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LadyBaby · #1 05-28-2008, 02:14 PM

My guy is SUCH a family guy and his family (mother and siblings) depended ALOT on him when he was at home. Now that he's gone, they call me everyday for something. Be it, "Let's go to dinner" (where I have to pick up the tab mind you), "can you pay to get my hair done, buy me some shoes, stop and pick something up for me at the store"...THEY ARE SOOO NEEDY! Mind you, he and I just got back together a year ago...He was my highschool sweetheart and now I am a mother, things have changed, and I have children to support and my guy as well. Every now and then is okay, but EVERYDAY??? How do I let him and/or them know that it's TOO MUCH without offending? Keep in mind that his family means the world to him. He always says, "Just because you're with me doesn't mean that you have to hang around my family..." but let two days go by that I haven't called his mom... She tells him and he says, "why haven't you talked to my mother???" HELP!!!. What would you do???

robs_angel · #2 05-28-2008, 03:04 PM

Obligated..No, I love doing things for his family they are mine family now

allenwood · #3 05-28-2008, 03:08 PM

The easiest way to stop those calls is to tell them you can't afford it whenever they ask for something - it doesn't sound like they're tryin to do dinner w/someone who can't pay, so they'll have no need to call another broke person! lol You aren't being rude to say no when you either can't or don't want to do something & you shouldn't feel pressured to say or do something just because they have the nerve to ask. It sounds like you're extremely generous & I am too, but only on my terms...you know?

Mrs.Perez III · #4 05-28-2008, 03:20 PM

Either way your bound to offend someone. I delt with that situation and I let it go for a short time. What you need to do is used my old line when someone calls asking for some thing, I say "Do you have money, cause I sure don't"? Even if I do have money. My mom used to say I give you an inch amd you take a yard. That's what they are doing to you. Put your foor down or up something if you have to.

LostTime · #5 05-28-2008, 03:32 PM

I don't feel obligated nor does he really ask me though because they are
mainly in Mexico but I don't think I would mind depending on how often and what exactly it was but each relationship and person is different
But if I ever came to the point where it felt like a burden and not an option
I would have to tell him

my-T-sad · #6 05-28-2008, 03:42 PM

ok sweetie if it bothers you to tell what would be alie put your extra disposable money in a savings account and say when they request something or really I should say when they are trying to mooch something off of you it can honestly be said I have no cash to buy anything. Parasites have no consciences(sp) they don't care how hard you had to bust your a$$ to earn that money and are banking (no pun intended) on using your feeling to get what they want. After you tell them no a few times they go back to their other victims

LadyBaby · #7 05-28-2008, 03:43 PM

That's the problem I'm having. Like I said, it's okay every now and then. I think they are blinded because I have a huge home, a nice car, a good job (whatever that is...), so they just automatically think I'm rich because he grew up kinda less fortunate. I do admit, I have been blessed, but just because I consider his family my family, I don't think it warrants having to spend $$$ ON THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY... If they are in need, I DON'T MIND AT ALL, but just for the sake of asking, now that's a different story.

BabygirlNGary · #8 05-28-2008, 03:56 PM

Nothing annoys me more than someone sitting there looking at what I have and making plans on how they can get a piece of it. That is unacceptable to me cause I have worked HARD for everything I have. If someone doesnt want to hang out with me when I have NOTHING then they can forget about calling me when they want something. I am a helper type person. I love to help people it's just the way I am. But I have been taken advantage of plenty of times because of my kindness. That's when I had to back off and let people take care of themselves. That's when I found out who likes me for me and who likes me for what I can do for them. Getting their hair done, buying shoes...HELL no!!! If they come and say my baby needs formula and Im broke then OK!! Dont let them take advantage of your kindness or make you feel guilty because your doing better financially. If your man has a problem with it then tell him you'll use his comissary money for his family's hairdo's instead of sending it to him. He should respect you for not allowing them to walk all over you. Good Luck!

LadyBaby · #9 05-28-2008, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary

Nothing annoys me more than someone sitting there looking at what I have and making plans on how they can get a piece of it. That is unacceptable to me cause I have worked HARD for everything I have. If someone doesnt want to hang out with me when I have NOTHING then they can forget about calling me when they want something. I am a helper type person. I love to help people it's just the way I am. But I have been taken advantage of plenty of times because of my kindness. That's when I had to back off and let people take care of themselves. That's when I found out who likes me for me and who likes me for what I can do for them. Getting their hair done, buying shoes...HELL no!!! If they come and say my baby needs formula and Im broke then OK!! Dont let them take advantage of your kindness or make you feel guilty because your doing better financially. If your man has a problem with it then tell him you'll use his comissary money for his family's hairdo's instead of sending it to him. He should respect you for not allowing them to walk all over you. Good Luck!

BabyGirlNGary, that's wassup! I am feelin' you! Thanks for understandin' sis!

Wobabi · #10 05-28-2008, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBaby

My guy is SUCH a family guy and his family (mother and siblings) depended ALOT on him when he was at home. Now that he's gone, they call me everyday for something. Be it, "Let's go to dinner" (where I have to pick up the tab mind you), "can you pay to get my hair done, buy me some shoes, stop and pick something up for me at the store"...THEY ARE SOOO NEEDY!

Thats not NEEDY,,thats GREEDY

Mind you, he and I just got back together a year ago...He was my highschool sweetheart and now I am a mother, things have changed, and I have children to support and my guy as well. Every now and then is okay, but EVERYDAY??? How do I let him and/or them know that it's TOO MUCH without offending? Keep in mind that his family means the world to him. He always says, "Just because you're with me doesn't mean that you have to hang around my family..." but let two days go by that I haven't called his mom... She tells him and he says, "why haven't you talked to my mother???" HELP!!!. What would you do???

I would let him know that under no certain terms and conditions am I buying his families company any more. They should be buying YOU chit! You the one taking care of their brother and son. Are you kidding me? There is no way I would put shoes on a grown womans FOOTS over my kids! Everyday??? You got to be joking?
Hunnie you don't have to do that I dont care how much money you got. Thats money that could go in a college fund or inheritance for grandbabies. You can never have enuff dough!
Not only would *I* stop what you are doing,,I would take a SERIOUS break from them.
Good luck hun,,I am here for you which ever way you decide to go with this.

LadyBaby · #11 05-28-2008, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wobabi

I would let him know that under no certain terms and conditions am I buying his families company any more. They should be buying YOU chit! You the one taking care of their brother and son. Are you kidding me? There is no way I would put shoes on a grown womans FOOTS over my kids! Everyday??? You got to be joking?
Hunnie you don't have to do that I dont care how much money you got. Thats money that could go in a college fund or inheritance for grandbabies. You can never have enuff dough!
Not only would *I* stop what you are doing,,I would take a SERIOUS break from them.
Good luck hun,,I am here for you which ever way you decide to go with this.

Well said Ms. Wo! I just have one little problem. NEVER WOULD I DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE OVER DOING FOR MY KIDS. Everything I've done for them has been in ADDITION to what I do for my kids....

Love Ya!

LadyBaby

krackergrl · #12 05-28-2008, 06:42 PM

no, they expect me to take care of my guy so they don't have to, the only family member of his that i would go out of my way for is his daughter.

i would just tell them, look, i dont have the money right now, im short between taking care of my family and my guy and i can't do it, make the effort to call or something but quit buying

yaya'sbaby · #13 05-28-2008, 06:46 PM

Do I ever feel obligated? Hell Nah! Its every man for themselves out this BYTCH! Good Luck to you.

Wobabi · #14 05-28-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBaby

Well said Ms. Wo! I just have one little problem. NEVER WOULD I DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE OVER DOING FOR MY KIDS. Everything I've done for them has been in ADDITION to what I do for my kids....

Love Ya!

LadyBaby

but you ARE,,right now!!!
You doing for them every day??,,,thats not addition,,thats your kids future,,sorry but I feel that way

OaksLady · #15 05-28-2008, 07:15 PM

No, I don't feel obligated.

Fe*Fe · #16 05-28-2008, 08:24 PM

well I don't know my dude family like that sooo they don't ask me for nothing! If anything his sis does for me by calling me when he asks her too!! SO I think ya should just say NO sometimes! I know it might seem hard but that's how it is. LoL it's funny I'm telling you this cause I SO...in general...need to pratice what I preach!!!!!!!!!!

Jillian · #17 05-28-2008, 09:59 PM

I do not feel obligated to do anything for his family, if they need help then yes i will help them out but what you are doing are way beyond what you need to be doing. They need to get on their own grind and do for themselves. My husband has always made this statement clear even when he was home, that his immediate family comes first and his immediate family consists of our daughter and i. I agree with that 100 percent. you need to talk too your man about what is going on and let him talk too them about backing off cause your focus is your family , your home, your car and your job.

FAITHHOPELOVE · #18 05-28-2008, 10:15 PM

I do NOT or am NOT obligated to his family. IT'S EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES AND GOD FOR US ALL!!!

ReggiesLady · #19 05-29-2008, 08:08 AM

Nope, I don't feel obligated. Reg's parents were having some financial issues a few weeks ago and asked me to borrow $1400. Did I have the money? Yes, but I sure wasn't going to give it to them!! That's MY hard earned money and I am raising my daughter by myself. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE his parents to death but there are just some things I won't do. You have to make the choice!

SexyChef1 · #20 05-29-2008, 11:43 AM

Ive got to print this off and send it to Soldado...Im going through this with his sister right now its every single day...its like Im paying to her "play nice" its gotten so bad Im moving to get away from them...THANKS CHICA's eventhough I wasnt the original poster I needed these answers.

JENIK · #21 05-29-2008, 12:53 PM

Yeah, I know how you feel. When he was first locked up, I was getting calls from his sisters like crazy! Asking for this and that, but thank goodness his mom stuck up for me and told the girls that I can do so much becuz I have my family, myself and they're brother to take care of. But it's hard becuz I'm so close to the family that if something bad happened with them. Idk what I would do. I know I need to practice on saying no becuz I'm going brok over it too.

Isweoriswenot · #22 05-29-2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBaby

My guy is SUCH a family guy and his family (mother and siblings) depended ALOT on him when he was at home. Now that he's gone, they call me everyday for something. Be it, "Let's go to dinner" (where I have to pick up the tab mind you), "can you pay to get my hair done, buy me some shoes, stop and pick something up for me at the store"...THEY ARE SOOO NEEDY! Mind you, he and I just got back together a year ago...He was my highschool sweetheart and now I am a mother, things have changed, and I have children to support and my guy as well. Every now and then is okay, but EVERYDAY??? How do I let him and/or them know that it's TOO MUCH without offending? Keep in mind that his family means the world to him. He always says, "Just because you're with me doesn't mean that you have to hang around my family..." but let two days go by that I haven't called his mom... She tells him and he says, "why haven't you talked to my mother???" HELP!!!. What would you do???

I don't feel you should be obligated to feel like you have to do any of those things you know. I can see if it was for the kids or something, but I feel like you are grown and so is his mother and his family. You have needs and responsibilities just like anyone else. Just tell them that you have things you have to do as well and you don't have to say it in no offensive way just casually so they get the hint.

And this is just my opinion if his mother is well and healthy and isn't bad off healthwise it's okay if you don't call her everyday. Unless she is your best friend.

ladyjgermany · #23 05-29-2008, 04:06 PM

I am so glad that I don't have that problem, but I use to be like that years ago. Always feeling obligated to help someone out. Sounds like you are a very kind person who genuinely likes to help others. But there comes a time when you have to say NO! If you are a YES person all the time people will soon know what to say to get what they want out of you. So may I suggest to you to "just say no". I know it's hard ,. but it gets easier and easier to say over time. Wobabi was right, all that money could be going into a college fund for your grand babies, or a much needed trip to some tropic island when your loved one gets home. Good luck to you.

When in Rome · #24 05-29-2008, 09:24 PM

I don't feel obligated, and being that we're kinda recent in terms of the relationship, it's not an issue. But jeez, I would never take on so much additional responsibility! They are really taking advantage of you, and you've got to stop them. I understand that your husbands a family man - but to me, that simply means that you have a strong bond with your family. It does not mean that you have to financially support and cater to them.

My response in this situation: Remind him that YOU are part of his family, and that he needs to cater to you too. He needs to talk to his family so that they understand that they are really asking for too much from you...if he was unable to accept this, we would have BIG problems!!!

Best wishes!!!