Wondering......but I don't know what for.........

[teardropswife]

So I have not ever posted in this forum before all because I never considered him a V/O, I guess due to the fact that he really did not beat up all EIGHT of the police officers while in HANDCUFFS, I didn't think to call him violent. ANYWAY.........I love my husband so much that I married him while in prison. I am doing this time with him no matter what comes or goes. It is not easy and I know it takes a special woman like me ( and you reading this) to go through this without him knowing everything we sacrifice for a few minutes on the phone, a long drive for a few hours of contact, foregoing a shopping trip for "me" stuff just to send him money to eat.

I know there are a lot of females who break their backs to take care of the their L/O, I do the same thing. I pray more for him than I do myself. I take care of the kids, the house, and him. I just graduated school as Valedictorian, so sad he was not there at my graduation. I am thankful for the little things we are able to have when we can b/c not everyone is able to have mail daily, or a phone call here and there, visits, or even money in their accounts.

I know that when he comes home, everything he promices he is going to do his "dangest" ( I don't curse) to make sure I have all the things I deserve, want and need. He knows it has to be done the LEGAL way. Should I tell him how hard things were for me while he has been locked up? I will not tell him now while he is still in there, all that will do is stress him out more. Would you tell him when he comes home? Do you think telling him would keep him from doing the wrong thing again?

[IrishFire]

I have been married 18 years. This is the first (and last) incarceration. He has been down 4 and almost 2 left. And he knows exactly how hard it is for me, because I tell him. I don't beat him over the head with it, but when I am struggling to deal with the same things that caused him to act like the south end of a north bound jackass, and he wants to whine about the situation, I let him know.

He also knows that he can NEVER make this up to me. He can't give me these years back, so don't even put that mess on paper. Can't be done, but I don't expect him to. One bad act, does not define him. He is a better man than that, I know that and he knows that, so we'll let this minute in time to make sure we know how to make sure the next minute is better.

Please don't let your concern for his feelings allow resentment to build in you. It happens and you don't even realize it.

[MikesWife76]

I am glad you posted this I struggle with telling my Baby how hard things are for me out here not to add stress to him. I would want him to know but I don't want to make him feel guilty he is a violent offender but he is not that Guy he is very sensitive and takes things very extreme. I want him to know my sacrifices not for recognition but so he will appreciate what he has and make every effort from this point forward in and out to do the right thing.

[lil peep]

Like the other ladies, I understand your concern about stressing him out with all the worries you have at home, but you guys are together. You should share the good and the bad. He's going to have to deal with the bad regardless when he comes home, so why wait until then? You should be able to lean on each other for support how you can while he's gone. Of course I worry about telling him things sometimes, but we have to talk about them or I worry even more than I would if he knew. Does that make sense? I also think when we don't tell them, we're telling them we don't think they're capable. They are grown men. They can handle more than we give them credit for I think.

[teardropswife]

Thanks. I understand what each you all are saying. I do know that me telling him stuff won't hurt or hinder our relationship. I just sometimes feel like what is the point in telling him once everything is over with. We are in the countdown now for work release, we have made it this far, why bother to bring up stuff. I have decided to let him read and watch my Diary entries. I used to write, now I just record them via webcam and save them. THey are cool to go back and watch. Anyhoo, I think that would be a cool way for him to see my "emotional State" during those entries so he can see at that moment, that is how I felt.

Do you all have anything like a journal or video diary that you would sit and watch with him when he comes home?

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by teardropswife

So I have not ever posted in this forum before all because I never considered him a V/O, I guess due to the fact that he really did not beat up all EIGHT of the police officers while in HANDCUFFS, I didn't think to call him violent. ANYWAY.........I love my husband so much that I married him while in prison. I am doing this time with him no matter what comes or goes. It is not easy and I know it takes a special woman like me ( and you reading this) to go through this without him knowing everything we sacrifice for a few minutes on the phone, a long drive for a few hours of contact, foregoing a shopping trip for "me" stuff just to send him money to eat.

I know there are a lot of females who break their backs to take care of the their L/O, I do the same thing. I pray more for him than I do myself. I take care of the kids, the house, and him. I just graduated school as Valedictorian, so sad he was not there at my graduation. I am thankful for the little things we are able to have when we can b/c not everyone is able to have mail daily, or a phone call here and there, visits, or even money in their accounts.

I know that when he comes home, everything he promices he is going to do his "dangest" ( I don't curse) to make sure I have all the things I deserve, want and need. He knows it has to be done the LEGAL way. Should I tell him how hard things were for me while he has been locked up? I will not tell him now while he is still in there, all that will do is stress him out more. Would you tell him when he comes home? Do you think telling him would keep him from doing the wrong thing again?

My fiance knows that things are not all peaches and cream out here and if I cannot share with him the ups and the down, he is being left out, in my opinion. I tell him everything, no matter how stressful it may be, because that is the way our relationship works. We leave nothing out.

There is nothing you can say or do that is going to keep him from doing the wrong thing again, except for him. It does not matter how much loving support he gets from you, he will do what he wants to do regardless. I hate to say this, but it is the truth.

I tell my fiance not to make promises he cannot keep, so we keep things simple and are going to take each day, one day at a time. Hopefully, he will choose healthier ways of doing his life, but there is no guarentee.

Peace~

[chili]

Originally Posted by teardropswife

I just graduated school as Valedictorian,

Congratulations, that's fantastic. How focused a woman you must be to achieve that level of success while keeping things on track for your husband.

[chili]

[lil peep]

I have both actually and so does he. Well, he doesn't have a video diary, but I've started doing that for him instead of writing in a journal cause I have quite a few he could read already. So I thought this would be something different.