Does your man really truly miss being in the Service

[faithh]

My husband was discharged after 14yrs in the Marines. He spent a little while in the brig and gave up so many things. Him and I having been going through some ups and downs since, this happean about two years ago now. He is so upset with himself still and misses his brothers. I miss the community. I don't know what to do for him, at times I blame him,but I know that they screwed him. We ended up settleing but I wonder if we should of put up a fight. IF your spouse as been wronged and pushed out let me know and if he is not his self anymore.

[desertk9]

Faithh,

We feel your pain here. After over 20 years in the military and getting a really raw deal, I have those up and down feelings about the service. I have seen members of other services besides the Corps get screwed by their service. I find it funny that the service wants its members to accept responsibility for their actions, but fail in accepting its own responsibility for what it does to its members.
My wife and I have went through a lot over the past several years. Not once did the "community" we loved support either one of us. We truly found who were are true brothers during this ordeal. We have gathered strength from eachother that we still have. I know of families that have fell apart during less.
Fighting has its price. We have lost so much and gained so little, but we have not given up on faith that justice will be served.
So Faithh, if I could offer you and your husband any advice, it is to stay strong and live for the now. Stay strong for eachother. Live for today, as we cannot change the hands of time to undo anything. Those experiences in the past make us who we are. We can learn from them and maybe teach others to avoid the pitfall we have seen.
If you have any further questions, feel free to drop me a PM.

Take care and stay strong

[discoball]

desertk9 said it well.

you have to have lots of faith that you and your husband are following the right path even if it makes no sense. maybe this is just an opening to something else you never would have seen before.

i think you guys need to put away the what ifs since you cant do much to change things (accept through appeals which his jag should be working on) and concentrate on what now. maybe you both should turn to some other group where you would feel the same sense of community if not the exact same experiences. it doesnt have to be a church, but it could be something like that. it could be something like big brother/ big sister; good will or other volunteer opportunities. there are other things out there that can replace what you both lost but you have to go find them.

if this is getting to be such a big issue for both of you then i suggest you both go to counseling to figure out how to deal with it. nothing at all wrong with it and another set of eyes looking at the situation in a fresh way might help.

good luck.

[11Charlie87]

Originally Posted by faithh

My husband was discharged after 14yrs in the Marines. He spent a little while in the brig and gave up so many things. Him and I having been going through some ups and downs since, this happean about two years ago now. He is so upset with himself still and misses his brothers. I miss the community. I don't know what to do for him, at times I blame him,but I know that they screwed him. We ended up settleing but I wonder if we should of put up a fight. IF your spouse as been wronged and pushed out let me know and if he is not his self anymore.

You two will know the details of his ordeal. You both need to take a good hard look at your own relationship and just how strong that is first. After that, look at his trial and what happened leading up to it and through out the entire process. Did he really get a raw deal, or was it just the UCMJ at work? We all know that the UCMJ is nothing like civilian law, because the accused have no rights. If you honestly believe that you might have a case, then contact a law firm (or JAG) that specializes in the UCMJ, and present it to them. He may also be able to upgrade his discharge and go for a pardon ifhe works torwards is now.

[BobbyPin]

ya..we both miss it. It's been over a year since my husband's discharge and I still have a hard time with the idea that we are not a military family anymore. We were so proud of that title. I'm no longer an Air Force Wife....I'm sad about that. I try not to think about it too much because we have to move on. I look at the bright side,....we got to move back home to family and my husband will find a new rewarding career. But sometimes those sad feelings creep up when I start thinking about all that has happened to us. My husband's CO cried the day he left. They supported him and didn't think the charges were fair...but higher ups saw it differently. it's done now...can't go back

[Gregsgirlx3]

Originally Posted by faithh

My husband was discharged after 14yrs in the Marines. He spent a little while in the brig and gave up so many things. Him and I having been going through some ups and downs since, this happean about two years ago now. He is so upset with himself still and misses his brothers. I miss the community. I don't know what to do for him, at times I blame him,but I know that they screwed him. We ended up settleing but I wonder if we should of put up a fight. IF your spouse as been wronged and pushed out let me know and if he is not his self anymore.

My husband was only in the military for a short time (2 years), but he absolutely loved it and misses it so much. I miss a lot of things from that kind of life but have had to get past it. He still talks about how he misses it and hopes to maybe get into another branch, but I don't know how that works. I feel your pain and I'm sorry you both are going through this. Stay strong and rely on each other for encouragement. As time goes by, things will get better. It's a lot to get over, he gave 14 years to that life.