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one_luv · #1 10-16-2005, 06:43 AM

After reading some other threads, I am wondering of those who broke up with their man in prison :
Are you still befriending men within the prison with the possibility to have a serious relationship? Or do you not want to have anything to do with a prisoner again?
If you are still "dating" within the prison, did you also meet your ex during his bid?

The reason I ask is because if I had a break-up with someone I met while he was in, I think I would want to keep looking for that right one to prove to myself and everyone else that true, real loving men can come out of those walls. Also, once a person is used to a certain type of relationship (i.e. one with the DOC), that is what is often repeated. Of course, there might be a brief time where someone goes in the opposite direction, like dating a preacher LMAO, but before too long they are drawn back to the familarity of their once-loved.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about break-ups and dating, but sometimes I try to see things from other's perspective, and that's where these thought came from.

Care to share?

JJsPenPal · #2 10-16-2005, 11:44 AM

Good question. I had a "relationship" many years back that did not work out. I still have prison pen pals but I do NOT cross the line beyond friendship. It works well for me to keep prison and love separate.

AmyLynn · #3 10-16-2005, 04:43 PM

I broke up with my ex while he was inside. I met him when he got out the time befor. He went back for the same thing again (3rd time).. I did the relationship thing for over a year while he was inside. But as time went on I started to notice that he was a JERK!! And when I started looking back he was always a JERK!! I just could not stop thinking about him when he was out and we broke up. I was worried about him.. I thought that I could fix him.. So this time I did it while he was locked up cause this way I knew I could walk easier!!! I do have a penpal in a New York prison. But I would never try to fall for someone on the inside it is not for me... I have a boyfriend now that is totally different then any other man I have ever dated.. He is the boy nextdoor type.. Being in a prison relationship has shown me that I dont want anymore BAD Boys!!!

JJsPenPal · #4 10-16-2005, 07:00 PM

ditto.
no more bad boys for me either. just friends ....

nimuay · #5 10-16-2005, 08:56 PM

I had to realize that they're there for a reason, usually correctly. If I don't want it in my life, then, don't choose the person who's already proved he can make in prison. Gotta steer clear of it from here on out.

polar670 · #6 10-17-2005, 05:03 AM

I have long since said goodbye to my prison dating days. I will admit that there was something incredibly romantic to me about the drama, and the mystique that came with the whole thing - but then it hit me one day as I sat in line outside the prison as the sun came up, waiting to get in with all the other women who had driven all over hells half acre, had themselves all perfectly groomed to spend a few supervised hours with their men- this was not where I wanted to be. Love and success can come out from behind those walls, but they can show me from the outs. I would never hold a prison bid against someone, that road was an incredible journey and there were parts that I will always cherish, but never again.

AmyLynn · #7 10-17-2005, 05:19 AM

polar you are right I remember sitting there looking around and thinking what kind of life is this. It was just odd. Yes when he first went in I was like I will always know where he is!! But after awhile it did not help.. As for dating anyone that has went to prison I dont think that I can or ever will....

Ms.Heather · #8 10-17-2005, 05:36 AM

Well considering that one of the main reasons why I broke up with my guy in prison was because I couldn't be in a relationship as such, no. I wouldn't ever again put myself through this, some woman can do it... I just couldn't possibly put my life on hold for 10 more years and be happy.

bj's girl · #9 10-17-2005, 09:09 AM

I discovered a lot of things about myself from being a pen pal to an inmate. Maybe I didn't want the relationship to go beyond the stage of idealizing him or imagining him to be just the way I want him to be so that my inability to get to know the real him protected my dreams from being shattered. Maybe I am wrong. What do you think?

MissOne · #10 10-17-2005, 12:10 PM

Are you still befriending men within the prison with the possibility to have a serious relationship?
I still have men in prison but was never hoping for a relationship.

Or do you not want to have anything to do with a prisoner again?
When I first broke things off, I did not want to have anything to do with prison or prisoners but that soon changed. I missed my friends.

If you are still "dating" within the prison, did you also meet your ex during his bid?
YES!

I think I would want to keep looking for that right one to prove to myself and everyone else that true, real loving men can come out of those walls.
F' what everybody else thinks. I don't feel I have to prove anything.

Also, once a person is used to a certain type of relationship (i.e. one with the DOC), that is what is often repeated. Of course, there might be a brief time where someone goes in the opposite direction, like dating a preacher LMAO, but before too long they are drawn back to the familarity of their once-loved.
NAH!!! I am in a prison relationship and I tell you the truth I wish I was not. I wish I could simply forget about it all, but I can't. Not because it is what I am use to, but because I love my bookie and I have not found anyone else to make me feel like he does.

coolchik4sure · #11 10-17-2005, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by one_luv

if I had a break-up with someone I met while he was in, I think I would want to keep looking for that right one to prove to myself and everyone else that true, real loving men can come out of those walls.

If you are loving him now, haven't you proven to yourself that true love can be found behind those walls? I personally feel I've proven that "true love" can be found in a prison b/c I'm living it now. As for other people, some will NEVER believe it.

I HATE this life style! There is nothing about it that excites me, or turns me on.

HIM, and ONLY HIM! That is what turns me on. He is why I endure this way of living. And yes, I feel I am enduring...but I have chosen to endure b/c of HIM.

And make no mistake, I love him for many reasons BUT BEING A BAD BOY is not one of them.

polar670 · #12 10-18-2005, 02:35 PM

That was one of the things that I loved - the relationship could be anything you wanted it to be and so could your future because you were living in a vaccuum for the time being - it was a strange twilightzone type feeling.

polar670 · #13 10-18-2005, 03:55 PM

Yes, It was so wierd. There was always this push/pull thing going on. One minute it was romantic, the other it was embarassing I remember the excitement of seeing him come through the door - but then remembered he was being let out of a cell. The rush of holding hands, and the realization that a prison guard was watching and that we should have been on a real date instead of me buying him vending machine food. The driving, the phone calls, the holding out hope for what might be - it was just too much. I got so much out of the letters or I used to think so, but then I realized that it was kind of like live journaling - it was more my own writing that was helpful - not his. I have no regrets but could not do it again. It was too hard.

MizzCandy · #14 10-18-2005, 04:02 PM

Am I hoping for Love? No not really but no one can help what happens. If I met someone and he is locked up and I fall for him, then it was just in my cards. I knew my ex before he went in so it wasnt as if we met while he was locked up. But hey I cant help who I fall in Love with and what type of life they lead!

Retired-26 · #15 10-18-2005, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by one_luv

The reason I ask is because if I had a break-up with someone I met while he was in, I think I would want to keep looking for that right one to prove to myself and everyone else that true, real loving men can come out of those walls.

i agree with most of what you said. but WHY would you want to keep playing a game just to beat a statistic? i would'nt be in a relationship just to prove something to people.

me personally...if it didnt work out while he was in....the "fantasy" of having another letter lover doesnt appeal to me. i would take up on the oppertunities i had out here that i passed by waiting for the prisoner that just dumped me!

Retired-26 · #16 10-18-2005, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolchik4sure

And make no mistake, I love him for many reasons BUT BEING A BAD BOY is not one of them.

praise the lord jesus...so nice to hear that

poni'swoman · #17 10-18-2005, 04:21 PM

No, it's too hard.

lilithinwaiting · #18 10-18-2005, 07:05 PM

We were together before he got into trouble and sent to prison but no, I would not look for anything. I wasn't looking when I met him and as I have droned on about so many times, I do not get into many relationships, I just do not trust very easily and I rarely find anyone that interests me, most are just clones and nothing new there. Bad boys have never interested me, they seem so full of it . I like eccentic and complex , intellectually stimulating and mysterious, but honest and compassionate a bit gothic and very very unusual. I want older too and someone who has been alone for at least a year or more, with grown kids and is well adjusted . A sensitive poets soul but is opinionated but not pushy and does not move fast, someone who takes times, thinks about things and does not jump into relationships and someone who does not need a women.

California Sunshine · #19 10-18-2005, 08:19 PM

Nope

I knew my guy well before prison but prison got us back together and it was based on lies and falsehoods.Do I think all inmates are like that?No but I am not looking for love in prison again (Let alone anywhere at the moment). I do have inmate friends and pen pals but that is all they are

bbacic · #20 10-19-2005, 12:52 PM

As far as my experience went I met my man before he went in and I could not believe what I was willing to give up for him, but it was all worth it. I fell in love and that experience alone gave me the strength to endure what I had to for him. As far as meeting someone in there nope not me I couldn't do it. I don't think I will ever fall in love like I did with anyone else but my eyes are open only to have my heart closed. I have never had to deal with the let go thing now I am going through that process and it just sucks. Anyways point is I would not do it again for anyone well except my children if I had any but I am just babbling now....lol!

Kissymissy · #21 10-20-2005, 08:03 PM

umm... that would be a big NO. It took him a couple years to talk me into going out with him in the first place and after the BS I put up with lately. H#!! NO

PhillyGurLL · #22 10-20-2005, 10:18 PM

I found myself in a lot of relationships that had to deal with the prison. My first prison relationship, I was 16years old. An older friend of mine would take me to see his brother. We used to say I was the cousin and they would let me in. I fell in love with him through the letters, but always went on with my life. I wrote him for four years. He always said he was coming out to live with me and marry me. I didn’t believe him at all! During his last year, I met my daughter’s father. I stopped writing for about five months. I let it go and thought the guy in prison was just bsing me through letters. He was released and used his bus ticket to go to my mom’s house. My mom told him I was pregnant and didn’t live there anymore. He told my mom “you seem like a nice enough lady, can I live with you?” I really don’t know if the guy loved me or if he just wanted a place to stay?

Then, six years later I found myself writing to a pen-pal. That’s another long story!!!!! Met him through a pen-pal site, he was supposively engaged with me! LOL…..until one time I showed up for a surprise visit and his other finacee’s showed up too! He was seeing LOTS of girls!!!!! And he did a lot of messed up things to them too!!!!!!!!

Then, silly me, a year later, my girlfriend asked me to write her brother. I knew she came from a good family. He was in prison since 17yrs old and he was 30yrs old at the time I started to write. He has life, but a chance of parole in 2012. He bought me a diamond ring, he sent roses to my job, etc. Even sent me money!!! I TRULY believe he was honest and really really loved me!!!! I think I was his first love because he had been in prison for soooo long! I feel very bad, but I really hurt him!

He said he didn’t know how much love hurt

I moved tooooo fast and when it came time to get married, I freaked out! I realized it wasn’t the life I wanted! I couldn’t live that many years with my husband in prison. SO YES, REAL LOVING MEN COME OUT OF THOSE WALLS!

Then, I said THAT’S IT, prison life wasn’t for me! I didn’t want to get involved with ANY pen-pals! You can really really fall in love through letters!!!! There IS NO WAY that I can not catch feelings through writing!!!! I don’t know how some of the girls on here do it just as friends!!! So, I met my husband on the streets. He had a charge from ten years ago, but never got in trouble with the law again. He never did his parole either! We were together a couple of years, then BOOM, parole picked him up! There I was doing the prison thing again!

I hope that answered some of your questions...

nvydiznavynena · #23 10-23-2005, 07:57 AM

my x was in out of jail since 16-22 yrs old i got tired and i said i would neva do bids again but it just happened that mynew man got locked up n now he is my husband u neva know wat will happen neva say neva i love my hubby n wouldnt change nothing in this world