The visit

[allmb]

Hey people...

This is almost certainly the wrong place to put this post but maybe the powers that be will overlook it. This is personal stuff at least as much as 'wives and girlfriend' stuff, but the two always seem to be intertwined for me.

It had already been a rough week. Six days ago we had a beautiful wedding ceremony that the DOC decided to throw a monkey wrench into to insure that the marriage wouldn't be legal or accepted by the state of Oregon. Then they removed the extra visiting points which were granted for the purposes of our wedding after we appealed to DOC higher up's at the capitol. The result was that we wouldn't be able to see each other until the new points kicked in on Saturday - might not seem much to many, but we see each other five days a week - it was a long time for us and after the worst of circumstances.

In the meantime, I figured out a way for us to get married instead of waiting six months till the next time the DOC authorized. I won't tell her on the phone because, we know the DOC is messing with her - and don't want to give them a heads up on how so that they can screw it up for us. I'll say this: it's legal.

She has been crying alot and hiding in her cell since Monday. Everyone wants to know what happened, where's her ring, what was the problem, what's she going to do, etc. People have a tendency to overlook or underestimate the value of being able to lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes when you absolutely can't take it for one more second and need to get away from people - a luxury she doesn't have.

There's no way to get away from comments like, "Well you deserve it for laughing when 'such and such' happened" or other such brilliancies. But I had a solution - "...just hang on till Saturday and you'll know too baby." And so she did and it gave her something to hang on to from the corner of her cell while her cellie guarded the door for the week.

Every morning at 5:45am when the day room opens, my phone rings and my baby is on the other end waiting to tell me good morning and that she loves me. Every morning. For years. And every morning I'm there to pick up. In the beginning she told me, "If you're tired or something - just turn the phone off so I don't wake you" but I told her, "If I ever don't answer the phone - call the hospitals or the morgue." Saturday morning I found myself regretting that line.

Friday night about midnight I had a heart attack. Two hours later I had another, larger one. The hospital confirmed two heart attacks when I arrived at 3am. They put in a couple of stints and brought me to the Intensive Care Unit with twenty minutes before my baby knows something is wrong. I don't have my phone with me - and she can't call the hospital even if she knows I am there because it's not on her approved list.

I can only make local calls from the hospital phone and so, I called the prison and spoke with three different people (two people and the chaplains answering machine) - I talked to Central Control and Facility Access, letting them both know and asking for help getting a message to her that I was alright. No one told her. The hospital chaplain called the prison. She called from my phone and specifically told them, "Look, forget the inmate, for humanitarian reasons based on the health and stress levels of the man laying in front of me who just suffered two heart attack - can you pass a message?" Still no one told her.

Finally I got a hold of my daughter and she rushed to get my cell for me - which the hospital allowed me to have on me despite how it screwed with the monitors. About the same time, my baby called my daughter and got the news. When my daughter walked into ICU thirty minutes later, she was on the line and just handed me the phone. She was crying so hard but through it you could hear the relief. Hard spot to be in - I still haven't been able to even identify all the emotions I was feeling as she begged me through her tears not to die.

I was going to be okay. I'm strong. Yeah, I know I just had a couple of heart attacks but it is mostly my past catching up to me - not my present. I used to smoke four packs a day, crack cocaine addiction I beat sixteen years ago, high cholesterol and untreated high blood pressure, overweight etc etc. Since then I've lost the weight, exercise regularly, quit drugs and smoking, became a vegetarian, got my cholesterol down and treat my blood pressure. The fact that I had messed up the valves of my heart - that was old news and it was more or less corrected now with the stints - isn't much left to change in my lifestyle, it's about as healthy as it can be now. Even the doctor said, "This is old news catching up to you - you just keep up with the changes you've made." Okay, he said some other stuff too about taking it easy for six weeks or so but...

My daughter came of course, but she was the only family I had around for 3000 miles - though everyone else called. But then, I got touched unlike anything I've had happen to me in a long, long time. My baby tells me all the time that we are an inspiration to people in there. People talk about us all the time. They talk about us to her, to each other and even to their family's. I've always taken that with a grain of salt. It makes her happy and so if she wants to believe that - cool. Then the visitors started coming.

My baby's cellmate - her daughter came to check on me. Twenty minutes later her other daughter showed up with the grandbaby. Then a friend of my baby - her parents came. And then a husband of another friend. And then a son of another. I've never done anything for these people. Occasionally, one of her friends is having a birthday or something, I send them a birthday card from the two of us - but nothing for their families. A nod maybe, recognizing a familiar face - but nothing that would warrant a visit to the hospital.

Let's give em something to talk about. My baby still needed to see me - to know I was okay. Besides, I had a plan I still needed to share with her. I checked myself out against medical advice, went home, took a shower and headed for the prison. I know it looks stupid but like I told the doctor - she IS my medicine. So everyone knows what happened to me by now. The officers know, the inmates know - so when I walk in, the whole place stops.

She says that when the sergeant told her she had a visit, she told them they were mistaken.

"It should be, I know - but I'm telling you, this is no mistake and you are so not going to want to decline this visit."

My baby looked up and said, "I've got to make a phone call."

"He's not going to answer."

"Sh*t!!"

It seemed like every visit stopped while they waited for her to come through the door. And when she did, there was some spontaneous applause which the c/o's overlooked. It was pretty cool actually. She looked like a parent who had just gotten their child back that had run away - she didn't know whether to hug them or tan their hide - she settled for a tender hug. As for today, she's back out of her cell - not hiding anymore and I just woke up from a sixteen hour sleep.

oh yeah - psst: Check out the wedding pics I posted under album in my profile... there are only five but ain't we cute?!

[krummy]

What a compelling story. I loved every second of it. Now I'm heading over to see those wedding pics.

[jsnake]

very inspiring...thanks for sharing

[bartonswifey]

well i had to check the pictures before i commented. i'm glad i did because now i can say without a doubt that you two are abolutely beautiful together. that was a wonderful story. thank you for sharing it with us. now take care of yourself and God Bless You and your family now and forever

[nick3369]

What a great post!! What awesome pictures!! I wish both of you all the best!!!

[Shelsonme]

I usually don't pop into this forum often but I did this morning and I must say it was worth it. I am so happy for you both and those pictures...well, they made me cry (in a good way though). I can tell just by looking at them that you are both really in love with each other. Continued good health to you, and endless blessings for you both.

[krummy]

Hi Shelsonme and welcome to wives and girlfriends. It is nice of you to drop by. Hopefully you will come by more often as we are always welcome to anyone who should come our way.

[confusedwife08]

Originally Posted by allmb

Hey people...

This is almost certainly the wrong place to put this post but maybe the powers that be will overlook it. This is personal stuff at least as much as 'wives and girlfriend' stuff, but the two always seem to be intertwined for me.

It had already been a rough week. Six days ago we had a beautiful wedding ceremony that the DOC decided to throw a monkey wrench into to insure that the marriage wouldn't be legal or accepted by the state of Oregon. Then they removed the extra visiting points which were granted for the purposes of our wedding after we appealed to DOC higher up's at the capitol. The result was that we wouldn't be able to see each other until the new points kicked in on Saturday - might not seem much to many, but we see each other five days a week - it was a long time for us and after the worst of circumstances.

In the meantime, I figured out a way for us to get married instead of waiting six months till the next time the DOC authorized. I won't tell her on the phone because, we know the DOC is messing with her - and don't want to give them a heads up on how so that they can screw it up for us. I'll say this: it's legal.

She has been crying alot and hiding in her cell since Monday. Everyone wants to know what happened, where's her ring, what was the problem, what's she going to do, etc. People have a tendency to overlook or underestimate the value of being able to lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes when you absolutely can't take it for one more second and need to get away from people - a luxury she doesn't have.

There's no way to get away from comments like, "Well you deserve it for laughing when 'such and such' happened" or other such brilliancies. But I had a solution - "...just hang on till Saturday and you'll know too baby." And so she did and it gave her something to hang on to from the corner of her cell while her cellie guarded the door for the week.

Every morning at 5:45am when the day room opens, my phone rings and my baby is on the other end waiting to tell me good morning and that she loves me. Every morning. For years. And every morning I'm there to pick up. In the beginning she told me, "If you're tired or something - just turn the phone off so I don't wake you" but I told her, "If I ever don't answer the phone - call the hospitals or the morgue." Saturday morning I found myself regretting that line.

Friday night about midnight I had a heart attack. Two hours later I had another, larger one. The hospital confirmed two heart attacks when I arrived at 3am. They put in a couple of stints and brought me to the Intensive Care Unit with twenty minutes before my baby knows something is wrong. I don't have my phone with me - and she can't call the hospital even if she knows I am there because it's not on her approved list.

I can only make local calls from the hospital phone and so, I called the prison and spoke with three different people (two people and the chaplains answering machine) - I talked to Central Control and Facility Access, letting them both know and asking for help getting a message to her that I was alright. No one told her. The hospital chaplain called the prison. She called from my phone and specifically told them, "Look, forget the inmate, for humanitarian reasons based on the health and stress levels of the man laying in front of me who just suffered two heart attack - can you pass a message?" Still no one told her.

Finally I got a hold of my daughter and she rushed to get my cell for me - which the hospital allowed me to have on me despite how it screwed with the monitors. About the same time, my baby called my daughter and got the news. When my daughter walked into ICU thirty minutes later, she was on the line and just handed me the phone. She was crying so hard but through it you could hear the relief. Hard spot to be in - I still haven't been able to even identify all the emotions I was feeling as she begged me through her tears not to die.

I was going to be okay. I'm strong. Yeah, I know I just had a couple of heart attacks but it is mostly my past catching up to me - not my present. I used to smoke four packs a day, crack cocaine addiction I beat sixteen years ago, high cholesterol and untreated high blood pressure, overweight etc etc. Since then I've lost the weight, exercise regularly, quit drugs and smoking, became a vegetarian, got my cholesterol down and treat my blood pressure. The fact that I had messed up the valves of my heart - that was old news and it was more or less corrected now with the stints - isn't much left to change in my lifestyle, it's about as healthy as it can be now. Even the doctor said, "This is old news catching up to you - you just keep up with the changes you've made." Okay, he said some other stuff too about taking it easy for six weeks or so but...

My daughter came of course, but she was the only family I had around for 3000 miles - though everyone else called. But then, I got touched unlike anything I've had happen to me in a long, long time. My baby tells me all the time that we are an inspiration to people in there. People talk about us all the time. They talk about us to her, to each other and even to their family's. I've always taken that with a grain of salt. It makes her happy and so if she wants to believe that - cool. Then the visitors started coming.

My baby's cellmate - her daughter came to check on me. Twenty minutes later her other daughter showed up with the grandbaby. Then a friend of my baby - her parents came. And then a husband of another friend. And then a son of another. I've never done anything for these people. Occasionally, one of her friends is having a birthday or something, I send them a birthday card from the two of us - but nothing for their families. A nod maybe, recognizing a familiar face - but nothing that would warrant a visit to the hospital.

Let's give em something to talk about. My baby still needed to see me - to know I was okay. Besides, I had a plan I still needed to share with her. I checked myself out against medical advice, went home, took a shower and headed for the prison. I know it looks stupid but like I told the doctor - she IS my medicine. So everyone knows what happened to me by now. The officers know, the inmates know - so when I walk in, the whole place stops.

She says that when the sergeant told her she had a visit, she told them they were mistaken.

"It should be, I know - but I'm telling you, this is no mistake and you are so not going to want to decline this visit."

My baby looked up and said, "I've got to make a phone call."

"He's not going to answer."

"Sh*t!!"

It seemed like every visit stopped while they waited for her to come through the door. And when she did, there was some spontaneous applause which the c/o's overlooked. It was pretty cool actually. She looked like a parent who had just gotten their child back that had run away - she didn't know whether to hug them or tan their hide - she settled for a tender hug. As for today, she's back out of her cell - not hiding anymore and I just woke up from a sixteen hour sleep.

oh yeah - psst: Check out the wedding pics I posted under album in my profile... there are only five but ain't we cute?!

You just made my week with that story. Thanks so much for sharing. I had goosebumps reading it and of course ended up in tears. I really needed to read that. THanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sokiegirl]

That is such a happy story! Thank you for sharing and letting me see that true love really does exist. sokie

[MizJohnson]

Well, I'm in tears. That's all I can say.

[gday]

My smile is wide, it has been a long time coming and i wish the both of you nothing but the very best.

[WifejailedinAZ]

Awesome story,made my saturday morning read!

[cinderella2004]

Hey thanks for the story. Keep taking good care of yourself. I checked out your wedding pics, they are so beautiful!!!! Best of luck to the both of you. I hope you two will be very happy together for many years !!!