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Old 02-17-2019, 06:39 AM
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lizlizzie2 lizlizzie2 is offline
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I can completely relate to the post that started this thread and the comments made in reply. I was relieved when my son was arrested this last time. Relieved he was alive and relieved I didn't have to wonder where he was. I was relieved he went to prison, as well as being scared for him. Then I learned how much drugs there were available in prison. It was another 9 months before he quit using and stayed clean. I am hopeful that now having been sober and clean for over 5 years he won't backslide. I also recognize how many new stresses he will be dealing with. While drugs are all around him and he chooses not to use in prison, life on the outside will be an uncontrolled environment. As parents, we don't have any control over what will happen.

My son has been in trouble since junior high. Kicked out of school which contributed to my decision to move to another state. Kicked out again and I sent him to live with his grandmother who turned him over to his dad, but at least he finished that school year and then came back home to live with me. Then in high school kicked out again and we had to homeschool him for a semester. He had run away and it took us a month to catch him. The police gave him the choice of juvenile jail or he agree to me putting him in a treatment center. We chose the latter, and had months of counseling and various drugs for bipolar, ADD, oppositional defiance disorder. That resulted in an IEP plan so the school had to let him back in. We agreed he live with his sister for his senior year and I moved back to Arizona. He went from being a year behind to finishing a semester early. Then his sister kicked him out when she found him using in her apartment.

During those years, from 12 onward, there were various underage drinking tickets and similar citations. Then when he was 21 he and his girlfriend were getting prescriptions illegally. He pled to party to a crime, a class 6 felony, and my former boss (attorney) got him a sweet deal where it would all go away if he stayed clean and followed the probation rules for 3 years. He moved back to AZ to live with me and 8 months later was in jail facing 25 years or more. He took a plea and was sentenced to 8 years.

But, despite all of it, I do believe in his ability to succeed. I know he doesn't want to be an addict, he doesn't want to live the life he was living, he didn't want to be living that life before he went in but he had given up on life being any different and didn't have any patience to wait for things to change. I think as parents we all want to believe they have changed, that this time will be different. We keep trying because we want them to be better. We keep putting out a helping hand, because we don't know what else to do. I think we have all been on that rollercoaster ride and it feels like it never slows down enough for us to breathe. We love them - they are our children. We do the best we can with what we have and hope this time when we put out our hand to help it will be different.

Here is where I am now. I think they need us to believe in them. Knowing someone believes you can succeed gives a person the strength to believe in themselves when things aren't going well. Self-doubt is debilitating. But, there is a difference, a line, between believing in someone and believing someone. That word "in" makes the difference. This time I will not believe in lies or evasions or excuses. If he chooses to get back on that rollercoaster, he will do so alone.

Last edited by lizlizzie2; 02-17-2019 at 06:55 AM..
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