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Jaded_Lovers · #1 07-28-2011, 03:33 PM

I waited a couple if months before I took him to visit because we thought he was getting out last week. Well when we found out he's doing a year I took our almost 3 yr old son to visit his dad. He just shut down, he didn't even want to look at dad and kept putting his head down. I felt so bad for both of them my boyfriend was so upset. Anyone else experience this? I'm not sure if I should take him back there or not...advice?

brooks · #2 07-28-2011, 05:10 PM

Maybe try showing him a picture of Dad and see how he reacts. Listen to everything. If he doesn't want to go, don't force him. It's a hard thing to figure out. Could Dad have done anything to hurt him before he went away ?

Jaded_Lovers · #3 07-28-2011, 05:28 PM

No he's a great dad, even gave him a kiss when they arrested him. I show him pictures of dad all the time and it makes him happy, he points and says dad and smiles. I think he was just sad to see his dad there and wondered why he can't be at home with him. It makes me so sad to know that my sons perfectly good father is locked up when all of these dead beat dads are running around not raising their kids.

Hisoneandonly · #4 07-28-2011, 05:44 PM

Maybe try to talk to your son about it, I know he is only 3 but my 3 year old is very vocal about what she likes and don't like lol and will tell me why. I've never had a problem with her, but she has grown up knowing only this. I think though for a child that has never experienced a prison visit, it would be scary I was terrifed my self the first time I went.

Jaded_Lovers · #5 07-28-2011, 06:13 PM

My son actually has a speech delay and doesn't talk, so that makes things harder. He probably was intimidated by the whole thing, dad is only in county jail so it's not too bad, I'm sure it was enough to creep out my son though. Since my son can't really communicate with me I just don't know if I should bring him back. Maybe I should have brought him sooner. I think he's mad at dad for being gone and sad because he misses him. I don't know what to do.

Johnos_girl · #6 07-29-2011, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaded_Lovers

My son actually has a speech delay and doesn't talk, so that makes things harder. He probably was intimidated by the whole thing, dad is only in county jail so it's not too bad, I'm sure it was enough to creep out my son though. Since my son can't really communicate with me I just don't know if I should bring him back. Maybe I should have brought him sooner. I think he's mad at dad for being gone and sad because he misses him. I don't know what to do.

really sounds like your in a bit of a pickle

maybe your son is a little confused? Maybe he knows his Dad in the photos, and likes seeing them. But when he saw him in person, he was a little confused because after 3 months Im sure your man has changed in looks a little?
Did your son seem scared? or just shy? Its different seeing a photo of someone, then seeing someone in person.
With no disrespect, and Im not putting a label on your son, so please dont take this the wrong way. I am a caregiver, I look after people of all ages with mental disabilities. I have had to do many courses and studies on expressions on the face, how a person reacts in different things etc.
From what I have read and understood of what you have said so far. It sounds to me like your son is a little confused and maybe just a little shy, he knows the man is his Dad, but this Dad hes seeing, looks a bit different then the Dad he knows in the photo. As he doesnt talk, as his mother, Im sure you and him have ways of communicating. Be it his expressions, his reactions, or just the look in his eyes. Im sure if you sat him down and talked to him, ( Im assuming from what you have said, he can still understand what people say, just has problems talking? ) You may find he wants to see his Dad.
Me personally, and this is only what I would do.
I would encourage him to see his Dad, not push him though, you dont want him getting upset, then in return have a fear of going there. But just make it as fun as you can. Take his fav toy, or teddy or book etc with you. If he likes being read to, ask your man to read his son his fav story. just try and make it as fun as you can for your son, so he learns its not a scary place, and this man is still the same Dad he has always known and loved.

I hope this helps you in some way. And I wish you and your family all the best.

J.G