Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

jaelsangel · #1 06-11-2008, 08:03 PM

I know that I should not complain, as some ofg the ladies here are not able to speak tp their man on the regular.....

But I am.

Yesterday we spoke once in the afternoon since he didnt have to work because it was so hot out..it was a cool convo the regular....Last nite he called I was still working kinda late, I answered his call in the middle of work which is totally unprofessionally, but I did it, I told him to calll me back before he had to go in for the nite, andhe didn't

.....So today I was like I know he gonna call......there was a crazy storm last nite and I know he is concerned, so all day I wait..and 8:45pm came and went

..and nothing....I didnt even get a letter today....

..NOTHING..But my butt works everyday, i get up 7 days a week early to see this joker, I made sure his butt got letters everyday last week, I make sure the phine has minutes, I am getting him clothes for his hafeway house thing...

And I could not get a call..I am worried and confused, and really I am just sick of him not being here, I cut off all males.....all I do is visit him, work do school work , and shop ....thats it go with my lil bro out at times,but thats it...I am sick of being alone here...I am sick of doing all the work, and last nit when I was working he sounded agigaitated (sp) that I coulnt talk, I just feel totally disgusted and defeated today, I lovehim but I am sick of being in this one way relationship

..ok i have vented enuff....any suggestions advice what....help

MizJohnson · #2 06-11-2008, 08:21 PM

I totally feel what you're saying, but maybe he feels the same way since you had to cut him off last night?? Just a suggestion....

Other than that, if you really feel that it is a one way relationship, maybe it's time to decide if you can do it anymore... BUT it sounds to me like you are just frustrated and it will all blow over.

I hope the best for you

jaelsangel · #3 06-11-2008, 08:25 PM

I mean he does what he can, he writesm but not as much as me, he does the gifts on the important occassions, and he is supportive ....he is a good man and I have waited soooooooo long to get him to this point....MizJohnson I think your rite...buy I am still pissed

LostTime · #4 06-11-2008, 08:27 PM

Yes I think at some point we all feel that way but hang in there and know that in time things will all be better
Take Care and God Bless

iloveyoumore · #5 06-11-2008, 08:33 PM

It gets to be alot sometimes. Sounds like you are spreading yourself too thin and you aren't feeling appreciated. This life can suck sometimes can't it. We have to live this busy full life and run around making sure someone else's life is full and happening. It is always easier and much more pleasant to get lots of love, thanks and appreciation while busting your booty for yourself and the man you love. I feel for you. Advice? I don't have much, it sounds like he was having a bad day and "sharing the love" with you the person he feels safe with. They don't know how lucky they are we love them more than anything! Try and do something you enjoy even if it lasts 5 minutes. You deserve a thanks and a hug and maybe some ice cream, a drink, a really nice new pair of shoes?...If no one else tells you today, you are doing a fabulous job.

rHeartz · #6 06-11-2008, 08:35 PM

Ladies you are the best.... I totally understand how frustrating this gets, and I'm just getting started. For me it's strictly one day at a time. When I have a bad day I ask for help, call friends, and now check in with PTO and hope it gets better by the next morning. Nothing worse then the no call when you are waiting on it though is there?
I bet once you talk with him you'll be all smiles, right?

jaelsangel · #7 06-11-2008, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rHeartz

Ladies you are the best.... I totally understand how frustrating this gets, and I'm just getting started. For me it's strictly one day at a time. When I have a bad day I ask for help, call friends, and now check in with PTO and hope it gets better by the next morning. Nothing worse then the no call when you are waiting on it though is there?
I bet once you talk with him you'll be all smiles, right?

Yes...You are rite..he knows I trip if we dont talk, he knows I worry..so not only am I pissed

..but I dont know whats up with him...If he is ok or what....thanks for the kind words..

jaelsangel · #8 06-11-2008, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iloveyoumore

It gets to be alot sometimes. Sounds like you are spreading yourself too thin and you aren't feeling appreciated. This life can suck sometimes can't it. We have to live this busy full life and run around making sure someone else's life is full and happening. It is always easier and much more pleasant to get lots of love, thanks and appreciation while busting your booty for yourself and the man you love. I feel for you. Advice? I don't have much, it sounds like he was having a bad day and "sharing the love" with you the person he feels safe with. They don't know how lucky they are we love them more than anything! Try and do something you enjoy even if it lasts 5 minutes. You deserve a thanks and a hug and maybe some ice cream, a drink, a really nice new pair of shoes?...If no one else tells you today, you are doing a fabulous job.

I mean i do feel appercaited at times cuz he is always writing me and telling me he does, point blank I am sick

of him being in there and we see each other every weekend and all lik ethat but I am just sick of this....

RaysMeg · #9 06-11-2008, 09:35 PM

Hey angel. Sorry you are so stressed out babe. Try not to get upset.

I can communticate with you 100%. It's complicated, but I speak to Ray on a regular basis. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes that's not so good. I would freak out completely if I didn't get calls at all. BUT, he is moody, has a problem with everything, and has a difficult time expressing himself and saying out-right WHAT THE TRUE PROBLEM IS!! It's totally frustrating. So, I feel you..... Just don't let it get you upset. I know it's hard because you love him, but they go through so many changes in there. I know you work hard for his happiness (and I do too), and I also know it can be a thankless job.

Hang in there, and do not pay attention to him. When he calls (because he WILL CALL), tell him that you are unhappy with him and his atitude. I'm sure he'll take the opportunity to fix it. They NEED us girl, and usually, they dont' intentionally aggrivate us. It's THEM.

krackergrl · #10 06-11-2008, 09:40 PM

(hugs) maybe something happened..the storm and all? cut power or something..phone lines, or maybe they are locked down? the only thing i can say is tell him about what you're thinking, everything you just told us, write to him or tell him next phone call.

**HUGE HUG**

CarrotCake10 · #11 06-11-2008, 09:49 PM

First off sorry that you are going through this. I know the feeling sucks! I read a thread sometime back on how this women survived a bid. She wrote that she did not revolve her life around him. She said she didn't stay by the phone waiting for his calls,she didn't call his counselor as much, she didn't write as much. She went on with her life, but in a respectful way. Not in a way where he would think omg where is she. But in a way that she was able to keep her sanity. I think your bf is use to you always being their and pampering him. Please don't take offense for I am a lady who spoils her man as well. So maybe he's not use to you saying call me back or hold on one minute. One thing that kills me about some inmates is that for some odd reason they think the world has changed. I always tell my bf you have to understand the reason you are in jail is because it is hard in the outside world that is how you ended up there. So now he understands that I am at work, I can't always write and I can't always send him money. Maybe something happened or maybe he is just upset.

Frezell · #12 06-11-2008, 11:54 PM

We all experience those moments or situations. I feel your frustrations and I have read in this thread some good advice. Just chill, calm yourself it will all work out how it is supposed too. Take a deep breath and focus on some very positive things going on in your life. Look at your strengths and focus on somethings you can do to improve you. He will come around, trust me.

Peace be unto u,

Frezell

Shush · #13 06-12-2008, 11:20 AM

hey, sometimes it helps to get really really mad, so mad the end I have to laugh and cry the same time...... and yes, that happened for exact such reasons.....
what helped me was writing this down....... and when the next day came, I did throw it away, writing a second, more calm version.... still letting him see how I felt...

phone calls are so difficult and concerning the storm: where my man is, when there is a storm they are locked down. so there is a huge chance he was not able to call. there are so many other reasons which make calling impossible as well. some stupid for example broke the phones a few times now; it always needed from a day or two until up to two weeks to repair that....

and sometimes it helps to know it is worse for others... me this helps often and so pto is such a great thing!

get a hug! and may he be able to call soon!

jaelsangel · #14 06-13-2008, 05:59 AM

Thanks everyone ...well he called yesterday afternoon, he told me that the phones were not working..thanks GTL

...Anyway we talked and at first we argued a bit, but then after that we talk from 4:48pm to about 7:00pm...

..So I was very happy

....I love him so much we needed that talk and I felt good about it, and so did he, that is the longest we have talked on the phone ever, So its all good I feel conected what a difference a day can make, I love him so much.....and he loves me too soo much...

I still do feel like its one way, but he told me that he was going to make it all up when he gets home, and I believe him....so its all gravy...lol

Thanks so much ll of you for the support

iloveyoumore · #15 06-13-2008, 07:59 AM

I'm glad to hear all is well! If you hadn't had that experience you wouldn't have had that great phone conversation. I always think, if I had just been patient the answer would come without me taking years off my life stressing and wondering and what if'fing the thing to death. This is how we learn patience step-by-step. I don't like it one bit but it makes us stronger. Yay!!

Shush · #16 06-13-2008, 08:02 AM

jaelsangel.... great you got in contact..... but how in the world you can talk as long, great you seem to have some special conditions.. I already have a kind of Christmas day when we can speak for 2 times 15 minutes.... and this only when there is nobody around who wants to speak.....
i did not get a normal phone call the other day as a guy was talking for more then an hour and my Man was not allowed to stay there as long..... but he called me yesterday and this was just great!
so good luck for you!!!!

Tepee · #17 06-13-2008, 08:18 AM

jaels, I can totally see it from your point of view in your first post and I'm grateful that you've been able to reconcile things since then. But I think you had every reason to be upset with his acting agitated with you when you had to go. There have been so many times that my husband has called and I've accepted a phone call just long enough to say "Baby, I'm at work BUT I love you and I have to go" and that's with not knowing when I'll be able to talk to him again. We're still out here having to live our life and having to deal with the everyday and they have to understand that. Work... school... family... and just life happens and our world cannot stop simply because our phone rings. I'm truly happy for you that you got that phone call and that things are better... I really am.

JKB's Girl · #18 06-13-2008, 08:28 AM

I think we have all been where everything revolves around them, especially at the first of a bid, or at the first part of a relationship. I know I've been there. After several years I'm thinking that making them the center of our universe is unhealthy.

Doing time with someone in prison is unsettling to say the least because you never know when lockdowns are coming, or the phones go down, or riots, etc, etc, etc.....We need to maintain our sanity out here, or we aren't much good to them in there. What I mean by this is, if you can't take care of yourself, and I mean emotionally as well as physically and financially, then in my opinion, you have no business being in a relationship with anyone much less someone incarcerated.

If he loves you, truly loves you, he is going to be okay with you stepping back and needing some air to breathe that isn't prison related. Go out with some girlfriends, go to the gym, take some classes, learn something new. Do something that has nothing to do with prison.

If they were out here and you were seeing them more often would you wrap yourself around them then???? If you did, wouldn't you seem a bit, obssessed, possessive???? Like you didn't have a life outside of them????

I don't seem to sound as if I don't do some of the same things from time to time, but.....I have learned its okay to step back, I have learned that for my own emotional wellness I HAVE to step back occasionally and take time for me. Thank goodness he is okay with this, and if he wasn't, well, we'd have to have a "come to Jesus" talk, lol.

I'm glad you got your phone call.

JazzyJFL · #19 06-13-2008, 08:35 AM

Angel,

I really feel you. We all go through this time in our life. Incarceration is just as hard on us as it is on them. Yes think can be very selfish. They thing we need to drop everything and take care of their business. Well, they need to know that we have lives too. Sometimes, you have to put their needs aside and take care of your own. My man asked me to renew all of his subscriptions. Well he has about 10 of them. I don't have the money to renew all of those subscriptions and I told him that. Then he asked me to go to his lawyer's office and meet with him about his legal business. Well, I work during the day and don't get off until around 4:00p.m. Sometimes you just get sick of the whole thing. Just take sometime for you. Get pampered, take yourself to lunch, etc. anything that will help you to get back in touch with you. Hope this helps.

Grace and Peace : )

jaelsangel · #20 06-13-2008, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shush

jaelsangel.... great you got in contact..... but how in the world you can talk as long, great you seem to have some special conditions.. I already have a kind of Christmas day when we can speak for 2 times 15 minutes.... and this only when there is nobody around who wants to speak.....
i did not get a normal phone call the other day as a guy was talking for more then an hour and my Man was not allowed to stay there as long..... but he called me yesterday and this was just great!
so good luck for you!!!!

Well my man todl me that there are regulars on the phones, and some people are nights and some days...

He is lucky he can talk all day if he wanted too, but we would have to pay for it...

But generally we just talk and talk, 15 mins then call back etc. So it was a great day< I was at the bar so he felt like he was there too, I am happy that you got to talk to your man....thas beatiful....

....but the cos dont say shit they dont sweat them over the phones

Shush · #21 06-14-2008, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaelsangel

Well my man todl me that there are regulars on the phones, and some people are nights and some days...

He is lucky he can talk all day if he wanted too, but we would have to pay for it...

But generally we just talk and talk, 15 mins then call back etc. So it was a great day< I was at the bar so he felt like he was there too, I am happy that you got to talk to your man....thas beatiful....

....but the cos dont say shit they dont sweat them over the phones

thats a great situation..... and yes, paying for this is not the nice part of it, but I dont complain, as things got so much better as they were for me in the past.
I am happy for the both of you you have had the time needed. this is just great..... I got a call this early morning, and itis a great thin he is waking me up..... the time difference makes his evening calls to my wake up calls and when he cannot call around noon time, then there is no chance to reach me, as he does not want to wake me up in the middle of the night...

jaelsangel · #22 06-15-2008, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shush

thats a great situation..... and yes, paying for this is not the nice part of it, but I dont complain, as things got so much better as they were for me in the past.
I am happy for the both of you you have had the time needed. this is just great..... I got a call this early morning, and itis a great thin he is waking me up..... the time difference makes his evening calls to my wake up calls and when he cannot call around noon time, then there is no chance to reach me, as he does not want to wake me up in the middle of the night...

Wow..and you 2 are making it owrk and you are all the way overseas..That is fablous!!!!!

....We are only 15 minutes away from each other and ots driving me crazy

RaysMeg · #23 06-15-2008, 06:51 PM

I am so happy honey that everthing worked out! Good for you...

I hate GTL too

They are the worst.....and they are the ONLY way we can speak to our babies!!!