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Thosewhosaveus · #1 10-14-2011, 08:33 AM

He is going to be in prison for a long time, and he says he loves me, but I'm not free to be with him right now. I have to figure out what to do about my situation and it will take some time. He says we are soul mates and I have his heart, and we are meant to be together, but he won't wait for me. He says his heart will wait but his life can't. He is going to propose to someone else!

I know it isn't fair because I'm with someone else, but I feel betrayed. If we are truly soul mates how can he propose to someone else? Why so soon? Its only been a few months that he is in there. I'm so confused and hurt I don't know what to do.

I guess its just complicated. I needed to vent...I just don't know what to do, I can't run to him right now as much as I might want to, but I don't want to lose him forever. God help me find the way...

Bethany

Mel.s · #2 10-14-2011, 08:40 AM

I dont know ur situation but if u truely love him and want to be with him than u need to end the other relationship. Now is he in another relationship too since he wants to propose to someone else??

negretelove · #3 10-14-2011, 09:12 AM

hhhmmm i am very confused????

all i can say is this is what happens when ppl do not end one relationship before ending another.

i think you should take some time away from all distractions and take care of what you do not want in your life. then take some much needed YOU time ... i am a firm believer that ending one relationship and starting another very quickly is a recipe for disaster ... ppl need a time-out in-between to re-evaluate what they are looking for and what they expect from the next relationship.

Now as for him not wanting to wait that is his choice and very selfish to profess love and soul-mate to you but choose to marry another. sorry but that is manipulation and deceit to both you and the other person.

((((hugs)))) best of luck

negretelove · #4 10-14-2011, 11:10 AM

Edit~~~~~all i can say is this is what happens when ppl do not end one relationship before ending another.

meant to say~~~~all i can say is this is what happens when ppl do not end one relationship before STARTING another ....

that sounds better

taraadele18 · #5 10-14-2011, 11:21 AM

i don't see how he can do that if he's saying ya'll are soulmates? I dont understand WHY he can't wait? hm.

nimuay · #6 10-14-2011, 11:31 AM

He isn't willing to wait? The what he really needs are the packages and visits and calls, not love and a wife. That's a terribly sad thing for you, and for her, but it shows you who he is and his level of desperation and thoughtlessness.

Don't let this push you regarding whatever you need to do. Take your time - if he won't wait, he's not worth it.

Sunflow · #7 10-14-2011, 12:35 PM

Could it be his way to blackmail you? "If you don't get me, some one else will".

chosenmemories · #8 10-14-2011, 12:35 PM

He won't wait for you to manage your situation so you can be together, but you are expected to wait for him for "a long time" while he serves his time? Can you see the message here? Sometimes the signs are right before our eyes and we fail to see them.

I'm sorry you are suffering this situation, and I am equally sorry for the other woman involved because it does not seem as if LOVE nor COMMITMENT are on the forefront of this individual male's mind right now. Perhaps it is a ploy on his part to move you into action, but either way it still seems unjust. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

Exceptions2313 · #9 10-14-2011, 12:51 PM

That is strange to me! Definitely red flag IMO. Why would he not wait for you. He knew you were involved with someone and trying to come out of your existing relationship right? He should give you some credit, geez he would have not even known really what you are doing in all honesty, since he is locked up. You were honest with him and now because he can't wait, he proposed to someone. That definitely is strange to me. Don't know if waiting for a man who does that is even worth it.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Lisa

Seduced · #10 10-14-2011, 01:17 PM

He won't wait even tho he loves you because he needs to get on with his life??? Maybe I'm missing something here, but isn't he in prison? Seems to me like he's got nothing but time and you're the one who has the opportunity to get on with life. Just sayin...
I agree with whoever said he's in it for the packages and letters and it's not about you- or her- at all. My advice is to run away and don't look back.

LeStrange · #11 10-14-2011, 01:37 PM

I'm confused

. Ok he says y'all are soul mates, he loves you blah blah blah but he is going to propose to someone else??? He says his heart can wait but he can't? Lol his life can't wait for you??? He has NOTHING to do but sit in prison for however long he's going to be there. Not doing anything but what people in prison do. Lol wow his game SUCKS. Basically he sounds like a player. Um sounds like since you are not free to at the moment to give him what he wants then he has a back up woman that will give him what he needs and wants. Which is probably money, packages, visits, phone calls, etc. The usual. It's probably best that you aren't free at the moment. Seems like he is showing his true colors. If a man REALLY loved you and wanted to be with you then he would wait and he definately wouldn't be proposing to anybody else. Lol I'm sorry but the stuff he said is so lucid and funny. But on another note like another poster said you should've ended your situation at home before getting involved in another.

saratonin · #12 10-14-2011, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeStrange

\ Lol his life can't wait for you??? He has NOTHING to do but sit in prison for however long he's going to be there. Not doing anything but what people in prison do. Lol wow his game SUCKS.

hahahahahah! this made me laugh out loudd!! LOL!
Seriously, WTH?? if he wanted you he would "wait".

Princess1029 · #13 10-14-2011, 01:41 PM

So he has had another person on the side, that he is close enough to now that he would propose to? This seems very confusing, I hope it works out for the best! Good Luck!

nakeisha99 · #14 10-14-2011, 01:54 PM

Maybe he's saying that to get you to hurry up and leave your guy.

I don't about your situation, but in all honesty, I don't know how long I would be able to wait either.

futureperry · #15 10-14-2011, 01:59 PM

In my opinion, he's manipulating you.. It also seems to me that he's wanting to get married for wrong reasons... To you or her, either way.. Seems like rushing and he wants the title f husband no matter who his wife is...

My babe not once said anything like this when I told him I got married... He was destroyed, hurt, and confused... But never said he would get a new girl or start writing the chic he was with when he got locked up or anything.. In fact... He told me he would wait until my divorce was final... Due to the ex going AWOL my divorce took longer than ever anticipated.. But the military got it handled.. And I kept my babe in the loop at all times, sent (by my choice) copies of any documentation stating where in the process I was so he didn't think I was just stringing him along or what have you... For all this, is the reasoning why I think it's purely manipulation.... If someone felt the love he's saying and felt you two were soul-mates, he'd wait until BOTH of you were capable and willing to engage in a relationship with each other....

It also seems he's a bit selfish... Wanting his cake and eat it too... And personally.. I would never do anything I felt I was being pushed in to doing... Luckily my babe has never done that... Or the outcome wouldn't be in his favor... Which to me, seems like he's trying to do...

The questions I believe you should get answered for yourself are: why am I in a relationship with someone else if I want to be with him? Why is he in a relationship with someone else if I'm his soulmate?? Why is he so eager to marry?? How can he marry someone that isn't his soulmate?? Do I see us getting through life's problems TOGETHER, or against each other, for the rest of our lives? Do I feel he treats me as I should be?? Will he always treat me like i should be treated?? Does he value me as much as, if not more than, I value myself?? Do we bring the best or worst out of each other?? Why are we not together at this moment??

And I use the term soulmate lightly in those questions bc I believe he's able to just toss it around as well...

But when it all comes down to it, it's your life.. And you do as you choose with it... I just hope it doesn't end in heartbreak and pain... ((hugs))

**LeBeau** · #16 10-14-2011, 03:33 PM

Unless he's pregnant, I can't imagine why he's in such a rush to get married.

Walk away, Hon, and don't look back because he's in it for himself.

SheDevil07 · #17 10-14-2011, 04:03 PM

I guess the way he has thought about it is this...although he felt like you were his soul mate he obviously felt like he wasn't yours because if it was reciprocated then you wouldn't be with the guy you're with now...so he's probably thought to move on and get close to someone else...if you can, then why can't he...that is maybe his line of thinking...after all he's the one doin the time in there...could you expect him to do time and wait for you to end your relationship or should he just find another woman...i think you probably were his ideal woman but unfortunately for him you are in a relationship n life must go on...C'est la vie!!

lil peep · #18 10-14-2011, 04:18 PM

His life can't wait? Isn't he in prison? I'm pretty sure that means he has plenty of time to wait

It sounds like something is off here if he has someone who he knows well enough to propose to. You need to figure out what you want to do with the current relationship you're in, but I wouldn't take him into account. I think you'd be in for a lot more hurt.

Casper2013 · #19 10-14-2011, 04:33 PM

Yeah, if he is locked up and in love with you..... How is he so close to someone else that he is ready to propose? Or did he just mean he is going to find some woman willing to marry him, take care of him while he is locked up, but it's ok since he will secretly be in love with you the whole time? Either way, he is playing you... And someone else. I know it hurts now, but down the road you will realize you are better off.

FastCarGirl · #20 10-14-2011, 04:34 PM

Well, as far as I know, there's no family visits in Alabama, and you said he's doing a lot of time, so it's not like he's going somewhere.

I'm also going to take a wild shot in the dark and say you're probaby married, maybe with kids because that's the only thing that would complicate a relationship so much that you can't just easily "get out of it".

If that's the case, really it doesn't seem like either of you are in a position to enter into a healthy relationship. Your essentially cheating on your husband, if not physically, definately an emotional affair, and he's willing to propose to anyone just to be married, get commissary, get boxes and visits and to have someone around...even if she's not his "soulmate".

You are both cheating the other people involved out of a real love with someone else.

I don't mean to be harsh, and if I have the situation all wrong, I apologize, but it seems like both of you have some pretty big issues that need to be worked through before either of you really consider a long term relationship with each other.

Thosewhosaveus · #21 10-14-2011, 06:27 PM

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. I'm so torn. My marriage is on its last legs and I just reconnected with my first love a few months ago, and although we haven't crossed any physical lines we definitely still love each other. He wants to propose to an ex girlfriend who used to want him. I do feel like he is just looking for a backup girl. He says that he NEEDS a wife (sex addict looking for conjugal visits I think is what it boils down to) I do believe he loves me but I can't just drop everything (hubby and I are in therapy trying to work things out) and really, what's the rush? It doesn't seem to me like conjugal visits are that easy to get anyway, are they? I just don't know. I wouldn't want to lose him again, but I do see a red flag here.

bethany

LeStrange · #22 10-14-2011, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thosewhosaveus

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. I'm so torn. My marriage is on its last legs and I just reconnected with my first love a few months ago, and although we haven't crossed any physical lines we definitely still love each other. He wants to propose to an ex girlfriend who used to want him. I do feel like he is just looking for a backup girl. He says that he NEEDS a wife (sex addict looking for conjugal visits I think is what it boils down to) I do believe he loves me but I can't just drop everything (hubby and I are in therapy trying to work things out) and really, what's the rush? It doesn't seem to me like conjugal visits are that easy to get anyway, are they? I just don't know. I wouldn't want to lose him again, but I do see a red flag here.

bethany

Ummm well if you are already married and in therapy to work out your marriage then it kind of makes you a hypocrite. Honestly I don't blame the man for wanting someone else and probably someone that is single and available even if he is a player. I think you need to focus MORE on your marriage and trying to work things out in that area. I mean you're cheating on your husband at the end of the day. You can't really be mad at the inmate if he really is a player. If your marriage is not working out for you then end it and move on.

TattsNcurves · #23 10-14-2011, 06:55 PM

Wish him well, wish them well. Move on and focus on you and what's going on in your life. I wish you the best

negretelove · #24 10-14-2011, 06:59 PM

sweetie deal with one issue at a time ...

you say you are in marriage counseling which tells me you at some point wanted to try to make it work .... i am wondering if re-connecting with the lost love has clouded your judgment and brought in side track emotions and feelings.

i stick by what i originally posted and others have stated too .... follow through with the marriage by either trying to repair it or closing that chapter (divorce). then take time out for YOU.

before considering this old flame as your soul mate please stop and think about it this man is probably not the same man you were in love with in the past. and obviously he is an ex for a reason .... if he feels like he can control you with ultimatums now how do you think he will be if you do marry him ?? this man is not considering your situation or feelings ... he is selfish and manipulative ..... do not exit one bad relationship for another...

YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!

Klewis · #25 10-14-2011, 07:06 PM

It sounds like your one of them women my brother has. It sounds like there has always been a main chick but ya'll been feeding each other lies. Now he is about to half ass committ to the main chick and he is trying to blame you for his childish ways. I am married and my Fiance' knows it and he has never said he is going to be with anyone besides me. He even got my name tatted on him cause he said I am his queen. He is waiting for me to get a divorce and I am working on it. Don't let this fool play you. If you already have someone maybe if you stop focusing on someone else's man you will be able to put more effort in to your own and see what the problem is there. Just saying.