS AT A VERY HIGH COST WHEN I HELD ONTO THE ABUSIVE ONE SO TIGHT.:(

LEARN THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING, IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.:)

LEARN QUICKLY TO LET GO of OF THE ABUSER and HATE THE FLOWERS FOR WHAT THEY REPRESENT.:idea:

:(
Carla

funnyface09
10-23-2005, 03:38 PM
OMG ceerose! I don't know whether to hug you or give you a 'You go girl'! Your story is heartwrenching, yet encouraging. I am so sorry you went through all of that, and that you are still paying for it with your kids. But I am so amazed that you came out of that not broken, but stronger than ever. When you are put through the fire, you either come out ashes, or unbreakable! I am so happy to hear that you are not ashes. You have hope and strength which is what is getting you through. Without them, you won't make it. So please don't ever give up HOPE! I know your victory is just around the corner!
I hope and pray that some of the other women who are going through this will read your story and feel what I feel, and see what I see. You were worth more than that, and you never lost sight of it. I will hug you anyway! (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) :hifive:
thank you sooooo much for sharing your story. If it helps just ONE woman, it was worth the time and pain it took to share it.

Sherrie

ceerose
10-25-2005, 07:59 PM
OMG ceerose! I don't know whether to hug you or give you a 'You go girl'! Your story is heart wrenching, yet encouraging. I am so sorry you went through all of that, and that you are still paying for it with your kids. But I am so amazed that you came out of that not broken, but stronger than ever. When you are put through the fire, you either come out ashes, or unbreakable! I am so happy to hear that you are not ashes. You have hope and strength which is what is getting you through. Without them, you won't make it. So please don't ever give up HOPE! I know your victory is just around the corner!
I hope and pray that some of the other women who are going through this will read your story and feel what I feel, and see what I see. You were worth more than that, and you never lost sight of it. I will hug you anyway! (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) :hifive:
thank you sooooo much for sharing your story. If it helps just ONE woman, it was worth the time and pain it took to share it.

Sherrie



FunnyFace09,

Thanks so much for the hug....It feels good to have survived so long against the odds with God's gentle hand.

I want others, male or female, to see how bad it can get when they are not being beaten up physically, but being talked too and treated like crap.

I hope to touch someone who is in this situation and encourage them to find a POSITIVE SUPPORTIVE WAY out of the relationship to recapture themselves and remember, "too thine own-self, be true".

Make sure you always are protected from a violent man, no matter how sweet he acts, once violent, always can and will be violent to assert his will....big, big dogs....rotweiler, hand gun with bullets, (get the training and permits, go to defensive training to protect yourself....

Be proactive and don't do like I did and stay in a BAD relationship too long hoping he would see how much I loved him. He knew that and he did not care enough to deserve my love.... d
BECOME ASSERTIVE YOURSELF and stand up for YOURSELF...and leave soon to find your real true love within your own heart....YES, it is there inside of everyone, if you can get rid of the negative thoughts and Begin to relax and smell just how the good flowers with good memories really are.

Good people can and will be so very supportive of you if you open up your heart and let them help you....find someone who will give your sound advice and support without wanting something in return.....I have had a lot of unconditional love from strangers who could feel the pain I was struggling with and put my need to feel safe ahead of their own human needs. They were Angels to me....

Remember, I am in the military and these were not "Complete Strangers" so do not go blindly trusting someone you do not know....they may KILL you so always BE SMART and responsible with your Body.

True love it is given freely from a good heart, feels GREAT and does not have expectations or malice.:idea:

You deserve to put your heart first and leave an abusive relationship so you can heal your mind, soul, and body.... hopefully BEFORE the domestic violence begins and you feel unwanted and unloved......:eek:

We all know the feeling all to well. :(

Music brought me so much healing and understanding through the words of the songs....especially country...I love all music, but some of those old songs like ones from Vince Gill for example, really feel good to hear and feel. The music itself feels so very good, it is cheap, nontoxic, and especially Gospel, it can move the soul and redeem and lift up a broken spirit, if you take the time to listen to what other's have already been through since the beginning of time. Domestic violence and heartbreak is not something new and it has always hurt people.

Please find the courage and make plans today to be true to your heart. If I can find the strength through prayers, U can too.:thumbsup: :D

I wish all of you the best in all things. I want to send you my unconditional love, strength to adapt and overcome, tenacity, and persistence to endure the hard times with a nonjudgmental heart full of love and most of all PEACE and Understanding....U R not alone. :) :) :D :) :)

Remember the "Golden Rule" and when you get out of the relationship and back on your feet ALWAYS pay it forward and help out someone else without judging them for no other reason except it is the "Right thing to do".

Thanks again FunnyFace09 for the hug....your support feels good and I can tell, You are the Best. Take Care and I send you much love from a Good Spirit.

Carla

California Sunshine
10-28-2005, 10:00 PM
Carla I just had to come in and give you huge hugs after reading your story.How awful for you :( I am so sorry! (((HUGS)))

ceerose
10-29-2005, 02:11 PM
Carla I just had to come in and give you huge hugs after reading your story.How awful for you :( I am so sorry! (((HUGS)))

California Sunshine,

I appreciate your caring.....thanks:)

Carla

laura66a
11-06-2005, 08:09 PM
This was the first posting I have read that made me cry. I knew a lot of physically abused women inside. If there is anything I have to be thankful for about myself, it is that I was not one of them.

bullittgirl
12-12-2005, 10:40 PM
Thanks to all of you. I am so pleased and proud to of found a place, with so many caring,loving people.Bullittgirl

Tia1223
12-13-2005, 04:00 PM
I had to get the tissues when I started reading this one.

Things will never change until our society starts asking "why does he hit?" instead of "why does she stay?".

Thank you for the powerful message.

Winnifer
12-14-2005, 07:56 PM
Will they ever change? We love them so much because they are so charming at first. We can never seem to forget how we were swept off our feet in the beginning, but we always forget how brutally we have been beaten by them.

moon_star
12-21-2005, 06:42 PM
you know i will not judge ....been there done that..........id rather have weeds from someone who loves me than roses from someone who beats me....

mommatifferz
12-31-2005, 04:26 PM
I am in that situation right now. i am a young mother and have two kids. I am currently living with my mom and step dad. I sometimes dont know rather i should take him back or just move on. we have been together 3years and have a 2 year old and a 5month old. He says he is getting help and is going to change and he wants to be a family? but i still have that fear. He wont be out til April of 2007. I leave everything to god now. All i have is hope and faith that we can be a happy family again. That poem opened up to me alot. I have been through domestic violence all my life with my parents. And it sucks. I dont want my kids to go through it. I want them to have a life and be happy. and loved. thanks for that poem it helped me out alot.

Morrigan68
12-31-2005, 06:42 PM
mommatifferz -

Welcome to PTO - I'm so happy you found us :)

He "says" he is getting help? How exactly is he getting help? At least for your children's sake, make him prove it.

MamaSheila
01-12-2006, 06:50 PM
Thank you for sharing that poem with us. It has really given me something to think about and also to thank God again for helping me out of my very abusive relationship. It was so bad, i often thought, this is it, this time, he's going to kill me for sure. Any more time with him, and it wouldn't have been long, i would've been dead. And the funny thing is, i was so attracted to him in the beginning, even before we dated, by his calm, eas going disposition and patience. Little did i know how he could raise his voice, loud and i mean loud, hit me as hard as he can, say the cruelest, most hateful words in the world. I'm nowhere near 20 years old and this was my first verbal and physically abusive boyfriend i've ever had...AND I PROMISE...MY LAST!!! I will never tolerate a man hitting me and then being sorry for it later, forgiving him in hopes it will stop. Never! If another man ever touches me again...it will be the end, period. No time for sorry's, no more him. There are too many men out there (just like my mother says), and those who attack us, need help. I just hope more of them will get the help that they need. God bless you and all of you who have to/had to endure this abuse in your lives. And, remember, you can be strong, there are people who will help you and your kids or even help him. Please believe me when I say, "If i can do it, you can too!" Thank you for letting me say my :twocents: :rock: :yes: :o

Love, Mama Sheila:o

woundedangel
02-01-2006, 07:40 PM
Thank You for sharing this beautiful poem with us it brought goosebumps to me

JazzyJFL
02-23-2006, 02:53 PM
WOW! I'm speechless right now. This is a wake up call for all women. Thanks for sharing this poem.

germany
03-03-2006, 11:26 AM
omg i love this i my self left after 17 years of this crap and now im carefull with any man scarry

angied2006
03-05-2006, 12:23 PM
I really needed this.My husband is currently in jail for probation violations and DV. He broke my nose.This has been a cycle of abuse since our marriage began.He's always been sorry, just never sorry enough to stop. Can some men change? Yes.Can all? No.If he's willing to hurt you, he's willing to kill you.And all the flowers in the world can't change that.

StarGazerGypsy7
04-03-2006, 11:39 PM
Oh that hits home! I hope its ok to share with others?

bookieworm2000
04-07-2006, 05:12 PM
I have to agree if he is that violent he is not going to change without counseling and anger management courses and the key is he has to want to

BabyDevilsHope
04-08-2006, 04:14 PM
I have read that poem before...it was in our local newspaper. It was put in as a memorial by a woman's mother and father. Her husband had never sent her flowers before...but that day at work he did...she was so excited they say...but when she went home...he beat her almost to death and then shot her point blank in the head in front of their kid...
This poem is true..and anyone who is in that situation that you get beat and they say they are sorry, it won't happen again. That is BULLS*#@ they will. Leave them, no matter what, leave them...someone WILL help you.
You are not alone...

lostsugarbaby54
04-13-2006, 01:49 AM
That poem was so sad and so very real. I too am married to an abuser. I was married when I was 15 yrs old and had 4 kids by the time I was 18 two of them were my husband's and two were ours together. He was the best man but he could be verbally abusive but never anything physical. He died 12 yrs ago leaving me with kids ranging from 17yrs to 10yrs old.
I had never worked I was just a housewife and didn't even finish high school. Anyway this story is leading to how I came to be where I am. My next husband actually knew my husband so it was easy to form a friendship and then become lovers and so on. He was cool until we married and then the abuse started. He assaulted and raped me and was put on probation, was out of jail not even six months when he blacked my eye so bad that my eye socket was cracked. Well despite his and his mother's pleas not to press charges I just couldn't let it go and it violated his probation and he has to serve a year of prison. He is writing me telling me that he has changed and is taking all the classes he was supposed to take when he got out of jail and how things will be different when he comes home. I don't know what to do. I do love him but I am afraid he will kill me whether accidently or on purpose. I know that they have to want to change how can I tell if he is really sincere and are they capable of changing when this has been a pattern most of his life??? I didn't know he even had a criminal record till the first time he was arrested for DV. I am confused and wondering if anybody beleives that a person can change and find other outlets for their anger besides abuse. Confused in KY

KUTEKOOKIE30
05-09-2006, 03:03 PM
what a sad beautiful poem. it brings me to tears to think of all the women out there who are too afraid to walk away and demand to deserve more. ( my sister was almost taken from me in that horrible way) two little words have so much power.HELP ME!

Lady_J
10-23-2006, 01:03 PM
"I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again!"

That is the catch phrase of the abuser. God knows, I heard it enough times. Please, those of you out there who hear this all the time, don't believe it. It will happen again. And again. It will only get worse. I have never heard of a case where it got better.

I too thought growing up that any woman who stayed with a man who hit her was stupid and/or crazy. Then I found myself in that situation. When I was 15 I started dating my son's father. Things weren't perfect. They never are. But he didn't get violent for a long time. We would argue, sometimes loudly. When I was 17 he started getting violent with me. Ironically, this was just about the time I got pregnant.

To set things strait, he was never very stable. He had severe emotional issues due to a child hood filled with physical and sexual violence visited on him by his stepfather. He spent time in a children's mental institute before I met him because his mother couldn't handle him anymore. I guess I thought if someone would just stand by him no matter what, that would be what he needed to get better. I tried. It was never enough. I ended up under his thumb.

Around the time that the beatings started, his abuser from his childhood was getting out of prison. I somehow convinced myself that the violence was do to that stress. (I have since learned violence has always been his answer to everything) I tried to be there for him through his hard times.

He would fly off the handle over tiny things, I can't even really remember what would set him off. I could swear that he was 2 different people. He held a knife to my throat many times, and choked me till I passed out more than once. I remember once he had a knife to my throat, I wrestled it from him, and he looked at me with the knife and said "you pulling a knife on me bitch!" and started choking me. I think that was the first time I hit him back. I socked him in the jaw to get him to release me. That punch was the only swing I took, I didn't want to enrage him further. That fight started in the kitchen (in front of his cousins who were to afraid of him to help me) and ended with me fetal in the drive way. When I got up I told him it was over and started to walk away, telling him I was afriad of him. He coaxed me back into reach to get my glasses (I am nearly blind without them) and when I got in reach he beat me down again.

I did not fight back again until one day a month later at my mother's house he asked me what I would do if he punched me in the stomach (I was pregnant at the time). When he didn't like my answer he slapped me. That resulted in a fist fight which he ended up running from (turns out he wants a victim who won't fight back) I threw him out that day, but foolishly took him back when he tried to kill himself. (that was what he usually did when I was going to leave)

Finally, when my son was a month old, he held me, his aunt, and his grandmother hostage at knife point in his grandmother's home, threatening to kill anyone who called the police while he raged at us. That night, he stabbed himself in the chest, threw knives at the police, and threatened each and everyone there with a knife. He spent a year in jail, and while he was there, I left him and have never looked back.

I will never, ever let anyone treat me like that again. I guard my independance vigorously. Sometimes a little too vigorously. I have some trouble compromising. I have gotten better, but still need to work on finding that happy medium.

It took me a long time to get my self confidence back. It took good friends, time, patience, and music to get me there. Yes, I said music. It may not help everyone, but it helps me. I was, and still am filled with rage over what I allowed to happen to myself. Especially when I am witness to abuse. I will never stand by idly when I see it.

I know I didn't have it as bad as some women. I got out of the relationship faster than is normal. He never completely crushed my spirit. I was not abused very long (about a year of physical), but I have no dought that if it had continued, I would be dead, as well as my son. As I look over at my 8 year old son, I marvel at how much better off we both are. Thank god that year in jail gave me enough time to start thinking for myself again.

I usually try not to think about that dark time in my life. But it comes up from time to time. And sometimes I just have to tell my story. Yeah, This is kinda long winded, sorry 'bout that.

I guess I will close with what I started out trying to say. The "I'm sorry."s and the "It will never happen again."'s.... they are standard. He may believe it when he says it, but it will happen again if you let it. So either stand up and fight back (not if it will only make it worse) or get out.


She's just a woman. NEVER AGAIN!

aandtpa
10-24-2006, 12:50 PM
I met my b/f in June of 04. I was attracted to him. It was only suppose to be sex. He was staying at a halfway house (I don't know for how long) waiting for his home plan to be approved. He was in a relationship with his son's mother. She lived about 6 hours away and would come to our city once every month. They were not in a relationship while he was incarcerated for three years. But they decided to work on things. Then there was me. I was ok with just being the sex partner because the sex was good and I had not been in a serious relationship for 14 years after my five year marriage was over. He would tell me that they were having problems but I did not believe him because I figured he was trying to give me a false hope when I did not want a relationship. She came to visit a total of three times so I guess after three months I had started to have feelings. I mean I would pick him up from work and drive him to the halfway house so we could spend time together. When he was allowed time out he would come over in the morning and cook and we would really have a wonderful time. Three months in I decided that I could not handle being the other women and wanted to end the relationship. And he stated that he was feeling the same way and that he would end the relationship. And just spend time with his son. Well now we are a couple things were great until someone was murdered at the halfway house and the guard told him to go and tell another guard who stopped every one from leaving for their time out. Several days later he believed that the other men were angry with him and that he was not going back. Big problem. I tried to talk him into asking to be relocated to another place and just wait for the houseing. (note the housing people had called his mother's house but his 20 year old sister thought the call was for her and when she found out that it wasn't just asked them to call back. He does not know this to this day.) So he decides to leave and go on the run. He leaves the state for awhile all the time we are still in a relationship. I decided to take a vacation and send for him. (note I only have one child my son) His mother wants him to come home and stay with her. So he returns after our vacation. I always took him to be a jealous person. (Male or female) but looked at it that his son's mother cheated and his mother was a mess. He has had several outburst. I recall the day before Thanksgiving. I had made him upset about something and I went over to help his mother prepare for dinner and he was drunk, high and just a mess. I will take away the drunk because I did not see him take a drink but I did see his mother pass off on the back porch when she tought I was not looking. ( I don't drink or get high) But he was really talking out of his head. I had never seen him so crazy. I got over that. One other time his sister ( the same one) answered the phone while I was at the house. He told her that he was on his way. I was suppose to met him there but since he took so long I decided to leave (not knowing that he had just called to say he was on his way) so he snapped on her and came over to my house upset (I believe that he had been drinking) and he knocked my corn out of my hand and said that I was not paying him any attention or loved him. (he was talking alot of mess). We got over alot of things but on March 19, 2006 is the day that he really lost it. He thought I was cheating on him with my boss ( I think my boss is gay and if you would see him you would to). My boss would bring me home from work and was retiring and selling his house so gave me alot of things that he was not going to take to PR with him. Please note that I was pregant and it was winter. But I did stop the rides when he told me that he could not take the fact that I was riding in the car with this man. My B/f would come to the bus stop and wait for me in the rain, snow or sunshine so I knew that he cared. And have my bath water ready.I worked more hours than he did so he would make sure the house was clean and have dinner prepared when I got home from work like clock work. But I knew that drugs and him not having the medication was a problem. One day he called me at work and said that he tore up the house looking for his wallet. ( Someone who always kept things neat) At one point I asked him what is the name of the medication he should be taking but he told me nothing. (I guess he did not trust me) I would have gotten the medication because he was still wanted at the time. So back to March 19. I came home and had somethings my boss gave me ( my mother took me home) well I left the things on his side of the bed and took a nap. When he came home he told me that he had gotten robbed ( I believe him he had on a throwback jersey that is worth $500 on at the time) And asked my where did I get the things from and why was that men stuff on his side of the bed. Whatever. He said that he had a headache and was going to get some medication. Six hours later he returned home crazy. Told me I was cheating, that I did not go to work today.(note he called me while I was at work and spoke with me) Called his sister and cursed her out. I decided that I was going to sleep in the room with my son. Well he came in there and stood over me and hit the wall. I had two holes in the wall I could see into the hallway. Took my head and hit the wall. Broke the TV when he tossed it across the room. Broke the TV tray and would not allow my son or I out of the room. I told him I would stay just let my son leave. But he did not. I was so scared. I offered him money he said he did not want it. ( he had gave me money that day and stated that I did not appreciate the things he did) It was a mess. Told me that my brother (whom he has never met) had been the person that robbed him. One of my neighbors called the police he would not allow us to open the door. He said were were all going to die tonight. They kicked the door down and say his arm around my neck. At the time I thought he was choking me but now I don't know. I have been choked before that is why I am having second thoughts. So as you guess he went to jail. For DV and for being on the run. HE would write and call saying that he was sorry and that he did not remember. I would not write back I was four months pregant with his child. After my daughter was born I decide to let him know that she was born and the name I had given her. ( At first I was not going to let him know anything) I just decided to let him back in my heart three months ago. The letters and the love I have for him caused me to try to understand instead of condem. He had a couple of mental health evaluations they could not proceed with the case three times because he was not able to help in his defense. I met him while he was on his meds. And I have dealt with him while he is not ( that scares the hell out of me) When he is nice he is so kind and loving. But then there is the side that causes me to wonder who he is and why do I love this man. Is there something wrong with me as a person. The good out ways the bad. I have wonderful memories like the first ultra sound we went to. You should have seen the smile on his face. Or the fact that he will not allow me to carry a bag even if it is bread. And that is what I focus on and pray that he will understand the need for the medication. We just had a converstation last week because he stopped taking it because he said he could not focus on his case. He was given 15 months for the Dv and 14 for leaving the halfway house. He has been away for 16 months. And I need to prepare myself for his return home. And I need all the help I can get.

niesha05
11-18-2006, 10:38 AM
Iv'e never been in a situation like that but that still hit me like dang...thats a scary thought.

brandi06
12-02-2006, 08:33 PM
This poem made me cry when I read it. I was once in an abusive relationship. I finally got myself out of it. The last thing he did to me was break into my house and hit me. He is in prison right now for that reason. I hope it opens the eyes of any women in an abusive relationship and realize that its not your fault and you deserve so much better.

MadameButterfly
01-03-2007, 04:27 PM
Wow!!! I am new here and I know you posted the poem a long time ago. I really loved it. It brought back a lot of terrible memories, But aren't we all Survivors and are healing on a daily basis?? Thank you very much for this.

pebbles_05
01-19-2007, 10:54 AM
WOW... this makes me feel so much better about calling the cops on my x when he held the gun to my head i just got that feeling that he is really going to do it this time and he didnt... i walked away and if i didnt call the cops that could have been the last time i walked away from anything... thank you for this poem... it made my day knowing that i did do the right thing no matter what he says

xoxnoellexox
04-15-2007, 11:17 PM
thats poem is very powerfull and sad. i love it thought

folara1
05-05-2007, 01:49 AM
:confused: :heart: :faint: ............... I do not know WHAT to say...............

Steffy333
05-15-2007, 11:30 AM
Wow that poem is so thought provoking. That poem should be in every womens domestic violence shelter.

Who is the originator of it??

SOmetimes I think I am plain silly for loving my abuser who almost killed me too.
Yes I am plain silly.

CMaJoR
05-28-2007, 06:57 PM
Oh my god.. that poem was amazing and so sad at the same time.. =( thank you for sharing it!!

Bear's woman
06-09-2007, 09:04 AM
I am one of the many lucky ones that got out of an abusive relationship. I think most of the abused women dont make it out. I got lucky, i wised up before it was too late. I had small children at home. I didnt want my son to learn to be an abuser and i didnt want my girls to think it was okay to be abused. They were my main factor about kicking him out. I got the TPO and began to get my life back. It has been ten years now and we are okay. He has wised up and is trying to have a parental relationship with his children and he is being like a father should. We are all doing ok. I have found strength that i didnt know that i had.

InstantK8
08-31-2007, 06:05 PM
Amen

rule1
10-05-2007, 01:29 PM
I hope and pray that everytime someone in this forum thinks that they should go back to their abuser, or thinks that their abuser "means it this time" when they say they are sorry, or thinks that it won't happen to them, that they read this poem.

I wholeheartedly believe that there are women who read these testimonies and say to themselves, "well, that didn't happen to me", my story isn't as bad as that or as bad as theirs, my situation isn't really that bad.

Do you find that you speak to yourself like that? Please take time to read this poem again and know that you don't have to make excuses for someone else's behavior. Know that nothing that you did provoked being hit and abused by someone, anyone.

I pray for every person in this forum who is questioning herself. I pray right now Father that you touch their heart and place it in their heart to seek help before it is too late. Amen.

Miss My Bobby
10-08-2007, 09:12 PM
Thanks for sharing this poem , as a domestic violence survivor myself , it's a silent killer, hidden from our loved ones because of fear , threats and so forth , I am a domestic violence advocate now , it's time to break the silence on this silent killer and get the help so many so despartly need to find a way out! The laws luckily are so much more apt to help now and so many more resources availble to us noe than years past when it first began for me...Let's spread the word and help in stopping this from tormenting so many in the future! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED IN ANY WAY ,SHAPE ,OR FORM. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT YOU ARE RECIEVING IN YOUR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Break The Silence Make The Call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
Believe in your own potential. Its limitless. Life always brings us new possibilities !


Believe in your own potential , its limitless!
Life always brings us new possiblities!

bcasas
12-06-2007, 05:23 PM
I Love The Poem It Gave Me Chills And Made Me Cry

megj22
02-06-2008, 01:28 AM
I can't stop crying. That touched me more than you know.

i_rage
03-10-2008, 10:19 PM
Sad but very true!

FreeZee
05-13-2008, 11:57 AM
Would it be ok for me to post your poem on my website?

Linda

www.PinkButterflyFoundation.org (http://www.PinkButterflyFoundation.org)

linda@PinkButterflyFoundation.org

OutHereWaiting
06-11-2008, 10:34 AM
Ok, I can't cry at work..

What a poem.. I knew right away what was going to happen at the end. But why is it soooooooo sooooooo sooooooo HARD to leave?

Califas
06-11-2008, 03:41 PM
Ok, I can't cry at work..

What a poem.. I knew right away what was going to happen at the end. But why is it soooooooo sooooooo sooooooo HARD to leave?

being affraid, scared for what is coming next (when leaving him), even when you know it is better to leave, he or she has total control over you, the things what said, like: you are nothing no one is going to believe you, most of the time the person acts so candy sweet that others can't believe the person can be so cruel like he acts to you, and there are a lot more reasons why staying to the "end":(

promises its going to be better, staying for the kids because he or she don;t want them without their dad, scared to lose the children to that person, family who turned their back to you, no one to turn too.

FreeZee
06-11-2008, 03:53 PM
Please dont ever stay with an abusive man "for the kids". The kids are the ones that suffer in any abusive relationship. I know of a few children that would have rather the mom left the man (because now they are disabled or they are dead).

Many women are going to prison now for not leaving the abusive man and then something happened to her child/children. Your freedom in society and the life of a child is a high price to pay for companionship of a 'so called' loved one.

It is in epidemic proportions that boyfriends of the mothers or stepfathers are killing and maiming our societies babies at an alarming rate!

Califas
06-11-2008, 04:05 PM
The man will also kill a child if the mother really has left him just to hurt her on the most cruell way that man knows, those man have no mercy not even on their own children, whole life has to be about him no one else, and if the woman leaves he will get her on the most cruel way he knows the child(ren) leaving and leave the children by the abuser is not always such a good option. and indeed the children are the victims who didnt choose for that way. ( or will hurt in other ways, by stalking her family etc. make working on your work a nightmare, telling gossips/ lies about you, appear on events, hurting youre family friends in anyway he or she can to make you life to h*ll)

kattkatt
09-05-2008, 04:07 PM
Thank you for that, made me cry, because it happens to so many people

Peace all
Katt

angel12569
09-05-2008, 10:17 PM
What a sad poem, i sat here crying as I read it. Although I am blessed to never have been in that situation, it really hurt just thinking that so many women are in that sort of relationship. I send prayers and hugs to all women who find themselves in such a relationship, please love yourself and get out of that relationship. you deserve better, may God watch over you all.

QuestionsinMN
09-20-2008, 07:31 PM
I still cry almost everytime I read this poem. The flower truck used to come probably once a week - a few weeks it came three times a week.

It is just so sad that they honestly think that by sending us flowers that everything will be forgotten and ok.

Mitchell79
12-10-2008, 03:09 PM
*sigh* :(

txjewel21
03-10-2009, 02:14 AM
thanx 4 this poem!

LadyChampion
03-12-2009, 11:14 AM
Thanks so much for this poem. It reminded me of the physically abusive relationship that I was once in. Im so sad and embarrassed that I had even ever let that happen to me.:o I pray always for the women, children and men that live this life everyday. May God bless them and protect them and help them get out of these situations.

ana navarro
04-19-2009, 05:35 PM
that was a great poem it made me think alot i am currently married to my husband who is incarcserated for the first time at wasco for beating me we are currently still together but this made me realiize i need to do something about this situation before i end up getting flowers at my funeral. i have been through alot with him and have been beaten really bad alot but this time im gonna be incontrol of what goes on in my life for the first time in our 5 year relationship im putting my foot down and im gonna let him know when you are relased you will not put hands on me anymore because i said so.

wickit
04-19-2009, 06:40 PM
that was a great poem it made me think alot i am currently married to my husband who is incarcserated for the first time at wasco for beating me we are currently still together but this made me realiize i need to do something about this situation before i end up getting flowers at my funeral. i have been through alot with him and have been beaten really bad alot but this time im gonna be incontrol of what goes on in my life for the first time in our 5 year relationship im putting my foot down and im gonna let him know when you are relased you will not put hands on me anymore because i said so.
I really hope you find the strength to get away from this man who abuses you. You don't deserve this! There is so much more out there and I am sure you can live without this torture and find happiness. I doubt after five years he will change and he may be setting you up by letting you hear what you want to hear until he gets out. Please go to a shelter, family member or even a church to find help.

wendyann12
05-15-2009, 11:41 PM
I Got Flowers Today

(Dedicated to Battered Women)

I got flowers today!
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didnít mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.

I
t wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
It wasnít our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all overóbut I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didnít hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldnít go to work today because I didnít want anyone to knowóbut I know heís sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Motherís Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
Iím afraid of him, but Iím too scared and dependent to leave him! But he must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers todayÖ.
Today was a special dayóit was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Womenís Shelter, but I didnít ask for their help;
So I got flowers todayófor the last time.



thank-you sometimes even when you ask for help you get turned down but never quit trying

lamaschingona
07-15-2009, 04:11 PM
I came across this poem via email many many years ago, while I was being abused. I read it, I cried, but didn't give it much thought. I never did delete it though and one day I just hit print and put it up at my cubicle at work, everyday I read it along with the serenity prayer (I feel that it not only applies to addicts but to anyone that wants serenity in their lives).
Everyday it sank deeper into me and until one day I said "enough".
I came to realize that my boys and I deserved to be happy, to feel safe and be loved.
Leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it is also one of the best! I am happy now. I have learned to value myself and not take any more bs.
P.S
I use to think I couldn't breathe without him, look at me now!

lisharon
08-09-2009, 08:12 PM
This is a very touchy poem. It is also so true. The abuser will try to say he's sorry by given u gifts. It is a vicious cycle. Some women get out while they still can, with no harm done, others get out with harm already done, the other half never sees the light of day. I'm a lucky one i got out just in time. this poem still hit home though. thank you!:(

dezzie1
09-05-2009, 06:05 PM
I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)

I got flowers today!
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didnít mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
It wasnít our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all overóbut I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didnít hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldnít go to work today because I didnít want anyone to knowóbut I know heís sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasnít Motherís Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
Iím afraid of him, but Iím too scared and dependent to leave him! But he must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers todayÖ.
Today was a special dayóit was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Womenís Shelter, but I didnít ask for their help;
So I got flowers todayófor the last time.




This poem really hit home for me. It made me cry, because I think about a situation I had. I really hope that him being incarcerated benefits him as a person.

cactusprincess
09-05-2009, 06:24 PM
So the poem really hit home for me because I remember the night my ex hung me over the the second story railing while his 3 year old daughter watched in horror. The next day I got flowers. That nigt he through me up against the wall and held me there. The next day I got flowers. The same day just like the night before he beat me but the next day I left. All I can say is that it is never ok to be hit by anyone. Love is NOT suppossed to hurt and if it does it is time to change things. I know now the first hit will be their last.

gabbygirl372001
09-05-2009, 06:44 PM
I too got flowers everytime my exhusband was abusive to me. I hate it, but flowers mean nothing to me now. Thanks God I had the strength to leave!

Greeneyes84
01-05-2010, 03:23 PM
My man used to only hit me when he was drunk

nimuay
01-05-2010, 04:18 PM
So if he kills you while he's drunk, is that OK?

sweetgirlb
01-27-2010, 09:40 PM
my abusive exhusband's current wife sent me that poem. I felt like telling her she should heed her own foreboding.

Ironically, he never gave me flowers.

Crystalmine1
01-31-2010, 06:27 PM
My ex never gave me flowers either. Just a bunch of I am so sorry and I made him so angry that he had to put me in my place. What a line of crap!

l'swifey
02-01-2010, 01:00 AM
I have never been in violent relationship like this. I have been abused though. This poem brought tears to my eyes. It really makes you think.

number8
02-01-2010, 01:33 AM
Thankyou for sharing the poem, it is truely powerful.

gg12
02-22-2010, 05:05 PM
thanks for this poem as i was reading it i got goose bumps. I to am a former victim of d.v. funny part is i never received the flowers just a bunch of sorry's that didnt amount to anything but another beating the last was when i thought i was going to lose my life.So just to let others know it really does only get worse take it from me ive lived that life in fear all the time.Even when youre "happy" u have to walk on eggshells thats no life for anyone to not be able to just be themselves,and yes its hard, hard to leave hard to stay gone but use your head and prior experiences is all i can say.My own thought wave and GOD helped me thru my experience, i pray i can help others thru my own experience so they wont go thru what i did.

ghostsbabygirl
02-23-2010, 10:02 AM
Some of the stories remind me watching and listening to the severe abuse my mother went through with my father. God knows he tried to kill her but she finally left only after he threatened to do things to me. too late but better late than never. He never gave flowers either just a good warning on respecting him by saying "yes, sir", "no, sir" and speak only when spoken to. I gave him a dose of his own medicine when I reached my teen years and made him back down to me and told him I see him in hell if he ever tried to lay another hand on me.
I left shortly after I realized my relationship was spiraling down and it was getting dangerous. I was in denial for a very short while. afterwards he still tracked me down and threatened to kill me and said this all to my oldest daughter who was an early teenager.
I pray anyone going thru an abusive relationship gets the courage to leave before it's too late. It leaves a lasting effect on the children who witness the abuse not to mention the women or men. My mother hasn't forgotten yet.

criticalmass
02-26-2010, 01:32 AM
Let us not forget the brave ladies who fought for their lives only to get time for it.

SEG
04-13-2010, 11:30 AM
This poem makes me out & out sob. Not just misty eyed. Gut wrenching sobs. I think that this is the most emotional thing that I have ever read. I read it a few days ago, somehow managed to memorize it by reading that first tim & now break down as the words run through my mind.

The hopeful "I got flowers today!" is what does it.

wicked.woman
04-26-2010, 09:05 PM
well after 8 yrs of drugs and abuse i finally left well made him leave.. i never have got flowers from him just a bunch of im sorrys or i fuc@ed up... when he started hitting my kids in the face i was done.. i am glad that my new man is not like that by a long shot. i have a history of dv now thanks to him. im glad i finally got brave enough to move on

MzAndrea
06-30-2010, 11:36 PM
Wow, I almost broke down when reading this, I am a survior but I could have been one that was dead and accepting my flowers.. I love this poem and I am totally thankful for the awakening for this poem, I feel that every woman needs to read this and if they say oh he wont do it again, and then that again is never ending.. I love this poem... awesome reminder that we should leave while we can..

MzAndrea
06-30-2010, 11:39 PM
thanks for this poem as i was reading it i got goose bumps. I to am a former victim of d.v. funny part is i never received the flowers just a bunch of sorry's that didnt amount to anything but another beating the last was when i thought i was going to lose my life.So just to let others know it really does only get worse take it from me ive lived that life in fear all the time.Even when youre "happy" u have to walk on eggshells thats no life for anyone to not be able to just be themselves,and yes its hard, hard to leave hard to stay gone but use your head and prior experiences is all i can say.My own thought wave and GOD helped me thru my experience, i pray i can help others thru my own experience so they wont go thru what i did.

I totally agree with everything that you had said, its sad but its true what some of face and still able to stand and talk about it today

MzAndrea
06-30-2010, 11:40 PM
I too got flowers everytime my exhusband was abusive to me. I hate it, but flowers mean nothing to me now. Thanks God I had the strength to leave!
I am glad you left, it took me to get almost killed and then I still tiried to justify why I stayed, God had to rip him out of my heart.. But a lesson learned..

number8
07-01-2010, 02:47 AM
Some time ago, I copied this poem from here and put it into an email and sent it around. I put a paragraph at the beginning, something along the lines that there are times we want to say something, but dont know the words, and maybe this poem could help us reach out to a woman that needs support.

Long story short, the email did a few rounds, and then a woman I barely knew contacted me, the email had made its way to her inbox....said it had made her stop and think...... she is now apart from her previous partner, and starting to rebuild her life.

So our grateful thanks the author and also to the poster of this poem, you have changed another life.

ladyusa602
05-15-2011, 02:21 AM
wow...very real...thank you.

inmate
05-28-2011, 07:39 PM
This is inspiring! Great post!

kyi kyi
09-21-2011, 04:48 PM
I would like to add this to the poem thread for some readers to see some of the signs of a batterer. I hope it may help atleast one person or someone that you may know, God bless.....

LIST OF WARNING SIGNS HELPS WOMAN RECOGNIZE ABUSER

DEAR ABBY: In 1996, in memory of a 19-year-old battered woman who was murdered by her boyfriend, you printed an item requested by her family. It changed my life. On March 29 of that year, my dad said, "I have something for you," and handed me your column. It contained a list of 15 warning signs of a batterer. It was my wake-up call.

At first I thought, "How can this help ME?" Well, it did. No. 1 took me back to the beginning of my relationship with my fiance. By the time I reached No. 15, I had reviewed the past seven years of my life.

Few realize how important a role verbal abuse and criticism play in an abuser's efforts to gain control and keep you from leaving. The verbal abuse was harder for me to deal with than being kicked in the back when I'd walk away from one of his outbursts.

After reading that column, I finally understood there was nothing I could change about myself that would make him love me. Thank you, Abby. I wish I could let the family of the 19-year-old woman know they changed my life. -- GRATEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: People often ask if I ever hear from readers letting me know how my columns have affected them. The answer is yes, and today I'll reprint that list in YOUR honor.

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or, "I didn't really mean it."


:sad&blue:ok so first of all im 19y/o second, this is just like my bf, this actually made me feel a little better b/c just last night i had to press charges, this was the 5th time he had put his hands on me bad, im so tired of this but i stayed with him because he had everything, like he took care of me, well today i was feeling alot of regret and scared to death about him comming back here (the police still have not 'found' him.) i realize now... i do not want to be this 19 y/o girl that this paper talked about, what am i goin to do now? i really dont know.:shrug: i do know that i will never go back! this story really made me think, THANK YOU SO MUCH!:)

nimuay
09-22-2011, 09:00 AM
Good girl, kyi kyi! You're right, you don't ever, ever want to be her.

PKLOVESRL
09-24-2011, 03:10 PM
This hit close to home :(

lovingpete
11-08-2011, 06:40 AM
wow.
i have goosebumps.

Survivor Cat
11-08-2011, 02:06 PM
A lot of ickie memories came back, when I read that poem today. :( I remember my guy sending flowers to me at my work, so that everyone in the office would see what a 'great' guy he was -- little did they know what was going on behind the scenes. And who could I tell? Who's going to believe me? Funny how all the ladies at work came up to me and said, oh those are so pretty, you're so lucky to have him, blah blah blah. Looking back, I know now that he was trying to manipulate my friends and co-workers with these kinds of 'public' gestures. His public image really was very sparkly clean!

I had little self-esteem at that time. Now I don't fall for that kind of manipulation.

I hope the re-posting of this poem does save lives. Though I didn't get the crap kicked out of me, it was close enough, and there was more than enough verbal abuse. Wow, I'm so glad to free of that. That was a long time ago.

I am now in the driver's seat of my life. And I'm so thankful. I wish everyone good times, and great thoughts today.

cheray
03-11-2012, 02:30 PM
Why do men believe they can treat the woman who loves them as if they are just a plaything?

marissaa
03-12-2012, 05:00 PM
wow this made me tear up :( i was once the victim of a very physically, mentally and emotionally abusive man..whom i married and gave birth to his child at the age of 16. He was 23. Much older than me and he saw how naive and immature I still was and he took advantage of that. he was so mean :( he was just a big bully and I stuck around because I believed he loved me and that he'd change but I was very wrong. I thank the good Lord for the courage n strength he gave me to finally take myself out of that situation.. a weight lifted off of my shoulders... and I felt whole again. I NEVER ONCE CALLED THE COPS & that was my biggest mistake. I spent 6 years with that man, he was the first man I ever loved, the father of my child but that in no way gave him ANY right to think he could control me forever. You know the weird part, I still wish him well just never again with me. :)

Jstarz
04-30-2012, 08:09 PM
My husband is in prison for killing his girlfriend 13 months after I left him. I testified against him last year. His thing was choking me....mean, mean, mean words he used to call me that I probably can't use here! GET OUT! I want to be a DV councelor but the girls that I come in contact with ever day are using the same excuses I used for not leaving their abusers!!!! Doesn't make me a very good councelor...does it? If I can't make them leave? Get out....I don't know more to say.................... It may not happen to you what happened to me but...but.....DON'T TAKE THAT CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLZ trust someone who knows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! My name is Jodell and Im a survivor!!!!! Can't use your real name here? I am...............................

number8
05-01-2012, 12:54 AM
You Can help others by listening and understanding, but you can't Make them do anything. Keep in contact and be there for when they are ready. Please dont give up trying... you will make a difference, even if you dont realise it.

frostwoman1954
05-01-2012, 09:10 AM
My husband is in prison for killing his girlfriend 13 months after I left him. I testified against him last year. His thing was choking me....mean, mean, mean words he used to call me that I probably can't use here! GET OUT! I want to be a DV councelor but the girls that I come in contact with ever day are using the same excuses I used for not leaving their abusers!!!! Doesn't make me a very good councelor...does it? If I can't make them leave? Get out....I don't know more to say.................... It may not happen to you what happened to me but...but.....DON'T TAKE THAT CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLZ trust someone who knows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! My name is Jodell and Im a survivor!!!!! Can't use your real name here? I am...............................

Jodell,

What a pretty name! :) Let me share a story with you. I have been in several shelters and finally broke my own Cycle of Violence. I became a battered women's counselor in one of the shelters I stayed at. No one was doing group sessions, so I did. I received a call @ the shelter out of the blue one day and a former shelter client told me, "Michele, I did what you taught us in group. It took me a little while, but I managed to make my Great Escape. I left my abuser and my kids and I are living on our own in our own apt. We couldn't be happier!"

You see, sweetie, I believe that God takes His strongest children and puts us thru sheer HELL so that we can turn around and help our weaker brothers and sisters down that very same rocky road. You would be amazed at how you can help sisters-in-crisis.

Michele (My real name, too)

LeBeau
05-01-2012, 10:35 AM
Please, Ladies, don't post in ways that might make others who either need to keep their names to themselves or simply choose privacy feel like they are somehow not as "real". There are a million reasons for not using your actual name on the internet and no one should feel challenged to reveal more of their identity than they want to reveal.

YanachisUnique
12-21-2012, 01:19 PM
I hate to say this but I don't like this poem. It's sad.

LeBeau
12-21-2012, 01:47 PM
It's supposed to be sad, it's supposed to be bloody well heartbreaking because it's meant to illustrate the devastation of domestic violence.

YanachisUnique
12-21-2012, 06:12 PM
It's supposed to be sad, it's supposed to be bloody well heartbreaking because it's meant to illustrate the devastation of domestic violence.
I think it should have ended with her leaving him or her brother or father beating him up.

LeBeau
12-21-2012, 07:16 PM
But, too often, it ends just like the poem ends- sorry the realism is not to your liking and more beating rarely solves anything.

frostwoman1954
12-21-2012, 07:30 PM
I wholeheartedly agree with LaBeau. The poem is sad, but so is DV. When I first read it, I was in a DV shelter and it made me realize the hideousness of abuse.

Michele

missdebbie92025
12-21-2012, 08:54 PM
This brought back some bad memorys. Thank the good lord im safe and with a good man. This should be share with everyone.

Misinhimevryday
12-21-2012, 10:54 PM
This poem reminds me of my aunt. Her 2 nd husband killed her and wrapped her in landscaping plastic and put her in the closet. She laid there for 20 days until we finally convinced the police that something was wrong. They entered her mobile home from the front window and found her in the closet. They located him hours later took him into custody and finally after 5 yrs of going to court they sentenced him to 60 yrs. He was 40 something when it happened so 60yrs is a lifetime. Please if anyone is getting abused get out before u end up like my aunt...

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