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LVNGHMSTL · #1 11-08-2006, 05:18 PM

Important Question To Anyone Else Who Was Beat Up While Pregant: My Baby Is 10mos Old And Cries Out In Fear Whenever A She Hears A Mans Voice Or Sees A Man. She Does Have Loving Men In Her Life, Grandpas, Etc. But It Is Almost As If She Is Very Untrusting Of Them. Pediatrician Did Tell Me That Trauma Is Suffered While In The Womb, But To See A Baby Respond Like This Is Very Sad And Devastating. Has Anyone Else Had This Experience. I Have Read That It Can Be Beneficial To The Children To Have Them Continue A Relationship W/ Their Fathers While In Prison, But My Ex Has Declared His Children A Mistake. Nothing Loving Will Ever Come From Him. Im Hoping Someone Out There Has Seen Maybe The Same Reaction From Babies And Can Tell Me They Grow Out Of It?

nimuay · #2 11-08-2006, 05:58 PM

Hi LVING - you're going to need to monitor your baby carefully, and get some counseling for her . . . even before they are verbal, some progress can be made.
As to having her father in her life - with attitudes like his, what good can he be to her? The designation "father" isn't the same as sperm donor. Father is a title that is earned by nurturing, caring, loving.
I had a biological mother and a step-mother. My step-mother was definitely the major nurturing force in my life, and the one I call Mom. I'd have been a lot better off if the biological one had vanished very, very early in my life.

mewgirl · #3 11-10-2006, 04:34 PM

First off, post in English, not "Capitial Letter Language."

Second of all it is impossible that you r child would be scared of men if it was still inside you at the time. She would be scared of their voice depending on how far you were but she could not be scared of their appearance based solely on that, there has to be somehting else.

And no your children should not see him if he is a true attacker you should stay away too.

hmmarshall · #4 11-11-2006, 05:18 PM

mewgirl why does the text matter?

lvnghmstll~ i think you know where I stand on this matter....
i believe the child will grow out of this and if he decides to want to see his child he has the right to. my man will see his daughter after she's born reguardless of what other peoples opinion is!!! it's his child too, i think that lies soley on you. and as far as the child being scared, get her evaluated to be sure there are no other problems

LAT · #5 11-11-2006, 11:35 PM

My middle child cried around men. She had/has a very loving father. If a man looked at her - even at just a few weeks old she screamed. She's 26 now and married so I guess she grew out of it.

mewgirl · #6 11-12-2006, 05:36 PM

Because it is wrong to post without using proper English and grammar (unless you simply don't know how to speel a owrd or something), extremely difficult to read and understand, and against common netiquette.

In some cases and in some areas (and with some genetic qualities of the child), men can naturally be more intimadating. If the child does not have a father, has a very loving father, or rarely sees her father, this can be even more likely. (This second part is my own theory that is just for here, nt anything I have heard or studided or come up with.)

If that father wants to see his child they have to allow that as long as heis the biological father,m regardless of prison, foster care, or any other mitigating circumstances. But he should not see it if he is abusive.

justpassintime · #7 11-12-2006, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mewgirl

Because it is wrong to post without using proper English and grammar (unless you simply don't know how to speel a owrd or something), extremely difficult to read and understand, and against common netiquette.

In some cases and in some areas (and with some genetic qualities of the child), men can naturally be more intimadating. If the child does not have a father, has a very loving father, or rarely sees her father, this can be even more likely. (This second part is my own theory that is just for here, nt anything I have heard or studided or come up with.)

If that father wants to see his child they have to allow that as long as heis the biological father,m regardless of prison, foster care, or any other mitigating circumstances. But he should not see it if he is abusive.

I have a comment to make that does not necessarily apply to this thread but it pertains to mewgirl's comments. If she wants to point out grammatical errors I thought I'd give her a taste of her own medicine. First you do not spell INTIMIDATE with two A's and a little fyi the word not has an 'O' in it! Following the same sentence you will see that studied has been spelled incorrectly and "come up with" should be past tense. Unless you are just saying whatever is coming to mind (which is what it sounds like you were doing in my opinion). Oh I almost forgot the best one at the beginning. NETIQUETTE, what the h*** is netiquette?! I've heard of commom etiquette which by the way is not one of your stronger suits I see b/c you are picking on a woman that has come to pto to ask advice on something that she is struggling w/ in her life. I cannot speak for her but I'd say she'd didn't come here for a grammar lesson. Am I wrong? One last thing I will say is that there should be a space between the words he and is, you put heis, which where I come from isn't a word. I'm sure you will not like what I've said here and I'm almost positive that you will have something oh so clever to say back to me and in the small chance it even has real words in it I most likely will not reply back b/c I do have better things to do than argue w/ small minded, petty people. The next time you attack someone for no reason just remember that you shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house!

justpassintime · #8 11-12-2006, 06:07 PM

Oh wow I have to add one more thing.

This is just for you mewgirl. The word mitigating by definition means to make less severe; to become milder; to lessen in force and so on. Just thought I'd add that in b/c your last sentence makes no sense. Ok LOL I am done. LMAO!!! You may now try to remove the foot from your mouth! LMAO!!!

TNC · #9 11-12-2006, 06:26 PM

Lets try and get back on topic here. The poster seems to have some genuine concerns and questions and in the end it doesnt matter how she types. Everyone has a style they prefer. What bothers some may not bother then next person at all so lets make room and welcome everyones style here.

Claireabell · #10 11-13-2006, 06:15 AM

Justpassintime, you read my mind. PTO is a support site, LVNGHMSTL just carry on posting your questions.

tkeefover · #11 11-13-2006, 10:50 PM

Someone needs to delete the negative statements.

LVGNHMSTL, She may have a reaction to the tone of men's voices. I would pay attention to her reaction. Is it when they speak? Or when she see's them? Sensitive ears could be the problem. I would suggest taking her to the doctor and having her ears checked. My oldest daughter was afraid of men with beards or a mustache.

AmyLynn · #12 11-14-2006, 07:34 AM

My cousin when she was a baby would cry whenever my brother came in a room he would have to walk on his knees and she would stop crying. She only did that with him.

MandyMeMe · #13 11-14-2006, 07:34 AM

My daughter did not like when my father picked her up...he had a beard and i think she was just not used to seeing a beard...if the baby spends most of her time around you...whether you have blonde..brown..black..hair..then when she see's something different then that may startle her a bit. This is very normal behavior for a child her age. I would cont. to introduce her to grandpa and uncle or who ever and the more she is familiar with that person then the sooner she will become adjusted. As to her father...there are many loving men who can replace him. You will find another person in your life who will love you and love her as his own. It takes time..keep your head up and be the best mama you know how to be.

rebelchik · #14 11-14-2006, 07:50 AM

I am so sorry for that happening to you and fortunately I have never had that happened but it is very sad, especially for the child. Your baby will definetly need counseling, but most of all, he/she will need you to be there for them and make them feel safe at all times until they do get through this and I hope he/she will. As far as your child being afraid of men in general, if you do find someone in the future that you fall in love with, don't just automatically think that your child trusts him and is confortable with him, be very cautious and take your time in getting them aquanted with each other, don't rush into anything. I am very close to my only child who is 14 now, my son, and I have always made sure he knows that he will always have me here for him no matter what. I know I probably wasn't much help but if you ever need to talk just email. I wish the best for both of you.

missi

justus1 · #15 11-14-2006, 05:21 PM

My 9 month old grandson is afraid of every man except his father and his uncle, my son.

I took him to church with me, as I always do, except on this particular day one of the men in the church wanted to hold him, and up until that time he'd shown no fear of anyone. So I let him. Bob has a big booming voice. Sweetheart of a man, but when he speaks he's LOUD. Well, that scared Jonathan, and if he so much as hears that man's voice now, he gets almost hysterical.

We know he'll outgrow it, so we're not concerned.

I'm just posting this to show that there are many reasons children can become fearful like that.

junglequeen · #16 11-14-2006, 08:18 PM

Hi, Well I wasnt battered while pregnant but..when my first daughter was born and her father came near her,OH did she scream all the time. From the minute he looked at her through the window after she was born.This went on ONLY when he was home.When he went to work she stopped crying,such a joy it was, but once he got home she started again,all night.Finally the dr. said there was a personality conflict between them and one would have to go.So after 5 months he left,she stopped crying and everything was great.He came to visit she started again.Now she didnt see him till she was 19 and one look a hug and she called me,get me home NOW!!! I made her wait 10 days what hell she thought she was in.He isnt a bad man at all,very nice,too nice.Just too overprotected and it was smothering her.He has other child and these are fine,but ours was his first and I believe he was jealous of her and she knew it.Sorry this was so long,introduce men slowly into her life and try for it to be the same ones all the time at first.Like grandpa,Uncles,other male children older then she and see what happens.Good luck to you.