How to Survive a Prison Relationship

[Jillian]

Many of us come here looking for support and others who are going thru if not the same thing but something similar. We all start off with the same questions how are we going to make it with him being gone. We all realize that it doesn't matter if our loved one is gone for a few months, a few years, to life we all have to deal with separation anxiety. We all have to deal with a loved one being ripped out of our daily lives, aind being placed in a strange and scary place.

I thought we should have a thread that can help all those who have questions about how to survive a prison relationship. Share what helps you get thru your days while your loved has been gone.

One thing we all have to remember is that communication and honesty is the key.

Looking forward to what everyone else will add to this!

[tee.dot.q]

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

[cazann23]

Well to be honest I came on this thread to get some help but I figure i should give some as well. I talk to my husband everyday, write him about once or twice a week and visit him everyweek. I have been doing this for a year and I could have 25 left so I have got to keep my sanity. I miss him and love him more than life itself. Some say we are both obsessed with each other but I say we are just truly in love. It works for us. He talks about me all the time, his whole floor knows who I am and that makes me feel good. I also talk about him all the time and that helps me rememebr how much I love him and why I am doing this. Some avoid and I embrace. This too shall come to an end and I continue to remind myself of that. Things worth having are working for. I guess I use alot of self talk. We also talk talk talk about everything. Honesty is the key. even if it is a sore subject me talk about it and work on it. When he gets back home we plan on being solid and talking will ensure that.

[diamond n d ruf]

I very well understand, because i too have to deal with the patience and it's been rather easy because i see my husband on a weekly basis, but at the same time waiting for the parole to take place and more waiting for all the right answers. Keep praying believing and trusting GOD all things will work out for the good

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

[ms.lak17]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

Yes i Totally agree with you, he has 2 years left and he has taught me to have patience!

[2gthr2012]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

great thread e!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the doc/bop, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew i had the ability to be patient until i had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

i understand patience and to be understanding but how do i get to the man underneath that brick wall, to get him to just open up!,i have been totaly honest like he asked of me and i keep getting discrepiancies to use a polite term, some times i feel like a complete idiot , but at thesame time i love him and do not want to give him up

[life.eyes]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

great thread e!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the doc/bop, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew i had the ability to be patient until i had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

i have to agree ! I never knew such patience,either. And i use to use the phrase"patience is a virtue". Now i like to say "good things come to those that wait"...because thats what i do...hurry up and wait.

[wifey2the1<3]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

i agree completely!

[♥Laborry787♥]

That is true but the important thing is the love the feel for one of another and no matter what people said you are the only one whos going thru this i know I miss my husband more than ever but we have God with us and been patient , the comunication the you have with them and trust without that nothing is going to work and nothing is imposible for God

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

[storee69]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

So very true...If they cant trust you how can they depend on you to be by his side...Everyday i wake up wishing he was home and when i figure out that my fairy god mother took and indefinate vacation to bora bora and forgot her cell phone...i just sit and write him a letter...or some stupid corney thing that goes thru my head...but most of all...i tell him how much i love him...He tells me its what carries him thru...especially cuz he hasnt anyone else but me...And i admit, some days are harder than most especially cuz he was extradited to a different state and i came up here to be with him...and i am all alone with nobody to talk to or to lean on so its just me...I just want to sit and cry...but that doesnt accomplish anything and we ARE going to see this thru to the end...and when he does come home...our relationship will be stronger than it already is...so now we are down to the last 4 of his bid...we've done 10 so far...3 years 243 days and counting...

[BLLB]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

I agree totally! I am in a relationship with my Boo, this is new for me. I just got into this only 3 months ago. He is at WMC, in the hole, because they shipped him from Boonville, Mo and he has to get processed first, before they find him a cell. I miss him terribly. We used to talk twice a day, now I haven't heard anything from him since June 29th. I guess this is were Patience comes in.

[dcreasman]

im new to the system and my husband is in ventress d.o.c. in alabama i have not heard from him since they moved him there about 2 weeks ago does anyone have a loved one in ventress in dorm-b?if so can u get my heart and soul message his name is kerry creasman and let him know he can call me at 334-235-3573 i would realy love to here his voice i live in ga and work all the time to keep my mind from going crazy and on top of that i have breast cancer so any help would be greatly app.thank you kerrys bab

[myloveisstrong]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

I absolutely love this! You are so beyond right! Thank you!

[Bamer13]

There are no words to describe my fear and loneliness as I make my way through this suddenly large and unforgiving world.(or so it seems at the moment).my is not in for a violent crime, just a stupid and selfish one. I stand with him and beside him because that’s love and commitment. We have only been together for a year and a few months and I feel half of me am missing. I don’t know how long he will be serving. I hope to make myself whole and strong for him when he comes home. Thank you to everyone for your insights and honesty. Fear and confusion are my constant companions now as friends. To be around your pain which makes the isolation all the more apparent? Hopefully I will get stronger and grow right now, but it doesn't feel possible. Ironic as it seems my Fat Man has been a constant form of strength and because he believes in me! That I am strong.


If there’s one thing that I know about myself it’s that I hate having secrets, secrets mean shame, and I am not now, nor will I ever be, ashamed that I am a woman who has loved someone, and that someone has loved me. And even though people have asked me if I have lost my mind, if I am lonely or just desperate. Even though so many people have wondered if I was having a crisis, or determined that I was just going through a phase. To those people just let me say........ &@$# YOU! Well instead I’ll say You can’t polish a TURD! My man would know what I’m “TALKIN ABOUT” And that’s all that matters. I will continue loving the man I love. I will love him even though he’s got a few skeletons. I will continue loving him. I am about to be an inmates wife. Yes, a wife of a prisoner. Our wedding will not consist of an expensive wedding dress, a big bouquet of flowers or black ties. What it will be is the happiest but at the same time the saddest day of my life. All I want is to look in his eyes while he holds my hand and say the two words I DO! That will make us one. One love!!

[Justice in 3]

so well said!! I seem to keep having to learn patience every 6 months or so!!! this is very difficult, but I have to push forward in order to reach our goals.

[tdavisgirl]

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

Great thread E!

Patience is not just a virtue but a neccessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP, and patience with the people around you who may or may not understand... I never knew I had the ability to be patient until I had a relationship with a man doing time!

Oy vey.

ABSOLUTELY! I resonate very well with this post. I have found myself being more patient with his fears of thinking that I won't be able to handle things on the outside or being able to make ends meet to have canteen ready for him or have the phone situated. I find myself having to be more patient with myself. I want him to call at a certain, especially when I'm lonely, but he's not a mind reader. And I have to be patient when I see that he's called about 7 times in a row when I'm at work and I'm not around my phone. It's not that he's thinking I'm up to no good, it's just that he misses me as much as I miss him. I have to remind myself that I'm pretty much at his beckon call. I have to wait for him to call me. I have to wait until he turns in the new visitation form (just got transferred to another facility). I have to wait for a reply letter. I have to patiently wait - something that I'm not used to doing with him. He spoiled me while he was out! LOL

[.random.person.]

I have to agree about communication... it's EVERYTHING... I'm kind of shy & introverted by nature, so I often find myself thinking, "Oh no, I can't ask him that, it'll make him so uncomfortable," or "I can't say THAT to him, that's too weird" or "too blunt" or "too corny" or "it'll just make him all bummed out." Sometimes I have to force myself to remember that if he really does care about me like he says he does, then he's got to be able to handle honesty- even if it's about something that'll make us both bummed out for a while (especially stuff about why he's in there, the past, etc, etc). So I just say to my first thoughts, "To heck with that, I'm telling him anyway!" XD I don't always get answers that I like or expect, but I'm always glad that I brought it up & that we finally got it out into the open. And sometimes I DO get awesome answers/responses!

[Tina]

I try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when I know that William will call me, or when I know I have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how I feel or what I may be going through and I try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also I try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

[Johanna Denise]

Originally Posted by Help Lord

I try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when I know that William will call me, or when I know I have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how I feel or what I may be going through and I try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also I try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

Hey BOOBOO you are on here too!! Yay. I havent been on prison paper in a while

[:IMWAITING:]

Originally Posted by help lord

i try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when i know that william will call me, or when i know i have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how i feel or what i may be going through and i try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also i try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

@help lord

i loved your response...it sounds just like me...im fairly early in my 15yr sentence with him and im afraid there will come a time when i Just cant do it anymore..granted no one knows what the future will bring and im being honest..does anyone else ever feel this way? Nevertheless phone calls and letters is basically the only thing that gets me through days...his visits hasnt started yet :-[ when you can be each others strength on days when either of you feel like giving up, i think that's what lightens the load, even if temporarily...I TRY TO INVOLVE HIM IN THINGS THAT HE MAY FEEL LIKE DOESNT MAKE SENSE (I.E WHAT TO MAKE FOR DINNER FOR THE KIDS, WHAT HAIRSTYLE I SHOULD GET, ETC) JUST TO MAKE HIM FEEL AS THOUGH HIS SAY DOES STILL MATTER...SOME DAYS ARE HARDER THAN SOME, AND IT'S NOT ANY ONE PERSON WHO MAY HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS...IM VERY APPRECIATIVE FOR EVERYONE HERE WHO TAKES THE TIME TO TRULY OFFER SUPPORT WHEN COMMUNICATING WITH OUR LOVED ONE IS NOT SOMETHING WE CAN DO 24/7 ANYMORE....

[misslonely]

Originally Posted by help lord

i try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when i know that william will call me, or when i know i have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how i feel or what i may be going through and i try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also i try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

know one can understand what ur going through or how it feels unless their going through it.my husband just got sent. To 5 years in federal prison.he just went right at 2 mths ago.i thought it would get easier for me and the kids as time went on.but to tell ya the truth its gettin harder.i feel as if people r judging me as a bad person b/c of what happened.sometimes the calls make it harder b/c i cry alot.then when times up im all upset and theres know one there to console me.and i cant let the kids see me upset. good luck!!! Its so hard

[jazdacas090305]

Wow idk where to begin at least you have dat I don't have no one no kids. Or kid to even look at when feeling down at least you can cry then wipe yours tears to be strong for the kids...I have famIly but they like I go threw they own misiery in don't have the time to hear mine so to have lil ones or w/e they ages are to tell you mommy don't cry to keep you strong its amazing so keep ya head up in remeber this isn't forever you can do it

[mizin my hubby]

Originally Posted by Help Lord

I try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when I know that William will call me, or when I know I have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how I feel or what I may be going through and I try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also I try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

That's how I fell totally u took da words rite outa my mouth my fiance is in the federal system doing 23 months an I have his 1st kid he is 4 months an I was 2months preg whn he left so I'm learning 2 cope wit him not being here 2 c him grow but so far so gud jus watch da mail box and the phone!

[Mommy2Aubrie]

Originally Posted by mizin my hubby

That's how I fell totally u took da words rite outa my mouth my fiance is in the federal system doing 23 months an I have his 1st kid he is 4 months an I was 2months preg whn he left so I'm learning 2 cope wit him not being here 2 c him grow but so far so gud jus watch da mail box and the phone!

I was 3 months pregnant. Our daughter is now 3months 2weeks old. I just focus alll im attention on my daughter, watch the mail box, and write him.

[imisshim2011]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Duncan

I try to focus on my daily life here with my kids. I look forward to the times when I know that William will call me, or when I know I have mail coming. I use each of those letters and phone calls to get me through till the next. Taking things one day at a time (or even less at a time if necessary helps too. I'm honest with him about how I feel or what I may be going through and I try to encourage him to do the same, even if he thinks it will put to much strain on me. I tell him that even if it does make things difficult it doesn't matter. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Also I try to find ways for us to work together as much as possible, weather it's making decisions, or each of us doing what we can to accomplish a common goal.

usually im good with persuading the probation officers but not this time.... he had a warrant for not paying his restitution and he is being held till the 10th of march and then they are gunna see from there what to do.... he has 2-4 years hanging over him and i dont want to loose my baby... we have a beautiful baby boy together and i dont want to have to explain to him when he is older where is his daddy and why is he in jail... he is the love of my life and i miss him soo much.... but like u said the mail and the phone calls ( even though i didnt set up the entercom yet) are worth wild.