Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Ilovemyviking · #1 05-07-2012, 08:28 AM

Ok Im not trying to be disrespectful. But I was thinking. How maybe it's different for a pen pal. I respect penpals to the fullest. But what I mean is like for me My man and I was together before he went in.,I know what its like to walk with him as a free man. I didn't get to go on a site and pick him out. But, what I was asking myself would I have ever written to a inmate if not him. I don't think I personally would. This is a hard life and to choose it I don't understand. Im happy people do it. Everyone need to have someone to love.
But, I can't say for me anyway that all penpals understand all parts of our life. This was something I always thought about.

Inhishands · #2 05-07-2012, 09:09 AM

If you want to assume your relationship is more valid or something that's your right I guess. Whatever helps you through.
For the record I didn't meet my man on a penpal site or anything either, so your post doesn't really apply to me but.... I have to say that while you are saying you are not trying to be disrespectful it still comes across that way.
Thinking that your realtionship is more, because you were with him prior to incarceration.

Ilovemyviking · #3 05-07-2012, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inhishands

If you want to assume your relationship is more valid or something that's your right I guess. Whatever helps you through.
For the record I didn't meet my man on a penpal site or anything either, so your post doesn't really apply to me but.... I have to say that while you are saying you are not trying to be disrespectful it still comes across that way.
Thinking that your realtionship is more, because you were with him prior to incarceration.

No it was more of a thought would I be stronge enough to choose this for myself. Would I do this when I don't have to. My relationship is the same as everybodys Im stuck with out him just the same. It more of being a choice im talking about. What it would be like to have a choice.

hizgirl123 · #4 05-07-2012, 10:25 AM

Yeah, I would not just pick an inmate out and start writing them. Those who do I don't judge, if that works for you fine. I have met many very nice ladies that it oes work out for and they have very good relationships.

Do I think my relationship is stronger then theris? Not necessarily, but I do feel the connection is stronger. I new my guy prior to incarceration we have a lot of history and share 2 kids. I have done things and gone places with him that those who met via pen pal haven't. Yes, it's different to me. I know I'm going to get heat from that but it's my honest feelings.

uk599905 · #5 05-07-2012, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilovemyviking

But, I can't say for me anyway that all penpals understand all parts of our life. ....

Does anyone..pen-pal or otherwise?

~Christina~ · #6 05-07-2012, 10:47 AM

no one chooses to fall in love with an inmate. i do think you are being disrespectful as well as hizgirl is being disrespectful. your thread is yet one more way for the women who knew the inmate before to try to put down us mwi's. i met my man thru a penpal site. i can tell you this much you can learn one hell of a lot more about someone especially at the beginning than in a regular relationship. it does take a special type of woman to be in a mwi relationship...i'm one of the special ladies.

**pj663** · #7 05-07-2012, 11:02 AM

Ilovemyviking I moved your thread to MWI because this forum was more appropriate for your topic of discussion. On another note no matter if you met them MBI or MWI the end result is that they BAI.............
(both are incarcerated)

ILovehim1 · #8 05-08-2012, 12:16 PM

My boyfriend and I are MWI. I didn't meet him on a website. I met him through a friend. I really wasn't trying to fall for him or like him too much .I just wanted to be his friend and get to know him more. After months went by then we both starting thinking we were falling for each other. Then I visited him and I really knew then that I loved him. I didn't choose to be in love with him. It just happened. I wasn't expecting anything and had never before written to an inmate. Something told me to just write him and be his friend. Then now I couldn't imagine being without him. I think this thread is dissing mwi relationships by you assuming that we look on websites to talk to guys. Seriously I really believe you can't choose who you fall for.

hizgirl123 · #9 05-07-2012, 11:08 AM

I wasn't being disrespectful at all. I was being honest. Like I said I have met wonderful people who have met their loved one thru pen pal and it does work.

I'm not the one judging. Now you are judging me becuase of how I feel.

**pj663** · #10 05-07-2012, 11:16 AM

No one is judging sweetie. Everyone has a right to their opinion just as you have a right. But after we had our say the end result is that our love ones either MWI or MBI is still incarecerated.

hizgirl123 · #11 05-07-2012, 11:34 AM

Good point! They are all in prison regardless of how we met. SO how do we make it work? Can I post a spin off question that is more friendly??

**pj663** · #12 05-07-2012, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hizgirl123

Good point! They are all in prison regardless of how we met. SO how do we make it work? Can I post a spin off question that is more friendly??

hizgirl123 this question has been asked and answered time and time again. If you go back through some of the threads you will find conversations posing this same question. How you make any relationship work depend on the couple, their situation and the ability to endure a relationship which entail you being seperate from your love one. It can be difficult at times and sometimes straight out exhausting if you are truly committed. But again it depends on the couple.

hizgirl123 · #13 05-07-2012, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj663

hizgirl123 this question has been asked and answered time and time again. If you go back through some of the threads you will find conversations posing this same question. How you make any relationship work depend on the couple, their situation and the ability to endure a relationship which entail you being seperate from your love one. It can be difficult at times and sometimes straight out exhausting if you are truly committed. But again it depends on the couple.

Ilovemyviking · #14 05-07-2012, 11:40 AM

For me its just the why? Why do you want this life. You know.
And yes I think are some parts of my life you can't get unless you have walked it. Like I had to watch my man change and be warped into a convict. My man is 25 but he looks 35. he used to be a cut up and smile all the time. Now he's depressed and hard, never smiles. Sure you will get to know him yes but you will never know who he once was.
And I don't care what you say. I respect you for taking the time to write. Most don't get any mail not even from the own mother. But no matter what you say it's different.
And really that was not what this post was about.

**pj663** · #15 05-07-2012, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilovemyviking

For me its just the why? Why do you want this life. You know.
And yes I think are some parts of my life you can't get unless you have walked it. Like I had to watch my man change and be warped into a convict. My man is 25 but he looks 35. he used to be a cut up and smile all the time. Now he's depressed and hard, never smiles. Sure you will get to know him yes but you will never know who he once was.
And I don't care what you say. I respect you for taking the time to write. Most don't get any mail not even from the own mother. But no matter what you say it's different.
And really that was not what this post was about.

My question love is what makes your situation so diffrent? Pen pals write their love ones I'm sure you write your man correct? True enough you known him when he was in the streets but you say that he's changed into a diffrent man over the years and now you have to get to know the new person because he's not who you once known.

**pj663** · #16 05-07-2012, 12:01 PM

Ilovemyviking you have a right to your opinion and or statement but be ready that many will ask ( Like myself

) What's the diffrence?

Ilovemyviking · #17 05-07-2012, 11:47 AM

I have mad respect for anyone who does it. But I could not. So don't mistake me we are all in the same boat our love ones are not home. And some of us like me. My viking will never get out.

Ilovemyviking · #18 05-07-2012, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hizgirl123

Good point! They are all in prison regardless of how we met. SO how do we make it work? Can I post a spin off question that is more friendly??

Didn't think I was being unfriendly.
It was a muse nothing more. It got turned into. A contest of who's relationships better.

hizgirl123 · #19 05-07-2012, 11:57 AM

I didn't think you question was unfriendly either but others seemes to. Oh- well.

Ilovemyviking · #20 05-07-2012, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj663

My question love is what makes your situation so diffrent? Pen pals write their love ones I'm sure you write your man correct? True enough you known him when he was in the streets but you say that he's changed into a diffrent man over the years and now you have to get to know the new person because he's not who you once known.

I watch him become a monster. And im just now pulling him back. I watch him lose his humanity and I him any way. I watched him go insane in the hole. I knew the man he once was.

**pj663** · #21 05-07-2012, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilovemyviking

I watch him become a monster. And im just now pulling him back. I watch him lose his humanity and I him any way. I watched him go insane in the hole. I knew the man he once was.

You can watch a person lose his humanity or go insane in the hole MBI or MWI. You knew the man he once was but do you stop loving him because he's changed? No you continue to love him and support him MBI or MWI.

Ilovemyviking · #22 05-07-2012, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj663

My question love is what makes your situation so diffrent? Pen pals write their love ones I'm sure you write your man correct? True enough you known him when he was in the streets but you say that he's changed into a diffrent man over the years and now you have to get to know the new person because he's not who you once known.

Your right. But what made you reach out in the 1st place?

**pj663** · #23 05-07-2012, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilovemyviking

Your right. But what made you reach out in the 1st place?

Sadly I have family members in the system

No penpal here. And no I didnt grow up with my husband ridin our big wheels down the street

or known him before his incarceration however I can say that prior to knowing him I proabley would have turned up my nose at him but it was really learning the CDCR system and family members who's been in the system that really schooled me on alot of things mainly not passing judgment on someone incarcerated which is true.

queenlynch · #24 05-07-2012, 03:38 PM

Everybody makes a choice to be in a prison (or any) relationship, even the ones that knew the prisoner before he went in. Every minute is a choice to stay and work through the difficult aspects of this life together.

143forever · #25 05-07-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilovemyviking

For me its just the why? Why do you want this life. You know.

I just wrote my first pp yesterday and i can honestly tell you for me it has a lot to do with comfort. Im not writing looking for a relationship but my heart is wide open! I've dated a lot of douchebags, and spent a lot of my time particularly with one. Im ready to give the whole dating scene up and focus on creating bonds with people. Why an inmate you ask? Why not? I don't see anyone better to share my time with. Someone who isn't just trying to get a piece of a** and will take the time to get to know me. Sure i might meet a couple pps who are looking for a handout but i try to think of the positive.

Can you imagine writing to a stranger and over a period of time developing feelings and a real true connection with this person. After a year of talking sharing a first kiss? To me this slow steadiness of an MWIs relationship seems ideal to me. All MWIs are lucky to have found such a thing.

My mothet met my father in prison. A mutual friend of theirs (who is now my god parent) gave my mother his address. They married after his release and 2 years later i arrived (:

I have such a big heart. Im looking to share that with someone.

IMO, an MWI relationship requires a lot of patience and a lot of love regarding the circumstances. Its a bond not just everyone is capable of having!

All of you MWIs are strong ladies (and gents) and i am proud of you for giving an inmate the opportunity to expirence true love and support (: