Prison Talk

Prison Talk (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/index.php)
-   Extended Family (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=241)
-   -   I hate when people don't think ahead!! (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=484995)

jeswannabhiswyf 06-06-2010 08:59 AM

I hate when people don't think ahead!!
 
PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?

BlueEyedEllie 06-06-2010 09:45 AM

your feelings make perfect sense to me!! It doesn't appear to make any sense.plus if one of my children got caught with 8 guns i certainly wouldn't pay $6500 to bail them out.I'm a firm believer if you never allow your loved ones to pay the consequences for their choices,they may very well continue on the same path,doing the exact same things as what is their incentive to change if mom and dad bail him out time and time again:shrug:I'm def. with you on this one!!

Onedaycloser13 06-06-2010 09:59 AM

I agree with Marcsbeth on this one, first and foremost if you bail him out, when is he going to learn from his mistakes. Second, I do think the money is much better spent on an attorney, because I am thinking to get someone a good outcome with 8 guns which has to add to up to many felonies, is going to be very expensive. I agree that is insane.

CoNpal 06-06-2010 10:19 AM

Is this his first offense or is he a habitual criminal?

QUEENDRURY 06-06-2010 10:57 AM

it seems to me if they do bailhim out and he has no money for an attorney they will eventually have to pay for the lawyer.im sure he wants to get out and they only hear what he wants. IOW,if you are selling ice cream would you give out free scoops???

hischubchub 06-06-2010 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf (Post 5444646)
PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?

wow that is what happened with us...except no lawyer, no bail...public defender & sentenced to 4 years...but he was charged with weapson...not fire arms

akaptrosa 06-06-2010 01:01 PM

Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.

jeswannabhiswyf 06-06-2010 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by akaptrosa (Post 5444992)
Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.

All things I haven't thought of, but do make sense. This is not his first offense. I am not sure if he'll get the habitual felon because I know he beat 1 or 2 charges. I'm just thinking how much time he could get behind this. Young black man with guns and a prior record. He has no job. They are banking on this company in the area that's "hiring". SO WHAT!!! He does not have the job yet. I don't care that Jimmy. Peggy, and Sue got hired. They may never hire him. Even if they did, how long will he have to work to pay the lawyer and still take care of himself? What is the likelihood of him accumulating this money legally? This is so frustrating!!!


Tiny xo 06-06-2010 01:38 PM

i say don't bail him out. he won't learn his lesson if he just gets right out after doing something like that. paying for the lawyer would be the best idea, in my opinion.

TimedOut 06-06-2010 01:43 PM

Reasons that some might not bail, could include that if he has other similar charges and has been convicted of a felony, this could become a federal charge and the sentencing may be tougher (all the more reason to invest in an attorney). Also some once they understand that prison is a factor may not report (thus forfeiting the bail) and resulting in additional charges when caught.

Obviously there are responsible individuals who do show up for court but others have been known to miss it. Some have no problem surrendering when the time comes, others do... I would think there are things to consider on both sides. However if money is limited the best investment (IMO) is in legal representation.

nimuay 06-06-2010 02:54 PM

On a second or third or fourth time around, I'd be inclined not to bail him out. Even if it looked better to the judge, I'm not convinced that he's earned looking better. He hasn't learned squat, and clearly isn't trying to, so his parents pouring heart and soul and money into him isn't going to improve matters.

jeswannabhiswyf 06-06-2010 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimedOut (Post 5445058)
Reasons that some might not bail, could include...


Thanks so much for your post. I have plenty reasons to leave him in there. I am wondering why they would bail him out.

nimuay 06-06-2010 04:48 PM

To my mind, probably their largest motivator would be guilt. They didn't do their parenting right, they did this, didn't do that, got him therapy/didn't get any, and on and on. The greatest grief of parents is that their children can fail, that they aren't good people, that they are dangerous to others and sometimes themselves. The parents are trying to find a way to save their child. Even though it's often the wrong way, the first instinct is to bail them out.

MamaSaid 06-06-2010 05:21 PM

As a mom, I see how wanting to protect my child might influence my ability to see that he needs to start taking care of his own mistakes.
However, I am not made of money...I have other kids that need me to make the best decisions for our entire family.
So, I try not to make money decisions without really thinking it all out. He is lucky that you are here trying to work it out, instead of giving up on him.

Here's my beef: Guns are life-ending weapons for the people on either end. Doesn't he see that? Unless you are SUPPOSED to have a gun, handling one can produce NOTHING good.

So, it sounds to me like he places little value on human life...
I'm not judging, just guessing. If he has made the same MAJOR mistake more than once, it is not a mistake anymore, it is an on-purpose, and he should get what he wants. Consequences.

I hope that he sees what he is doing to you guys sooner rather than later-

TimedOut 06-06-2010 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf (Post 5445249)
Thanks so much for your post. I have plenty reasons to leave him in there. I am wondering why they would bail him out.

Oops, I read your post and thought you were asking opinions on to bail or invest in an attorney. I see now the question is why would someone pick bail over an attorney?
:idea: they do not believe they have enough to purchase an attorney but can get bail

:idea: fear for their child, not wanting him to remain in a place that they couldn't imagine themselves in.

:idea: they lost their ability to parent so instead they allow him make decisions

:idea: easier to toss money at something than to try to understand why it is broken to begin with.

Okay those would be my other thoughts if I read your request correctly the first time, honestly I thought I had it but dang if I didn't miss it...

Hisoneandonly 06-06-2010 07:51 PM

For those charges I would use the money or a lawyer.

tnm8 06-06-2010 07:57 PM

yeah......he won't learn if mommy and daddy always bail him out.

ghostgirl7389 06-06-2010 10:16 PM

I don't believe they should spend the money on either. Their adult child? His fourth charge? No thanks. Why should they put themselves in debt for this? Those type of situations always make me so sad for the parents.

crazy2010 06-07-2010 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf (Post 5444646)
PTO, I am so frustrated with my family right now and I would like your perspectives.

My 25 year old male cousin was just caught with 8 guns. He was arrested and is facing state prison time. His parents, knowing he has no job, want to bond him out, for $6500 and let him provide his own counsel. Are you SERIOUS? With what job is he supposed to pay for a good lawyer? Let him stay in jail, use the $6500 to hire a lawyer! GRRR!!! Additional details--this is about the 4th time he's been in jail on similar charges. The parents will have to get a loan for the $6500.

Am I the one who's crazy here? PTO, may I please have your opinions so that I can possibly see what they are seeing?

I'd leave his sorry @$$ in, let him grow up and face the consequences! How many times are his parents gonna keep helping him? Maybe if they let him grow up he'd learn his lesson. By continuing to so called "help him", all they are doing is hurting him. Lots of families think bailing out someone or paying a lawyer is helping. But you say this is repeated behavior, so apparently he doesn't learn to well maybe mom & dad should let him learn that his actions have consequences. PS YOUR NOT THE CRAZY ONE!

nimuay 06-07-2010 10:36 AM

Another point - what's he REALLY going to do with the time he's out? He's not really going to get a job that will pay for a lawyer, so the odds are he will just get himself into even more trouble.

NY-Done 06-07-2010 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by akaptrosa (Post 5444992)
Possible reasons why I've heard to bail people out if you can... It looks better to the judge showing he has family support that is willing to help him out. I've also heard that if someone isn't bailed out that they may have to go to trial in their jail clothes. A good suit and a crisp haircut does make a big impression on a jury. Just some reasons I've heard it's better to bail someone out rather than let them do the time waiting for trial. I hear what you are saying though.

I think I heard that too, but because NY is a great state to do time, if you don't bail them out you can send them court clothes to the jail and he can wear those.

To you OP, I'll work with you but when it becomes apparent you're not working with me, then I got to let you go otherwise, you'll try and drag me down with you and that, I will not allow. I say that to say with this being your brother's 4th arrest for similar charges, he'd have to sit this out in jail, no bail, and, the family would just have to pray that God gives him a good public defender.

It hurts me that in these times yall have to go in the hole all that money, over someone who cares a quarter the amount that you do.

thatwiz 06-07-2010 06:01 PM

My son-I would get him out but then again, I wouldn't have to get a loan for the money. I don't think 6500 is all that much and I'd probably be paying for his attorney anyway. I think it depends on the family and the situation. If it caused me to go into debt and there was no money for an attorney-possibly its better to leave him there, but I don't think anyone really learns a lesson by being in jail.

jeswannabhiswyf 06-07-2010 10:17 PM

NY-Done, I agree. This is not my brother, but my cousin. Another family member. LOL. Nimuay, EXACTLY!!!! How the heck do they think he's gonna get the money with no job. Sell lemonade? The sell part could be right. I doubt it on the lemonade. Thatwiz, I am not broke, but I am FAAAAAAAAAAAR from well to do. In my neck of the hood, $6500 is a lot of money! It's too much to waste! To tell the truth, it wouldn't surprise my if he jumped bail! Then there you go, left on the hook with a debt. PLEASE!!! Ghostgirl, I agree. But IF u just have to do something, can it make sense? GRRRR!!!!

Update-- they reaised the bail, I don't know what the figures are now. I just can't talk to my cousins, aunt, or uncle. He needs to suffer. So that he can see trouble is EASY to get into, but HARD to get out of. Otherwise, he'll keep making the same dumb on-purposes.


jeswannabhiswyf 06-10-2010 06:18 AM

So they upped the bail again...=)!!! This is one time, and I do mean 1, that I agree with the courts!!! Keep him in their so if the parents want to do something, they can pay for the lawyer!

Shush 06-10-2010 07:05 AM

with this story this youngster may have to spent some time inside..... I guess saving the money for the "time after" might be a third option ......

crazycasey183 06-10-2010 11:33 AM

I wouldn't bail him out, he's going to need a lawyer !!!

TerryLee 06-15-2010 10:33 PM

We could have bailed our daughter out, but our attorney said its better she stay where she is...she is getting more time credited to her right now and it shows that she is willing to pay for her crime and not bail out...so say...My daughter is ok with that...it's hard not being with her kids but she said she would rather be getting time credited then out with no job anymore and then having to leave her kids AGAIN...for us it was the best choice to leave her in. we all have to make the choices to do waht is right for us...Me I think I would let him stay in and get some time served...and it sounds alittle like he had some run in with the law before so leavuing him might give him a better cahnce of a wake up call.
Just my thoughts...
In Gods Grace
TLC

TerryLee 06-15-2010 10:45 PM

I have a question about the victims impact staetements
 
My daughter and I were talking tonite about when she gets sentanced...I told her to prepare herself for the " victims inpact statements"...she said she won't be there...I thought really? she said she heard she had a choice and if she does she will choose NOT to be there. She said she has made peace within herself and she has asked God to forgive her and she is and will always pray for Mrs A. But she does not feel the need to have them say all the terrible things about her, when they only know her as "The drunk who hit them"...she said they don't know the " true Jennifer".
I did'nt know what to say...I saw her getting choked up and I know her heart, she has beat herself up pretty bad over this they had her on suicide watch for the 1st 3 days she was so upset. We sent our pastor in and after that visit and 2 more visits she was off suicide watch and she has been ok. She still cries when she thinks about Mrs. A. She knows she can never change what has happened. SHe can only go forward and not let it happen again.
What do you all think about this? should she be there or not?
Let me know
Thanks so much
TLC

Shush 06-16-2010 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerryLee (Post 5466653)
My daughter and I were talking tonite about when she gets sentanced...I told her to prepare herself for the " victims inpact statements"...she said she won't be there...I thought really? she said she heard she had a choice and if she does she will choose NOT to be there. She said she has made peace within herself and she has asked God to forgive her and she is and will always pray for Mrs A. But she does not feel the need to have them say all the terrible things about her, when they only know her as "The drunk who hit them"...she said they don't know the " true Jennifer".
I did'nt know what to say...I saw her getting choked up and I know her heart, she has beat herself up pretty bad over this they had her on suicide watch for the 1st 3 days she was so upset. We sent our pastor in and after that visit and 2 more visits she was off suicide watch and she has been ok. She still cries when she thinks about Mrs. A. She knows she can never change what has happened. SHe can only go forward and not let it happen again.
What do you all think about this? should she be there or not?
Let me know
Thanks so much
TLC

maybe it would help all of them if those guys could see her tears! she may miss a chance but to go there needs courage, this for sure. it is her choice though... but if she has not the courage to face them, she is keep running the rest of her life. she is right, they dont know her.... but she does not know them either! maybe the guys are not going to make her down. honesty and courage help....

I would let her know that all what she has to do is to show up. to face the situation. and if the others comport ok, this can be a good thing. maybe she will also be able to see their pain; something what may help her to never drink againe and to keep the memory of the victime alive in sharing her story. THIS is what brings your daughter healing.

IF the victims family make her down, then this is not what she has to take. they have no right to do this. but we cannot act for others. but if she wants to keep her own self respect, it would be better to show up.

this is what I would share with my son, if he would be in this situation!

Soul surfer 07-17-2015 07:19 AM

I would not bail him out. He has got to start getting his act together. He has clearly not learned from his past experiences. I am just afraid that going to prison may lead to him becoming familiar with people and schemes that he would be better off not knowing. I can only think his parents feel the same hence the offer of bail. Maybe they would end up paying the legal costs down the line too but dont want to advertise it to see of he will help himself.

Dunk 08-21-2019 11:55 PM

Time for tough love
 
  • Fourth time on similar charges?
  • 25 years old - old enough to make his own choices?
  • Family gets into debt to cover his butt?
A simple recipe for tough love. Your cousin is old enough to wear the consequences for his own actions. If he has any maturity he'll know that his family still love him, even if they let him serve time.

Desertdweller11 12-06-2019 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerryLee (Post 5466653)
My daughter and I were talking tonite about when she gets sentanced...I told her to prepare herself for the " victims inpact statements"...she said she won't be there...I thought really? she said she heard she had a choice and if she does she will choose NOT to be there. She said she has made peace within herself and she has asked God to forgive her and she is and will always pray for Mrs A. But she does not feel the need to have them say all the terrible things about her, when they only know her as "The drunk who hit them"...she said they don't know the " true Jennifer".
I did'nt know what to say...I saw her getting choked up and I know her heart, she has beat herself up pretty bad over this they had her on suicide watch for the 1st 3 days she was so upset. We sent our pastor in and after that visit and 2 more visits she was off suicide watch and she has been ok. She still cries when she thinks about Mrs. A. She knows she can never change what has happened. SHe can only go forward and not let it happen again.
What do you all think about this? should she be there or not?
Let me know
Thanks so much
TLC

In my opinion out of respect for the victims families and the victim and to show she is being accountable she should be there. She has made peace? How about offering some of that to the people whose lives she has affected?


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:57 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2001- 2019 Prison Talk Online