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JacMicSpr 12-11-2010 02:17 PM

Need advice re: fiance being denied permenant residence with me
Hi, My name is Jacqui and my fiance is in prison in Minnesota. Four years ago, he was charged with domestic assault against me, but the charge was dismissed. He did not actually do it. Yes I am the victim and I'm admitting that it was a false charge, in which I wasn't the one to call the police. He is due to be released February 15th 2011 (over nine weeks) and was just refused his permanant residence because it was with me. I was told by his Parole Officer Andrea Stevens that he cannot live with a victim. I do not understand why she is doing this when the charge was dismissed due to lack of evidence meaning no physical harm was done. She said that the ending result doesn't matter but the initial report does. Can someone please help me to get through this because I know that this isn't a "good enough" excuse that this corrupt PO has given. Someone, anyone, please help me to be able to bring my fiance and children's father home to our house...

Onedaycloser13 12-11-2010 02:22 PM

If I am not mistaken the only way to get around this is to petition the court. The PO has the final word and unless the court gives permission you are stuck with what he/she says.

yourself 12-11-2010 03:26 PM

Listen, the default on any charge of domestic violence is that it occurred. The state has a responsibility to keep its citizens safe, so when there's an allegation, it's taken very seriously. Just because it wasn't prosecuted doesn't mean it didn't happen. Just because there wasn't an injury doesn't mean there was no abuse. Couple that with the psychology of domestic violence, and the victim of the DV is not given the same credibility as others. It's the way it is - they'd much rather an abuser and his victim stay apart than bury one and imprison the other. That's the default status of any DV.

The PO is trying to make sure that your fiance has a chance to stay out of prison. As such, she's not going to let him go to a situation that may endanger his parole. Because of her education on DV, and because she doesn't know you or your circumstances, she's not going to listen. She's probably already been burned more than once by DV situations causing a violation of parole. Assuming nothing happened, then you need to play the game, and get him on parole, with good parole time under his belt before you start asking about him living with you.

You also need to make sure there's no restraining order against him - they usually issue shortly upon arrest in DVs, and don't go away just because the case was nole prossed.

Ask the PO what she wants to see happen before she'll let him live with you. Play the game.

nimuay 12-11-2010 06:55 PM

Yourself is quite right, Jacqui. It may sound like a frivolous and petty requirement, but it's quite normal, and it actually does often save lives/injuries. So you've been caught in its coils, and that's a shame, but you can indeed offer to do whatever would make the PO thinks would make you safer, and possibly in a few months, she will waive the requirement that he not have contact you or live with you.

Whatever you do, don't go getting all hot and huffy with her. That will only help to convince her that you are not the person who can help him get through parole and off paper without further police contact.

ALA 12-31-2010 05:40 PM

Im not sure of what you can do here after the PO has made a decision. It may sound backwards, but maybe consulting with a womans shelter, they may give you some idea of someone you cant contact ... otherwise keep us posted so further MN women/men in this position know what steps you take and what works/doesn't work.

Best Wishes !

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