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Old 09-19-2017, 02:24 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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I believe in the sanctity of marriage so for me none of that would work.

I donít advocate anyone doing anything that doesnít feel right to her/him.

Thankfully, this is all new to me and I don't have to make any of those decisions...... my husband was sentenced to 6 months but this really got me thinking about a situation such as your's.

Six months may seem like a long time but heíll soon be back at home.

I can say that without a doubt I would not do the 3rd party thing BUT I honestly do not know if I have it in me to be committed to someone in prison for life.

From what my wife says, itís pretty rare for any kind of male-female relationship with a woman with a relatively long sentence (e.g., 10 or more years) to last more than 3. From what Iíve seen at PTO, female outmates are generally more patient and loyal than most males. Iíve seen a lot of guys disappear from VRs after a few visits. Thatís not saying much for my gender.

I know my belief system tells me that God intends for marriage to be until "death do you part"

A life sentence or a sentence so lengthy itís a life sentence without the word ďlifeĒ that leaves a couple without hope of the LO getting released is a kind of death.

and my faith has grown through the years as did maturity. I am a very black and white thinker....yes or no....right or (or not much room for) gray area because that to me is where trouble lies.

I canít reduce everything to black and white. Reality has a million shades of gray for me.

My husband is at a camp due to "gray area" my opinion. 10 years ago I don't know if my marriage could have withstood a conviction and jail time.

People, points of view and relationships tend to change and evolve over time. Nature gives us some guidance; the two paths are adaptation or extinction. We chose to adapt.

I guess I am wondering what is the benefit of staying married if it is in name only?

Itís important to Tammy that sheís a wife. Itís something she holds onto; a shred of color in an artificially gray existence. We spend what time we can together. Weíre still in love.

Couldn't you just as easily divorce while still being a support for her yet be able to move on with your life?

I could but Iíd feel guilty about abandoning her after all this time. I donít think she could move on. Sheíd have no life.

Just wondering.... if it is not a moral issue then what keeps you there?

Stubbornness and knowing she needs me in her life.

**I am in no way passing judgement** If I come across that way, please chalk it up to my ignorance of what my new "normal" is**

I donít feel like youíre passing judgement. New normals of incarceration test us every day. Our incarcerated LOs are tested 24/7/365.

I have come to realize how naive or sheltered I have been in small town living.

I wish you could have continued to enjoy that happy, uncomplicated life. Reality has a nasty way of changing things, not always for the better.

This forum has opened my eyes to 1) how many are affected by prison system, and 2) how many people actually commit and/or stay committed to others in the system for unbelievable amounts of time.

Iíve learned a lot here myself. I donít feel nearly as alone in my situation.
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