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lunachild · #1 05-04-2005, 11:22 AM

Do I know what the hell I'm doing? Do I really give a rat's a**? NO.

I have been writing to this guy Jason befriended in prison. I helped him out with job applications and addresses for the area he lives in. His letters have been really sweet. Today I got a beautiful Mother's Day card from him. He even wited-out parts of it and put my name and "woman" in beautiful script.

I already told him that I am not going into any relationships with anyone. He wrote back that we can just be friends if that is all I want. But we have also been writing pretty pornographic stuff too. (Friends with benefits?) He lives about 200 miles from here. He is half my age;0!!!! We have never seen each other but he wants me to send a picture and he is sending me one.

He isn't asking me for anything. He says he has money and his mom sends what he needs. He gets out June 10th. He is coming up here in July and spend the weekend of my birthday with me.

I am getting nervous and butterflies in my stomach. He makes me feel good about myself. He knows I am "large" but he doesn't care. He always gives me hell for putting myself down in my letters. He said he knows how sweet and nice I am from Jason and my letters and that's all that matters. (But they all say that, I've heard it before).

Lord knows, I have self-esteem and serious trust issues. I am aware he could be running a game on me but at least my eyes are wide open. Am I ready for this?

Retired-26 · #2 05-04-2005, 11:29 AM

walk with your eyes and ears open. you just got out of a relationship, dont let the words get you, take them in a cherish them, but guard your heart. he is giving you what you are yurning for right now, just be careful

AmyLynn · #3 05-04-2005, 02:19 PM

Luna I would be real careful. Just keep your eyes open and walls around your heart don't let his words get to you!!

LBoogie0810 · #4 05-04-2005, 04:09 PM

Luna Honey, you are still weak, so just be mindful and prayerful of what is really happening. I truly hope that his intentions are good, but be careful. Let me know if you need my ear or my advise. I have been in this situation.

Love Ya-
Lisa

irisheyes66 · #5 05-04-2005, 04:19 PM

Why can't you just remain friends with this guy? (no bennies, either, LOL...it sends mixed messages!)

You say you have self-esteem and trust issues....but it's almost impossible to focus on improving those areas when you are trying to build a new relationship. How about giving all that effort to yourself instead? You deserve it, you know.

That way, you can go forward into the future with confidence that you will be able to offer the best "you" there is.

Take time to be good to yourself, because it's very important. Romance can wait with the new man...put yourself first for a change.

Sure, his words make you feel good. But really, you should also be able to make yourself feel good; your worth can't come from another person.

Just my opinion, given with care....
Susan

1dayatatime · #6 05-04-2005, 04:20 PM

Just be careful. Let is be just friends, dont offer him anything but your friendship and see where that leads you.

Take care--you are in a vulnerable stage right now.

ONE

lunachild · #7 05-04-2005, 07:31 PM

Thanks girls. I love you all. I am being very aware. I am also being very careful. I am doing very well since Jason left and counceling has been going good. I am getting a lot of things back that I lost(spirit and soul) and I am happy about that. I have totally written Jason off and there will be no going back. He hurt me to bad and was deliberately cruel and I am not going there again. I am focused totally on my future and my kids. That is all that matters. He has a little girl and she comes first as far as he is concerned. He is planning on buying a house so he can take care of her. He doesn't do drugs and drinks occasionally like when he goes to dinner or something. I have talked to his mom on the phone a couple of times and she sounds like a very nice woman. She thanked me for helping her son and if there was anything she could do for me to let her know. I let God guide everything in my life and if he throws a rock in my path, I take another course. He was suppose to come up here for a visit when he got out to meet me and see Jason, but of course Jason isn't here. He really wants me to meet his "little angel" as he calls her. I am treading slowly and asking God to guide me on my course.

Thank you so much for caring so much. It makes me to feel good you guys are here.

California Sunshine · #8 05-04-2005, 10:08 PM

Luna I am happy to hear you are doing a little better! Just as everyone said take it slow! We love you and worry thats all

I write some pen pals as well and I admit the mail and attention is nice,one seems to be hot for me but I just can't go there as he is M's friend and honestly I am just not into it so I told him straight up not interested in anything more then friends ever but thats just me.

Wishing you all the best and sending tons of love