Anybody want to give a MWI newbie some helpful advice?

[patriciaflk]

So I have a penpal who is incarcerated in the US. I'm from Australia. I find that as I talk to him more and more, my feelings are getting stronger. I have no idea if these feelings are reciprocated and even if they are - how could anything ever happen? His earliest release date is next year, but his sentence is until 2037. I'm not too familiar with American laws so I'm not too sure how much of a chance he actually has of getting out anytime soon, but even if he does... the likeliness of him coming here or me going there is slim.
I value our friendship and I'm sure he does too, but I'm getting to the point now where I need to either decide to continue as is and see what happens or ease it off a bit because I can feel myself getting too... deep.

Does anybody have any thoughts or opinions on this?
If you have any questions, feel free to fire away.

[FastCarGirl]

You can only do what your comfortable doing. If a long term or even long distance relationship is not what you want, it's up to you to set the tone and mood of the letters and keep it in the boundaries you choose to create for your pen pal. In the meantime, you might want to go out more and spend time with friends or volunteering to broaden your free world options and experiences.

[JAE'sWifey]

Only you are able to decide what you are comfortable with. When I was younger my best friend was sentenced to 50 years with a parole date in 2030. There was no way at the time that I could have committed to staying with him. Which turns out to have been the right thing, I love him to death but I eventually realized that he is not "the one" for me. He is still one of my dear friends but we have established that all we will ever be is very close friends. You just have to be honest and realistic with yourself with what you can handle and commit to.

[patriciaflk]

Originally Posted by JAE'sWifey

Only you are able to decide what you are comfortable with. When I was younger my best friend was sentenced to 50 years with a parole date in 2030. There was no way at the time that I could have committed to staying with him. Which turns out to have been the right thing, I love him to death but I eventually realized that he is not "the one" for me. He is still one of my dear friends but we have established that all we will ever be is very close friends. You just have to be honest and realistic with yourself with what you can handle and commit to.

Thankyou for the advice. It's so hard because at the moment I'm in that stage where I'm checking Corrlinks and my mailbox constantly and all I want to do is talk to him. It feels kind of crazy because I've never met him and he's so unattainable - we haven't even talked about our feelings or anything yet and I'm having a huge argument in my head about whether it's stupid to fall in love with someone who's locked up 26000 miles away or whether what I have now is all I need. (I'm probably one of 5000 women who feel like that)
I'm making up to many scenarios in my head and I guess I just need to snap back to reality and remember that 'it is what it is'. Hahaha

[JAE'sWifey]

Originally Posted by patriciaflk

Thankyou for the advice. It's so hard because at the moment I'm in that stage where I'm checking Corrlinks and my mailbox constantly and all I want to do is talk to him. It feels kind of crazy because I've never met him and he's so unattainable - we haven't even talked about our feelings or anything yet and I'm having a huge argument in my head about whether it's stupid to fall in love with someone who's locked up 26000 miles away or whether what I have now is all I need. (I'm probably one of 5000 women who feel like that)
I'm making up to many scenarios in my head and I guess I just need to snap back to reality and remember that 'it is what it is'. Hahaha

I made up a million scenarios in my head when it came to my friend, in the end I was just not able to commit to him but he wasn't the one for me. This guy could very well be the one for you, just take things slow and continue to get to know him, you've got nothing but time

As far as checking your mail like crazy, I remember when my husband (we were MWI) and I first started writing to each other, I would check my mailbox 5 times a day even though I knew what time the mailman comes, I would always hope that the mail had come sooner. It's an exciting time... welcome to the crazy mail lady club

[patriciaflk]

Originally Posted by JAE'sWifey

I made up a million scenarios in my head when it came to my friend, in the end I was just not able to commit to him but he wasn't the one for me. This guy could very well be the one for you, just take things slow and continue to get to know him, you've got nothing but time

As far as checking your mail like crazy, I remember when my husband (we were MWI) and I first started writing to each other, I would check my mailbox 5 times a day even though I knew what time the mailman comes, I would always hope that the mail had come sooner. It's an exciting time... welcome to the crazy mail lady club

Haha, the crazy mail lady club! I'm completely new to this site so I just had to do a bit of research to find out what that meant.
I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out with your friend, I hope you've found happiness and love now though!

Oh boy, I have to share this, he sent me a life-size photocopy of his tattoos and his arm the other day with "I miss u" written in pen on his hand. <3 Melted me.
I haven't even received anything remotely as cute from anybody on the outside. What is it with these men! So sweet!

[JAE'sWifey]

Originally Posted by patriciaflk

Haha, the crazy mail lady club! I'm completely new to this site so I just had to do a bit of research to find out what that meant.
I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out with your friend, I hope you've found happiness and love now though!

Oh boy, I have to share this, he sent me a life-size photocopy of his tattoos and his arm the other day with "I miss u" written in pen on his hand. <3 Melted me.
I haven't even received anything remotely as cute from anybody on the outside. What is it with these men! So sweet!

Everything worked out well for me in the end and my friend is still a part of my life just in a different way.

The picture thing is super sweet, he sounds like a real sweetheart. Maybe it's all the time they have but my husband hasn't sent some really sweet things too.

I hope you continue to get sweet things and get mail often

[will_be_waiting]

I say follow your heart. If you feel your heart is 26000 miles away and you are willing to wait and go that extra distance, then totally go for it. Love has no age, boundaries or limits . Its all about what is going to make you happy and whole.

[shaunna]

i know exactly what you are going through . . . .i am also from australia and over the past five months or so I have become good friends with my pen pal over in america. there was a time where i had what i call a 'school girl crush' lol but i tried not to let it build up oo much in my head. as in reality if anything were to happen id have to go over there he would not even be allowed into australia because 99% of the time they knock back visas that have been applied for by anyone with a criminal conviction which sucks if you ever need to vent or anything feel free to send me a PM as i know exactly what you are going through

[mallafri]

Hi and welcome to PTO! 2037 is a long time to wait and only you know if you can and want to do that. I think you should think long about this one cause it's not fair for either of you if you tell this man how you feel and then you're not sure if you can do the time with him. I've never regretted my decision but it is a long time to wait, I've still got fourteen years! But you never know what life will bring, maybe the two of you will fall madly in love, you move over to the US and you live happily ever after once he's released. You just never know unless you take a chance!

Question though, you say he uses corrlinks which means federal prison, how long has he been in prison? Cause there's no parole or early release for federal inmates incarcerated after 1985, well they earn like a few weeks every year they have good behaviour but there's NO WAY they'd let him out 15 years before his actual release day!!! That is unless he was sentenced before 1985 but I still doubt that they'd let him out that early! You can check it out more in the PTO federal forum! /M

[patriciaflk]

Originally Posted by mallafri

Hi and welcome to PTO! 2037 is a long time to wait and only you know if you can and want to do that. I think you should think long about this one cause it's not fair for either of you if you tell this man how you feel and then you're not sure if you can do the time with him. I've never regretted my decision but it is a long time to wait, I've still got fourteen years! But you never know what life will bring, maybe the two of you will fall madly in love, you move over to the US and you live happily ever after once he's released. You just never know unless you take a chance!

Question though, you say he uses corrlinks which means federal prison, how long has he been in prison? Cause there's no parole or early release for federal inmates incarcerated after 1985, well they earn like a few weeks every year they have good behaviour but there's NO WAY they'd let him out 15 years before his actual release day!!! That is unless he was sentenced before 1985 but I still doubt that they'd let him out that early! You can check it out more in the PTO federal forum! /M

Hey, thankyou for your reply.
I wasn't aware there is no parole for Federal inmates... as I said, I'm a total newb haha. He has been in prison since 2003. On his PP profile it says that his earliest release is 2012 - I'm not sure why it says that if it's inaccurate. I'll ask him about it the next time I write him, I think. Not sure how to bring the subject up though... any pointers?

[mallafri]

Originally Posted by patriciaflk

Hey, thankyou for your reply.
I wasn't aware there is no parole for Federal inmates... as I said, I'm a total newb haha. He has been in prison since 2003. On his PP profile it says that his earliest release is 2012 - I'm not sure why it says that if it's inaccurate. I'll ask him about it the next time I write him, I think. Not sure how to bring the subject up though... any pointers?

Could be that he got sentenced to 10 - 30 years maybe?! I'd check in the federal forum just to make sure. There's one person on here, zelda50, who's really good with all the federal rules and stuff. I'm sure your BF is nice and truthful to you but never hurts to check, right?!

I'm from Sweden so I know how you feel about the distance and it is really hard sometimes cause it's not like you can just get in the car and drive to see him, I mean you have to find hotel, rental car and we both know how super expensive the long haul flight tickets are if you don't book like an eternity before you wanna fly, sucks! But you never know, maybe you'll move over there one day?! I'd say go for it, follow your heart! /M

[Inhishands]

Okay I'm going to be the meanie here, please be very honest with yourself and your feelings, before entering into a commitment, these relationships are very hard and they are not going to get any easier, it will and does get harder...It's hard even when you are close enough to visit consistently......it is very painful for all involved if a commitment is made and then broken, so until you are sure I would keep it as very good friends......I have seen many a man hurt by a woman that just falls off...and most times she is so hurt herself and feels so bad for wanting to break it off, that that's the reason why she just quits writing....I am not saying you would do this nor comparing your relationship to anyone else's but please be sure for yourself and for him.

[ruserious1]

I kind of can relate. although we are not 26000 miles away from each other, we are 5 states away (might as well be 26000 miles right now) and his first chance of parole is in 2020. (He is appealing that) But I cant change my feelings for him. Give it some time and play it by ear.

[ruserious1]

crazy mail lady club! lmao

[shesfab]

Originally Posted by patriciaflk

So I have a penpal who is incarcerated in the US. I'm from Australia. I find that as I talk to him more and more, my feelings are getting stronger. I have no idea if these feelings are reciprocated and even if they are - how could anything ever happen? His earliest release date is next year, but his sentence is until 2037. I'm not too familiar with American laws so I'm not too sure how much of a chance he actually has of getting out anytime soon, but even if he does... the likeliness of him coming here or me going there is slim.
I value our friendship and I'm sure he does too, but I'm getting to the point now where I need to either decide to continue as is and see what happens or ease it off a bit because I can feel myself getting too... deep.

Does anybody have any thoughts or opinions on this?
If you have any questions, feel free to fire away.

As for the sentence, it depends on his state and what he did. Parole boards can be very unpredictable.

Anyhow, I know how you feel when it comes to developing feelings. I hate that it's happened to me...but at the same time, I love the friendship we have, and the feelings are mutual.

Now what I can't relate to is the distance. I'm in the same state, not far away for visits, and will be in the same city when he's released. If that weren't the case, I'd have to back away. I won't even allow myself to date anyone on the outside, because I want to wait for him. There's no way I could do it if we weren't likely to ever meet and really be together.

But keep in mind that's what I would do. Why don't you just write him a letter telling him how you feel? You can work through your feelings that way, and come to a better understanding with each other.

[kaypilky]

its really difficult beng in a different country and visits a few and far between, all i think about is my next visit, but i know i could never be happy without hm in my life and i definately dont want anyone but him so iv got no choice but to wait ... its definately not always easy though, the bad miss you times suck but just seeing him, feeling his arms around me and kissing him make the wait between visits well worth it ...
im his ride or die chick