Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

RidinTilTheEnd · #1 05-10-2012, 03:38 PM

Long story short. My boyfriend one day told me that if he got 25+ or more OR even 5+ years hes not gonna be with me , he wouldnt wanna be with me & i didnt say anythign then he says "im just trying to look out for you".. we left it alone then it bothered me 2 days ago cause i started thinking about it.. if thats the case why am i waiting?? im waiting for nothing is what he pretty much told me right? anyways i brought it up to him 2 days ago & i broke it off with him because of how i feel. I dont know if i did the right thing

. i love him to death and hes in for murder... no matter how much time he gets i wanna be there with him to the end but he says "no female in their right mind will wait for someone that long" blah blah but i know i could do it... he also said he doesnt trust me because i lied to his face one time.. now he thinks im lying ALLLLLLLLL THE TIMEEEE. And ever since we broke it off, he hasnt called me...i called him bout an hour ago and asked him why he hasnt called and he says "cause i thought it wasnt nothing...you dont wanna fck with me nomore" ... ever since we broke it off i feel like hes been talking to someone else..i just feel that way... i love him, i dont wanna lose him...how can i fix this or tell him something to make him feel better? ughh im stuck... please help :'((

InLoveWithaG · #2 05-10-2012, 03:55 PM

how old are you, if you dnt mind me asking?

RidinTilTheEnd · #3 05-10-2012, 03:57 PM

Im bout to be 21. We been together for 2 years & almost 2 weeks now.

xamariee · #4 05-10-2012, 03:59 PM

Yeah how old are you love? And is he in prison now since you mentioned you called him. Like why isn't he in jail now if he committed a murder not trying to sound harsh but I'm dealing with all this stress because my boyfriend committed a burglary charge and they took him in ASAP no questions asked. So explain more

If you're still young it's easier said than some but you don't want to sit around like this for te rest of your life. This is coming from someone who's don't it for 2 years straight it is not easy not a second goes by that he isn't on my mind it's HARD!!

Best of luck

countrygrl33 · #5 05-10-2012, 03:59 PM

Sorry I don't have any advice just wanna wish you well and good luck. I do have a question tho....Are you saying YOU called him while he is locked up? He has a phone?

143forever · #6 05-10-2012, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RidinTilTheEnd

i called him bout an hour ago and asked him why he hasnt called and he says "cause i thought it wasnt nothing..

Is he in prison? I don't get how you called him?

I guess i would just explain to him how you feel. If hes in for murder he is probably still shook up from dealing with what he did and definitely needs time to think.

I wanna say i doubt hes talking to someone else. After what he did i doubt finding another girl is a priority right now, atleast i wouldn't think so.

Like i said just explain your feelings then give him some space. If he wants to come back around he will.

143forever · #7 05-10-2012, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xamariee

Yeah how old are you love? And is he in prison now since you mentioned you called him. Like why isn't he in jail now if he committed a murder not trying to sound harsh but I'm dealing with all this stress because my boyfriend committed a burglary charge and they took him in ASAP no questions asked. So explain more

If you're still young it's easier said than some but you don't want to sit around like this for te rest of your life. This is coming from someone who's don't it for 2 years straight it is not easy not a second goes by that he isn't on my mind it's HARD!!

Best of luck

Good point. We need more info. Im awfully confused.

RidinTilTheEnd · #8 05-10-2012, 04:07 PM

No he isnt in prison. Hes in a mental hospital (i think its self explanatory) trying to come home... if he is found incompetent then he goes to somewhat of a program then comes home if he isnt found incompetent then he has to take it to trial and it goes on from there.. therefore with the hospital i can call & he can call me. i know im young but im also mature, i dont do nothing but work and i also been in for 2 years now...i know its not easy.

countryzgirl · #9 05-10-2012, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RidinTilTheEnd

No he isn't in prison. Hes in a mental hospital (i think its self explanatory) trying to come home... if he is found incompetent then he goes to somewhat of a program then comes home if he isn't found incompetent then he has to take it to trial and it goes on from there.. therefore with the hospital i can call & he can call me. i know im young but im also mature, i dont do nothing but work and i also been in for 2 years now...i know its not easy.

It sounds like he's waiting for a mental competency hearing to see if he's fit to stand trial. If he's found incompetent he will likely remain institutionalized until/unless he is deemed competent. That can be a VERY long time...even a lifetime (there is no set out-date in these circumstances).
The "program" you refer to is not like a drug/rehab program where one simply needs to complete the conditions and then go free. The doctors will determine when/if he is mentally capable of participating in his own defense and understanding the charges against him.

If/when it's determined he's fit, his case will be set for trial and he will be remanded to DOC custody. There is no statute of limitations on murder- the charges will be put on hold, not dropped. No matter what, it's likely he's not coming home for a long, long time.

Scotties_Girl21 · #10 05-10-2012, 04:08 PM

If I'm not mistaken I think she means he's awaiting sentencing for murder...idk. however my advice is tell him how you feel and if your really down to wait that long I say go for it. Be prepared because 25 years is no cake walk. Goodluck, I hope everything works out for you.

xamariee · #11 05-10-2012, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotties_Girl21

If I'm not mistaken I think she means he's awaiting sentencing for murder...idk. however my advice is tell him how you feel and if your really down to wait that long I say go for it. Be prepared because 25 years is no cake walk. Goodluck, I hope everything works out for you.

Yeah you're right but in NY regardless what you do they take you straight to Rikers no remorse and if you're case is dropped then congrats if not that it you're in to stay even if you're waiting I get sentenced they held my man for a year before they sentenced him which was a pain

So this guy who committed murder should not free no offense honey don't take this wrong but you have to understand how harsh his crime was he took a life of another. While us ladies are dealing with our boyfriends and their small cases reading things like this upset me

143forever · #12 05-10-2012, 04:12 PM

Do you mind me asking why he did what he did?

countryzgirl · #13 05-10-2012, 04:14 PM

I'm also wondering how you called him. That aside, I think you're putting the cart before the horse. He hasn't been sentenced yet. Why worry about what may or may not be an issue? It's great you're willing to wait for him but I think he has a good point. You feel that you can ride a long bid. Easier said than done, Sweetie. This life is not a bed of romance and roses. In fact, it sucks in many, many ways. Do you realize you will be sacrificing your child bearing years and the prime of your life for a relationship of prison visits, letters and timed, monitored phone calls? You will be alone most of the time. You will not have tenderness, touch or private moments. That's an awful lot to bear - esp when you two are having trouble navigating a simple discussion. I suggest you take a few deep breaths, relax and let things unfold naturally. Good luck!

**shaunna** · #14 05-10-2012, 04:16 PM

I understand you love him but just take a step back for a second maybe list all the pros and cons of leaving and staying... Think if this is something that u really want

Scotties_Girl21 · #15 05-10-2012, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xamariee

Yeah you're right but in NY regardless what you do they take you straight to Rikers no remorse and if you're case is dropped then congrats if not that it you're in to stay even if you're waiting I get sentenced they held my man for a year before they sentenced him which was a pain

So this guy who committed murder should not free no offense honey don't take this wrong but you have to understand how harsh his crime was he took a life of another. While us ladies are dealing with our boyfriends and their small cases reading things like this upset me

I didn't say he should be free I was just trying to clarify what she was talking about when she said she was able to call him

??

xamariee · #16 05-10-2012, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotties_Girl21

I didn't say he should be free I was just trying to clarify what she was talking about when she said she was able to call him

??

Yea I know we are all waiting for that answer how she was able to call him lol

Scotties_Girl21 · #17 05-10-2012, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xamariee

Yea I know we are all waiting for that answer how he was able to call him lol

She said because he's in a mental hospital and he can call her and she can call him and its being determined if he's competent to stand trial, I guess he's pleading insanity in the case.

xamariee · #18 05-10-2012, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotties_Girl21

She said because he's in a mental hospital and he can call her and she can call him and its being determined if he's competent to stand trial, I guess he's pleading insanity in the case.

Oh. Sorry to hear all of this is happening hope he gets the help he needs and you guys can work something out.

Good luck

countryzgirl · #19 05-10-2012, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotties_Girl21

She said because he's in a mental hospital and he can call her and she can call him and its being determined if he's competent to stand trial, I guess he's pleading insanity in the case.

He's prolly not even at the plea stage. First he has to be deemed mentally competent to make a plea.

Give his circumstances I think OP should lay off the long-term plan discussions. It sounds like this guy has more than enough going on without adding that issue. JMO...

143forever · #20 05-10-2012, 04:27 PM

If hes at a mental hospital i seriously doubt hes talking to someone else. I think you should just let him be... chances are he will be getting life considering he took the life of another. Very very rarely does pleading insanity work to lessen a charge. Keep that in mind and decide if this is a life that you want. Hes leaving the ball in your court so choose wisely as what to do with it. You are young with a full life ahead of you. Are you really willing to give all that up? and only you can decide that.
GL

Scotties_Girl21 · #21 05-10-2012, 04:29 PM

Yea I hope the best for you guys as well. That's got to be difficult.
:Goodluck:

Scotties_Girl21 · #22 05-10-2012, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 143forever

If hes at a mental hospital i seriously doubt hes talking to someone else. I think you should just let him be... chances are he will be getting life considering he took the life of another. Very very rarely does pleading insanity work to lessen a charge. Keep that in mind and decide if this is a life that you want. Hes leaving the ball in your court so choose wisely as what to do with it. You are young with a full life ahead of you. Are you really willing to give all that up? and only you can decide that.
GL

Not all murder cases receive life. Every case is different. My uncle shot a woman in the face while he was high on drugs and received 18 years in 2000. It really depends on alot of factors. But no doubt he's gna be in that hospital or prison for awhile.

Scotties_Girl21 · #23 05-10-2012, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

He's prolly not even at the plea stage. First he has to be deemed mentally competent to make a plea.

Give his circumstances I think OP should lay off the long-term plan discussions. It sounds like this guy has more than enough going on without adding that issue. JMO...

I agree it sounds like he's got some things to decide about himself before he worries about relationship plans.

**Patty** · #24 05-10-2012, 04:40 PM

Let's get and stay on topic, he told her not to wait on him if he gets a long sentence, they broke up, she's not sure that's what she wants and she's looking for advice...

xamariee · #25 05-10-2012, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty

Let's get and stay on topic, he told her not to wait on him if he gets a long sentence, they broke up, she's not sure that's what she wants and she's looking for advice...

We wanted to get the accurate details so we can give her the right advice and now that she explained there's really not much you can say about this until he gets better as far as their relationship as the girls mentioned he's in no state of mind right now for a relationship. & we wished her the best of luck that's all there is left to do is just have faith