Best way to give your child an explanation of where dad is

[Lala306]

I can only tell my son "daddy is in school" before he decides he hates school and doesn't want to go. I don't know if he should be told, or at what age? Its getting hard. His father is locked up for 5 yrs. Im disgusted for putting his son thru this. But still stand by the fact he was a great dad.. I know hes miserable just thinking about all the things he will miss in hos sons life. Breaks,my heart. Any advice

[MissingMarcus]

I was honest with my son who is now 5. I used it as a learning experience. He knows Daddy broke the law and is in grown up time out just like he gets when he breaks the rules. I know some may not agree with telling their child, but I try to use everything as a learning experience if I can.

[Leowoman]

My nephew's dad was in prison for awhile as was his mom, my sister. He was always told the truth. In my opinion, I believe it is best.

[Scotties_Girl21]

I was honest with my niece about her mom just because sometimes when you don't give an explanation crazy things can run through their minds. Its worked very well for me just to be honest, but of course choose your words carefully.

[savienu]

I think it depends on the age of your son. My son is 5, and his father is in for 8 months. I told him that Daddy is sick and had to go away for awhile. In my opinion, that's not lying, but rather keeping details from him that at his fragile age he doesn't need (especially because he'll want to know what Daddy did, etc.)

[Terihe]

I believe if you want your child to always tell you truth you need to show that respect to them. They start learning as they learn to talk as they grow. I believe at age 5 they understand more than parents give them credit for. They already know about policemen and what their jobs are. As parents we teach them about bad guys and good guys starting at an earlier age. As Scotties girl pointed out crazy things can go through their mind. They may find out from others which is not always in our control.

[GuerosMama]

Originally Posted by Terihe

I believe if you want your child to always tell you truth you need to show that respect to them. They start learning as they learn to talk as they grow. I believe at age 5 they understand more than parents give them credit for. They already know about policemen and what their jobs are. As parents we teach them about bad guys and good guys starting at an earlier age. As Scotties girl pointed out crazy things can go through their mind. They may find out from others which is not always in our control.

I believe you are right about this. They don't need to be sheltered from the realities of life. I plan on telling my son the truth, just not sure at what age.

[Leowoman]

Originally Posted by Terihe

I believe at age 5 they understand more than parents give them credit for.

This is so true! When my grand daughter was 3 last Halloween, her daddy promised to take her to the pumpkin patch. As usual, he bailed on her. She obviously was upset and called him an asshole. Of course, she shouldn't have said that but kids know a lot. She already knows she can't count on her daddy and that's sad.

[LTTMM]

My oldest is 2.5 years old. I tell her that Daddy is in time out. It's a term she knows and understands. I'm really just playing it by ear. I tell her the truth, but in age appropriate terms.

[onionhead]

Originally Posted by LTTMM

My oldest is 2.5 years old. I tell her that Daddy is in time out. It's a term she knows and understands. I'm really just playing it by ear. I tell her the truth, but in age appropriate terms.

That is what I would do too. You must be one cool Mum. Telling the truth in age appropriate ways has to be the best thing to do. Kudos to you.

[Scotties_Girl21]

Originally Posted by LTTMM

My oldest is 2.5 years old. I tell her that Daddy is in time out. It's a term she knows and understands. I'm really just playing it by ear. I tell her the truth, but in age appropriate terms.

This is a really awesome way of explaining it! My daughters 3 and I think she would probably understand this a lot better.

[143forever]

My son is still fairly young. He will be 3 this summer. I promised myself to always be honest. His dad originally wanted our son to grow up not knowing as he is concerned about him being disappointed but its not something we can just hide. Hes not in any of my pregnancy pictures, birth pictures, holiday pictures, its obvious hes gone and hes not going to be naive forever. I plan to explain to my son that daddy did bad things and is being punished for it. I don't want him to feel lied to, thats not fair to him. So i believe honesty is the best policy.

[guidrella]

Be honest... In my opinion, its the only way. Remember people talk & kids listen. Its better that the truth comes from you than someone else.

[Leowoman]

This weekend, my 4 year old granddaughter asked me where Pappy was. He just got arrested on Friday. I told her that Pappy was in time out (got the idea from this thread). She asked if I put Pappy in time out because that's one of her favorite games with Pappy, putting him in time out. I told her no I didn't. She then asked who did. I told her the police did. She said, "Oh, so Pappy's in jail." I just had to laugh because she is just way too smart for her own good!

[MickeyBug]

Our daughter has just turned 5. Her dad has been in for 3 years & has just over 1 more year to go.
I have always told her that daddy is at work. He's working lots & lots and will be home soon. Etc.

There have been a few times where other kids are playing on the playground (young ages, about 6 ) saying "my daddy has been in jail 7 times now" or "let's play jail" "we already are in jail" ... I've been so lucky that my daughter hasn't been around the kids that say those things.
My heart breaks for those kids & it just sounds really bad coming from such a young mouth....

I believe honesty is the best policy too - but I think there is a difference to protecting an innocent child, from such a horrible place.. Do they really need to know? Do they really need to be educated about jail at this age? My answer is no.

Sent from my iPhone

[cHaMpS` GiiRL]

Just posted this in another thread but thought it would be good here too my husband did 6years went in when our daughter was just a few months old so had to deal with this topic for a while

"I was always worried about how we were going to explain to our daughter where daddy was he'd been busted since she was born so I was scared she would be mad or scared if she knew the truth she was only 2when she started visiting him so didn't think shed understand too much but we went with the more upfront approach if she had a question we'd answer the best we could from the very first visit I explained to her what the rules were what daddy was and wasn't allowed to do and when she would ask when he would be able to come home with us always just told her soon enough he'd be home to stay until we started our countdown then we did that together but I didn't think she understood as young as she was and she never asked to many questions so figured she didn't know..but she did she was putting things together since the very beginning and figured out where daddy was loooooonnggg time ago the only thing she never asked was what he did to get there she just knew he did wrong and had to be responsible for his actions her relationship with him never changed she was a daddys girl when he was in there and still is the biggest daddys girl now they have a more open relationship they talk about EVERYTHING from homework and cartoons to court dates and parole visits he puts it in a way she can understand I guess because he knows whether he tells her or not shell put two and two together and figure it out so he'd rather explain it to her so she understands our perspective rather than just jumping to conclusions because she felt we lied to her "

[LadeeInWaiting]

Mine think daddy's at work. They are just 2 and 4 - and he's been gone for 2 yrs. They dont see him cause he refised to let them see him like that. I really stuggled between being honest with them or protecting them - still do but now I'm kinda stuck. Think you just need to do what works best for you and for your children.

[denisegallegos]

My husband started going to Jail when my girls were 5. And from day one i have told them the truth, honesty is extremely important. They know dad messed up and has to pay for the mistake.
I have always reassured them he loves them will n home and everything will b ok.
I try to b a good role model for them also supporting my husband %100 , they see that and it rubs off.

I see no reason to sugar coat it!
Having a loved one locked up is no fun, but at the same i don't want my girls to be embarassed or ashamed of their dad, lieing or whatever would not b wise not to.mention, the word TRUTH is important in our house. So is LOVE &FORGIVENESS

[hrudolph1512]

Our 4 y/o daughter thinks daddy is at work. It was his idea to tell her that, his response to "why wont daddy come home from work?" was so we can have bigger birthday parties and so he caan stay home for a long time. It has worked so far. Only a little over a year to go!

[samazing]

I don't have children, but as my mother's child perhaps I can give some perspective. She was always honest with me. Children are smarter than most give them credit for. They put the pieces of the puzzle together. As a baby, my mom never allowed people to "baby talk" me, she said I was a person and should be talked to like one. Was I supposed to grow up thinking that's how you are supposed to speak? Even at such a young age, my mother demanded I be given that respect (she's always been my #1 fan). When I was 5 years old I asked the "where do babies come from?" question... She never fed me the whole stork babble... she said a woman has an egg and a man has the sperm and together they make the baby. Thankfully, I guess, I didn't ask how... Lol. My mom always gave me the respect of telling me the truth. I learned to go to her when I had questions- be it about sex, boys, relationships, etc. She actually even told me that when my friends at school say things, that I can ask her if I'm curious about it because she would tell me the truth. ....I think I turned out great, lol!

[DJzGirl]

Originally Posted by samazing

My mom always gave me the respect of telling me the truth. I learned to go to her when I had questions- be it about sex, boys, relationships, etc.

Thanks for this. I am struggling with what I will tell my kids. I have 5 from a previous marriage. My guy is the love of my life though, my soulmate. (We dated when we were teens and went separate ways, but out love only grew during the 17 years we were apart.) He'll be coming home in about 6 months and it will be a shock for my kids. I haven't yet decided what to tell them. I am worried that telling them he was locked up will scare them or make them automatically not like him. But, I guess as you said, being honest and giving them that respect will go far. I am really big on being open with my older kids (12 and 14). I just want to make this as easy as possible for everyone.

[ILoveHim2008]

We tell my son daddy is in time out are sometimes depending on what we are talking about College due to the fact prisoners call doing tine college (my dad did two bids) when my dad dud his I was a teen anyhow it works for him he us two so try and use words he will understand he does know what jail is and knows you go there for timeout if your bad as a grown up but we still get the occasional where's daddy questions
Sometimes multiple times a day

[ILoveHim2008]

I personally think using terms a child can understand is not lying to him/her.
his dad once tryed VACATION and I made him stop that ASAP words like that is lying cause he is not on a vocation. by he is in time out and does take college classes were he is at. lol

[MitchsLady2010]

I told my kids the truth. He's in "big boy time out" AKA Jail. I told my kids that when they get in trouble, Mommy and/or Daddy is the one that punishes them and the length of their timeout is based on the severity of what they did wrong. Mitch/Daddy is in jail because he did something wrong in when you're a grown up the judge decides how long you're in time out based on the severity of what you do wrong. So if they don't ever want to go to jail as adults then they need to be good and not break the law which is the same as not breaking mommy's rules right now as kids.

[MitchsLady2010]

p.s my kids are 5 years old 3 years old and mine and mitch's baby is 1 year old. My 5 and 3 year old comprehend the whole concept perfectly.