First Trip to SQ

[Leah67]

I wanted to let everyone know how my trip to SQ’s Death Row went, and to let you know all about the wonderful terrific sweet man I finally got to hug.

I arrived earlier than my appointment to ensure I was there in time since I am directionally challenged and was sure I would get lost. But also I found it quickly, and was amazed at the beautiful view of the bay. Of course they can’t see if from East Block, thanks to a wall hiding the view from them. UGH!

But anyway, the CO’s were very nice and informed me if they let me in early chances of the extended visit could be reduced but if someone didn’t show up and it could be arranged they would get me in early, or I could come back. I decided to go have breakfast and was directed to a local restaurant where I couldn’t eat because I was so nervous.

I made it back to SQ in plenty of time, got all checked in and took off all my jewelry and shows and went through the medal detector without a problem, then began the process of putting the jewelry and shows back on, and walked about a block where there is yet another medal detector and off came the shows and jewelry yet again, (If I had been told there was another I could have carried the jewelry instead of going through the process of taking it all off a second time.

Made it through a second time and made the long walk to the visiting room and was pointed to the cage I would spend the next four hours. And yes they are cages, (shudders) And I am claustrophobic. I was told I would get the four hours and was promptly locked in and began the wait for my friend to come in.

Now mind you I had a picture he sent me that was several years old and thought I had a good idea of what he looked like. (WRONG). When you are locked in a cage you notice everything around you and every time the door opens and someone enters you pray it is who you are there to visit. So about twenty minutes after I get locked into the case the door opens and this tall INCREDIBLY good looking tall black man comes in with the handcuffs etc. Now I think it is not him at first and sigh because DAMN that man is hot, when suddenly the cage door opens and he is before me. And a smile crosses his lips and I know as our eyes meet for the first time it is HIM the one I waited to find for a lifetime. It nearly kills me to wait until they get the handcuffs removed so that I can hug him for the first time. Finally after weeks of planning I was hugging the man who knows me better than people who have known me a lifetime. (My husband says he is other husband)

For the next four hours we talk, we laugh we cry. We hold hands we are like two who have known each other a lifetime not just a few months. I am amazed at the love coming from him, the honesty and warmth and the compassion and his view of himself and the world.

He doesn’t try to make excuses for what he has or has not done but shares the raw truth and the emotions of dealing with it all. To see the hurt and the pain in his eyes as he talks of the crimes, was something I wish I could capture and who the judges who will decide to commute his sentence the level of ramous coming from him to see that the man who over a decade ago did some horrible things is not the man I know and love today. Yes the past is a part of him, but the anger that led to the crimes is long gone and what is left is a heart and soul racked with guilt that he must live with for the rest of his life. In my opinion seeing the pain he suffers for the past is worse than a death sentence, and I wish I could take that pain away and see nothing but his smiles forever, because his smile melts my heart.

I do not now if it is just me or if others have experienced, but from the first letters we exchanged I felt a bond with him that has grown stronger and even stronger still when we were face to face. It was as if for four hours no one else in the world existed but him and me. I have never in my life felt that kind of connection with another person that quickly. I believe I can trust him with my life and do so. He is more than my best friend, he is one I can not live without having in my life and I wonder how I got by before I met him. It is as if I searched a lifetime for that one person I could share all of me with, the inner most secrets and fears, the joys the hurts all of it, and now he is here and I know I won’t ever let him go.

(((off record some may wonder how or why I can talk about him like that and still love my husband. My husband knows that I love him and he knows that I have a huge heart and that the man who I finally got to hug means just as much to me as he does and he is fine with that. In fact the one I finally got to hug, is family and that is that and my husband feels the same way. He also jokes that now someone other than just him can deal with me when I get PMS or an idea I refuse to give up on.) (Other side note, instead of having one man yelling at me when I need it I have two…UGH I will never win another argument again as long as I live these two will gang up on me I see it now.))

So back to my trip I am going back in two weeks and plan on going every two weeks after that until he is off DR and someone safe then I will still go every two weeks or every week if possible. I will continue to write daily and look forward to our phone calls, because simply put I need him in my life more than he will ever know.

Before I close I have not mentioned his name because I do not know how he feels about having his name posted here as well as the fact that his appeal is underway and I don’t want to do anything that could possibly harm our chances of getting him off DR.

Finally before I really to end this I promised my husband I would also print this and send a copy to him and my other husband so that they both know exactly how much that four hours meant to me and how he has changed my life for the better just by allowing me to be a part of his life.
So since you both our reading this.
My Heart and My Soul I love you both more than you will ever know because there our now words to explain the true depth of what you both mean to me

My Soul is what I have called my husband since we feel in love and my other love is My Heart for together they complete me.

For those that don't understand this love thing I do not even know how to explain it, and I realize to most it may sound odd, but they both understand and in my mind they are the two that need to, But I promised many I would share the memory of my first hug with everyone here so there you have it.
My first trip to visit but not my last.

[flygirlaa2]

I am very glad your visit went well. I know it meant as much to him as it did to you.

[sharonno1]

im so glad ur trip went sp well ive been writing to my hun now for 4 years i know just what u mean by the bond we have the same and im so excited too as ive finally booked my trip our first visit too im arriving on 18 th oct im travelling alone staying in a country ive never visited before and visting sq dr so any advise for me i would appreciate

[Leah67]

sharonno1 let me know when you will be going to SQ and I will try to arrange to be there at the same time. (Then I get to see him too so that is a plus *laughs)
My advice is when trying to schedule the appointments find out if you can do it by mail if you are going to see him on a Thurs or Friday otherwise getting through the phone line is next to impossible and when you do get there the appointments are gone.

But I believe because you are coming from another country you will be able to visit on both Sat and Sun. Because I was told if I lived in another state I could visit both days.

Other than that i am new to DR too and still learning the ropes

But I have now learned if you plan on buying food there get it at the beginning of your visit otherwise by the time you get around to it all the good stuff is gone so find out what he likes and get it early

[sharonno1]

hello hawks lady i arrive on 18 th oct im staying at marin suites corte madera i have written to the prison asking for visits on 20 10 am till 12 21st 10am -12 22nd 10am -12 23rd 10 am -12 do i need to phone the prison to confirm these dates and times it would be really nice to meet up with u as im a stranger in a strange land lol

[Leah67]

very cool. Let me see what I can arranges. I will pm you tomorrow as right now I am on my way out to work.
We will get together and also see the sites

[rlewis729]

HawksLady,

I was soooo glad to read your post . . . and I am so jealous! LOL

I have a dear, dear friend on DR at San Quentin, who I am trying my best to get there and "meet". I live on the East Coast, so it hasn't worked out so far, but I know I will get there at least by next year. He is in North Seg. I want to get there so bad!

Did you have to stay in the cage the entire time, or do they let you use the restroom? I worry about not being able to "hold it" that long!

[Leah67]

We were in a cage but they asked us if we needed breaks for the bathroom or to get snacks so at one point I did leave long enough to use the lil girls room and get some snacks for him but other than that we stayed in the cage.

If you have to use the restroom I believe you just have to let them know and they will let you out

[softheart]

My goodness you post made me cry and made my heart sing..........How wonderful and amazing. I am sooooo happy you got your hug and your visit and now you are complete.

softie

[sharonno1]

hawks lady that will be great just let me know and we can meet up

[Leah67]

Well as my signature says I am going to see my heart again in ten days however i just found out I am on call supervisor that weekend and I already am missing him so much that I am prehaps crazy but I am doing another visit this saturday. So I will leave my home at midnight friday/saturday morning, drive the seven hours to SQ, visit for four hours do the four hundred mile drive back home and then go to work that night. But he is worth it.

My husband thinks i am nuts but he understands. not to mention he just got sent to a place where I can only see him every other weekend so I haev to coordinate this thing. It is tough having two loved ones in prison. So I will see my heart this saturday, my soul the following saturday because he is close enoguh I can be on call and still see him, then back the following weekend to SQ.

I am thinking I should look into flying to SQ it has to be less time consuming, but I have to go visit my men, otherwise I would go insane.

However both our on my doo doo list because no phone calls from DR and no letters from either at all this week. my mail man is upset because he hasn't seen the mail dance all week. However he says the holiday messed up everything. I just miss them both and their letters keep me going between our visits.

[Waitn4mymail]

Wow! Your post gave me chills and I was crying by the end of it! What a wonderful feeling. I have just written my first letter to a new penpal on San Quentin Death Row. I have a special pp on death row in Texas but I know I will never be able to see him... although I would love to meet the man that definitely knows how to bring my spirits up in a single letter. Congratulations to you, your penpal, and your husband... You are all very lucky to have each other in each of your lives.

[melbo]

Congrats...I am so happy for you!

[GENO329T]

That is wonderful, I know the joy that you feel when you see them. It's like Geno takes my breath away as soon as he enters the visiting yard, everytime, and it's like the first time I seen him all over again. I am happy for you !!!!!!!!!!!