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Ronnie'sHoney · #1 02-27-2006, 04:28 PM

Hi everyone. I met a man in prison as a pen pal. After a while he started saying he was having feelings for me and I know I am having them for him. The problem is that I have never had a relationship with an inmate before and I assumed alot of things before starting this relationship. I thought I could be friends with him without developing "real deep emotional feelings" for him becuase i didn't know what he looked like so there was no physical or sexual attraction to hinder real affection. But just like that; something in his letters hit my heart like a brick. But, never being in this type of situation before I thought things would be different if something emotional started happening between us. I get one letter every 7-15 days or so from him and the wait between them kills me. I thought since I could write him everyday while having freedom, kids and a home to run that surely if things started progressing from casual friendship I would get letters from him a few times a week. But even though his letters seem to suggest romantic feelings, I don't know if I should take that as fact or not.
Anyone have any suggestions on this type of thing? DO you remember what it was like when you first started writing your man and then the relationship started progressing?

Thanks, Cindy

babygirl350 · #2 02-27-2006, 05:25 PM

I remember what it was like for me definitely. I didn't go into it with a love interest in mind as I was happy with my single life. I had been alone for many years and I only saw this as a pen pal opportunity and perhaps going to visit a few times as he was close by.

The difference with me was he did write at least 3 times a week and I wrote usually every day. We really got to know each other that way. It was about six months before I could get on his visiting list, as they can only change their list twice a year.

By the time of our first visit, I was hooked. He definitely is the love of my life and we were married the following year.

Let your feelings be your guide is my advice and keep those lines of communication open.

Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

**Patty** · #3 02-27-2006, 05:42 PM

I was the same as babygirl350 in the fact that in the very beginning I was just offering friendship and he was doing the same but our feelings grew very quickly. He wrote often, communication is key to any successful relationship. It is possible that he is just the type of person that doesn't write alot but if that is something that you need and you are considering pursuing a relationship you'll need to let him know. I'd ask him straight out, but that's my nature. Think about it. Whatever you decide we're here for you.

All the best,
Patty

Retired-24 · #4 02-27-2006, 05:43 PM

I agree. I met Tommy October 04 while he was incarcerrated and I never in my wildest dreams thought to ever be where I am now. He's now been in there 3 years. When I got his first letter he explained to me what he was in there for and all that. He was openly honest from get go even in fear I would judge. I didn't I would write and write. We started to get to know each other just on a friendship level and all that. I even moved a few times and I would leave him hanging but I always came back to check up on him and he would follow me everywhere with letters asking me not to forget about him. October I really faithfully wrote him more and more and in Novemeber was the first time he would call me until MCI had their way and put their handy dandy block on us. I had a time with them Im telling ya! Last of November I got a visiting form and I had it back by December and was approved and all that. I went to see my man for the first time ever January 23rd and I was soo nervous. THis was the same man that shared so many emotions with me thru letters. Everything has been good to go tho since at least then. I think when U meet thru a pen pal...u have the opportunity to get to know them in all aspects and its not rushed as it was if they was on the outside. I still get aggitated between letters but Im so much more accustomed to how things go now and the routine of things. I think u should take it slow and let things come to u if they will. Trust me...if love is gonna come to u and it work out then its gonna come in its own time. Good luck and all the best wishes!

~Bella~

petnanny · #5 02-27-2006, 06:37 PM

hi, i agree with everyone else. i met my Beau, as a pen pal too. over the course of many months, we communicated thru letters and phone calls. after six months, i decided to fly to florida and met him in person to see if he was *for real.* our chemistry was beyond amazing and needless to say, we both fell in love.....remember, getting to know a man through letter writing, is much more meaningful than going out on a *date* on the other side of the walls, because the physicial attraction usually hinders your decision. this way you get to know him from the inside out. my advice is to listen to your intuition, and follow your instincts....he could be a keeper. we just celebrated our first year annivesary, and going into our second year now.

liberaldog · #6 02-27-2006, 06:49 PM

It didnt take long for our feelings to grow. Only a month or so of writing. I was the one who finally brought it up as we were dancing around it for awhile. At first he was hesitant, didnt want to drag me into his DR nightmare, but I told him I could handle it, and weve been together ever since. We got engaged on Feb 11.

Ronnie'sHoney · #7 02-27-2006, 09:36 PM

Thanks for sharing everyone! Your words really help.
I told him from the beginning about my past and that i was just looking to make a good friend. Someone who I could develop a friendship with and not be jaded by looks and sexual tensions like here on the outside. He agreed and told me about his life. Then, a few letters later he was saying he was interested in me and i was like wait a minute....but I realized I have them too.
I just don't know what goes on inside those walls and I wonder if he is writing others and just saying he isn't or if he is playing around passing time. He said once that he would try to write me every day if he had the stamps but that never happens. Just usually 1 time a week i will get a letter. I was writing him daily but I stopped last week becuase I don't want to "smother" him or make him think I am crazy!
It's tough being new to this situation and feeling alone. In 1 hour it will be one month since my daddy passed away and Ronnie has been my strength this whole time. I have these feelings for him that I have never had for anyone on the outside. But our friendship is still new and I don't want to "scare him away" to where he thinks I am some psyco pen pal or something. His letter make me feel like the most important person alive, but then waiting through letters makes my mind wonder where his thoughts about us are at... Does that make any sense? I am 29 and I feel like a school girl when I talk about him or read his letter or look at his art work.
I guess I will feel like this for a while huh?

Thanks for listening,
Cindy

silverleaves786 · #8 02-27-2006, 09:41 PM

I started writing a few pen pals about 7 months ago now. At first i got on well with one and he started romancing me and I decided to look before I leaped... caught him out.

I have a normal relationship with my other pals. One only writes once a month and I never feel any pain over that.

However, one of my pals has started opening up to me about his childhood etc (it has taken him a while) and we have actually discovered we have a lot of experiences in comon. I am starting to miss him if I dont hear from him... he has started writing me more often

I am not in love with him but I like him a lot. Recently he mentioned a relationship and I was very nervous. Not from him- from me. I told him I would like to take time to get to know him.

I think that taking it slow works better for me. Amazingly, my Mum told me... 'Oh he is so perfect for you, you should definately marry this guy!'

I never expected anyone in my family to be ok with this but she could see this common ground...

She added 'Sweety, your a round peg in a world full of square holes... except for him.'

Well I guess love doesnt always involve being star struck, in my heart I feel like he is probably 'the one' but just like him... I take a while to open up.

I told him I am interested but not making any serious commitments for at least 2 years.

Ronnie'sHoney · #9 02-27-2006, 10:02 PM

That's a great thing Wendy. I never wanted to feel anything like this at all. But I don't make the plans I guess.

Thanks for sharing your story.

robs_angel · #10 02-28-2006, 12:44 AM

I wasnt a pen pal, I met my hunny after he went in (i worked at the jail he was housed)....... but, I think you already know the answer to your own problem/question.... follow your heart girl!

{{HUGS}}

Ronnie'sHoney · #11 02-28-2006, 06:24 AM

Thanks Sarah

AaronsBeautiful · #12 02-28-2006, 07:18 AM

You take it one day at a time and see where it leads. You do not have to rush into anything. Alot of us met our mates as Pen Pals. We started off as friends now we are couples.

Ronnie · #13 02-28-2006, 08:03 AM

Our situation was a little different because we met face to face before we ever started writing. We both knew that something was there the day we met. Through our letters we discovered that we were perfect for each other.

I always say let your heart and your conscience be your guide!!!

Babygirlwaitin · #14 02-28-2006, 08:35 AM

Well, in our situation, we started corresponding here and there and then when it took off into romantic feelings, it really took off, we wrote everyday. Then we talked on the phone all the time, the letters slowed down a bit, now we write 2 times a week or so.

have you exchanged pictures?

if its meant to be, it will be, enjoy!!!

Ronnie'sHoney · #15 02-28-2006, 10:06 AM

He has a picture of me but I do not have one of him. He is waiting for his sister to make copies and send them to him.

Babygirlwaitin · #16 03-01-2006, 10:01 PM

Pictures are my favorite things to receive from my man. Hope you get yours soon!!!

TAYLORS GIRL209 · #17 03-01-2006, 10:14 PM

I met my boyfriend while he was locked up too. And I never thought I would have so much love, feelings, and care for him so much. It's crazy, I didn't know what to think of his feelings he said he had towards me either because this was someone I had just talked to on the phone and wrote letters to, never seen him before, until he got out. I took a chance and became his lady when he got out and i don't regret it, so girl if he tells you he has feelings for you and you do to then don't worry about nothin' else cuz you never know, he just might be then one.