Have you lied to co-workers about your man being incarcerated?

[monet420]

I was just wondering if anyone ever had to lie to CO workers about where you man is at? I have been lying to this lady for a while now. She thinks that my man just lives a few hours from me because he works up there…I know it is wrong but she is very noisy and she seems to be very judgmental. Believe me I am not ashamed of my man I just don’t think this women will understand. So has anyone every lied about where there man was at??? Maybe said he was serving our country or working on a secret mission

[liberaldog]

If people I don't know well ask, I just say he lives in Georgia! I don't think it's anyone's business, although I am not ashamed of him. I talk to my friends about him and his situation all the time

[mel2020]

Its a question of whether you want the problem as to whether you tell people. I, personally, do not mention it to anyone. I don't take well to people making snap judgements about him, so I avoid the confrontation. Its none of her business, so it doesn't matter what you tell her. Tell her he's ice-fishing in Alaska for crying out loud. Why does she care where he is? Its YOUR man. Tell her to find her own, or pay more attention to hers! *L*

I do that a lot, but I have an easy out. He's in NC and I'm in KY, so they'll never know where he is in NC! They know I lived there for a while and that he's "taking care of business" so he can move here. That's all they need to know as far as I'm concerned.

[Gemini Gem]

I know how you feel, don't feel ashamed because it's not your fault but on the other hand, you don't want to hear anyone opinions. People always have an opinion when you tell them your man is in jail. For over 10 years, this had been my dirty little secret. The majority of my co-workers know he is locked up because he has been locked up since I was in H.S. Now as an adult 31 yrs old in the work world, I have heard it all because I was always be the "young girl" exp: "Girl don't let him be released to your home" "Girl, they all are liars and have other women while locked up" etc, etc, It's a struggle because alot of men try to hit on me and they make little commits. I have a son, and alot of the men at my job can't understand why I am raising him alone. I don't really mind letting females know because I know 8 out 10 they have dealt with a con or ex-con. It's really none of their business but it's like walking on egg shells everyday because I don't want to have to beat someone down for stepping out of line. When he was locked up in NJ, I told who ever, mostly men because they would always ask, that he was in NJ. Now that my baby is here with me in the Bronx, on the BOAT I tell them he is in the Bronx, IS THIS A LIE? I tell my man, this has been a dance I do want to end, I told him, one day we would sit down in the back yard in our lounge chairs and laugh at all of this.. I know he is a good guy just made some bad choices. There are people out there FREE and are truly horrible people.

[RegisSweetness]

oh hun, i feel where youre coming from. im not gonna say that i necessarily lied about where he is, but i let people think hes home with me every night. i dont tell anyone hes in prison. i mean c'mon, my husband is on death row. how many people are gonna be understanding of a 27 year old being married to a death row inmate? and im not hardly ashamed of him, its just that people are way to judgemental. and besides that, people at my job talk too much. i work with too many messy women!!! i just dont tell people my personal buisness cuz people love to hear dirt about people and talk. so things that i dont want everyone knowing i dont tell anyone at work.
so dont feel bad about what youre doing. protect your buisness or everyone else will be all up in it.

[JD'slove]

Yes for a long time I did lie about where JD was and sometimes still do. I use to say that he worked for the state and was sent to southern ohio to work. I just after alll this years I know that most people are not negative about people in prison. It is so nice to finaly found PTO just stay strong you will learn as you go who to tell what too. So not worry about the lieing just tell them he is a way and leave it at that. This way you are not lieing just not telling everything. I hate lieing so this way I do not feel like I did anything wrong.

[2nice]

I never lie if it is asked as a direct question. I usually just say that he lives in the US and leave it as that!

[Patty]

I never lied. I received a ton of support from family, friends and co-workers many of whom were present at his welcome home party. I am lucky though. I completely understand why some feel the need to lie to protect their jobs or to keep judgemental folks away. I wish it wasn't necessary but alas we do not live in a perfect world.

All the best,
Patty

[MurphyGirl]

I used to lie, but it really weighs me down having to keep up an untruth, so now I either tell the thruth or not answer and just change the subject. The person asking usually gets the hint that your private life is off limits to them, and they'll stop asking.



pw

[tuttles]

Why lie? What did I do wrong? Love a man who is in prison, well if that's wrong then I don't want to be right!!!!!!

If people don't like it, then they can step right on out of our life. I don't need anyone's approval or permission to love my husband. He is who he is, and I love him for all of it, including his current residence.

[MrsPhil]

Originally Posted by tuttles

Why lie? What did I do wrong? Love a man who is in prison, well if that's wrong then I don't want to be right!!!!!!

If people don't like it, then they can step right on out of our life. I don't need anyone's approval or permission to love my husband. He is who he is, and I love him for all of it, including his current residence.

You are absolutely right! My man was afraid that if I told people where he was they wouldn't want to be my friend and since I moved from NH to NJ to be near him I really didn't know anyone. But as I told him, if anyone didn't want to bother with me because of this then they have no place in my life. HE is my life and I am proud of him and our love.

[Silva]

Absolutely not! Just as tuttles said, it's not me that's done anything wrong. I've been at my current job just under a month and we dont have a lot of time for talking, so it hasnt come up in conversation yet, but if and when it does (Office Xmas lunch I expect, if not before) I will tell them exactly what they ask me. Its quite fun watching their jaw hit the ground when I say he's in america, and then it starts on the dig for Australia when they ask a little more and I say 'Oh no, he's in prison... what for?... no, its ok... murder' .
Everyone at my previous job knew, because if I want time off for any reason to do with Ray, I cant keep using the migraine excuse, I'd rather be honest from the start.

[jblovesdb]

Well...it's not that I lie...I just don't mention it to some people. They know I am engaged...but they don't ask where he is...so I don't tell! If someone does ask me...I do tell them. I have lied in the past....but then I ended up telling them the truth. I was afraid of people would say about him...but then I realized that I have no need to lie. I am NOT ashamed of my man...and just b/c he is in prison doesn't mean ish!! When I first started working at this job...maybe 1 or 2 people I told...now just about anyone I talk to knows. I actually do get some support...but I also get a lot of crazy looks and comments. Not just b/c he's in prison...but b/c I am only 20, I'm engaged, I will have waited for about 2 years, and he's in prison!! The combination of all that usually sets them off. Hugs
-Jackie

[gabbygirl372001]

People know where I work, and ever since they found out, I've been treated differently. So...now I just keep my mouth shut about it. It's really no ones business what I do in my personal life anyway. It's funny how people feel that they can offer opinions on the way I live my life. I won't lie about it though, if anyone asks. ~Gabby~

[whiskeylullabye]

I don't lie, if people ask I say he's on a government sponsored vacation. Almost everyone assumes that means he's in the military. If they ask what kind of vacation, I tell them the truth.
I wouldn't be able to keep my lies straight.

[Spork]

Originally Posted by whiskeylullabye

I don't lie, if people ask I say he's on a government sponsored vacation. Almost everyone assumes that means he's in the military. If they ask what kind of vacation, I tell them the truth.
I wouldn't be able to keep my lies straight.

I know this was posted a few years ago, but I loved it! Such creativity- government sponsered vacation- Loves it!

Also since I recently moved back to my hometown I wasnt really sure how to go about telling people or not. So before I had really figured it out I ran into someone at the gas station who asked if I had a bf, where he was, etc. And I quickly decided to not lie but not tell the whole truth. It failed. I was not prepared to be asked anything yet. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Oh he is still in South Carolina.
Her: Why? He didnt want to come with you or...?
Me: Oh, no, he will be moving here eventually
Her: Oh! When?
Me: Uhh...2-15 years
Her: *blank stare*
Me: Bye! *runs off before any more questions can be asked*

[piercednmad]

I don't hide the truth about where my husband is, if someone asks I tell them where he is and why he is in there. Hopefully it will make someone think twice about drugs and what can happen to you if you become addicted to them what they cause you to do...what you have to loose...my husband is loosing our daughters childhood as she will be a teenager when he gets out. If explaining our situation to someone else might prevent it from happening to someone else I don't care what others think about it.

[sickofprisons]

I never did lie- I never felt embarrassed. It's just a fact. I never encountered much judgement about it either, maybe because it didn't bother me. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". Of course, what you may not realize is just how many people are affected by the prison system. I was quite surprised when I talked openly about it that many co-workers stepped forward to tell me about their own friends and family behind bars. You can't tell by looking at somebody whether or not they spend their weekends in the visiting line!

[hesavedme]

I swear to you girl I wish I was a big enough person to just flat out say the whole and complete truth.Yes its not what people would expect or even want to hear but its the truth and its weight off of my shoulders.Here is where I stand.Some people know while others dont.Supprisingly I have told a few people with suprise to find out they also have a loves one locked up.Its very hard being an inmates loved one/wife.The looks we get and the judgment we face is not something that comes without reward though.You have to think of it this way, if they had a loved on incarcerated they would probably ease up alittle on the situtation.Our men are in prison, thats a fact.I pray for a day when we can all plain and simply say HES IN PRISON and not feel the guilt or shame or embaressment from it.The fact of the matter is humans make mistakes.Some people get caught, some people dont and some people just arent willing to admit they too have made a mistake worth putting them where our men are.I am selective at who I tell where my raul is but thats only temporary.

[pieface25]

I have found that most people are very judgemental of another persons situation, especially if they do not know the whole situation. Usually if people ask I have lied at times but other times I say that he lives in another state and we have a ong distance relationship.

[teajai71]

I haven't lied to my co-workers about where he is. He used to be one of my co-workers! When everything started happening and I was coming in late or missing work because of his court dates, it was just way easier to be up front than to pretend that he was out of town or something.

...now associates and strangers, I don't share so readily with them because people are so judgmental:shake: and it's really none of their business!

[Em77]

Yeah I lie. Not because I am ashamed but what is it their business. People judge thats what will happen. People who need to know those that dont know arent needing too.
I had alot of trouble at my last job with them knowing about my partner inside. With my new job.
I tell my co workers that he works for the government(true) and he works in the C.I.D. ( crimes in detention) department. We are unable to see each other as much as we like due to work and thats it. If they asked more questions I just look at them, they stop.

[mel2020]

I would personally like to clarify why I don't tell people. I'm VERY sensitive to people making judgements or comments about my man. I don't let anybody, and I do mean anybody, talk smack about my man. If I say "he's serving time" then the comments come. I know they're not always negative, but inevitably some are, and why risk losing my job because I have to put someone in place? I stand up for my man any time, any place, any reason, and surely no trifling coworker is going to get away with it. Its easier to avoid the outcome by simply avoiding the topic. I could use some temper control when it comes to this, but I don't want to lose that passion for him. He's had too many people tell him he's nothing for too long. So as long as I'm around, it ain't gonna happen again! It's one of the reasons he loves me so much...he doesn't have to feel shamed all the time. I'm proud of who he is, no matter what he's done.

I'll get off of my soap box now. Thank you

[queenpen]

I have never lied about my man's where abouts. I just wish people could understand that for those people with love ones in the system that they are not always seeking love and affection from other people on the outside and that people can be devoted to there mates.

[rnjones00]

I always tell my Co-workers that we are separated and he lives out of town but we are both working on individual issues. It's not a lie and they tend to leave it alone after I bring it to them as a very sensitive subject