Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

mendy · #1 03-11-2012, 09:08 PM

In 2008 I was 18 years old when my cousin introduced me to my husband who was in a jail at the time and is still in jail now...ive been waiting since 2009 for him to come home to me...we got married March 20, 2011 and are now going through a shaky time...i feel like i wasted time but have grown to love him more than anything and just want this to work...

Klewis · #2 03-11-2012, 09:09 PM

Not sure why you would think that is crazy. No relationship is perfect and there is going to be times that are better then others. So I am not quite sure what the problem is.

countryzgirl · #3 03-11-2012, 09:14 PM

Some more info would be helpful, please.

Princess1029 · #4 03-11-2012, 09:31 PM

There will always be rough spots in relationships.. it happens

mendy · #5 03-11-2012, 09:34 PM

Well our problems began when i got a manager position At my previous job...i started workin long hours which resulted in.less visits, less phone calls, basically not being as available as i was before thus causing us to constantly argue and him sayin we need to go.our seperate ways and divorce...i havent.talked to him since january yet i recieved a letter from him last week sayin i changed. And that he and his ex were back talking...i want to.be upset because we are married but y...

mendy · #6 03-11-2012, 09:36 PM

So now weve been married a year and hes supposedly talkin to.an ex and im.still being faithful though weve never been together outside of.the prison he is in..lots of people were sayin i was makin a huge mistake...yet its my life and i love him and just want the plans we made to become reality...

tyreens_wifey79 · #7 03-11-2012, 09:37 PM

You are not crazy. Every relationship has its up and down. Things will get better. Hang in there hun.

Klewis · #8 03-11-2012, 11:00 PM

In my opinion this relationship seem to be based off of revenge. You wanted to make him jealous so you started talking to someone else. Now he feel you have changed and instead of trying to fix the problem he has made the problem worse by talking to his X and rubbing it in your face. Relationships like this is a waste of time because you will never be able to be comfortable because your too busy plotting the next move. Right now you feel like you are alone, so why not just be alone. Your not getting the things you need out of a healthy relationship like love, communication, loyalty and faithfulness, so what are you going to wait for. You want to wait around to see what happens next. My X husband and our relationship was just like this. It all started off of revenge. His girl made him mad and I was the revenge. Before I knew I was the revenge I was pregnant. So then it turned in to who is winning her or me. He had the best of both worlds. To make a long story short neither one of us won. She couldn't have children so for him to break her heart like that getting me pregnant was just wrong. He abused her and then he started abusing me. He lied to her and he lied to me. He cheated on her and he cheated on me and ended up getting another girl pregnant. So as you can see what goes around will always come back around, you just have to choose if your going to stick around to be hit when it comes back around.

mendy · #9 03-11-2012, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

In my opinion this relationship seem to be based off of revenge. You wanted to make him jealous so you started talking to someone else. Now he feel you have changed and instead of trying to fix the problem he has made the problem worse by talking to his X and rubbing it in your face. Relationships like this is a waste of time because you will never be able to be comfortable because your too busy plotting the next move. Right now you feel like you are alone, so why not just be alone. Your not getting the things you need out of a healthy relationship like love, communication, loyalty and faithfulness, so what are you going to wait for. You want to wait around to see what happens next. My X husband and our relationship was just like this. It all started off of revenge. His girl made him mad and I was the revenge. Before I knew I was the revenge I was pregnant. So then it turned in to who is winning her or me. He had the best of both worlds. To make a long story short neither one of us won. She couldn't have children so for him to break her heart like that getting me pregnant was just wrong. He abused her and then he started abusing me. He lied to her and he lied to me. He cheated on her and he cheated on me and ended up getting another girl pregnant. So as you can see what goes around will always come back around, you just have to choose if your going to stick around to be hit when it comes back around.

Talk of his ex just recently surfaced after he went to work release....idk what to do...ive been prayin yet still nothin is clear im scared to try again with another man...i put so much of myself into this one...

Klewis · #10 03-11-2012, 11:27 PM

And that is the reason why we stay and allow the mistreat because we don't want to try with another man or we don't want to wait for another man to show up. That is how we cheat ourselves. I am not one to tell you to leave your guy or not that is up to you, all I am saying in the long run your going to look back and wonder why did you waste so much time and go through so much heartache. Sometimes we block our own prayers because God know if he answered we still would only hear what we want to hear. I use to ask God for a husband and I forced myself to believe he really sent my X husband to me. No what happened is I forced my wants instead of waiting. Now that I am older and wiser I know I was not ready for no husband back then. I have been with my Fiance' now for 2 years when I say this love does not hurt, it does not doubt, it does not make me question or listen to others that is an understatement. I think I have come to a place were I am not only able to receive love but I am able to give love and but most of all I am able to recognize what love is.

mendy · #11 03-11-2012, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

And that is the reason why we stay and allow the mistreat because we don't want to try with another man or we don't want to wait for another man to show up. That is how we cheat ourselves. I am not one to tell you to leave your guy or not that is up to you, all I am saying in the long run your going to look back and wonder why did you waste so much time and go through so much heartache. Sometimes we block our own prayers because God know if he answered we still would only hear what we want to hear. I use to ask God for a husband and I forced myself to believe he really sent my X husband to me. No what happened is I forced my wants instead of waiting. Now that I am older and wiser I know I was not ready for no husband back then. I have been with my Fiance' now for 2 years when I say this love does not hurt, it does not doubt, it does not make me question or listen to others that is an understatement. I think I have come to a place were I am not only able to receive love but I am able to give love and but most of all I am able to recognize what love is.

Thanks so much...that helps a lot...its good to be able to talk to someone who could relate....

Klewis · #12 03-11-2012, 11:40 PM

No problem that is why I am on PTO to give my testimony and to help others not to have to go through the same pain I went through. I know what it feels like to be alone. You get so deep in to alone that you will just accept anything just to feel like you belong to someone. Thats a crazy path to go down because you'll keep chasing and keep trying to force someone to love you. When all you had to do was step back, reevaluate and learn how to love yourself. When you truly love yourself you know your worth and you refuse to put up with anyone that don't give you all that you are worth. As you grow you will be amazed how turning down dumb men don't even bother you no more. I am quick to stop some foolishness and I don't lose sleep about it. Good luck to you and keep your head up.

mendy · #13 03-11-2012, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

No problem that is why I am on PTO to give my testimony and to help others not to have to go through the same pain I went through. I know what it feels like to be alone. You get so deep in to alone that you will just accept anything just to feel like you belong to someone. Thats a crazy path to go down because you'll keep chasing and keep trying to force someone to love you. When all you had to do was step back, reevaluate and learn how to love yourself. When you truly love yourself you know your worth and you refuse to put up with anyone that don't give you all that you are worth. As you grow you will be amazed how turning down dumb men don't even bother you no more. I am quick to stop some foolishness and I don't lose sleep about it. Good luck to you and keep your head up.

Thanks

chickiedew · #14 03-11-2012, 11:59 PM

If he would talk about divorce over something so small as you not being available after a promotion, do you think he is gonna stick around when the big issues in life hit? While you love him, he loves what he gets from you (your availability). If he truly loved YOU, he wouldn't leave you over something so trivial.

Of coarse, I am much older so I have little patience for games.

mendy · #15 03-12-2012, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chickiedew

If he would talk about divorce over something so small as you not being available after a promotion, do you think he is gonna stick around when the big issues in life hit? While you love him, he loves what he gets from you (your availability). If he truly loved YOU, he wouldn't leave you over something so trivial.

Of coarse, I am much older so I have little patience for games.

Makes so much sense