Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Sweet_Tee · #1 05-01-2012, 12:51 AM

Hello ladies. I am posting this thread because (a) my fiance and I have been approved to get married and (b) I may be getting cold feet :-(

Now that this is REAL, a million and 1 questions are popping into my mind. (1) I work security and had to be cleared through Homeland Security. After marrying my love can they revoke my license because he is an inmate? (2) I am also attending nursing school, will it be harder to get a job in a hospital? Will they know he's incarcerated if I don't tell them. (3) He is divorced since 2006 and share 3 kids with his ex-wife (she has all 3 on SSI), can she come after ME for child support because I am married to their father?

I really wish I had thought of all this before I said yes. I truly love my man and want to be his wife so bad. But now I am scared. If anyone has been through this, please share. I feel like crying, I am so nervous and don't know what to do. Hellllp :,-(

Lizatwin1 · #2 05-01-2012, 09:11 AM

I want to wish you well in the decision you make. It isn't ever going to get easier as I have learned. I just received my marriage license on the 25th and we are saying I do on the 17th. Having worked in healthcare my entire life, I can tell you that in the state of NY unless you have been arrested, there is no relevance to your employment and his crime. You do not need to disclose his criminal history unless you are prescribing controlled substances and you won't as a RN. You also are not responsible for paying his child support in the state of NY and assume the reason the ex is receiving SSI, which is a assistance program based on economic need for anyone on social security. As for the homeland security issue, I don't know nor assume to know that. I would think there is some relevance depending on the nature of his crime. You should absolutely find out before you say I DO if this is a grave concern for you. unfortunately in this journey we are first and foremost to self preserve our lives because we cannot depend on our men to provide our livelihood while they are incarcerated. Good luck.

MissVal1920 · #3 05-01-2012, 09:23 AM

awwww Sweet, take a breath hon. I was definitely where you are right now 2 years ago. I was petrified about being linked to a convicted criminal. I don't know the procedure for maintaining your clearance for your job, but you may want to investigate that a bit to see if it is something you have to renew annually or what. I know for me, I work in technology and knew that I would never be able to work a job which required any level of security or secret clearance because of my marriage. I accepted that. A little over a year ago, I was offered a position with the State court system and they did a thorough background check that did not reveal my husband's history, so I was good. Its a huge commitment in itself and even bigger of a concern in our situation.

Regarding child support, one of my girl friends is in a similar situation and it was suggested to her by her lawyer to make sure not to file jointly with him on taxes since he did owe and would have taken her refund. Outside of that, I don't know how else she would be able to come after you for the support in NY. I know some states they can.

Think long and hard Sweet. As you know its never easy to maintain this type of marriage, but its much easier to say "no" now if you aren't 100% sure than to go through the heartache of a divorce later.

Sweet_Tee · #4 05-01-2012, 10:26 AM

Thanks MissVal and Liz. I did do some research on my own and saw the part about not filing jointly. Being that the state is so-called taking care of him, I will not be putting him on my tax return. I believe I am to put married filing separately. As far as the security clearance, I plan to leave there this year anyway. This will just give me that extra push.

I can't explain the emotional connection I have with this man, its eerie sometimes. While I was freaking out really bad yesterday for some odd reason for the 1st time ever, he receives "THE LETTER" informing him that we are set for October. Did I sense it?! He called me this morning because yesterday he was freaking out because its so far. I told him all I was feeling and that I am a little relieved that it is because it gives me time to do thorough research.

Although I do love him with everything in me, this will be my 1st marriage and I want it to be my last. We still have 4 more years to go so I know I have some rollercoaster emotional rides to face. Once again, thanks for your help and advice, much appreciated.

miamorporvida · #5 05-05-2012, 08:52 PM

Good luck to you both!

MissVal1920 · #6 05-01-2012, 02:24 PM

That is good news... you know, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. I really went through it with myself. I pondered, went back and forth, even beat myself up over it. But at the end of the day, it came back to something you just wrote "the emotional connection". It was a feeling that not only couldn't I explain, but it had never been duplicated. I didn't even think it was possible. I figured, if Im going to sacrifice everything I *thought* I knew about convention in relationships, this was a reason to do it. All the best ot you both!

Sweet_Tee · #7 05-05-2012, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissVal1920

That is good news... you know, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. I really went through it with myself. I pondered, went back and forth, even beat myself up over it. But at the end of the day, it came back to something you just wrote "the emotional connection". It was a feeling that not only couldn't I explain, but it had never been duplicated. I didn't even think it was possible. I figured, if Im going to sacrifice everything I *thought* I knew about convention in relationships, this was a reason to do it. All the best ot you both!

You are right! That connection is something powerful. I have loved or thought I did in the past. But this right here, NOTHING I have ever felt before. I am taking that leap of faith. I'm guessing I was getting cold feet and looking for anything that would make me not do it. Stupid me! When everything before me is pointing towards the one and only man that has shown me what unconditional love feels like. I'm ready :-)

Sweet_Tee · #8 05-05-2012, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miamorporvida

Good luck to you both!

Thank you, mi amor :-)

blandasgirl · #9 05-06-2012, 06:33 AM

Sweet,
I don't have any legal advice for you. I just want to tell you that if your initial reaction was to say yes when he proposed, than you need to trust your instincts and marry the man. If you are willing to commit to a tough situation, then I think you and your fiancee can get through anything together.

I agree with you on the connection part. I will write my guy a letter and mention a movie I saw a LONG time ago (not with him) and he will write back telling me that he was talking about the SAME movie with another inmate about 10 minutes before he received my letter. So, yes, connections are definitely there.

I am not sure on your view, but I believe that God has given us to each other. I have learned to let it go and trust that He will take us where we are meant to be.

Best of luck to both of you.

Sweet_Tee · #10 05-06-2012, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blandasgirl

Sweet,
I don't have any legal advice for you. I just want to tell you that if your initial reaction was to say yes when he proposed, than you need to trust your instincts and marry the man. If you are willing to commit to a tough situation, then I think you and your fiancee can get through anything together.

I agree with you on the connection part. I will write my guy a letter and mention a movie I saw a LONG time ago (not with him) and he will write back telling me that he was talking about the SAME movie with another inmate about 10 minutes before he received my letter. So, yes, connections are definitely there.

I am not sure on your view, but I believe that God has given us to each other. I have learned to let it go and trust that He will take us where we are meant to be.

Best of luck to both of you.

Thanks hun. I too believe God has a big hand in this. Everything happens for a reason so I am slowly learning not to try to figure out why and let whatever is to be, BE. All I do know for sure is I love that man and he makes me the happiest I have ever been despite his present place of residence. I am honored he wants me to have his last name. I'm ready to take it too :-)

blandasgirl · #11 05-06-2012, 02:01 PM

hey sweet. if your ticker is right than you and I have almost the same amount of waiting to do. I have EXACTLY 5 months more. (nov 13 2016)!!! So at least you're not alone! =)

D's lady · #12 05-06-2012, 02:18 PM

If we have kids...can I still file head of household

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Sweet_Tee · #13 05-06-2012, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blandasgirl

hey sweet. if your ticker is right than you and I have almost the same amount of waiting to do. I have EXACTLY 5 months more. (nov 13 2016)!!! So at least you're not alone! =)

Our release date is 6/12/2016. We are on this journey together, girlfriend!!! Is it wrong that I find it kind of comforting?!

blandasgirl · #14 05-07-2012, 04:07 PM

Hey Sweet,
I too find it comforting to know that I am not alone for the next four years. Only difference is-- you've got a marriage to look forward to. We are nowhere NEAR that level. I am taking it one day/visit/letter at a time.

Sweet_Tee · #15 05-06-2012, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D's lady

If we have kids...can I still file head of household

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

I know for kids you do file head of household. Are you married? While I wait for your response, I will try to find the page I was on before.

Sweet_Tee · #16 05-06-2012, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D's lady

If we have kids...can I still file head of household

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

For married you can claim Head of Household (you are considered unmarried) if you meet the following requirements.
*You file a separate return from your spouse
*You paid more than half the cost of keeping up your home for the tax year.
*Your spouse did not live in your home during the last 6 months of the tax year. Your spouse is considered to live in your home even if he or she is temporarily absent due to special circumstances. *Your home was the main home of your child, stepchild, or foster child for more than half the year. - You must be able to claim an exemption for the child.

I hope this help answer your question. I got this from a website. But of course, I would advise you to speak to a professional tax preparer.

D's lady · #17 05-07-2012, 11:26 AM

We aren't married yet. We were supposed to get married tomorrow, but he was moved to MCCX and now we have to wait. Thank you for the info! From what I saw it seems I can file HoH.

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missZ · #18 05-07-2012, 04:44 PM

Awwwwww everything will be ok mama...Congrats to the both of u an October is jus round da corner jus enough time to get ya dress and plan dat day to perfection...bendiciones (- :

Miss Z

adamsrubberduck · #19 05-07-2012, 05:28 PM

Okay I only have one question or one think that you should think about. Do you plan to ever move from the state that you currently live in?

Different states have different rules about this situation for example: I have a friend who's guy NEVER went to prison but he has a felony on his record. He spent time in jail from the time that he was 18 through his early twenties. She is in the child education business and as we speak the State of Wisconsin is making a decision as to whether or not she can continue to do her job. The kicker is that if they decide that she can't she will be banned from legally doing her job EVER again in this state. She will not be allowed to teach in a school or do any kind of job working with children leagally. He was not convicted of anything that had to do with children at all. He was a figther in his hay day. He got into a lot of fights and was arrested for that, convicted and did his time on paper. His last case is over 15 years old!
Worse part is they are not married yet and if something happened between them and they broke up she would still NEVER be allowed to legally work with children here. I think that it is so wrong but that is the laws on the books here. She can't fight it. We are all writing letters on her behalf to see if she can get approval because if not this will hurt her for the rest of her life.
Laws and states like this make felons question why they should ever change. They will always be judged even if they change. Your past never goes away and will haunt no matter what.

I just want to share that with you. I hate to bring the bad news but it is something for you to think about. If you have any place that you think that you may want to move please checkout what is on their books as far as what the laws carry for your career field.

Southernsun · #20 05-07-2012, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet_Tee

Hello ladies. I am posting this thread because (a) my fiance and I have been approved to get married and (b) I may be getting cold feet :-(

Now that this is REAL, a million and 1 questions are popping into my mind. (1) I work security and had to be cleared through Homeland Security. After marrying my love can they revoke my license because he is an inmate? (2) I am also attending nursing school, will it be harder to get a job in a hospital? Will they know he's incarcerated if I don't tell them. (3) He is divorced since 2006 and share 3 kids with his ex-wife (she has all 3 on SSI), can she come after ME for child support because I am to their father?

I really wish I had thought of all this before I said yes. I truly love my man and want to be his wife so bad. But now I am scared. If anyone has been through this, please share. I feel like crying, I am so nervous and don't know what to do. Hellllp :,-(

#2 I am an RN. I was married to a felon for 3 yrs it did not affect my job sources
#3 she can hit ur income tax unless u file injured spouse form ( that did happen .... it takes longer to get refund but worth the extra time to get your money )

<3 Heart belongs to Droopy <3

D's lady · #21 05-08-2012, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Southernsun

#2 I am an RN. I was married to a felon for 3 yrs it did not affect my job sources
#3 she can hit ur income tax unless u file injured spouse form ( that did happen .... it takes longer to get refund but worth the extra time to get your money )

<3 Heart belongs to Droopy <3

Does that apply to Tennessee? My guy owes child support but I was told once married that it wouldn't affect me. At least that's what a woman at h&R block said

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Sweet_Tee · #22 05-07-2012, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Southernsun

#2 I am an RN. I was married to a felon for 3 yrs it did not affect my job sources
#3 she can hit ur income tax unless u file injured spouse form ( that did happen .... it takes longer to get refund but worth the extra time to get your money )

<3 Heart belongs to Droopy <3

I've saw something about this injured spouse form. I have to see if it applies here in New York State. Thank you for your response. It helped to put my mind at ease as far as the job goes.

Sweet_Tee · #23 05-07-2012, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adamsrubberduck

Okay I only have one question or one think that you should think about. Do you plan to ever move from the state that you currently live in?

Different states have different rules about this situation for example: I have a friend who's guy NEVER went to prison but he has a felony on his record. He spent time in jail from the time that he was 18 through his early twenties. She is in the child education business and as we speak the State of Wisconsin is making a decision as to whether or not she can continue to do her job. The kicker is that if they decide that she can't she will be banned from legally doing her job EVER again in this state. She will not be allowed to teach in a school or do any kind of job working with children leagally. He was not convicted of anything that had to do with children at all. He was a figther in his hay day. He got into a lot of fights and was arrested for that, convicted and did his time on paper. His last case is over 15 years old!
Worse part is they are not married yet and if something happened between them and they broke up she would still NEVER be allowed to legally work with children here. I think that it is so wrong but that is the laws on the books here. She can't fight it. We are all writing letters on her behalf to see if she can get approval because if not this will hurt her for the rest of her life.
Laws and states like this make felons question why they should ever change. They will always be judged even if they change. Your past never goes away and will haunt no matter what.

I just want to share that with you. I hate to bring the bad news but it is something for you to think about. If you have any place that you think that you may want to move please checkout what is on their books as far as what the laws carry for your career field.

Hi, I appreciate your response. We will continue to live in New York State. I live in the city now but I am relocating up north to be near his family.

Now, your friend is going through this and she is not even married to him?!!! How did they find out about him?

adamsrubberduck · #24 05-09-2012, 11:51 AM

They perform background checks on everyone who works with children and in addition to that they do credit checks too. She and her man decided to move into together (a year before they get married to save money and because her lease was up) so when they ran the checks on her they saw everyone listed at her address (including her at the time 14 year old daughter-daughter just had a birthday 2 weeks ago). They know every person who recives mail at her address and they have to prove that they don't live with her or submit to a background check. They both knew that this might be an issue but they moved in together anyway. As luck would have it all of the things that he did even before the age of 21 came up and she had to have his family, her family , friends including me, his college professors and his job write character references for him. He had to agree to take an anger mgt class AND this Friday they both will have to sign an agreement with the state of Wsiconsin that he will have NO contact with the police and if he does she is done for life.

If something happens to him he can't claim self defense, he can't do anything except call 911 and hope that the police take his side. I am not sure if this means no auto-tickets too but it would not surprise me. We are talking about living his whole life with her under the gun for the sake of her career. I could understand if anything that he did pertained to children but it did not. Wisconsin came out with new laws about 4 years ago for people who work with children and it is crazy. Some things (not many) that are over 10 years old can be over looked but most will bar you forever and they include forgery, burglery, auto theft and other things that may have no physical harm to the victim and it doesn't matter how old the crime is. There will be a huge shortage of teachers here more than it already is due to this law. I am waiting for the day that they say if any of your family members has ever committed a crime then you are done as well. I know that we need to protect the children but this is going too far.

Wisconsin has so many child sex crimes but few of them are done by the people who are paid to work with children. We have many cases of child abuse by parents here and now they are making it hard for the people who actually want to and are trained to work with children to do so. Don't come here if you have a loved one who committed a crime and you want to work with children. It will be hard for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet_Tee

Hi, I appreciate your response. We will continue to live in New York State. I live in the city now but I am relocating up north to be near his family.

Now, your friend is going through this and she is not even married to him?!!! How did they find out about him?

Sweet_Tee · #25 05-07-2012, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D's lady

We aren't married yet. We were supposed to get married tomorrow, but he was moved to MCCX and now we have to wait. Thank you for the info! From what I saw it seems I can file HoH.

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

OMG!!!! That is f*cked up! They moved him before your wedding?! Oh hell to the capital NO!!! I pray that doesn't happen to me. I am so sorry for you guys. How long do you have to wait now?