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-   -   Long Road Ahead - DZR (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=662257)

DZR 04-25-2014 09:56 PM

Long Road Ahead - DZR
 
I found this site a couple months ago and have been reading thru several posts but this is the first time I'm writing my own. My son was sentenced to 9 years and has been incarcerated for a little over 8 months. I'm still going thru the grieving phase - I guess it's going thru all the firsts (birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) Some days are better than others but I'm still having a very difficult time dealing. My son just turned 33 and has a 3 year old son. I think so much of my sadness is because my son is such a good father and the fact that he is missing so much of his son's life , it is hurting him so much, and its just killing me. My son has never been in trouble with the law before. He made a very poor decision one evening to drink & drive and is now paying tremendously for it. Although I like reading thru everyone's posts because it helps me to know that I am not alone (although many days I feel as I am because no one I know has ever been or known anyone in prison) but when I see people say their loved one is coming home in 6 months, 2 years, 5 years, my heart breaks even more knowing there are still 7 years ahead for us. :(

2muchmisery4me 04-25-2014 10:18 PM

I know what you mean, I get a little jealous when I see others with less time than my son but then I see those with so much more 15,20,30 or LWOP and I say thank god my son only got 5 yrs. Also I am thankful that my son is still alive , there are a lot of people who have lost there children to drugs and drinking at least ours will hopefully get a second chance. I don't understand why all this has happened and some days are almost unbearable but then I have really great days where I'm just glad he's doing well right now and knowing it could have been so much worse. This is just a horrible thing we are all going thru no matter what amount of time they got. Glad you found this sight , try and stay strong both for your son and yourself.

DZR 04-25-2014 10:29 PM

Thank you. I'm doing the best I can right now.

fbopnomore 04-26-2014 08:02 AM

Welcome to Prison Talk and to the PWCIP Forum. I'm sorry for what your family is going through while your son is in prison and hope he is eligible for an earlier release. Best of luck to all of you.

iminprisontoo 04-28-2014 08:25 AM

I can relate
 
I understand how you feel it is very difficult to go through too. It has been over 2 years and my son has 4 total so we are half way through. It is still so hard though. The firsts of everything then lead to the times where you can see everyone slowly moving on, without him, and I get so sad. Another birthday, another school year, another Christmas, the sadness has gotten deeper in one way but I am used to how it feels now so it is manageable today. My son was such a good daddy too. Him leaving left a huge unfillable hole in everyone's life.

I will say that acceptance is the key. Until I could accept that he was in prison and that was that I could not move ahead and I needed to for my grandkids sake. I try to focus lately on what I can do for them to make it easier. I wanted to just hide from them everytime I say his family I felt so bad it made me not want to see them but I have to force myself.

My thoughts go with all the mothers and fathers who have children in prison that they can find some peace. MB

trauma4us 04-28-2014 05:40 PM

Hi there DZR - I am in IL also and my son got 8.5 years at 85% for an offense that involved drinking and doing something stupid! Hes at Graham R&C at this time - has been in custody since Nov 2012. Believe me, I get what you are talking about - I skip the Countdown forum also.

Please take care of yourself. If you want to talk, PM me...

DZR 05-10-2014 10:01 PM

Thank you - It's good to know I'm not alone, yet many days this is how I feel. Living in this nightmare praying that I will soon wake up from it. My son is at Robinson and considering the circumstances, he is doing well. As all of us, we are on an emotional rollercoaster - some days are better than others and other days are much worse. I understand what you mean when you see everyone moving on and he is being left behind, missing so much of his son's growing years. It just breaks my heart, but I try to be strong for my grandson as well as my son. My son committed the crime (he too w/alcohol and doing 85%)yet I feel so much of the guilt. I sometimes hate to tell him what we do from day to day without him. He knows we have to live our lives, but I feel imprisoned because I don't want to go out and do anything or feel guilty when I do. I'm still having trouble accepting I guess.

jschu 05-18-2014 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DZR (Post 7315073)
I found this site a couple months ago and have been reading thru several posts but this is the first time I'm writing my own. My son was sentenced to 9 years and has been incarcerated for a little over 8 months. I'm still going thru the grieving phase - I guess it's going thru all the firsts (birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) Some days are better than others but I'm still having a very difficult time dealing. My son just turned 33 and has a 3 year old son. I think so much of my sadness is because my son is such a good father and the fact that he is missing so much of his son's life , it is hurting him so much, and its just killing me. My son has never been in trouble with the law before. He made a very poor decision one evening to drink & drive and is now paying tremendously for it. Although I like reading thru everyone's posts because it helps me to know that I am not alone (although many days I feel as I am because no one I know has ever been or known anyone in prison) but when I see people say their loved one is coming home in 6 months, 2 years, 5 years, my heart breaks even more knowing there are still 7 years ahead for us. :(

I know what you're going through. My son has another 10 years left (provided he gets good time) and I miss him every day. Thank God for a loving family and good friends, they help him and the rest of his family a lot. I'm getting up there and pray I live long enough to see him released. It is nice to know we're not the only ones going through it.

jancy 05-20-2014 04:49 PM

I always say that most folks have done the drink and drive thing at one point in their lives and never get caught..nothing happens.. Sigh sorry your and your son are going thru this. He will be okay. So will you. He has a lot of life left. Hugs!


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