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Raye · #1 12-16-2007, 03:34 PM

OK LADIES I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A LOT AND I GUESS I JUST NEED SOME FEED BACK BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS ONCE AND DONT WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. MY EX HUSBAND WAS LOCKED UP FOR 7 YEARS FOR SHOOTING TWO PEOPLE BUT WE WERE NOT TOGETHER JUST CHILD HOOD FRIENDS SINCE WE WERE ABOUT 10. I DIDNT KNOW THAT HE WAS GONE UNTIL HE TOLD ME ANYWAY WE ENDED UP BEING TOGETHER AND HAVING A BABY. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE HARD FOR HIM TO FIND A JOB BUT IT SEEMED TO ME HE WASNT EVEN TRYING TO FIND ONE HE JUST HIT THE BLOCK AND PAID THE BILLS AND TOOK CARE OF ME BUT I WASNT SATISFIED WITH THAT BECAUSE ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HIM GOING BACK TO PRISON AND WORST ME GETTING UP AND GOING TO WORK WHILE HE LAID THERE SLEEP. HE WENT ON LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE IT AND THEN SOME FRIENDS HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME THAT I WAS LUCKY BECAUSE MOST MEN COME HOME AND DONT EVEN DO THAT THEY JUST LIVE OFF OF THERE WOMEN BECAUSE THEY NOW THEY WOULDNT CARE CUZ THEY ARE JUST GLAD TO HAVE THEM HOME. WTF WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT, I WOULDNT HAVE CARED IF HE WORKED AT MCDONALDS!!!! BUT NOW HERE I AM IN THE SAME BOAT WITH A DIFFERENT CAPTAIN. HE SAYS HES GONNA TAKE CARE OF BETTER THAN BE DID HIS LAST AND SHE HAD IT ALL BECAUSE HE WAS SELLING BIG TIME BUT NUMBER 1 IF HE IS GONNA GO BACK TO DOING THAT I DONT WANT ANY PART IN IT BECAUSE THATS WHY HE IS THERE NOW AND THEN IM LIKE HOW IS HE GONNA TAKE CARE OF ME, NOT THAT I NEED IT BUT THE ONLY THING HE WILL BE ABLE TO GET IS MIN. WAGE OF THAT. I HAVE THREE GIRLS AND I WOULD NEVER ALLOW THEM TO SEE A MAN LIVING OFF ME. I OWN MY COMPANY AND IT IS DOING VERY WELL, AND I GUESS IM JUST CONFUSED ON HIS LIFE AND WORRIED THAT HE WILL USE ME. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP OR TELL ME IM TRIP'N!!!!

krainium · #2 12-16-2007, 04:33 PM

Raye, I do understand your frustration and I can't comment on what "most" men would do after coming home. I have been with my husband 17 years and this is his first time in prison (he will be serving 4.5 years). He knows the road ahead of him as far as employment will be a challenge (the field he is skilled in will be hard to go back into without a background check) so after 17 years of providing for the family, he will have to take a backseat to pride and get whaterver job he can get. I would assume that after being let out of prison a person would be happy to get whatever job they could find hey, it's better than being locked down all day!

Wobabi · #3 12-16-2007, 05:27 PM

,,,my thing is ,,what are you expecting?

Are you expecting one day not be the only breadwinner? If so then judging by what these men are saying that is not gonig to happen long term by the way they want to do it.
Is money more imprtant than companiosnhip? I dunno.
Some people say they don't need a man to take care of them financially just in all other ways. But will most men want to just sit home and be cared for? May be for a little while but eventually it bugs them and the woman.
I think the only way a man is going to be able to come out and sustain any type of financial standings(and its going to take a while) ,,if for them to gain a SKILL or start their own business. Are people willing to invest this time and money for them to get that off? It all depends.
I am rambling but thats how I see it right now.

Lesliezack · #4 12-16-2007, 05:34 PM

Sounds to me like he is going to go back to his old ways he made money..Then GAWD forbid you could lose everything you own..The Feds take no prisoners anymore and will charge their own Mother with Conspiracy. It is the new rage among the FEDS! Be Careful !
No Good man lets a woman support him.... and don't be one of those woman that have to say..."I haven't met a man yet that hasn't helped me work HARDER"

Good Luck You got it going on..Don't let anyone drag you down

xoxo

bernadette · #5 12-16-2007, 05:36 PM

I am not sure what you are expecting, I have been with my husband almost 28 years the same length of time he was been in prison; if and when my husband comes home he is going to have to learn a skill we are furtuned enough to have family that owns businesses and are willing to train him, he knows he will have to help out we have decisded this many times
He says he understands this
But for the last 28 years i have taken care of me I work and pay my bills so i guess until he comes home and get trained I will be the breadwinner
They are my bills my responsibility
But we will get though it together without pressure

missingjeff · #6 12-16-2007, 05:48 PM

My husband is really taking it hard that I have to work to keep the bills paid. He knows that its going to be challenge when he gets out to find a job but he says that he is going to look for one so he can help me catch up and then he does not want me to work. He feels bad that I have been the one working for so long. So he wants to take up the responsibility when he comes home.

MaggieMMay · #7 12-17-2007, 05:44 PM

I think we are both realistic about the situation. He wants to work both for the financial reasons as well as for the sense of contribution and independence. One of the things he had to consider at the beginning of our relationship was whether he could handle making less money than his girlfriend/wife. He is smart but not educated, and has been in since he was a teenager. Whereas I have a college degree and a job in a field I've been in for more than 10 years. He may never make as much as me.

I don't have any fear that he won't try to find a job, he's dying to have an actual job!

The way I see it is that he should just get SOME job when he gets out. It doesn't have to pay much or be a career type thing, but just so he has something. Then he can take his time deciding where to go from there (school, learn a trade, etc) and doing the actual job search. As long as he's working somewhere (and taking care of bizness

at home)then I have no problem being the primary breadwinner as long as it takes. But I won't be the ONLY breadwinner, period.

SexyChef1 · #8 12-18-2007, 09:35 AM

I feel like this once a hustler always a hustler NOW thats doesnt mean he'll get out and go back to his old Hustle but he'll find a new one. I will be the bread winner as long as it takes for Soldado to get on his feet and I cant see that being for long...he's never been the type to lay on his back and wait on anyone to take care of him...hell he cant do nothing now but keep me in postage stamps but he gambles and wins BIG and mama's has thousands of stamps hahaha. Only you know your guy well enough to know what he'll go back to.

talon122303 · #9 12-18-2007, 12:09 PM

i hope that his time there makes hem relize that he shouldnt make the same mistake twice ill keep yall in my prayers

Romeo'sJuliet · #10 12-18-2007, 02:48 PM

That's a very good question. I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband and because I am realistic, I never bought the fairy tale dreams he's sold on how splendid our life will be once he's out. I live in the real world, my dreams are realistic -- as long as he's doing what he's supposed to do no matter the result, I got him, bread 'n all.

barbie16118 · #11 12-18-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bmarleyluva

I feel like this once a hustler always a hustler NOW thats doesnt mean he'll get out and go back to his old Hustle but he'll find a new one. I will be the bread winner as long as it takes and I cant see that being for long...he's never been the type to lay on his back and wait on anyone to take care of him Only you know your guy well enough to know what he'll go back to.

nicely said

he takes care of me now so i know when he comes home he will do the same

**Patty** · #12 12-18-2007, 02:58 PM

So don't let him use you. It seems pretty simple to me. You have your own, you don't need his. I was not required to work during my first marriage although sometimes I did but only out of interest not due to finances. When we split I decided I'd never put myself in the position of having to have court documentation dictate my financial status so by the time I met my current man I was financially capable and that levels the playing field in this world. He can do things for me, but I don't need him to and THAT is important to me personally.

Patty

LovingSoul4u2 · #13 12-18-2007, 04:31 PM

I knew what I was in for before I married my husband, I was already the breadwinner because I was taking care of my Father (physically not financially) at the time. My Father has passed and I now am unable to work. So my husband knows it's up to him. He has a plan and a dream and the determination to carry this out. He will be starting his own business and all he wants from me is to be there. I can do that, I've been doing that, and I will continue to do that.

silvergirl0007 · #14 12-18-2007, 06:08 PM

I know what it's like having to work since he was running from the cops and couldn't work b/c it'd be easier for him to be found and it killed him inside. When he gets home he wants me to be a SAHM and we're going to begin trying for a baby.

I'd really hope for your sake he doesn't go back to the old lifestyle because that's just going to eventually catch up to him and you'll be back in the same position you are now. You don't need that hun. *hugs*