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noregr3ts · #1 10-01-2010, 01:59 PM

I've read previously about women and their MWI's and how they used them for money, sex, etc. I'm not by any means a gullible woman. I don't fit the stupid (and completely inaccurate) profile that everyone thinks women who get with someone in prison are: I'm not ugly and I do NOT have low self esteem! I've got a good head on my shoulders- coupled with some street smarts. So. Now that I've tooted my own horn x 20... I'll say this:

It's the street smarts part about me that I think is messing with my head. I just posted my intro, but I'll say it again. I started writing my pen pal through a website that I found a couple of months ago. I chose him because we were interested in a lot of the same things, around the same age, and grew up in the same part of the state. Wanted to talk to someone who I had things in common with, you know?

Little did I know, I was sort of playing with fire. I started talking to a single guy, that I had a bajillion things in common with (and about that- he's honest when he's not interested in a lot of the things i am) who happened to be good looking and up for parole in December.

On the outside, what do you think would of happened? We would have started dating!

In his last letter, he told me that he had some definite feelings for me. He also went on to tell me that one of his pen pals (a woman, that I knew he wrote) was a little more than a pen pal, she wasn't a GIRLFRIEND in his words, but more of a sugar mama. They'd talk sexually and kind of, in return, she'd put money in his commissary and stuff like that. From what I understand, he'd talked to this sugar mama even when he and his girlfriend were together (now ex). He told me that when he and his gf broke up (she dropped off the planet and got married) he was heartbroken, because he thought that she was his soulmate. So I asked him this: if you thought she was your soulmate, why in the he** did you have your sugar mama on the back burner just in case? And how could I expect him not to do it to me too? Oh. I also added that if he expected me to put $$ in his commisary he was wrong. I'm a poor college student, so that ain't gonna happen no matter HOW I feel about him. [waiting on a reply] He also said that he felt like the way he was feeling about me was so intense that he felt awful keeping it from me- and that he was writing her a letter THAT DAY to let her know about me.

Here's the street smarts part. Do you think I should give him a chance? He IS being honest with me, and we've all made mistakes in our past (I've not been the most faithful in the past EITHER). Am I giving him too much credit? I still want to go visit him, well- depending on what his replies are to my questions. He just got transferred to a unit that is probably the furthest away from my location as physically possible, but I want to do it. I feel like if I see him maybe everything I'm feeling will be validated.

What do YOU think?

Indylissa · #2 10-01-2010, 02:25 PM

I think you should go and see him. He has been upfront about everything. I'm sure that some will think that he'll just be using you and that a leopard can't change his spots, etc. etc., but if I were you, I'd make my own decisions regarding this matter. You have your street smarts so use them, lay everything on the table and see what he has to say. Then go from there. Bottom line is this: It is your life, no one elses, so it is your decision. Whether it works or doesn't work this forum will be here for you to vent your anger or to express your happiness.

**Lorraine** · #3 10-01-2010, 02:31 PM

Uhmmm.. If you choose to proceed, I would tread lightly. This guy had a gf but was sending freak letters out to a pen pal? For money? It sounds like he's prostituting himself tbh. I'd be interested to hear what his reasoning for that was.

*#1AndOnly* · #4 10-01-2010, 02:40 PM

With any relationship you are looking at baggage from the past. His is a little different because of where he's at. But it's still baggage and if he truly does come clean to the other woman about you (has he stated what he intends to do after she knows abuot you ? Continue on with their relationship as it was since some women would be ok with that or stop the relationship period ?) then it seems he's trying to do the right thing and clear the way for you two to get to know each other. Essentially you're 'dating' per se and he's not necessarily stepping over any boundaries until you become 'exclusive' .... so I think it's a good thing he's being honest with you

BlueEyedEllie · #5 10-02-2010, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by His#1&only

With any relationship you are looking at baggage from the past. His is a little different because of where he's at. But it's still baggage and if he truly does come clean to the other woman about you (has he stated what he intends to do after she knows abuot you ? Continue on with their relationship as it was since some women would be ok with that or stop the relationship period ?) then it seems he's trying to do the right thing and clear the way for you two to get to know each other. Essentially you're 'dating' per se and he's not necessarily stepping over any boundaries until you become 'exclusive' .... so I think it's a good thing he's being honest with you

every human being has baggage from their past.there is a huge difference between carrying baggage from your past and being a user.and he is not THAT honest.i doubt he's told the other girl she's his "sugar momma".You know what his character is all about.they say knowledge is power.make your decision based on the "knowledge" you have about this man.

**Lorraine** · #6 10-01-2010, 02:47 PM

My thought is that he might be honest with the pp, but they are not together anyway, so how much does that matter? Being honest about what's happening doesn't mean it's going to stop. It didn't stop with his last gf and the pp knew about her too.

-Sorry, just realized you did not say the pp knew about the ex.

noregr3ts · #7 10-01-2010, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lori1817

My thought is that he might be honest with the pp, but they are not together anyway, so how much does that matter? Being honest about what's happening doesn't mean it's going to stop. It didn't stop with his last gf and the pp knew about her too.

For as long as I've been writing him he's been single. Not sure if that's what you meant or not. And I am also not sure if his ex girlfriend knew about he sugar mama and vice versa. He's got a lot of explain to do Lucy.

BrownEyedGurl · #8 10-01-2010, 02:47 PM

I like your name... Noregrets... I think if you stick with that motto you will be fine. None of us can guarantee the future. I do what I do everyday what I choose to, so I will not look back and be upset about the choices I made. I like when guys are honest even if I don't like what they are saying. I respect that. I say give him a chance and hold on to your money...

Tjames85 · #9 10-01-2010, 02:55 PM

I wouldn't give him a chance just yet. If he could talk to another woman while you are in a relationship with your "soul mate" then what else are you capable of. Secondly does the sugga momma know she is a sugga momma and not a girlfriend. Did she know about the ex. Did the ex know about the sugga momma. Does he plan to drop the sugga momma and her money for you. I am not saying he can't change. I would wait until he was out and would still just be friends for a while. Personally i would want to speak to the sugar momma before giving him my heart.

sweetdaisydream · #10 10-01-2010, 02:58 PM

I agree, everyone has a past. Everyone has baggage. The fact that he came clean about it is good. But I also agree that he was pretty much prostituting himself for money. When he had a "soulmate". Who would do that when they had their real soulmate? I agree, tread lightly. It may come to it that he just wanted to be honest, which is an amazing thing. I am happy that you are smart about what you do and that you don't wanna be another sad, sob MWI story. Good good!

LadyT530 · #11 10-01-2010, 03:40 PM

Girl I would say that you should go and see him and see what happens just follow your gut instinct girl, don't ignore the street smarts that you have.

vera31 · #12 10-01-2010, 03:57 PM

The writing is on the wall. You've already gotten your warning that he has a shady character.

SexyChef1 · #13 10-01-2010, 04:33 PM

What bothers my is how he played with "suga mama's" feelings, heart and wallet...I cant stand a user there is nothing cute about it ....Sorry sweetie just be careful he is obviously capable of GAME!

communicator · #14 10-01-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Empress1

What bothers my is how he played with "suga mama's" feelings, heart and wallet...I cant stand a user there is nothing cute about it ....Sorry sweetie just be careful he is obviously capable of GAME!

I agree. I was burned myself, and it wasn't even a romantic relationship, although he tried that, too. This guy had been lying to me about so many things, and I just believed him. Now some things he admitted to because he guessed that I would find out anyway.

KeithsWifeyxOx · #15 10-04-2010, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian'slady

AMEN to that!!! Check out lovefraud.com. A REAL eyeopener!!! My BF sounds just like that. All those TV shows are right. They show men who date & even marry women for their $$$. Inmates do the same. Unfortunately it's hard to tell. It took me over 2 yrs. & it about killed me. I doubt I will EVER write another inmate. I think what he's doing is a very good sign he's a user/liar/cheat, just from MY experience. It sounds just like my BF. Sorry, but it really does. I don't want ANY girl to hurt the way I did. I told his other girls, but they didn't listen & got hurt very bad,Too. It's hard to believe the truth when you're in love. And they're such good liars/sweet talkers/charmers. Ask for copies of his phone list & visitor list. If he says you can't visit w/o telling him 1st - UH OH! Mine never did that, but I lived in CA & only visited once or twice a yr..

If he does those things to you, why is he still your boyfriend?
When it comes to your comment about people's "know it" feeling going away when they're in love, I don't believe it.
I've seen women who have been used after knowing the inmate for very short periods of time.
I think it has more to do with low self esteem. A lot of women who are used by inmates, know it, but they're too scared to face the facts. Being with someone who takes from them, feels better to them than being with nobody at all.
I am head over heels in love, but I have never been blinded to reality. I don't think it's about love blinding you, I think it's about what you feel you are worth.

**tee.dot.q** · #16 10-01-2010, 04:45 PM

At the end of the day, there isn't a whole lot a man in prison can prove to you - most of what you base your opinion on is what he *tells* you. He is *telling* you he is a user. If you are ok with that, proceed.

A long time member here has a wonderful saying. It goes "when a man tells you something about himself - LISTEN"

I personally do not want a man that preys on the weakness of women. He says they exchanged sexual dialogue for commisary money. Well, I'm sorry but I am willing to bet it was more than that. I'm sure there was sex talk but I highly doubt their correspondence was void of emotional/reomance talk in addition.

In any case, good luck in whatever you decide.

T'sBabygirl · #17 10-02-2010, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

A long time member here has a wonderful saying. It goes "when a man tells you something about himself - LISTEN"

hehe, as much as I hate Dr Phil, that's one of my favorite Dr Phil quotes! Except he doesn't say "a man", just "someone". I've tried to live by that for years. Often find it comes in handy with female friends, as well as men.

dianam1972 · #18 10-01-2010, 09:21 PM

The bottom line is he is a user. Whether he came clean or not.

HannaBoe · #19 10-01-2010, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noregr3ts

I've read previously about women and their MWI's and how they used them for money, sex, etc. I'm not by any means a gullible woman. I don't fit the stupid (and completely inaccurate) profile that everyone thinks women who get with someone in prison are: I'm not ugly and I do NOT have low self esteem! I've got a good head on my shoulders- coupled with some street smarts. So. Now that I've tooted my own horn x 20... I'll say this:

It's the street smarts part about me that I think is messing with my head. I just posted my intro, but I'll say it again. I started writing my pen pal through a website that I found a couple of months ago. I chose him because we were interested in a lot of the same things, around the same age, and grew up in the same part of the state. Wanted to talk to someone who I had things in common with, you know?

Little did I know, I was sort of playing with fire. I started talking to a single guy, that I had a bajillion things in common with (and about that- he's honest when he's not interested in a lot of the things i am) who happened to be good looking and up for parole in December.

On the outside, what do you think would of happened? We would have started dating!

In his last letter, he told me that he had some definite feelings for me. He also went on to tell me that one of his pen pals (a woman, that I knew he wrote) was a little more than a pen pal, she wasn't a GIRLFRIEND in his words, but more of a sugar mama. They'd talk sexually and kind of, in return, she'd put money in his commissary and stuff like that. From what I understand, he'd talked to this sugar mama even when he and his girlfriend were together (now ex). He told me that when he and his gf broke up (she dropped off the planet and got married) he was heartbroken, because he thought that she was his soulmate. So I asked him this: if you thought she was your soulmate, why in the he** did you have your sugar mama on the back burner just in case? And how could I expect him not to do it to me too? Oh. I also added that if he expected me to put $$ in his commisary he was wrong. I'm a poor college student, so that ain't gonna happen no matter HOW I feel about him. [waiting on a reply] He also said that he felt like the way he was feeling about me was so intense that he felt awful keeping it from me- and that he was writing her a letter THAT DAY to let her know about me.

Here's the street smarts part. Do you think I should give him a chance? He IS being honest with me, and we've all made mistakes in our past (I've not been the most faithful in the past EITHER). Am I giving him too much credit? I still want to go visit him, well- depending on what his replies are to my questions. He just got transferred to a unit that is probably the furthest away from my location as physically possible, but I want to do it. I feel like if I see him maybe everything I'm feeling will be validated.

What do YOU think?

I totally agree with you. go visit him.
sometimes face to face conversation unveil everything, facial expressions tell us so much about a person, i also think you could sense their energy better and figure out easier what their intentions are. Even if it's in the north pole i think it would clarify things 4 you.

HannaBoe · #20 10-01-2010, 10:25 PM

I totally agree with you. go visit him.
sometimes face to face conversation unveil everything, facial expressions tell us so much about a person, i also think you could sense their energy better and figure out easier what their intentions are. Even if it's in the north pole i think it would clarify things 4 you.

crazy2010 · #21 10-01-2010, 10:21 PM

Hello he has told you he uses women what makes you think your exempt? Your might be a great and beautiful girl, but he's already told you he uses women!!! Wake up!!! Don't be a prime example that he's writing about next time he's playing someone!!!

jtmonique · #22 10-01-2010, 10:35 PM

OK really? Here is my thoughts on this If he lost his "soulmate" over this "sugar mamma" why would he do right by you? I just dont understand catching feelings for someone who is in a bad situation that has this kind of back story being honest with you about this trifiling behavior does not make him a good candidate to date...He is telling you about her so anything that goes on between them from this point on is fair game because he was honest. I dont usually comment on MWI situations but even if you met him on the streets and this was his story I would tell you to watch out. Your grown though do what you want but just remember if you dont stand for something you will fall for anything. Good luck.

ultraviolet · #23 10-02-2010, 05:55 AM

[i]My opinion is he is a user and openly admitted to you that he played 'suga mommy' for money. What makes you think he wont do the same to you ie you'll become 'soulmate' and some other woman will become 'suga mommy'. His 'sexy' letters must be powerful sexy to get someone to part with money for them....I guess he was telling this suga mommy lots more than just bedtime storys to get her to part with money.

~Shadowfax~ · #24 10-02-2010, 07:17 AM

Kudus to his honesty and all that stuff, but I find his integrity lacking and THAT would be enough to turn me off.

mikayla26 · #25 10-02-2010, 07:58 AM

I would go see him so you can clarify in person. Or wait for his response and go from there. Maybe he decided to be honest with you because he has feelings for you, but tred lightly and watch for signs that he may be trying to use you as well.