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LisaK70 · #1 06-16-2008, 01:22 AM

How overprotective is your boyfriend /husband while he's on the inside?
I'm just wondering.. I know that it might be more "natural" for them to be/or feel that way since they're on the inside..

Well mine has become more and more and he wants us to get more children when he comes home (which is sooner than we expected

..) but he did write in is his last letter: "baby you haven't seen overprotective yet.. just you wait until you're pregnant, you won't be able to go anywhere.."

I did mention him being a little bit overprotective... He sais that he's like that with the ones he loves.. He does trust me but as soon as I get sick (a cold ) or anything he'll be worried like HELL and especially if he's out of minutes and can't talk to me.. he'll be writing letters and he'll be worried like HELL. He'll want to know what I eat, how much I weigh, what the doctor said .. etc etc...

He's a calm and happy guy but he's said that if anything were to happen to me, he wouldn't know what he would do. And as soon as there is anything .. he'll flip! He's even worried about my work out. He thinks I workout too much and I only lost 8 pounds and he went CRAZY, telling me he'ld make me take a medical leave when he got home if I didnt start working out less. He's freaked out totally when he found out I had a meeting at work and had some issues with my boss.. He said "your meeting better went good or I'll have to come home and have a man to man with him"..
He freaked out when a friend of mine (not so good friend really) borrowed money from me.. he said "you tell her I said NO and put a 20 dollar limiit!!! she can't borrow anymore - I'm saying NO!".. This "friend" did use me a little but I don't hang out with her so much anymore and when he found out how she made me feel - he just hated her!

I don't know if it's normal.. It was a little "cute" in the beginning but i do notice it more and more.. and I guess I only wonder if he'll "tag down" when he gets home...

I mean will I be able to work out, go anywhere and what if I get pregnant again.. shit....

He always says "baby, family first - friends second" (and he's not joking about the above)

Does anyone out there have overprotective ones on the inside? What are they like and how was they before (and after)

wishing you all a great day!

His1 · #2 06-16-2008, 05:18 PM

My husband is very security conscience, if that counts.. He doesn't like me to go out after a certain time of day..and if I go out, I have to be back in the house before dark...

tia~n~bert · #3 06-16-2008, 05:28 PM

Yes, yes, and yes once again. He is very protective, but not unhealthy. Since we are MWI we have discussed how it will be when he gets home. He's pretty honest about it, he says well you are my Bay and no one will ever hurt you. But, as for general every day stuffs he says "do you". I have to admit though I love a protective man =) that's just me though

TiewansWife · #4 06-16-2008, 05:29 PM

I call my husband "top flight security" because he is so overprotective, especially when it comes to his wife & kids!! I mean you can't blame a man who wants to make sure that his family is always safe. It is killing him that he can't be home to make sure things are "secure" .........

Cice · #5 06-16-2008, 05:31 PM

Yes, my husband to be is the same. Hey, I have to do what is necessary out here. It isn't always possible to be in before dark. I just tell him that I get home before dark. It is easier for me to let him think he has control. I do stand up for myself if he gets too restrictive on where I go. Sometimes he says that I do not need to do something. If it is important to me, I tell him that I am going.

Cice

june5 · #6 06-16-2008, 05:39 PM

Whether you will be able to go out or work out when you are pregnant--you're grown. That's on you whether you do or don't. Personally I tell my husband where I am going out of respect and he tells me, but nobody asks each other. But some people do have a kind of relationship where they do ask each other so if that's what you are comfortable with, nothing wrong with it. Actually I do notice that most married people do ask each other permission quite frequently. But if you aren't comfortable with that, don't do it is my advice.

Just from your post though, some of it's a little 'bossy' but I take it as he just loves you. He isn't here to help you so he's just probably trying to feel more in control. That's normal. I wouldn't hold it against him. My husband used to worry about every little thing I had going on and asking all kinds of questions about EVERYTHING, even things I normally wouldn't need his help on. Then I realized he was just frustrated because he was in there and really had no way to assist me with anything. That's what it sounds like based on your post. Even the working out thing, it really sounds like he's just concerned about your health.

tazbuglady · #7 06-16-2008, 05:45 PM

My guy and I just decided to rekindle our relationship after 7 years of being apart. He is currently in prison.
He never before dared to tell me what to do before now. However, now that we are "we" again, he is very protective.
I told him the other day about this single mom, in a bad situation, that my dad had met and was trying to help out.
I said that I might try to help her out.
He plead with me to not help her, because, we don't know her and he was worried that something bad would happen.
Anyway, he made me promise not to help and to just let my dad take care of the situation. So, I agreed. He needs peace of mind. And truly, I have my own shit going on! Not to sound rude or anything.
I think being on the inside it is very hard for a man to accept the fact that they are not in a position to protect their family. Protecting their families is part of their nature.
So anyway, the answer to your question is yes, he is more protective now than he has ever been in the past!

myliss · #8 06-16-2008, 05:46 PM

bay is so not overprotective while hes in, but when hes home its a totally different story. but he is protective over every female that he is close with, even my close girlfriends. he has a lot of respect for females. it just so happens im his *special* female, so i am most protected. sometimes its pisses me off and i have to tell him about himself, because he aint my daddy and im old enough to take care of my own!

nimuay · #9 06-16-2008, 05:54 PM

Y'all really don't want to hear what I think about this, I suspect. I think that any man who is in prison has NO right to be dictating this and that. And he's already proved that he can't make choices for sh** or he wouldn't be there. And I find it completely offensive that anyone would think that I can't manage for myself.

I enjoy pleasant concern, I enjoy advice from a wise person. But I accept temper tantrums and dictats from NO-ONE!

june5 · #10 06-16-2008, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

Y'all really don't want to hear what I think about this, I suspect. I think that any man who is in prison has NO right to be dictating this and that. And he's already proved that he can't make choices for sh** or he wouldn't be there. And I find it completely offensive that anyone would think that I can't manage for myself.

I enjoy pleasant concern, I enjoy advice from a wise person. But I accept temper tantrums and dictats from NO-ONE!

lol, nimuay! I agree but is he really throwing a tantrum and dictating or is he just thumping his chest trying to feel a little in control from a place where he has no control? I'm the last one to make excuses for anybody but hell, prison does mess with people's minds...I'd give him a tad of leeway. But other than that I say

to your sentiments!!

ghostgirl7389 · #11 06-16-2008, 06:10 PM

Gray is pretty overprotective, but I just think it's out of love, and it doesn't bother me, it makes me feel loved.

LisaK70 · #12 06-16-2008, 06:13 PM

Wow it's great to know that I'm not alone.. lol... Well I do understand how he feels and the most important thing for me is to know that he trusts me and he has never made me think different... He does it out of love I guess and I know he feels bad everday because he can't be home taking care of me. It's just that when I talk to my girlfriends here at home (who's got their man on the "outside" ) they look at me like "hell, wow, he's waaaay toooo overprotective!!" And that's why it's so great with this forum because ONLY YOU .. out there (on PTO) knows what I'm going through...

Lots of love from me to all of ya'll!

convict lover · #13 06-16-2008, 06:14 PM

Lisak70 I Dont Know About Every One Else But As Long As He Doesnt Abuse You I Think This Is Awesome To Me It Really Shows That You Mean The World To Him I Think I Would Like My Guy To Be A Little Like This.

jackielovestony · #14 06-16-2008, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovinmybay

bay is so not overprotective while hes in, but when hes home its a totally different story. but he is protective over every female that he is close with, even my close girlfriends. he has a lot of respect for females. it just so happens im his *special* female, so i am most protected. sometimes its pisses me off and i have to tell him about himself, because he aint my daddy and im old enough to take care of my own!

That is exactley how my tony is and yes i have tell him about him self but i like it that he is so protective over me and my girls.

abrister · #15 06-16-2008, 06:27 PM

My husband was overprotective when he was first in. He has relaxed and TRUSTS ME! If you are questioning your spouse about everything and telling you when and where to do it, it is not being overprotective it is control. And i will not be controlled. i ask my husband his opinion about situations and i take his feelings in consideration. But until he gets home and stays out of trouble he will not be in control of the house.

briandi · #16 06-16-2008, 06:28 PM

no just jealous!!

fashi0nablynumb · #17 06-16-2008, 06:32 PM

my mans always been overprotetive. when he was out i wasn't allowed to hang out with no one. except his mom. and when i went places with my dad he'd always trip thinking i had my dad take me to a homeboys house or something.
so now that hes locked up hes fucking tripping all the time. pissed off that i tell him i hang out with people i told him whateva i just wont tell him what i do, which will probably end up making him trip more. but whateva.

LisaK70 · #18 06-16-2008, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by convict lover

Lisak70 I Dont Know About Every One Else But As Long As He Doesnt Abuse You I Think This Is Awesome To Me It Really Shows That You Mean The World To Him I Think I Would Like My Guy To Be A Little Like This.

Thank you soooo much! You don't know how happy it made me feel to read what you wrote.. And I know he would never hurt me.. He loves me and I am blessed....

thank you again for reminding me.. I'm kind of "down" today and it just reminded me that he really does care... I'll see him in 11 days.. that will be a very much needed visit!

LisaK70 · #19 06-16-2008, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fashi0nablynumb

my mans always been overprotetive. when he was out i wasn't allowed to hang out with no one. except his mom. and when i went places with my dad he'd always trip thinking i had my dad take me to a homeboys house or something.
so now that hes locked up hes fucking tripping all the time. pissed off that i tell him i hang out with people i told him whateva i just wont tell him what i do, which will probably end up making him trip more. but whateva.

Wow... only allowed to hang out with his mother? Well, hell I can understand he's tripping now if he was like that when he was at home.. It might just be a "vacation" for you though. No offense but I do believe that you should be able to choose who you hang out with as long as it's no-one that has a bad influense on you, don't you think? Well, I hate putting my nose in others relationships but I do thing your man seems "just a little" to much in control....