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-   -   Has him going to jail brought positive changes to your life? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=671286)

Lexanianna 11-23-2014 04:27 PM

Has him going to jail brought positive changes to your life?
 
I don't mean this as life being better without him (honestly, if that's the case you probably shouldn't be together).

For me and my man him going to jail changed a lot. But not just negative. After we overcame the first period of chock and doubt and grief and anger things started heading in a very positive direction. Before he went to jail I had just graduated university and I was unemployed and really struggling financially. Him going to jail forced me to move back to Sweden where I have gone back to university to get a second degree in medicine and nursing and I have a job on top of that. This means in the future I will be financially stable and in a position to look after both of us.
My man was severely depressed and was heading in a dangerous direction regarding drugs and some of his "friends" were taking advantage of him (which is why he is in jail unfortunately). Since he was locked up he's told his "friends" to eff off, he's taken a class in stress management and his depression has gotten better. He's also taking a TAFE course in welding and is working full time.
And we have gotten so much closer! We can only talk every second day and write letters which take 2-4 weeks, but this has led us to become so much stronger both separately and as a couple. We are better at communicating, we talk things through instead of arguing, we don't keep things from each other and we have a much higher level of trust for each other.

As difficult as this is and as much as we miss each other we truly believe that this time apart will be better for us in the long run.

xolady 11-23-2014 05:55 PM

No I think this has been total nightmare. Fianancially it ruined us. Yes I still love my husband but I have to say this whole thing screwed us so bad.

delilah19 11-23-2014 07:33 PM

I feel the same way. It gave me a chance to take a step back and I met my best friend. We for the last 4 years have evaluated my situation and he helped me through all my issues and I now understand the world around me more. My fiance and I communicate way better now because of our best friend who is also our mentor. We are more open and loving, I am finally getting all my emotional needs met from him, and I now know what those are. He is less defensive to me and opens up About his feelings. This whole thing has shown him how much I love him and what I have had to endure to be with him. It has strengthened us as a couple. I wasn't in a position before to do any of the positive things I am doing for myself now before, and he is doing positive things inside. Now I am ready for this next few years to pass so he can hopefully get parole and we can be together. I miss him so much, and know we will be happy together when he is out.

charok1 11-23-2014 08:20 PM

i had to vote "too soon to tell" - while i would LOVE for him to succeed with this "second chance" ( once he gets out, last visit on 9-28 he said he had like 630-some odd days left) and do good and get a job and keep on the straight and narrow, ( hence bringing some positivity out of a not so ideal situation) that day is just not here yet...so far he has been going good ( from his case managers at the prison, then the work center and now the half way house)

Sinner86 11-24-2014 08:08 AM

I voted for yes because it has shown me a side of myself that I didn't realize truly existed. It's been a pain in the ass at times, more than I'd openly admit to J, but I know for a fact that come ANY storm, I am capable of weathering it. We have always bonded on an emotional/mental level that was strong before he got locked up, but is now even stronger because of it.

Monkey Mookie 11-24-2014 10:28 AM

Absolutely! This is his first case/arrest/prison term and he has had a bumpy road on the inside but has finally (hopefully) seen that prison or the life he had is not where he wants to be for SO many reasons. As a couple we have overcome a lot, we learned so much more about each other, our trust is strong, our communication is great! I've done positive things in my life while waiting for him to complete his sentence. I honestly feel we both have gotten to know each other on level that you normally would not do out here and I'm thankful for that. I have no illusions, he did something wrong and had to pay his debt, he needs to be sitting where he is, so I tried to see this time as something our relationship would only benefit from and as we come down to the last couple months I see that it has. He's grown, I've grown, as individuals, and our relationship has grown.

CottonBall1122 11-27-2014 05:09 PM

yes because it helped me appreciate the little things. It made me stop and think what really matters and what doesn't matter. And with that, i gained strength and faith that i've never had before

missmyhusband44 11-27-2014 10:46 PM

Yes!!! My husband and I believe that our family wouldn't be back together if he wasn't taken into custody back in April 2014. I'm 37 and he's 38. I've been with him since I was 15. We got married 13 years ago when I was 23. We have three beautiful daughters, 14, 10 and 9. We were living a destructive life before that day in April 2014. I actually had filed for divorce in march. We were both addicted to meth running completely out of control. Things had to get worse for our situation before they got better. He believes everything happened for a reason that being behind bars was gods will. I am so thankful and so blessed to have our marriage and family back together again.

LillyVphoenix 11-28-2014 02:22 PM

even though we are MWI, him being in prison made me change real fast and straighten up, because how can i be HERE for him with me dead or in prison too, i can't so yes it changed me for the best, i would never want to have him be without me.

Wendy1918 11-29-2014 04:46 PM

Yes. Absolutely. We are both sober now, and as a result the positive changes in both of our lives are numerous.

Him being gone has made me so much stronger in big ways and little ones :) for example: Now I know that I can carry all the groceries up the stairs by myself. Ive never had to even try before. I can hold down a job. I was a stay at home mom before. I gotta admit... it's nice not having to check if the toilet seat is down in the middle of the night either :) lol

Mikesgirl73 11-30-2014 08:00 AM

Good Thread! I, too, voted yes. Abso-fuckin-lutely! I have been forced more than ever to depend just on myself, which has seemed to result in our relationship being stronger/better. The 20 minute a day phone calls, JPAY'S, getting to know him all over again, and having a friendship FIRST and foremost. The whole experience has been hard to say the least, however, it has made me stronger than I have ever been. We just had this convo yesterday. Although, I hate he went to Prison, had he not I may not be sitting here today. I am grateful things happened the way they did and now it's almost over. I'm moving back to Colorado after Christmas, he gets released in March. Yes, the "time" has been "good time" for sure!

Jene88 11-30-2014 09:43 PM

Great thread! I've even told my bf this so many times before. This incarceration was a healing for both of us. While I was getting my undergrad degree, I had my mind made up that I was definitely going back for my Masters. But once I graduated, he and I got really closes again as friends and then it turned into our beautiful relationship we have now. While he was home, I pretty much canned the idea of going back to school because I wanted to spend all my time with him (clingy I know lol) But when he left, I enrolled in school and got accepted to the Masters program that I applied for.

I work and Im in grad school full time so Ive been EXTREMELY busy. Working 12 hr shifts, and internship for school and a full load with classes. He'll be home a month before a graduate so Ive always felt like it was perfect timing for us.

SteveO's_woman 12-02-2014 05:35 PM

I voted yes because we have been able to connect on a much deeper level than we were! It has given us time to reevaluate our lives and get things from our past! We are now looking to get married but don't know how sandstone works! Does anyone have any ideas of how we can go about getting married while he's in sandstone?

andej135 12-07-2014 02:00 PM

Him and I talk about this all the time. A much as we hate being apart, there have been some positive things to come out of this. We definitely appreciate each other a lot more. I see all of the small things he did for me that I overlooked and now have to do on my own. Also I have learned to manage my money better. And I am seeing how strong of a woman I am. Instead of breaking down and giving up, I am handling my business and just dealung with it.

dsb76 09-11-2018 06:18 PM

I voted no. He made me feel like a normal human being. I suffer from depression and tend to isolate, he would actually make me leave the house daily even if it's just to go have coffee. Today I went to visit him and it was the first time I'd left the house since Saturday.

He cleaned the house, cared for our cats, and packed my lunches for me for work. Yes he was a house husband but a dang good one. My life is definitely much easier with him here, and there have been no positive changes with him gone.

I was the strong one in my marriage for 15 years. I finished nursing school with a verbally abusive alcoholic husband and three young (at the time) children. I know what I'm capable of. I was tired of being the strong one and was happy to have found someone to take care of me for a change. He did a wonderful job of it too.

nygirl17 09-14-2018 03:33 PM

Nope!!!!

xolady 09-15-2018 07:16 AM

Old thread I answered no the first time and it definitley no this time!!!

onedayatatime13 09-15-2018 05:49 PM

Yes. I'm personally financially stronger than I was before. I channeled all this extra time into work and my kids.

I'm also less afraid of things. Still have a long way to go, but I have learned to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way. I also care less about what other people think. I still have to work on this area more as well.

I chose to keep drama and stress to a minimum. I used to worry about others problems and ignore my own. I don't engage in the daily bs other have. I can't anymore. No one is helping me or asks if I'm ok, so I don't go out of my way anymore.

I'm more confident in my ability to take care of myself and my family.

So yes a lot of good has come from it, but with deliberate conscious choices. I promised myself not to waste this time and be as productive as possible.

GZyberi 09-22-2018 06:32 PM

My husband going to prison only made things positive in the sense that I learned what type of man I DO NOT WANT and the type of stress I DO NOT WANT. So yes. It was very positive for my life. He on the other hand learned absolutely nothing so no positive changes came from his experience in and out of jail and prison.

ybrady72 12-18-2018 10:52 PM

I can only speak for myself, this time away has affected me in such a positive way. I have grown closer to God and I have learned how my attitude attributed to certain situations. I am more understanding of how a relationship should truly go, how communication is supposed to work and most importantly how to listen. I have learned how to deal with my implosive anger issues. I have also learned that in a relationship there is only a we and us instead of me and I..

Free At Last 5 12-19-2018 08:21 AM

I voted YES. Let me count a few of the ways: I proved to myself that I could not only survive in prison, but improve myself and help others while there; My wife and kids had to figure out that they could pull together and get through the time, and many periods of that time SUCKED for all of us; It put an immediate and lasting end to the secrets, lying and double life that I was so foolishly leading, and who knows how or when that would have ended, or ended in a much worse way; it allowed me to reflect on what really matters in life; It revealed who our true friends were, and who were just fair weather friends (who needs them, really?) I would much rather ALL of it never happened, yes, but you have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and with all life challenges the only way through is to learn from your hard lessons and keep moving forward!

momof234 01-19-2019 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexanianna (Post 7386912)
I don't mean this as life being better without him (honestly, if that's the case you probably shouldn't be together).

For me and my man him going to jail changed a lot. But not just negative. After we overcame the first period of chock and doubt and grief and anger things started heading in a very positive direction. Before he went to jail I had just graduated university and I was unemployed and really struggling financially. Him going to jail forced me to move back to Sweden where I have gone back to university to get a second degree in medicine and nursing and I have a job on top of that. This means in the future I will be financially stable and in a position to look after both of us.
My man was severely depressed and was heading in a dangerous direction regarding drugs and some of his "friends" were taking advantage of him (which is why he is in jail unfortunately). Since he was locked up he's told his "friends" to eff off, he's taken a class in stress management and his depression has gotten better. He's also taking a TAFE course in welding and is working full time.
And we have gotten so much closer! We can only talk every second day and write letters which take 2-4 weeks, but this has led us to become so much stronger both separately and as a couple. We are better at communicating, we talk things through instead of arguing, we don't keep things from each other and we have a much higher level of trust for each other.

As difficult as this is and as much as we miss each other we truly believe that this time apart will be better for us in the long run.

I think for myself Iíve learned to slow down and trust myself more. And being ok with/accepting the unknown. It has taught me to be more patient, in many areas of my life. I think Iíve also learned better boundaries. It used to be that I had to ask all my closest girlfriends and my therapists for them to weigh in on whatever relationship issue big stuff that Iíve been confronted with now I may still do that but ultimately I will trust and rely on myself to do that the right thing. My work and my career ambition has improved
Of coursevare a lot of things that have been extremely stressful and difficult Iíve felt lonely and trying to find my feet. But I think itís a good question to ask about any difficult situation to look for the positive/growth opportunities. Thanks for the topic

Kirin 02-10-2019 07:59 AM

Well, I would've never found him hadn't he been in prison ;P


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