Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

lunachild · #26 01-03-2004, 05:33 PM

Girl, I haven't had sex in 14 years. The day I got pregnant with my second boy. It was because I was in an abusive marriage and I wouldn't let the a**h*** in my room!

I separated two years ago, lost over 200 lbs. and am feeling damn cute and sexy. I am going to be 44 and look and act 25. I met Jason, through a mutual friend. He moved in for a month before he got busted on a probation violation, but we never had sex. We played around a little. And he is the sexiest man I ever met. Tell me about being sexually frustrated!!!

And since my transformation and since everyone knows he is in jail and I'm not with my husband anymore, I feel like I have a sign on my a** that says F*** me! Married, single, young and old, they are coming out of the woodwork.

But, I am an old-fashioned kinda girl, and I didn't sleep with Jason because I'm still married. But, I'm getting over that

I love him so much that it would kill me to cheat on him. I feel as committed to him as if I was married to him. I am out here dealing with my life and my kids, dealing with him and helping him get squared away to go to college when he's paroled, going to school myself.

I think if you were committed to him and to "til death do us part" you wouldn't be feeling like you are. Just my opinion, but I was seeing red flags everywhere, reading your story. I have been there. Low self esteem, abusive husband, etc. I am glad to see that you are focusing on school and maybe that is all you can do right now. I know, after getting out of that mess with my husband, it's been two years and I still can't function on a normal level. I get overwhelmed very easily.

All kinds of factors have to fall into place for this thing to work. I know he loves me and cares for me very much. Despite all the baggage I have, he is willing to wade in there with me. I know he does something for me that no other human has been able to give me. The desire to be myself and the best myself I can be. I love him for that. I do the same for him. I only want his happiness. Even if it isn't with me. I love him that much.

Only you know you know what is best for you. I hope you can keep in contact with him. He and you can still be friends. Friends that become lovers is the epitome of joy.

angelica916 · #27 01-03-2004, 05:45 PM

I hope i don't violate any PTO rules when I express my opinion. After all, this is a support group which means sometimes your going to receive feed back which may seem harsh and abrasive. My intent isnt to hurt your feelings, but to give you a different point of view.

First of all, all Im hearing is what YOU do. He didnt make you spend money that was needed for car insurance. You did that yourself. Maybe your desire to see him lead you to act unwisely.

Secondly, it seems to me, just by what you have written that you act on impulse...a lot. What did you think life was going to be like married to a "JAILBIRD" AS YOU PUT IT. WHICH I FOUND TO BE OFFENSIVE! very derogatory. I wouldnt allow anyone to utilize such remarks in regards to my guy, let alone do so myself.

Seems to me your missing more than just sex in your marriage.

I wish you the best.

flygirlaa2 · #28 01-03-2004, 07:04 PM

I just wanted to post to the annulment part. Unless you entered into this marriage fraudulently, you cant have it annulled. There is a misconception that if you dont have sex, you can get an annulment. Not true. Texas considers all marriages valid unless you enter into it fraudulently or a couple other things.

Mrs. Low · #29 01-03-2004, 07:12 PM

I agree with many things that were said. You don't seem to be happy and before you can be happy in a relationship, you must be happy with yourself. Your relationship will never work unless you are happy. I know about being sexually frustrated very well and also know that it is at those times that I become more frustrated with his incarceration. However, I love my husband and I am committed to him. But because this life is for me and I am happy that isn't the case for everyone. Always be honest with him and always be true to yourself. Take care of you. If it's meant for the two of you to be together, you will be. I wish you the best of luck.

imissrondale · #30 01-03-2004, 07:57 PM

i would definately try toys and try not being around the person who tempts you and have a heart to heart with yourself do you love him if not do what you have to do but just make sure you are not ruining a marriage for a quick piece of a**

MTContrary · #31 01-03-2004, 08:04 PM

Good luck in sorting it all out hon. Being honest with yourself is the key to figuring out what you ought to do. If you're not sure, just settle and chill some until you know the right thing - and be fair to yourself and him.

Here4you4ever · #32 01-03-2004, 09:04 PM

I just noticed this was posted back in October. I think the woman who started the post hasn't even logged on in a long time! I started to write a reply too, and then I noticed that. But it is still interesting to read what everyone has to say.

smurfette75 · #33 01-05-2004, 08:49 AM

Teach, that's true, she hasn't posted in awhile. Rinoa, if you're out there, log on and let us know what happened. You seem like a wise young lady, and I hope everything turned out for you. Regardless whether you stayed married or not, you can still come back here for support.

rinoa1978 · #34 01-06-2004, 09:34 AM

Ok, I'm back again and I wanted to give you all updates. I don't know if I posted this, but on 10/25 I ended up cheating on my husband with some damn 20 year old kid and I'm not proud of that. I never got the marriage annuled because I realized that I'm still very much in love with him. I have put him at the bottom of my priority list and I don't write to him as much.

I'm just living my life out here and doing my thing and whatever happens happens. I'm just taking it day by day.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally told my husband that I cheated. Actually he made me tell him because he already had a feeling that it happened. He took it very well (unless he was hiding his feelings.) He told me he understood and he wanted me to live my life to the fullest while he's in there because I can never get these years back.

Anyway, as far as the guy that I slept with, I don't even communicate with that little bastard anymore even though I still got feelings for him because I've only had one sexual partner before him. We don't get along so for christmas I put a little gift in his stocking at the clinic that he works at. It was a Slim Jim. He wasn't very happy with my little gift

Anyway, other than that, I'm doing better than ever in school. My last gpa was a 4.0. I'm just trying got get out of here. I'm working a lot on myself. I just turned 25 on 12/24 and I'm just trying to make a lot of changes.

Even though I get lonly at times, I realized that it wasn't worth it to cheat. I put my heart into it, and when it didn't work out...it affected me a lot. I'm not the type of female who can just sleep with a guy and leave it at that. So I don't plan on dating for a while even though my husband gave me the permission to.

Anyway, thank you so much for the encouragement and your words. I've read everyones advice and believe it or not, I also listen.

bunnyrun5 · #35 01-06-2004, 10:59 AM

My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel but I have not cheated on my husband. I too wanted to do a little something something, but I knew it would hurt him very deeply if I did. Knowing me, I could'nt keep it a secret anyway. i knew what I was getting into from the beginning and I tend to reflect on that when that lust monster flares up or I come here where I can get the support and the truth. I pray a lot and think about all the good times we shared befroe he got locked up. Besides, sex is over-rated. The responsibilities that come behind it is what I don't want. Then you have to look at the fact that he may want to cheat when he gets out and how would you take that? He is locked up and missing out on a lot of stuff. We tend to forget that easily.

I just hope that you can really look down deep and look at the big picture. I hope your marriage will work out and all will be ok for you and your hubbie. You both are such an attractive couple. Maybe if you stay focused on your work and school. Try not to worry so much about him in prison. They go through periods of not wanting to write or call. I don't think it's nothing personal. Remember, they are going through too. Well, that's what I try to remember anyway. So far, it works. HAPPY NEW YEAR! and goodluck

destineys angel · #36 01-06-2004, 02:53 PM

I understand how you feel, even though I have not been in your shoes. But my advice is if you really don't want to be with this man, then get out of it. There is honestly no point of being there if you don't want to contribute to the relationship anymore. And you you said he's not contributing so there's no point. From how I understand it, yall aren't even communicating, so what is the point.

rinoa1978 · #37 01-07-2004, 09:27 AM

Bunnyrun, You're right sex is very overrated and I should of thought about the predicament that I put myself into (such as marrying someone locked up) before I made the decision. Actually, I did think a lot about it. The difference with us is, we weren't together right before he got locked up, and we were together when we were kids and we never been intimate with each other. But marriage is marriage. The problem with our marriage is he doesn't take our marriage seriously. I guess because he wasn't even at the ceremony cause his mom stood in for him. Our one-year anniversary is coming up on the 15th of this month, and he forgot the date of our anniversary. That really upset me because I thought that when someone is in prison, then they have a calendar in there head. Anyway, I also thought about how I would feel if he cheated when he got out. I even thought about that before I cheated. All I can do is trust him, and hope that it doesn't happen.

Destineys angel, we may not be communicating but we still want to stay in the marriage. The difference is I've put him at the bottom of my priority list and I am concentrating on school because there's nothing he can do right now. I feel that our marriage will "really" start once he gets out.

CREAMYALMONDZ · #38 01-07-2004, 10:56 AM

GIRL I know how you feel, I almost married my ex-fiance a little over a year ago and I ended up cheating on him. I called the whole thing off. How long does he have?

Yadi23669 · #39 01-07-2004, 03:16 PM

Rinoa,
I understand what you are going through. My husband is no longer at the top of my list either. I love him but he can't do anything for me. Besides we have been dealing with other issues and I decided that I have to live my life and do what I please. I will not let him go and continue to support him in any way possible. I also believe that my marriage won't start until he is home. A marriage does not survive with just love.

BG799 · #40 01-17-2004, 06:57 PM

I love my husband very dearly which is why I thought very carefully before I married him. I never thought I would be the wife of someone who is doing time in prison, but I am so wonderfully happy, I can't begin to tell you. I get sexually frustrated too, but never in a million years would I ever consider cheating on him or doing anything to ever hurt him. He has been hurt enough with having to be in jail away from his kids whom he love very much. I have met men out here who don't want anything but a "quick roll in the hay" as they say, but my relationship was never about sex. I had not had sex for over a year before I met my husband. I had told myself that the next time I slept with a man, he would have to be my husband. He was so perfect in every area I just thought to myself it would be a shame if he was not good in bed, so I was willing to break my promise to myself to find out. Three months after we met, I was very ready, but he didn't even want to sleep with me even when I told him I was ready. I had to be persistent with him for three weeks. Our relationship was never built on sex. It was about trust. I know that I would never be happy with anyone else because of what we had before he went in. Our life was just interrupted by a curve ball. I am not attracted to or aroused by any man but my husband and I don't put myself in situations that will cause me to betray my marriage, the trust that we have for each other, and my husband's love for me. My thoughts and desires are totally for him because he is one of a kind. Once you have been out there and you truly find someone who loves you for you and you know without a doubt that they are sincere, you shouldn't let circumstances get in the way of that. I will be waiting 7 1/2 more years to make love to my husband. We consumated our marriage before we were married, and I think about those times a lot, and when he gets home, it will be on, but we make love to each other in spirit and through letters. Marriage is a very serious thing, and when you get married it is for better or worse. I don't believe in divorce and neither does my husband. We only knew each other for 6 months before he was arrested. After that, we didn't get married until 3 years later because I had to be sure of what I wanted and if I was willing to wait. When I searched my heart and was honest with myself, the answer was simple. Even if I had decided not to married him and remained friends, I wouldn't have been happy because I would have always wondered what our life would have been like, and he would have been an unfinished chapter in my life. When he got out, I probably would have cheated on whoever I was with to be with him---how ironic is that? Why go through that and hurt someone else, so I went with my heart and I am so in love and so fulfilled. It has not been easy because he needs so much just to sustain himself and It can be frustrating at times. While my husband is in jail, I am getting things ready for him to come home, like paying off my bills so we can live in a house---not an apartment, going back to school to get a better position on my job, and putting away money for future and retirement. This keeps my mind off sex most of the time until I write him. He has to rebuild his life completely and it's going to take some time but the less family issues he has to deal with when he comes home the better he can focus on himself. It's not easy, but I can't imagin life without him, and I'm anticipating the fun times ahead. When you get married in bad times, you can't do anything but think about the good times ahead.

lovinbilly4ever · #41 01-17-2004, 07:13 PM

Destineys angel, we may not be communicating but we still want to stay in the marriage. The difference is I've put him at the bottom of my priority list and I am concentrating on school because there's nothing he can do right now. I feel that our marriage will "really" start once he gets out.

well, if he is forgetting your wedding anniversary NOW, and you say he doesnt take the marriage seriously? do you honestly think he will not only remember your anniversary when he gets OUT, as well as take it seriously when he gets OUT?
IMO--i dont think he will.

Mine is a document freak--everything you can think of--is documented. Which, I am very thankful for. Cause he never forgets ANYTHING.

But, why be in a marriage when you are putting him @ the bottom of the list.
I dont think you are happy in the marriage. And, why put yourself through "torture" (wether it is sexually--not having any--or having a hubby that isnt taking this seriously)? I think it is a waste of time, and both of you would be better off if you were divorced. Also, I think he has alot of growing up to do. Because, marriage is NOT a joke. It is for life, but I don't see your marriage w/him as being FOR LIFE. I dont think he is MR. RIGHT, i think he is MR. RIGHT NOW--is was the guy you slept with.

goodbye
melissa

imissmylove · #42 01-17-2004, 08:06 PM

I agree...although i'm not married to the love of my life i have to say you two aren't taking it seriously. Especially if he says oh its okay you can sleep and do whatever you want. Does he love you? Thats what would go through my head. Well I hope everything works out. I couldn't even imagine not having a phone call from my b.f or even a letter. But anyways, I wish you luck and i hope everything goes well. Think hard about what your going to do.

j2sq · #43 01-17-2004, 08:26 PM

verrrrrrrrrrrrry harsh words! lemme just say--not to offend u or anything--but u knew he was in jail..u knew he could not satisfy u in a sexual way..u knew that u'd have things going for u..why did u marry him then????? i don't think that u really thought it thru at all..and it just upsets me to hear this--i know how he must be feeling and i am sure it is not good. good luck with everything.

rinoa1978 · #44 05-12-2005, 01:18 AM

I don't know if some of you ladies are still on here, but I just wanted to give you all an update. The last post from this forum as January 04 and here's what happened between that time and now okay here it goes:

rinoa1978
Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 53
Time spent in forums: 1 Hour 44 Minutes 7 Seconds

back after an extended break

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last time I was here it was around October of 2003, and I was complaining about being a prison bride, thinking about cheating on my husband. Well, let me give you all an update. I did cheat on him with the guy and it wasn't even worth it. The sex was bad, and to this day we do not get along. I kept it from my husband as long as I could until he asked me a couple of months later and I couldn't look him in his eye and lie..so I confessed. He acted like it didn't affect him...then a couple of weeks later..I get this letter from him telling me to get a part time job outside of school and help support him...in so many words, I said hell no...and our marriage went down from there. After one year of marriage, I got an annulment in April of 04. How? I told the judge that I wasn't mentally thinking when I married him. Anyway, I did the annulment myself, so it took some time. In the meantime I tried to meet other guys but I didn't connect with them. So I called up my ex boyfriend and I started dating him again. The day that I was about to get breast reduction surgery..I was told that I couldn't go through with it because I was pregnant. (YES I do know who the baby's father is I only slept with my ex boyfriend) I was very shocked and scared about the whole thing. I didn't keep in touch with my ex husband for a while, even though I thought a lot about him and realized that I was very happy with him even though he was locked up. Anyway...I have a 5 month old baby girl named Wynter and she is my life. Her father and I communicate, but I am not in love with him. I wrote my ex husband a casual letter...and I ended up seeing him last weekend just to see if anything was still there...I even brought my baby with me. Well...no....I don't feel the same. He comes up for parole this August so who knows what will happen if he makes it out. I always tend to get myself into terrible situations.

Anyway...here's a picture of my baby girl. I miss talking to all of you. Hope you remember me.

Alberta

rinoa1978 · #45 05-12-2005, 01:34 AM

No you didn't offend me at all. As a matter of fact you are 100% correct.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j2sq

verrrrrrrrrrrrry harsh words! lemme just say--not to offend u or anything--but u knew he was in jail..u knew he could not satisfy u in a sexual way..u knew that u'd have things going for u..why did u marry him then????? i don't think that u really thought it thru at all..and it just upsets me to hear this--i know how he must be feeling and i am sure it is not good. good luck with everything.

Isadora · #46 05-15-2005, 09:10 PM

Well I am like you honey; I always seem to get myself into terrible situations. Looking back I WISH I would have gotten my marriage annulled before my husband got out and I could have spared us both (Me mainly) alot of anguish. So I think that was probably a good idea for you to get that marriage annulled. Now when he gets out you can see what will happen, if anything or not. For me, when mine got out it was suddenly like one day 'ok now I have a husband living with me' out of the blue. It took alot of getting used to let me tell you. It's been nothing much but hell the whole time he's been out. So count your blessings, I say.