Has your man ever told you he's afraid of losing you?

[carla510]

SO my fiance got transfered to another prison n dat prison is on lockdown n since i got his first letter he only talks about dat he is scared that he is going to lose me because im goin to get tired of waiting to get a visit n dat is really making me mad because if i didnt LOVE him then i wouldnt be wit him. I love him soooo much dat im not goin to leave him just cuz i cant see him every weekend

[hisprettygirl10]

mine tells me he is scared i might get tired of this and leave to not because he really believes i would but because of his past. this is his first time ever in trouble, but all his ex's and both babymommas did him rlly dirty. He is starting to realize im not goin anywhere though we have deep convo's about our trust issues and its getting better. have you tried gettin your man to write out his faults & insecurities and you do the same just to try to get on the same level?!

[Tims_wife]

I have another question, you have such a nice time ticker, where did you go to get that ?

as to the question of the poll - he said he was scared before, but I am not going anywhere and am very proud to be his wife and often tell him so. It is such a hard time on the men, they need to be reassured

Originally Posted by hisprettygirl10

mine tells me he is scared i might get tired of this and leave to not because he really believes i would but because of his past. this is his first time ever in trouble, but all his ex's and both babymommas did him rlly dirty. He is starting to realize im not goin anywhere though we have deep convo's about our trust issues and its getting better. have you tried gettin your man to write out his faults & insecurities and you do the same just to try to get on the same level?!

[MicrowaveMassacre]

He will need constant reassurance especially in the beginning. Be prepared for this. If at all possible, send more mail even if its some article out of a magazine. As long as he gets mail, this should keep him assured that you really do love him and not planning on going anywhere.

Also, try and get your phone approved ASAP.

[Kemo'sWife]

My fiance tells me all the time that he's scared of losing me but I try and reasure him all the time that I'm not going anywhere. He has a terrible past wit exgirlfriends either leaving him for someone else or getting pregnant by someone else while he's locked up. I tell him I'm not going anywhere cuz I'm deeply inlove wit him and I wanna spend the rest of my life wit him.

[azann]

Originally Posted by Kemo'sWife

My fiance tells me all the time that he's scared of losing me but I try and reasure him all the time that I'm not going anywhere. He has a terrible past wit exgirlfriends either leaving him for someone else or getting pregnant by someone else while he's locked up. I tell him I'm not going anywhere cuz I'm deeply inlove wit him and I wanna spend the rest of my life wit him.

bELIEVE ME ai HAVE hung in there and have gotten letters mean and demanding when the doubt enters but alwAYS communicate!

[mysticblue07]

Like the others have said, you will probably have to reassure him ALOT. I know I do, in just about every letter. The sad truth is so many guys/girls in prison hear that someone is going to be there, and then a few months later they are no where to be found. Just try to keep positive and let him know that you are in this no matter where he is.

[carla510]

We have only been together for 6 months n i have been their for him ALL da time so in my mind he should kno dat i LOVE him, i tell him all the time dat im NOT goin anywere n omg i write him every day. His ex did leave him wen he got locked up n i think dats wat he thinks ima do but he just needs to stop thinking that way cuz i dont like hearing dat cuz i feel like i am not doin enough to show him my LOVE. IT even harder wen ppl are putting things in your head cuz they dont understand how you feel n wat goes on in relationships like da ones we have, it alot of work.
DO you guys have ppl dat dont understand you and think you are doin a bad choice?

[mysticblue07]

Originally Posted by carla510

We have only been together for 6 months n i have been their for him ALL da time so in my mind he should kno dat i LOVE him, i tell him all the time dat im NOT goin anywere n omg i write him every day. His ex did leave him wen he got locked up n i think dats wat he thinks ima do but he just needs to stop thinking that way cuz i dont like hearing dat cuz i feel like i am not doin enough to show him my LOVE. IT even harder wen ppl are putting things in your head cuz they dont understand how you feel n wat goes on in relationships like da ones we have, it alot of work.
DO you guys have ppl dat dont understand you and think you are doin a bad choice?

There are always going to be people that don't understand and think you are making a bad choice, but its your life. You have to live it for yourself, not for others. As for him not thinking like he does, unfortunately he will probably always think this way until he walks out of those gates. My BF and I MWI and even after a year of writing everyday, talking 2-3 times a week, visits every 2 months, etc I still have to remind him I'm not going anywhere

[carla510]

Originally Posted by luvmyLAboo

There are always going to be people that don't understand and think you are making a bad choice, but its your life. You have to live it for yourself, not for others. As for him not thinking like he does, unfortunately he will probably always think this way until he walks out of those gates. My BF and I MWI and even after a year of writing everyday, talking 2-3 times a week, visits every 2 months, etc I still have to remind him I'm not going anywhere

You are right n dats why i really like dis site cuz it makes me feel better about my relationship. How long have u been with ur BF if you dont mind me asking? i guess i have to tell him im not goin no were in every letter until i get to talk to him n see him

[mysticblue07]

Originally Posted by carla510

You are right n dats why i really like dis site cuz it makes me feel better about my relationship. How long have u been with ur BF if you dont mind me asking? i guess i have to tell him im not goin no were in every letter until i get to talk to him n see him

We have been writing for a year, but we have been "together" for about 5 months. I love him something crazy...he has my heart and I would be completely lost without him. I tell him that ALL the time. It gets easier, he doesn't have his moments as often. But I can always tell when he is feeling like he can't do anything for me from in there, why would I wait, etc and I just send him more and more letters and cards. We are currently having one of those "moments" so, in the last 3 days I have sent 3 letters and 3 cards, plus some pics for him.

[eroro1608]

Originally Posted by luvmyLAboo

We have been writing for a year, but we have been "together" for about 5 months. I love him something crazy...he has my heart and I would be completely lost without him. I tell him that ALL the time. It gets easier, he doesn't have his moments as often. But I can always tell when he is feeling like he can't do anything for me from in there, why would I wait, etc and I just send him more and more letters and cards. We are currently having one of those "moments" so, in the last 3 days I have sent 3 letters and 3 cards, plus some pics for him.

You're situation is so frickin' the same as mine I had to read your last 2 posts a couple of times because I said, "I don't remember actually posting or did?!" My 'chango' and I knew ABOUT each other for the last 20 years-(same 'hood and since most of us grew up, went to school, have parents still here and have the same friends and it's all part of the street hustle) we just left it at that. I took a chance and emailed him when I saw he was locked up in August and told him if he needs a friend I'd be here, and when he gets out would he like to be BETTER FRIENDS?? ...I got a reply 2 days later with the words "OH HELL YEAH!" at the top! And that was the beginning. In the last 6 months I found out this man is the sweetest, smartest and loving guy...EVER! All I saw was the homie side-and he was nothin' nice out here-BUT there was still the man underneath he kept away and that's who I would die for! He's coming home to ME in 20 months! But I admit we both were scared of losing each other.
Not anymore. He just got moved from county to go to state, I have no idea where he's at, and we knew it would be a period of no communication but he told me he's alright if I'm alright. I am. He's been in before so that's not new. He got done dirty by his ex-wife when he went in the first time BADLY and that was 8 years ago and there's been no one serious since, and he tells me I'm the last woman he's going to love!

I've waited all my life for a man to feel like that-shoot, 20 months ain't nothing!!

[Jenny721]

Carla, I feel what You are saying. Really, you get the negative and the positive side of people regardless of anything. That is how the World balances itself. Me, I choose Positive. Love is Positive. Standing through tough times with someone is Positive. We ladies can either sit on our bums and cry all day about it,I do too sometimes! Or We Can show our Men to the point of insanity How Much we Love them. I'll tell you a little secret too.. They already know that we Love them! They don't want us going anywhere And they don't want too see Us Unhappy or sad.. You know why? Because Those Men in There, Including My husband, Love Us Too! Also I bet will Have even stronger feelings for You when He is released. Hang in there and Gob Bless Us Stand by Your Man Women.

[Scottsqueen]

Originally Posted by Jenny721

Carla, I feel what You are saying. Really, you get the negative and the positive side of people regardless of anything. That is how the World balances itself. Me, I choose Positive. Love is Positive. Standing through tough times with someone is Positive. We ladies can either sit on our bums and cry all day about it,I do too sometimes! Or We Can show our Men to the point of insanity How Much we Love them. I'll tell you a little secret too.. They already know that we Love them! They don't want us going anywhere And they don't want too see Us Unhappy or sad.. You know why? Because Those Men in There, Including My husband, Love Us Too! Also I bet will Have even stronger feelings for You when He is released. Hang in there and Gob Bless Us Stand by Your Man Women.

Thank you for the positive words!!

[Mickeygirl]

Originally Posted by carla510

We have only been together for 6 months n i have been their for him ALL da time so in my mind he should kno dat i LOVE him, i tell him all the time dat im NOT goin anywere n omg i write him every day. His ex did leave him wen he got locked up n i think dats wat he thinks ima do but he just needs to stop thinking that way cuz i dont like hearing dat cuz i feel like i am not doin enough to show him my LOVE. IT even harder wen ppl are putting things in your head cuz they dont understand how you feel n wat goes on in relationships like da ones we have, it alot of work.
DO you guys have ppl dat dont understand you and think you are doin a bad choice?

Yes i know exactly how you feel because we have been together 7 years and i have stood by thru it all and i do everything i can to reassure and send what ever im allowed and keep money on his books even if i have to go without and he is still insecure and at the same time i am insecure bc wht if he changes or realizes he has grown away from me and he thinks i am a total nut job for thinking that way. i think it is just human nature given the circumstances. and to answer your question almost every person i know thinks that by me staying with him i am choosing a life of misery well i love him and missing him is misery but our love is not misery its the most beautiful thing in the world!

[DaMeS_GiRl88]

My bf tells me that but that's before he went to prison I try to make him feel like I'm always here for him through out this whole bid he thinks he has such a long time I'm like honey dip its only 2 years lol but anyways just let him know your not going anywhere and try and visit every chance u get

[Iblieventink]

During our conversations yesterday both on the phone and at the visit he said he was scared that he had lost me forever. (We had been apart for a while, now we are finding our way back to each other.) He said he didn't want to just settle for anyone, that I am the one he wants.
My advice is make sure he knows you are here for him. Send him lots of mail and just make sure he knows that you love him and that you are always going to be here for him.

[Jinty62]

Originally Posted by Iblieventink

During our conversations yesterday both on the phone and at the visit he said he was scared that he had lost me forever. (We had been apart for a while, now we are finding our way back to each other.) He said he didn't want to just settle for anyone, that I am the one he wants.
My advice is make sure he knows you are here for him. Send him lots of mail and just make sure he knows that you love him and that you are always going to be here for him.

Hi, which place is your partner in in Maryland, mine is in JCI JESSUP !!!!!

[carla510]

I dont understand why he thinks about it, i always tell him his MY PRINCE CHARMING n to me he is. I even have my mind set dat he is da one i wana marry n have my kids wit n he knows dat but he probly just wants to hear it from me

[Hisoneandonly]

Yes, even though he should know better, this is still one of his biggest fears.

[GeorgesWifey]

Originally Posted by Hisoneandonly

Yes, even though he should know better, this is still one of his biggest fears.

ya mine should know better also...he actually knows better its just that thought since they are not out here with us and will be something that will bug them til they are home maybe even longer. I always have to tell my babe but more willingly than anything. our men are just scared is all and that trust issue gets to them since they are gone...i rambled lol

[Dric's BabyGirl]

Dric used to be scared to death that I was gonna leave him for someone on the outside. For the most part he knows I'm not going anywhere but he still has his moments. I just keep reassuring him; usually more by action (more letters, longer letters, romantic cards). But I also make it a point to tell him every time we talk that he's stuck with me

At one point, pretty early on, he didn't get any mail from me for like 4 days (I was writing, he just wasn't getting them) so he writes me this long a$$ letter saying, "I guess you don't f*ck wit me no more. What you do find yourself a man? Its okay, you'll always be MY baby girl but I knew it would come to this. I'm no good to you behind bars. You deserve to be with someone on the outside anyway." I was flipping out cuz I'd be writing every day so I didn't understand where it was coming from. And we didn't have phone calls back then. Took me about 2 weeks of letters and cards to convince him that I hadn't gone anywhere, that I hadn't found anyone on the outside, and I wasn't going anywhere. We've had a couple of similar incidents since then.

Just remember that he doesn't know what's going on on the outside, that he will sometimes feel useless to you, and that there are probably people inside telling him you won't be waiting, you're cheating on him, etc. Keep reassuring him, keep writing, keep talking, and visit every chance you can. Eventually he'll see that you AREN'T going anywhere. But even then he'll still have his moments

[ineedmyman143]

hello my names michelle im new to all thiis an just found this sight today my man whome i been with 10 years an we have 5 children together has been incarcerated for 2years now he was sentenced to 30 years and we are appealing his case i hope an pray that he getts a lighter sentence this is the first time he had ever been in jail ,ever been arrested, an has ever been away from me an the kids for this long!! i have such a hard time dealing with this because he is my sole mate he is my everything and i am lost without him he is my heart an sole and ive never felt so hurt an depressed in my life as i am now, the holidays are hell for me the kids make me cry when they even mention his name its just a horrible situation because my man is such a good loveing person he a damn good farther and man to his family an he did so much good in his life to ever deserve this! 30 years for his first defense is rediculous he was caught on the amtrac train with some oxcodone pills he had 700 pills, an the police profiled him an they also did DNA an it came back of another man fingerprints not my husbands it jus so unfair that he gets this time because not only did they ruin an take his life away but his five children are also ruined an scared for life because they now have no farther he was in florida at the time this happened so that is were he has to do his time ,we live in boston mass i have no money too go to florida an see my husband i did drive there an stayed for his trial wich was the worse day of my entire life!!everyday he crys to me saying he know he going to loose me an he no i will never wait 30 yrs an i tell him your always with me we have 5 children together i love you with all my heart an i tell him the pain he feels inside an the love he has for me is the same love i have for him, our kids sleep everynight with their daddys shirt as a pillow case an they kiss it an pretent their hugging daddy at nite, i jus wish the state was not so hard on him an gave him a chance to prove he is not a man that belong in prison for 30 yrs but im sure they hear this all the time an my one littlle heart thats broke they could give two shits about me an my kids because of my man going to jail we have struggled we lost our home, our buisness, i lost our cars we were homeless an went into a womens shelter an i now live with my mom an dads in a 2bedroom house on welfare an foodstamps trying to survive an do you think i ever be able to go to florida so my kids an i could see their daddy NO ,nobody cares wether were suffering inside an out nobody cares if they took away a good farther somedays i just want to die because it does not ever fet easier for me it only gets harder an all this pain i feel inside is not worth liveing for to feel

[mrscjs]

Originally Posted by ineedmyman143

hello my names michelle im new to all thiis an just found this sight today my man whome i been with 10 years an we have 5 children together has been incarcerated for 2years now he was sentenced to 30 years and we are appealing his case i hope an pray that he getts a lighter sentence this is the first time he had ever been in jail ,ever been arrested, an has ever been away from me an the kids for this long!! i have such a hard time dealing with this because he is my sole mate he is my everything and i am lost without him he is my heart an sole and ive never felt so hurt an depressed in my life as i am now, the holidays are hell for me the kids make me cry when they even mention his name its just a horrible situation because my man is such a good loveing person he a damn good farther and man to his family an he did so much good in his life to ever deserve this! 30 years for his first defense is rediculous he was caught on the amtrac train with some oxcodone pills he had 700 pills, an the police profiled him an they also did DNA an it came back of another man fingerprints not my husbands it jus so unfair that he gets this time because not only did they ruin an take his life away but his five children are also ruined an scared for life because they now have no farther he was in florida at the time this happened so that is were he has to do his time ,we live in boston mass i have no money too go to florida an see my husband i did drive there an stayed for his trial wich was the worse day of my entire life!!everyday he crys to me saying he know he going to loose me an he no i will never wait 30 yrs an i tell him your always with me we have 5 children together i love you with all my heart an i tell him the pain he feels inside an the love he has for me is the same love i have for him, our kids sleep everynight with their daddys shirt as a pillow case an they kiss it an pretent their hugging daddy at nite, i jus wish the state was not so hard on him an gave him a chance to prove he is not a man that belong in prison for 30 yrs but im sure they hear this all the time an my one littlle heart thats broke they could give two shits about me an my kids because of my man going to jail we have struggled we lost our home, our buisness, i lost our cars we were homeless an went into a womens shelter an i now live with my mom an dads in a 2bedroom house on welfare an foodstamps trying to survive an do you think i ever be able to go to florida so my kids an i could see their daddy NO ,nobody cares wether were suffering inside an out nobody cares if they took away a good farther somedays i just want to die because it does not ever fet easier for me it only gets harder an all this pain i feel inside is not worth liveing for to feel

Thank you for your post. I know it wasnt what the subject was at hand but I FEEL YOU! I am so sorry for your situation and I pray that things turn around for you. But I know that feeling when you just wanna die cuz you can't live without him and you're so alone out here in this struggle. Every day I cry for my husband and he's been down for years now. We are strong and we love each other no matter what the obstacles are that they have put us through and there have been many. They have moved my husband from prison to prison and from state to state. Every time I am right there for him, to the point of even relocation out of state to be by his side. And what happened? They moved him to another state even further away. He is my hope and joy and he gives me reason and purpose and he is forever mine and I am forever his. Our children love and adore their father and I do everything I can to keep them in the best of spirits and positive about him coming home soon. But that doesn't mean that I am not dieing inside. So many days It is so hard to wake up for me because I know he is not there beside me physically to face the day, and i wish I didn't wake up. But then I see our baby girls face and she makes me smile. I love her so much and she is a little mini him and I hug her so close and tell her how special she is to me. We had her while he was incarcerated ( used to get family visits till they transfered him to prisons that don't have it), and she is such a blessing to me. If I didn't have her I don't think I'd have made it, but God knew what I needed and gave her to me and to him. they are so close and all I can say is that I await faithfully the day for him to come home and never leave again. They just validated my hubby and now he's going to the shu and that means being shipped back to cali after we've moved out of the state to be with him. One hour visits behind glass and locked down 23 hrs a day. But you know what that's not gonna tear us apart! I am still gonna be by his side faithfully and more than till death do us part. My daughter is still gonna see her father and I will do what I have to to keep us all close until the day I die. Keep your head up and please stay strong in spite of all adversity, don't give in to those negative feelings of death no matter how comforting they may seem. I want to assure you that you can make it for you and for your kids and your man , just remember that today only last for one day and you always have the hope of a better tomorrow. God bless you!

[Sheryl P.]

Originally Posted by Dric's BabyGirl

Dric used to be scared to death that I was gonna leave him for someone on the outside. For the most part he knows I'm not going anywhere but he still has his moments. I just keep reassuring him; usually more by action (more letters, longer letters, romantic cards). But I also make it a point to tell him every time we talk that he's stuck with me

At one point, pretty early on, he didn't get any mail from me for like 4 days (I was writing, he just wasn't getting them) so he writes me this long a$$ letter saying, "I guess you don't f*ck wit me no more. What you do find yourself a man? Its okay, you'll always be MY baby girl but I knew it would come to this. I'm no good to you behind bars. You deserve to be with someone on the outside anyway." I was flipping out cuz I'd be writing every day so I didn't understand where it was coming from. And we didn't have phone calls back then. Took me about 2 weeks of letters and cards to convince him that I hadn't gone anywhere, that I hadn't found anyone on the outside, and I wasn't going anywhere. We've had a couple of similar incidents since then.

Just remember that he doesn't know what's going on on the outside, that he will sometimes feel useless to you, and that there are probably people inside telling him you won't be waiting, you're cheating on him, etc. Keep reassuring him, keep writing, keep talking, and visit every chance you can. Eventually he'll see that you AREN'T going anywhere. But even then he'll still have his moments

I date everything since they tend to hold mail for weeks and then just dump it on the guys in shu.He can then sort it out as to which one is first and so on.I think they remove the stamps and the mailing dates get lost that way,so he can figure out which letter to read first.Sometimes I get on a topic and then elaborate as I sort out my thoughts,it can get confusing without dates.It is a good way to let them know you have been writing,even if they only get the mail once a month.