And shes walking...

[emb_1789]

He got locked up when I was 2 months pregnant...... he got pictures all the way through the pregnancy and birth and still when I can. Now she is 15 months old, the most beautiful precious gift he could ever give me.

He has missed everything, he missed the pregnancy, the birth, changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night. He missed getting to count her fingers and toes when she was born and admiring her with me. He has missed her lifting her head, rolling over, sitting up on her own, her first tooth, when she first started crawling, her saying mama... he did get to hear her say Dadda when she visited him....

Spring and summer are here and me and my friend took my daughter and her dog to the park.....My daughter just recently started walking, which he missed out on too.... Today just got me thinking, I was sitting there watching her little cute self walk and run around, fall down, play in the water, play with the dog, no doubt did it bring a smile to my face but it got me thinking that he should have been there with me watching her with me, he cant see her run around and play and see that look in her eyes.

I wish he could be here, its hard watching her knowing that Daddy isn't here with us. It makes me mad and hurt in a way. I hate sounding selfish, but he is supposed to be here with us, with me watching her grow up. She needs her daddy here and he isn't.

I never in my life thought being a "single" mother would be hard, you see it all the time, army wives stay home with their children, prison wives, women (even men) that the spouse walks out on, whatever the situation may be.... I never thought of it being this hard. I am told time and time again that I am doing a great job out here alone, holding it down for me an my family. But it gets depressing, it gets lonely, it gets hard and even harder. Is it my mind set that Arielle should have her both of her parents here with her watching her grow and learn about this crazy world.

I feel sad for her, when she looks back at pictures and asks why daddy isnt in them or why are the only pictures of them together a a baby with his in an orange outfit.

I give my respect to all of us single mothers (fathers) and the people (grandparents, family friends) who are taking care of the children with parents in prison. We dont hear it enough, but we are doing a great job.

It hurts to know he cant be here, to not have him here, and not for myself, for our daughter, she deserves him, she deserves everything he has to give to her. To watch her grow from a tiny little baby to this screaming, laughing, crying, toddler.

[bumblebee37]

Oh my sweets you sound so sad.
Being a single parent is a hard boat to row, But you need to give yourself a pat on the back for the determination and strength that you have to hold it together for your family just like anyone else who's husband is away. You made me smile as you describe your baby walking and playing in the water. You have a gift for writing and it was almost as I could see it too. I am sure your husband appreciates and lives the events threw your writings and eyes.
It is lonely having our loved ones away. Myself I am waiting on my son to return. He has been gone many years and we are almost to the end of this journey. I found strength these past 14 years threw my friends and family and then thank God I found this site about 2 years ago so I am no longer alone.
When you feel alone hold your baby and thank God for the gift he gave you. (hugs) bb

[raewilliams05]

I too know where you're coming from. I'm raising 3 on my own (til he comes home)!! It's very hard, financially, emotionally...ect!!! But it's only going to make us as women stronger than we've ever been. Keep your head up ma!!!!

[Mandyt89]

I too was pregnant when my daughters father went in. He will be gone for up to 20 years. She is 7 months now and I constantly think that he should be here to see how pretty she is and how smart shes becoming. I am struggling with how to go about this whole thing and whether or not to try to give them a relationship or not.. So you are not alone *hugs*

[Hisoneandonly]

Your post made me cry. Our youngest turned 3 at the end of march and he has been gone since I was 8 months pregnant with her. He has missed everything, I send pics and take her to every visit, our oldest won't go. She is getting old enough now to ask to see daddy or call her daddy. She asked him at the last visit why he won't come visit her at her home b/c it is much more fun there? We both about cried.
I'm grateful that she'll only be 7 when he comes home b/c even though the distance she is a daddy girls and even though he won't admit it, she is his favorite out of all his kids.

[looneyslady]

I feel the same way ladies. I wish he was home to see our little girl growing up. He got pictures thru out the pregnancy and she goes to visits. She just turned 2 in December and it just breaks my heart because now she's beginning to cry for him when we leave visit, when he calls she tells him " come home daddy". It makes me want to cry. Or she'll get my cell phone and pretend to call him. I wish he could be here for all the little things, the bubble baths, the mud pies, the scrapes in her knees, and the singing her to sleep. He'll be home when she is 8, so he has a lot of making up to do. Kudos to us single moms holding it down for our families. Hugs to u all!!

[MichaelsGirl143]

Im right there with u ladies. We have a almost one yr old and im due in 3 months. Its very hard. But all worth it. I feel bad for him that hes missing out on so much. Hopefully he will be home.soon