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onedaysoon · #1 05-30-2008, 08:06 PM

....To say good-bye.

When I don't talk to him, or read any of his letters, I already feel as though the relationship is over.

But when I speak to him its another story.

I feel like I have to stay with him when I hear all that he has to stay, but at the same time I want to leave. And guess part of me still wants to stay, mainly because if I leave him no one will help him or write to him, or go to visit him.
But when he speaks to me I feel as though he is trying to convince me to stay.

I posted earlier this month, stating my situation. I got some great advice, but I can't find the right words, or even the right time to say them. And I feel guilty just at the thought of saying them.

I feel lost and I don't know what to say or what to do. If I leave him, I'll have no one to be with. All my friends and most of my family stopped speaking to me.

This is the only place I have left to turn to for advice.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

OutHereWaiting · #2 06-13-2008, 10:44 AM

I feel you 100%! So, I have no advice for you because I am looking for the same thing..
I just keep coming here and I just keep reading the posts.

Maybe one day, I will do what I need to do.. if that is stay or go.

All I know is that I LOVE him.

keytwo · #3 06-14-2008, 05:14 PM

All they have is time to think how to pull you in. I have a myspace where I spend most of my time talking to new people. If nothing else I am getting back to socializing again with other men even if i am not dating any of them. It's a start on moving on with my life. We have big hearts thats why we date the underdogs. Take your time one day at a time and it will be okay. You didn't fall in love in a day and you will not fallout of it quickly.

mrscooper · #4 06-15-2008, 09:21 AM

I think those emotions are what alot of us on here go through. Do I stay, do I go. WHen your not with them your sure you want it to be over, when your sit across from them you realise that your all they have. ITs such a tough decision, how do you trust the words, how do you trust yourself anymore when you feel so much cunfusion.??? IF anyone figures out the answer to the above guestion please let us all know,

Apehanger · #5 06-15-2008, 09:43 AM

Make a decision! they did thats why they are in prison

RobbiesGirl7 · #6 06-18-2008, 01:56 PM

There are never any right words to say, no matter how nice you try to make it or how long you drag it out, its always going to hurt no matter what. Im in the same boat. I knw i need to end it but how and when? I just need to sit down and write it down, STRAIGHT UP! NO wishy, washy or "can we still be friends"....that will make them mad even more. So i suggest you just really take a few days to think about exactly how your feeling and what you want to say. And just write it, hes going to be hurt, mad, sad, disappointed, all of that....but it just has to get done.

Flaca71 · #7 07-08-2008, 07:53 PM

You know, I didn't hear from my ex for a month or so...then he called around the beginning of June, only for a few days, then all of a sudden, nothing....I ended our relationship, not only for me, but for him....he does have someone else and that hurts, but when i sent him a letter and said good-bye, I felt so relieved....I didn't have to be soo anxious to go to the mailbox, I didn't have to jump at the drop of a hat when the phone rang....I haven't heard from him through phone calls or mail since June 1 and yeah, it hurts...the I love you's and such....but he has alot of growing up to do, and I have a family to raise.....we have moved on and the thing is, I am not sad about it....the break up....I haven't shed a tear....is that weird or what? But I think it's cuz I knew when he started to call again the second time around, that it was too good to be true.....so we have been going on with life for a month now and there have been times when I have seen the number show up on my caller ID, and it hurts, but I ignore the calls.....I can't listen to the excuses anymore....so I have moved on....I miss him, but doing this, was best for all....the pain doesn't go away so easy, time and more time....just going on day by day....that's all I can do....

chikkiboom714 · #8 07-09-2008, 10:38 PM

Im on the same trail. Im young. 21. and i feel trapped. i feel like a prisoner. i should enjoy my youth to the fullest and because of him i feel like i cant. is it wrong to not want to stick around any longer because i want to live a normal life? he will be out till i am 30... i will never get to enjoy dancing under the rain, go on road trips and do all other sorts of fun with a guy because i must wait? i married him being all naive thinking it would be nice and pretty but its not. and now i dont know if i should walk. i feel guilty because i promised i would always be there. promised to always be true and love him. i love him. i do. but im not so sure if im still in love with him.... its a big mess...and he has no clue on the way i feel. i keep smiling and saying "i love you"... keep being cute...and i mean the "i love you" and the little cute things i might say or do but im not sure if its out of being in love or out of simply loving him... two total different things. can anybody give me some advice???????????

iloveyoumore · #9 07-10-2008, 08:54 AM

When I was 21 I did not have a clue what real love was. It has little to do with the romantic feelings after time and has everything to do with committment and loyalty and loving someone through the disappointments, successes, sadness, happiness and pain. Maybe at 21 you are not ready to take on the whole package. In relationships it is perfectly normal to have the "in love" feelings come and go. Sometimes they go more than they come. You have to decide if the vow you made when you married (you referred to your man as your husband). I'm not trying to be harsh, okay? Maybe this relationship will never be what you need it to be.

robs_angel · #10 07-15-2008, 04:40 PM

You have to do what you feel is right for you, even if its hard to do.. think about your future. stay strong

flagirlie · #11 08-11-2008, 07:18 AM

If u r staying partly cuz u feel guilty no one else will support him then that is a BAD reason 2 stay....

mistakes · #12 08-11-2008, 02:26 PM

honestly when my ex got locked up again and was expected to stay for a long while, (after i waited for over a year while he was in prison) i found it a perfect oppertunity to get away. i lost contact with alot of people but i knew that being with some one who kept getting locked up, and not giving me what i wanted nor what i deserved will only make me unhappy. so i told him i wanted out. of course locked up he tried to give me a guilt trip. but i had enough of that type of relationship. i blew up. i told him, "im not thinking of you anymore just like u didnt think of me when u did what u did to get in there. im leaving so spend all those years regretting losing the best thing that will ever happen to you. thank you for MY son and i will put child support ( so that it can add up.. he owes regardless of his situation) and untill i feel you are a good role model for his life, i have my rights. (him no visitaiton)" i was tough and mean. i felt good to stand up for my self and my happiness and been happy ever since. it took a while but i got contact with those lost friends and found a wonerful boyfriend. point is.... if he doesnt make u happy... cut him off. do for u and only u. your life shouldnt pause just cause he is locked up. he made his bed let him lie in it.

PrtynPnk · #13 08-11-2008, 07:43 PM

Well girls I just recently ended it with my Fuzzy. He always told me that if i ended it he didnt want to be friends or anything. Because he told me this it made it harder for me to end it because i did not want to loose him. I begin to feel like I was holding on more for his sake than for my own happiness. In five years he will not be the same person that i fell in Love with and neither will I. I wasnt convinced that I wanted to chance it. I did it and now he wrote his mom and told her that he does not ever want to see me again. I expected this response, but i also expect that he will find peace and eventually call or write me.. I have no regrets and I see it as if it were meant to be our paths will meet again. Hope this helps someone.

taygirl33319 · #14 08-11-2008, 10:41 PM

TRUE LOVE FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART. MY HUSBAND ALWAYS SAID IT HE HAS ALWAYS ENDED A RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE WENT TO JAIL BECAUSE HE REALIZED THAT SOME PEOPLE LOVE IS NEAR SIDED .. THEY LOVE YOU ONLY WHEN YOUR NEAR IN SIGHT THEN WHEN YOU ARE AWAY IT FEELS YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM TO STAY. WELL IF YOU LOVE HIM, AND YOU KNOW HE WAS LOVING YOU WHEN HE WAS HOME THEN IT WOULD BE NO QUESTION WHETHER TO LEAVE OR STAY... HE HAS EVEN AWAY FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW HE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME IN SEPT THEY HAVE A PA VIOLATION HOLD ON HIM... HE MAY BE UP FOR ANOTHER 18 MOTHS WE DON’T KNOW BUT THIS IS WHAT I WROTE TO HIM WHEN WE GOT THE NEWS..... ITS FROM MY HEART WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR 20 YEARS HE WAS MY FIRST LOVE..

NOT EVEN TIME

With time I am learning yes learning how to understand.
Opposites attracted but yet I’m still learning about me and my man.
You see naturally I am an emotional person, not afraid to express the intense feelings that I have inside, But Sometimes I feel as if my husband runs from the intensity of the moment in our lives. Slowly I can see him opening up to me to us. He knows that I am for real and that he is safe with my love but there is something inside of him that tells him its too good to be true. I thought it was the distance. Then I thought it was the space or it may be the bars that separate us from reality but yet its reality to him. We are in two different worlds but yet we are of the same world. Then after pondering on these things I have come to realize that, It is just a mere moment in time that separates us from each other. Its not distance, its not the miles that are measured with yards, its time. Time is the strongest element in this world it obeys no one. It stops for no one it rewinds its self for no one nor will it speed up for any one. Our perception of time and its length its depth or height can change however, but it still wont change the time.
Time will go on and continue to tick and tock, so the time will eventually come when I can hold you near to my heart. This time that will join us together I desire for it to speed forward but in reality I must wait. I must obey time and learn how to beat it at its own game. I will use time to my advantage to prepare for your home coming. For our date with destiny. For time and again it has drawn us back together and separated us for a time. But this time yes this time we will remain. We will ride on the hands of the clock as it tick and it tocks we will ride together you and me us intertwined moving closer with time into our destiny.
So go ahead time continue to be you and do all of the things that you were created to do. Make your limits. Set your boundaries put distance between events. Its all good I will use my time spent for my advantage not to allow it to go to waste. Because eventually the time will come when my love will appear at my gate. Time you cant hold him forever and ever because even you time will one day cease. God is in charge and he is the One who ordains the powers that be.
When he says it is enough and the time has come for me and my Julius to be joined together as one. There will be no depth nor height nor tribulation nor travail, that will keep him from being released form that cell. So now I wait with patience , with dignity, with a blessed assurance that my time will come and I wait for it with endurance. Keeping myself holy for my predestined mate. Preparing my house, my heart, my family, for that September date.
Just the thought last year September 13th I suffered a great loss. That was the day my mother went home to be with my Lord. But it is new year and time has put that day in my face again. But instead of suffering a loss I am gaining my husband, my man my lover and my true friend. Not even time can keep me from you or you from me.

LoDucafan67 · #15 08-12-2008, 05:10 PM

Well, I to just ended it with Jon. I have had about enough. We were on a phone call, the first one in a month, and he gets all insecure, like I am cheating and what not. So, I hung up. I had enough and told him it was over.

I also wrote him a letter and said the same things, and that I wanted my pics back.

You will find the right words. Start writing and just let it come out.

onedaysoon · #16 08-12-2008, 09:57 PM

An update on my situation....
I ended it over two months ago, and I felt so relieved when I did it, and all he did was make me feel guilty.
I was talking to him, and writing to him once and a while, since I still have his stuff, and i agreed to help him.

He's currently being held by immigration, he suppose to be deported soon. And I was going to help him in any way I could, but I ended up changing my mind. His family is driving me insane. All they do is call me like crazy, and disrespect me, they even said that its partly my fault for his situation, which isn't true. I shouldn't put up with the way his family treats me.

And I realized that I wouldn't be able to move on with my life if he was still in it. So I'm giving his stuff back to his family, I'm going to finally change my number, and I'm going to move on with my life.

The only problem is giving back his stuff. I can't get in contact with his family that live by me, and I refuse to hold his stuff. Hopefully by the end of next week his stuff will be out of my house, and I'll be able to move on with my life.

I think sometimes the words are already there, we just sometimes refuse to accept it.
I wanted to ended it in January, well before he was sentenced, but I just couldn't bring myself to say the right words. I was so afraid of how he would react, and he always knew what to say to make me stay and feel guilty. Its one of the worse feelings; I felt trapped.

But now I'm finally starting to smile again. I'm finally starting to sleep again. I'm finally moving on.

iloveyoumore · #17 08-12-2008, 10:52 PM

I'm glad to hear you are doing well. Take care and good luck!

tracey83 · #18 08-18-2008, 01:44 PM

I've been in that position before. Before he was locked up, the last year we were together, he did nothing but drain me - financially, emotionally, etc. He needed to grow up & learn to be responsible for himself. So, I walked out near the end of '06, moved on with someone else, and he moved out of state. We stayed friends, and he continued to ruin his life on his own. He started using drugs again. I was there for him when he needed to talk, but not for ANYTHING else. Then a year after we broke up, he got locked up & extradited back down here for a warrant from A LONG time ago.
I can say this... He has changed. This was a huge wake up call for him. He no longer asks me for anything. All he wants from me is my love, that's all. He never wants money on his books, never wants packages, never even wants food when I go visit! He has gained a sense of inner peace & maturity that I knew he had in him YEARS ago - he just didn't see it then. We have since worked things out, but he knows that if he goes down that old road again - I'm GONE, again.
I guess I'm just trying to say I've been there. Walking away was the best thing I ever did for BOTH of us. And in the end, it proved to us both that we ARE meant to be together. It's proved to me that they CAN change, but only if THEY REALLY WANT TO.

toungetied2003 · #19 09-10-2008, 11:52 PM

im in the same position. i feel in my heart that i just cant do it anymore. we were married last yr but the marraige was void do to the prisons neglagence. i dont know how to tell him how i fell. im 23 and still have so much to look foward too. he is a lifer on a 3 strikes sentence. i love him dont get me wrong. but the feelings are not what they use to be and i dont know what to do. what to say. or how to say it. i know he feels my pushing away and distance. but i dont know how to be toward him because my heart is so conflicted. ive been by his side for 5 yrs. thinking about everything and the failure with our marraige papers its a sign. nothing has ever gone ok for us. its always been the hard way. i feel like is personal assistant more then his wife. i dont feel like he was really in this despite his letters. he never has told me how much he loves me until recently due to my distance. any advice would really be great.

mojaveeamazon · #20 09-11-2008, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toungetied2003

im in the same position. i feel in my heart that i just cant do it anymore. we were married last yr but the marraige was void do to the prisons neglagence. i dont know how to tell him how i fell. im 23 and still have so much to look foward too. he is a lifer on a 3 strikes sentence. i love him dont get me wrong. but the feelings are not what they use to be and i dont know what to do. what to say. or how to say it. i know he feels my pushing away and distance. but i dont know how to be toward him because my heart is so conflicted. ive been by his side for 5 yrs. thinking about everything and the failure with our marraige papers its a sign. nothing has ever gone ok for us. its always been the hard way. i feel like is personal assistant more then his wife. i dont feel like he was really in this despite his letters. he never has told me how much he loves me until recently due to my distance. any advice would really be great.

This is a marriage in name not in body or sharing life experiences together as one. All you will be is someone who can provide him with financial stuff it's no life for you sweetie, your so young and we only have one life, your husband choose his, and now you must choose yours, you know what to do. All best amazon