Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

mooshy · #1 01-01-2012, 04:00 PM

Maybe it's my age, who knows. But I used to be moderately social and post abuse I just want to be left alone. Got my partner, got my boy, and they are great. But sometimes I get so sick of hearing my name.

I don't want friends, I've had family over-load for a month around the festive season. Like everone else I was isolated by my abuser......and I really didn't mind that. I guess I'm still trying to hang on to it really but what is so wrong with that?

Is it really so bad to just not want to be bothered with people?

**LeBeau** · #2 01-01-2012, 04:30 PM

As the only child of a single mother (and she herself was an only child), I've never been comfortable with "extended sociability"-
I think it is perfectly normal to get "peopled out" and want, more than anything, to be left the hell alone for a while and following the enforced merriment of the holidays paired with all the extra work and stress of the kids being on holiday break, more visitors than usual, etc, I think I might be worried about you if you were NOT feeling a bit over it all and wanting a little peace.

IMO, you're fine- it's those people who are bummed that the holiday chaos is over that are not really right in the head.

Klewis · #3 01-01-2012, 04:34 PM

I am the same way and some of it has to do with being abused by my X husband and some of it has to do with losing my son 5 years ago. I have my man, my kids and my mom and I feel that is all I need. I do not have any friends and really is not looking for any. Some people don't understand that but that is just the way it is. When I did try having friends they came across as controlling so I felt for them what I feel for my X husband. I don't like talking on the phone to people but I do like texting or facebook or here on PTO I guess because I am in control of how long I stay on and when I respond.

nimuay · #4 01-01-2012, 04:36 PM

I'm with both of you - I can get through a certain amount of family and holiday celebrations, but then I'm "peopled-out". It's not even necessarily about having been abused . . . I just don't like people in general, and I'm quite happy alone.

mooshy · #5 01-01-2012, 04:41 PM

Thanks guys. Xmas is definitely the worst time because of the amount of people about. I guess the abuse period taught me that I don't really need anyone about to get by because up until then I'd had to put up with the social life which my folks maintained at home and had never really questioned whether or not I really wanted to spend time with anyone. Klewis, I too tried the whole friend thing......but everyone seems so needy and I just don't have it in me to "be there" for them. You're right, on here you can choose when to switch off. I can't get away from the fact that people just bleed you dry face to face.

Me and mine have tomorrow off together and I am striving to keep it "just us". Managed it today and will do the same again tomorrow. In spite of a couple of text messages hinting at a meet up everyone can just back the hell off. Grrrrrrrr

countryzgirl · #6 01-04-2012, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mooshy

I too tried the whole friend thing......but everyone seems so needy and I just don't have it in me to "be there" for them. You're right, on here you can choose when to switch off. I can't get away from the fact that people just bleed you dry face to face.

It takes some time after an abusive relationship to replenish your spirit and soul. Healing requires quiet, calm and often, solitude. Until you're stronger, giving to others -even in normal social interaction - can feel very draining.
I think it is important to be with people sometimes. It's good to laugh, talk and get out every now and then. You're smart to pace yourself. If you want to see someone, see them. If you don't, don't. Choose your friends carefully. Follow your bliss.
It's up to you....and that's the post-abuse goal, isn't it?

sojuma11 · #7 01-01-2012, 04:43 PM

I am perfectly happy to be all alone with my kids each and every day. I don't like people period and friends get in my space. Age..... idk, but I'm becoming more of a hermit crab each passing day.

**LeBeau** · #8 01-01-2012, 04:50 PM

Mooshy- it took me 20 years to learn what I'm about to tell you and hope you believe:

It actually IS okay to tell the people close to you the God's Honest Truth when you're feeling "Oversocialized". It's not very easy the first few times but you CAN say "You know what? The holidays have left me drained and I really need some downtime right now- I'm gonna take a rain check on tonight and catch up with you guys another time."

You are allowed to have needs- even needs that can only be met by telling people you need a breather.

mooshy · #9 01-01-2012, 05:21 PM

Thanks LB. I think I'm coming round to that one right now. Or maybe others around me are going to have to come round to it. Whichever it is, something is going to have to change.

I just feel like: "You know what? I am good in my space, and I really don't want to be dragged into yours because you have nothing better to do this weekend/evening/whatever".

Free Again · #10 01-01-2012, 08:08 PM

I am a contrary person, I get lonely, I get sick of being MUM and NEVER Kim, I WANT company, and then a relatively SHORT time thereafter, I NEED timeout... I love to curl up with a book, and will often stay awake to ridiculous hours just to be alone. I don't like ppl in my home cos I feel rude to ask them to go home and I'm sure they hang around too long thinking they are doing me a kindness by keeping me company. I also don't like to go out cos I don't trust the strangers around me. I'm like a crotchety old crone, complaining I'm too alone and then complaining to BE alone...

wickit · #11 01-02-2012, 09:35 AM

Mooshy I understand what you saying and feeling! I am the same way, enough already, lol!! Hugs!!

NinetyNine · #12 01-03-2012, 08:34 PM

I love my solitude. I was never afraid to be by myself.

I find myself really sensitive to noise levels; if it goes on too long I get to a point where I feel like I'm listening to 5 radio stations playing at once. That's when I feel most on-edge.

And when I finally DO get that wonderful quiet, I can FEEL it in my ears...does that make sense? I FEEL the quiet, the lack of noise. The tension magically lifts.

mooshy · #13 01-04-2012, 03:15 PM

Oh yes 99 - absolutely. The staff leave at work, I turn off the enforced music, and the silence fluffs itself up around me like a lovely cloud. It can definitely be felt.

mg113 · #14 01-04-2012, 03:49 PM

I am not the big socialite and I love myself enough to like spending time alone, I do sales and work from home and even talking on the phone to customers drains me....

I do have a "man" in my life actually we are getting married this friday

and of course I have no problem being with him, or our families but I dont like being out in bars or clubs ( hell I will be 49 next week) or around large crowds of people, and I dont have a big group of friends but the few friends I do have I have known since I was a teenager

So I guess my answer is yea for the most part I like to live in my bubble world and prefer to be left alone

nimuay · #15 01-04-2012, 04:10 PM

I don't know about the rest of you, but my disdain of crowds, or even more than a few people, comes from childhood. My mother's constant judging and finding fault left me worried that all were like that, and I didn't need to expose myself to large groups and have more fault-finding done to me. It has closed me off to many opportunities and shuttered some of my thinking so that even now I react more than act, knowing that someone will judge.

My brother was even worse. He could tolerate groups, but he could not make a decision until he had studied from every angle and then study it again to be sure no-on could fault his decision. He was hell to play Scrabble with! And he died of his fear, two years ago.