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Summersweet01 · #1 03-18-2009, 03:47 PM

Hi - I am new here and just wondering if u guys could put my mind at ease. After a long time thinking about it I decided to write to someone on DR - I searched the sites and found someone I felt needed some support - after writting a letter, I got one back from another inmate. I was a bit shocked by this but he said that the guy who i wrote to originaly cant write anymore as he has a date set and doesnt want to write with anyone new - he asked if he could write me instead as his neighbour had asked him to - he doesnt write to anyone and asked me not to look into his cinviction until I got to know him better, at the time it all seemed geniune and he seems like a very nice person - however from reading other posts I am paranoid this could be a scam and feel like I should see what he is convicted for - I wrote back to him but now and hoping it all turns out well for our friendship - has this happened to anyone else?

BLoved · #2 03-18-2009, 10:19 PM

Well, are there any crimes that you would not be able to look past? In that case I probably would want to check out what it was.
I don't think it is neccesarily a scam. Lots of men truly feel awful about their crime, or there simply is a lot more to the story than those few lines on their conviction.
It is not a scam until he starts to lie in any way to you and tries to profit from you in any way if that makes any sense.

Keiko123 · #3 08-18-2009, 10:30 AM

Hi there,

I think I need a little advice. I have a D.R. pen-pal and we've been corresponding for about a year. I got a letter from him recently asking if I would create a website for him, and submit requests to European countries against the death penalty. He is desperate for $$. He would like people to donate to him. He wants me to spearhead this international plea for $$. I have helped him a bit in the past, not financially, but in other ways. This latest plea is not something I signed up for. Can you offer some suggestions for me on how to address his need. Thank you. So long for now.

esteli · #4 03-18-2009, 10:49 PM

I can understand how he would say that. I don't think it's a scam. He probably really needs a pen pal. Also he does not want you to run away if you find out what his crime is. I say give him a chance and write him. Initially your intentions were to befriend someone who is rejected by the world. So here's that chance. I think it's ok. And yes, the guys will do this. Pass an address on if they can't write anymore. I say try it. He just probably wants a chance to tell you his story himself.

sweetnina · #5 03-19-2009, 03:13 AM

Yes, try it. Give him a chance. I know alot of guys who dont want penpals anymore and I guess its a good way to pass addresses to the ones who are still in need for friendships. You have to figure out anyway if you two get along, so its worth a try.

JJS811 · #6 03-19-2009, 05:32 AM

I would say check if the guy you originally wrote to does indeed have a date, if he does, I would say it's genuine, if not then you have to decide if you want to write to the other guy. Sometimes guy's will pass a pen pal to a neighbour, if they can't write themselves, and quite often it isn't a scam.

GlitchWizard · #7 03-19-2009, 11:31 AM

You only have to worry about scams if you forget to set a limit for yourself. I make it clear in my first letter to someone that I am not "looking for love in all the closed spaces" and not in a position to support them financially. I let it be known that I have no complaints if they write to others who will support them, but if they want unconditional acceptance, I am willing and able to supply that.

There isn't anything wrong with sending a subscription to something, or even money if it's your idea. You need to set the boundaries for YOURSELF what YOU want to do - and then stick to it. Then you don't have to worry about being scammed. :-)

I have only spoken to one inmate who I felt was just running me. He kept asking for money and I kept not sending it. Eventually, he stopped writing, and I have several left who honestly are wanting a pen pal.

That being said, if they DO ask for money, it does NOT mean you are being scammed. Sometimes it's nice to have some things that state doesn't provide. You have to decide for yourself to send or not to send. If you say no and they keep writing but never ask again... you know it was an honest request.

You will get MORE out of this relationship than you EVER expected. It's wonderful for both the inmate AND the pen pal. :-)

PS
Feel free to look up his crime. Keep in mind he might not have done it, it might be overblown and inaccurate. It might be that he is guilty, too. It's up to YOU though. He can ask you to not look all day long, but in the end, it's YOUR decision to look or not. I always look. That way I don't have to ask. :-)

JJS811 · #8 03-19-2009, 11:37 AM

Perfectly summed up. You said all I tried to, and so much better than me too...lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlitchWizard

You only have to worry about scams if you forget to set a limit for yourself. I make it clear in my first letter to someone that I am not "looking for love in all the closed spaces" and not in a position to support them financially. I let it be known that I have no complaints if they write to others who will support them, but if they want unconditional acceptance, I am willing and able to supply that.

There isn't anything wrong with sending a subscription to something, or even money if it's your idea. You need to set the boundaries for YOURSELF what YOU want to do - and then stick to it. Then you don't have to worry about being scammed. :-)

I have only spoken to one inmate who I felt was just running me. He kept asking for money and I kept not sending it. Eventually, he stopped writing, and I have several left who honestly are wanting a pen pal.

That being said, if they DO ask for money, it does NOT mean you are being scammed. Sometimes it's nice to have some things that state doesn't provide. You have to decide for yourself to send or not to send. If you say no and they keep writing but never ask again... you know it was an honest request.

You will get MORE out of this relationship than you EVER expected. It's wonderful for both the inmate AND the pen pal. :-)

PS
Feel free to look up his crime. Keep in mind he might not have done it, it might be overblown and inaccurate. It might be that he is guilty, too. It's up to YOU though. He can ask you to not look all day long, but in the end, it's YOUR decision to look or not. I always look. That way I don't have to ask. :-)

GlitchWizard · #9 03-19-2009, 11:40 AM

Thanks. After hitting submit, it dawned on me that the word "I" was used alot. It's all about ME you know!

I'm just happy so many people realize there's a human being behind the conviction.

Summersweet01 · #10 03-19-2009, 04:36 PM

Hi - thanks for your answers - you have put my mind at ease. I checked out his conivtion and I was shocked - but nether the less he says he is innocent and I am here to be a friend not a judge or jury - I will take him as I find him. I checked his story out and his neighbour does indeed have a date which is very sad - but very grateful that he passed my letter on.
oh one last question when I mailed him back I put a fabric badge in the envelop (a london souvenir) it was in a see through plastic bag - im guessing that might me not allowed and he wont get my letter - he is in TX

BLoved · #11 03-19-2009, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Summersweet01

................oh one last question when I mailed him back I put a fabric badge in the envelop (a london souvenir) it was in a see through plastic bag - im guessing that might me not allowed and he wont get my letter - he is in TX

That is indeed not allowed. The whole letter should be returned to you, but that does not always happen.
If you wrote the letter on your computer just print it out again with a little addition of why you are re-sending.

southernsarah · #12 03-26-2009, 11:16 PM

You may be writing to the DR inmate I was writing to. I wrote to him a few times and he wrote back. His letters were warm, and engaging, and fun... and then I looked up his conviction and was so shocked I wrote to him and told him how shocked I was and how I was having a hard time with it. He didn't respond at first.... but I sent him an apology and told him I felt like a monster for sending him such a horrible letter when he had been so friendly and open in his letters to me. He wrote back, his letter had a tone of slight anger (which I fully deserved) and he pretty much politely slapped me around a bit. I don't blame him. I would have reacted a with a lot more anger than he did. He closed by letting me know it is up to me if we continue our friendship..he is willing but not begging ... and let me know loud and clear that just because he is on DR doesn't mean he "needs" to be friends with me.
I wrote him again and told him I accepted his response, and deserved it and then went on writing as if the problem had never happened. And i let him know that I DO want to continue being friends. I hope he writes back. I have learned a valuable lesson. LOOK at the conviction BEFORE you start writing. It isn't fair to do it the way I did it...but it was my first DR experience and I have learned what NOT to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Summersweet01

Hi - thanks for your answers - you have put my mind at ease. I checked out his conivtion and I was shocked - but nether the less he says he is innocent and I am here to be a friend not a judge or jury - I will take him as I find him. I checked his story out and his neighbour does indeed have a date which is very sad - but very grateful that he passed my letter on.
oh one last question when I mailed him back I put a fabric badge in the envelop (a london souvenir) it was in a see through plastic bag - im guessing that might me not allowed and he wont get my letter - he is in TX

Summersweet01 · #13 03-21-2009, 11:42 AM

Oh darn it!! I will get writting tonight again!! any tips on what I am allowed to send that can fit in with the letter? magazine cliipings? postcards?

JJS811 · #14 03-21-2009, 11:51 AM

I have sent pictures, news articles printed from the web, and postcards to Polunsky with no problem. If you think about what you're sending, and could it in any way be sharpened to make into a weapon, then it's a no-no. Neither are plastic bags. It really is mainly paper or card that is allowed, Polunsky are pretty strict.

16th Round · #15 03-22-2009, 06:14 PM

Hi SummerSweet,

I hope your correspondence goes well with your friend in Texas. I have shared letters with a couple of people on death row over the past 20 years and the most rewarding friendship was a 'referral'.

My experiences with the folk I wrote to were invariably positive. I was never asked for anything and only ever volunteered anything at religious festivals. Your experience may be different.

Without wanting to sound uncaring, please remember you very much have control in your situation. With that control comes responsibility. You'll probably also find yourself amazed what comes through in your letters. Sometimes it's very hard going, other times it's a breeze. Just keep your head about you.

It's been years since I wrote to my Texas friend. He's been gone a long while. However, I suspect the regulations about what you can and can't send on or put in your letters won't have changed much. As always, a look at the TX DOC website may be of help.

Take care.

elsapunzi · #16 03-27-2009, 06:58 AM

I have never looked up their convictions, instead i just give them time to talk about it if they want to do so, i would much sooner get to know them first, usually they tell me where i can find out about their convictions if i want to look it up.

Sternschnuppe · #17 06-16-2009, 05:27 PM

Hi, I´m new here and this is my first post

I just wanted to add that I also had a similar experience:

I wrote to someone on DR and suddenly got a letter from another man. He said the other one didnt have any time to write me and asked whether I wanted to write to him instead. I did and it was the best thing I ever did, we have such a great friendship today and I´m so happy to have him in my life, I´m so glad he wrote me that one letter

)) We´ve been writing for almost 2 years now

And I never looked up there crimes because I want to get to know them first and maybe they´ll tell me or not, to be honest, I don´t even really care about it because enough other people do and I think there are more important things to do

)

**lisainengland** · #18 06-17-2009, 03:02 AM

Hi and Welcome to PTO

. I have 4 pen pals and one of mine I inherited from my cousin!!!! He is a brilliant guy and we have a wonderful friendship. None of my penpals have ever asked me for money although I always send them a few dollars for birthdays etc. I have never regretted writing to any of my pen pals. I never ask about their crime I am not interested in judging them. I guess like all friendships sometimes things are good sometimes they get a little rough but I wouldn't change a thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sternschnuppe

Hi, I´m new here and this is my first post

I just wanted to add that I also had a similar experience:

I wrote to someone on DR and suddenly got a letter from another man. He said the other one didnt have any time to write me and asked whether I wanted to write to him instead. I did and it was the best thing I ever did, we have such a great friendship today and I´m so happy to have him in my life, I´m so glad he wrote me that one letter

)) We´ve been writing for almost 2 years now

And I never looked up there crimes because I want to get to know them first and maybe they´ll tell me or not, to be honest, I don´t even really care about it because enough other people do and I think there are more important things to do

)

JJS811 · #19 06-17-2009, 10:55 AM

Welcome to PTO.

I have a few DR PP and they are all very special and very unique. They face adversity head on, and teach me so much. I love all my guys and wouldn't swap them for the world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sternschnuppe

Hi, I´m new here and this is my first post

I just wanted to add that I also had a similar experience:

I wrote to someone on DR and suddenly got a letter from another man. He said the other one didnt have any time to write me and asked whether I wanted to write to him instead. I did and it was the best thing I ever did, we have such a great friendship today and I´m so happy to have him in my life, I´m so glad he wrote me that one letter

)) We´ve been writing for almost 2 years now

And I never looked up there crimes because I want to get to know them first and maybe they´ll tell me or not, to be honest, I don´t even really care about it because enough other people do and I think there are more important things to do

)

SouthernBelle56 · #20 10-13-2009, 11:09 PM

I never asked my pen pal about his crime. I did find it on the internet, just a couple of news stories. After we wrote awhile, he decided to share, and seemed very honest. I think it's better to wait and let them tell you when they trust you enough. I think they worry about being looked down on, or losing their pen pal. They usually need a lot of reassurance, I've heard. (Don't we all.)

dijonjake · #21 05-12-2009, 05:49 PM

Hello Everyone!!! I really am glad for this forum! I just made the decision to be a DR penpal. I liked what was said about the boundaries thing. I had a penpal, not on deathrow, before that tried to take advantage of my good nature, I posted about it elsewhere, but it is true, if it was my idea to send money, books, stamps, then I was fine with it. But I dont like being begged and well I dont have to describe the feeling. But my question here is, today I just found out how bad they really have it on DR and in my letters are there any subjects besides the obvious that I shouldnt bring up? I just want to bring some love, kindness, and genuine friendship to a person who I feel needs and deserves it. Not to mention, I bet that man will be happy for a light hearted letter like I sent. Before I was a very ignorant person when it came to the Death Penalty and just prisons in general, until I had to do some time and I realized that just because you have made a mistake does not take away your humanity. I just know I have alot of unconditional love to share and that is what my intentions are. Thank you in advance for any responses.

JJS811 · #22 05-13-2009, 12:14 AM

Welcome to the CP forum, the people here are very protective of the DR population, and it does get a bit heated at times, but it's 'cos we care passionately about what happens to the guys, during their life on the row, and what could happen without the daily fight many of us are engaged in. Luckily the staff are usually around, and they put people back into their corners, and peace is restored...lol There is also loads of advice in here, and most problems can be sorted out, if not then advice on where to go to get things fixed is usually available. I look forward to reading your posts, and seeing your friendship with your new pal blossom.

Writing a DR inmate is a tough road, with many ups and downs, but it is the most rewarding thing - ever! I have a few DR PP scattered about the US, and I love 'em all to bits. Each one is unique and special. I have encountered all kinds of highs and lows, some lows are easier to deal with than others. All my pals are soooo different, from a real southern gentle-man to one who is always busy, and roping me into helping...lol One pal makes me laugh, 'till I cry, while another is quite serious and deep. No matter what your pal is like, he will enrich your life, in some way. He will teach and give you more than you give him, I can almost guarantee it. People think that because these guys are in prison and on DR they can give little - wrong! I have learned SO much from my pals. Any questions, no matter big or small, ask away, and enjoy and treasure your new friend

Summersweet01 · #23 05-13-2009, 03:32 AM

Hi and welcome, I too recently have started a friendship with 2 DR inmates one in Txs and one in SQSP. It is the most rewarding thing I have done. One is very loving and a true supportive friend, he sends pictures and lovely words and just wants friendship - he wants to see the world through my eyes. The other has requested I help him with his businnes ideas that he is hoping to launch and in return he tutors me in African American history and culture. I would say take his lead keep it light hearted and enjoy it - both of my friends do not like discussing their enviromnet and the terrible things that happens. If he needs to vent be there but dont let it be the only thing you talk about - ur their chance to escape for a while.
Enjoy it !! x

mammastalkin · #24 05-13-2009, 07:02 AM

I'm so glad you are here! I'm also kinda new. One of my friends has already been executed. It is a terrible feeling as you can imagine. It is like having a friend frozen on railroad tracks with a train coming. Try as you might you can't make him move. I try to remember that I was there for him in his final days. I treasure his letters and I'm comforted by the fact that they can't be mean to him anymore.

It is always exciting to receive their letters. You know that by writing you are helping to restore their humanity.

Best wishes with your friendship. The whole community is here if you need us. Just ignore the occasional meanie.

saracmc · #25 05-13-2009, 01:55 PM

Hello!

It's great to hear that you've decided to correspond with a DR penpal. I've found this website to be very helpful, in terms of support, ideas, information, etc. I hope it will be that way for you, too.

I've got several DR friends; each one is different and special, but none of them have ever hassled me for anything.

I don't think you'll be disappointed at all.