Something Devastating Happened ~ should I tell him?

[Armygirl8287]

I am currently stationed over seas in South Korea. My husband is back home in jail in Florida. His release Date is June 15th.
I was hanging out with some soldiers lastnight and one male soldier and I have become close friends, well one thing led to another and we started to get intimate and when I realized what was going on, I told him to stop, that I love my husband and I wanted to be faithful and I cant do this to him, and he didnt stop.. It was horrible. I feel like I betrayed my husband, the one person who I love more than anything. I told this soldier to stop, and he wouldnt! But I shouldnt have put myself in that position.
I dont think I can tell my husband.. he would be so devastated knowing something happend to me, and I dont want him to feel that way being locked up and I am across the world.
I am so heartbroken, I told him to stop, because I love my husband and I want to be faithful and he just didnt care! I have marks all over my neck and chest. Its horrible, yes I know I am a horrible person!
What would you do if this happend to you? would you tell him? or let it go or wait until you saw him when he gets released? I am so confused, I just want to be the best wife I can be for him. i send him money every month and anything he has ever needed I have been there.. and I feel so guilty.... I just want to be close to my husband and come home...

[cheylynne]

Sorry that this happened to you. You can not blame yourself for when he did not stop. Let's call it what it is....rape. Have you reported it?? If not, you need to.

And yes I would tell my husband. That's just me, I don't keep secrets from him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[LovingMarky4evr]

I agree with Cheylynne...that is rape & you need to report that like NOW! especially if you have physical proof of the abuse. You may have been welcoming with the idea when you first started getting intimate with this soldier but once you told him to stop & he didnt he raped you. You also need to tell your husband. I understand your thinking on how you don't want him to worry & stress while he is in there but I have learned the hard way if you are trying to have a healthy relationship you can't keep any secrets at all for any length of time. so i think you should tell him now. & don't blame yourself. You are not a horrible person. We are all human & temptation is all around us. It is very hard to fight that temptation when we are lonely and not able to be with our guy. The thing that matters is that you realized you were heading into something that you didn't want to do & you tried to back out of it. It is not your fault that soldier violated you. I am so sorry. Report it, confide in your husband & PM me if you need to talk.

[WillzWife4Life]

First let me start by saying this...I'm am so sorry this happened to you.
I was also in a similar situation when I was younger, I believe 17 or so, I invited a "friend" into my home, just to show him around the house. I took him upstairs and showed him around, but when I was ready to go back down, he wasn't. He raped me. I was saying no, but I wasn't saying it forcefully, I wasn't pysically fighting except for pushing him off of me....
I still question myself to this day...was it rape...should I have fought him harder, should I have yelled out...
But I know rape is rape...no matter how softly you say no or how loud you say it, it still means the same thing.
While I do think you should tell the authorities, I question the idea that you should tell your husband....right now....
Only reason I say that is because men feel the need to protect and provide and he can't protect right now. If you tell him (I don't know his ways) but what are the chances of him going into a rage because this happened to you and doing something to get himself some more time?
While I do feel you should eventually tell him because if he's your husband then he is also your best friend...I think you should wait until you can sit with him face to face to explain.
And if you need to talk, don't hesitate to send me a message. I come on here everyday.
You are in my prayers. And just remember, you are not wrong, he is.

[smoser]

I would not tell him while he is locked up...that may send him into a rage!! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this by yourself but you really need to talk with the authorities about this...the man that did that to you should have consequences to face and he shouldn't be serving our country. Besides it will really look bad to your husband if you DON'T go to the authorities. If you do nothing this man could do this to someone else! You are in my prayers and I wish you the very best.

[Grettashouse]

I wouldn't tell him...in my opinion it really has nothing to do with him. It happened; you have handled it and handled it accordingly in regards to the agreements you have made with husband about intimacies outside the marriage...you were true to your word to him and remained faithful as you agreed to at least in your heart. To tell him really is only to hurt him. It will only make him question himself and hurt for the situation he is in. It will make him angry and put him jeopardy. This is really about you and the validation you have in the love for your husband and I would keep it exactly that and just be real happy to see and talk to him.

[DontDeportHim]

it's terrible what happened. i'm so sad to hear that. if you decide not to tell your husband, that's up to you. but for certain you must tell the commanding officer. report the soldier-rapist right away!!! take care of yourself and report him!

[MrsNiteowl]

ok that definately was a rape. I personally would tell my husband but not while he is in there. Mine would probably go nuts and they would have to put him in the hole. I hope you have reported this. I would report it and just tell your man when he gets out the outcome and if he gets upset about you not telling him sooner tell him you didnt want to upset him while he was in there. This could also go either way he may ask why you put yourself in that position in the first place and that might really upset him also. good luck with this.

[LeBeau]

You are NOT a horrible person... No means NO, even if you did participate in the preliminaries.

You were raped.
I realize that within the military, reporting a sexual assault can be a great deal more trouble to the victim than it is worth, so I won't presume to say whether or not you should report your assailant, but I will say that you MUST speak with someone... the chaplain, a shrink, a physician,a civilian rape crisis counselor... you mustn't try to face this alone.

As for your husband, you know the man better than we ever could, so all I can say is what I would do if it was me... I would sit on it until I could tell him in person, but I would tell him.

My very best to you and please, please believe that it was not your fault.

[Shush]

hey, just get a hug........... I dont trust the Army, as depending who "did not stop" it can turn against you.......

what you experienced is normal in a way, as you need that contact when being in the service even more when you have to deal with shit situaitons around. this is for sure where your motivation has been.......

to be honest, I would share it with my Man. I could never leave this between us, as I would feel bad all the time. and you may also need his support in this. what is important is to understand what happened with you in this moment, why you accepted the nearness! this has reasons........ once you did find this out for you, you will be able to share!
just take your time!!!!!

[ladya]

If you say no that sounds like rape to me

[ShaadGyrl]

It was RAPE in its purest form! I would report it to the authorities and my superior officer. I would NOT tell hubby right now, because when he receives the news he will feel powerless and upset that he could not protect you and even worse...he can't be there physically to reassure you that he's there for you and to comfort you. Its true that men are providers and protectors by nature, so this can set him off and he can catch a case or get into an altercation w/ a guard or inmate because of his emotions being on a rollercoaster....Be Blessed. Stay encouraged, and Your in my prayers...And you are not a Horrible Person....Mrs. Favors

[Inmatez Wife]

I am so sorry. I really am. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!! You are not a horrible person. This was rape. Plain and simple. I don't know a lot about the military, so I am asking, can you report this? Is there anyone you can talk to about it? You need to talk.
I would tell your husband. This is not your fault. Not in any way. YOU are human, you made a simple mistake, and you did your best to stop it. That is why it is rape, you said no.
My prayers are with you and yours. Sending you a cyber hug!!

[GsGirl101]

[quote=LovingMarky4evr;4290582]I agree with Cheylynne...that is rape & you need to report that like NOW! especially if you have physical proof of the abuse.quote]


AGREED! Report what happened to you as soon as possible. And if it were me i'd tell my husband, you didn't do anything wrong.... you almost did, but you realized that you shouldnt. So sorry to hear all of this, but I pray that you report this EX friend.

[missi1969]

I would not tell your husband right now. He would just feel helpless and go into a rage and get himself in trouble. I would definately tell someone in an authourity position at least to get the documentation even if you don't decide to press charges against this idiot. You were raped, thats a fact and it wasn't your fault at all. Please don't feel guilty, it wasn't your fault.

[Miss Superwoman]

Aww Sweetie I feel so bad for you and you did NOTHING wrong you are the victim. Yes I agree please report this person he needs to dealt with. Tell your husband but when you all can be face-to-face.I wish you the best.