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-   -   Gulit, Money, Family, Vent! Advice wanted (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=205181)

Em77 05-28-2006 06:01 PM

Gulit, Money, Family, Vent! Advice wanted
 
I feel that my partners family feels guilty about my partner being inside and only visit him and give him things because of this. Dont get me wrong they do care about him too.
I have only said certain things to my partner about his families behaviour. as I dont want to hurt him. I am geting to the point though where I am going to have an explosive situation with his family!!!
We all know how hard it is to afford things. buying clothes shoes, allocating money for his spend.
I am lucky as I have family to help out with these costs. The problem is every time his family helps with giving him money they complain and put him down. I dont ask them for money but he does, as he doesnt want me to feel the strain for all the costs. I have spoken to his family about this and asked them if they cannot afford or feel uncomforable with giving him money not to.They do give him money to buy shoes and complain to me about it.
I dont know what to do anymore as I am really resenting his family because of what they are doing.
Recently they came over to my house gave me money to drop off to him. When they did they complained about how small my house is and told my kids I need to get a house cleaner as they could see dust and the fish tank needs to be cleaned! When they gave me the money they complained so much about not being able to afford it, I ended up going to their house and giving it back. When I did so they told me they could budget for it and it was fine. I have spoken to my partner about this and he tells me he is very upset at them doing this but can you go back and get the money as I need shoes!!! I can afford to pay for the shoes in a few weeks just not right now. He cant afford to ring and speak to them and a letter can take sometime, as the form is in for the shoes.
I feel like I am swallowing my pride and dignity if I go back and dont want to. I believe his family only give him money and visit him as they feel guilty about him being inside.
They complain before, during and after about how much it costs them to visit him.
They put me down and I dont want to have a horrible relationship with his family as he will always need them in some way but I cant stand the put downs and complaints.
Am I being unreasonable and expecting to much? Does this happen to anyone else?? AAAGGGHHH I am going insane!!!

nimuay 05-28-2006 07:19 PM

My two cents is simple - get out of the middle of this. He will have to deal with his family, and you can deal with him, but when you see his family make sure it isn't involving money at all. The talking down, well, just say that it hurts you to hear it, and it would be nice not to have to listen to such things about your life partner.
Good luck.

Patty 05-28-2006 09:35 PM

We can't hold others up to our own standards. They are who they are. I don't know if it is realistic that you would have no interaction with them if you are to be with him, some families can work that way, others cannot. You have to take care of yourself in this situation and let him handle his family.

Best of luck,
Patty

yaya'sbaby 05-28-2006 10:41 PM

Try Telling Him 'listen Your Family Is Having A Hard Time Right Now And They Are Always Complaing To Me About You, I Dont Feel Comfortable Doing This So Instead Of You Having Them Drop The Money Off To Me Or Contact Me About It Just Have Them Send It To You Directly" Once You Put It That Way He Isnt Gonna Have A Choice But To Call Them For It Or Go Without.you Have Enough On Your Plate With Him And The Kids And For You To Have To Listen To His Family Belittle Him Or You Just Take Yourself Out Of The Equation.oh And You Dont Have To Rude About With His Family,cause That Will Only Cause More Problems But When They Ask U Y Cant U Bring Him The Money Or Something To That Fact Just Say" I Cant Im To Busy Cleaning My Filthy House And I Dont Have The Time"that Will Teach Them To Keep There Mouth Closed!!!

Good Luck Sweetie!

Em77 05-29-2006 02:40 AM

LOL I so loved that comment to busy cleaning my filthy house, I so wish I could say that!!!! I am going to be laughing about that for days!!!
Yeah I am going to tell him I am not willing to be the third person in this anymore.
I appreciate the input. I do have to learn not every family is going to run like mine each one is different. I cannot have nothing to do with them as they live close by. My family are close we ring each other a couple of times a week and his only when they have a purpose. It so hard to build these relationships with our partners inside and we out here. Sometimes I really have no idea what to do...
Thank you


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