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EternallyHis · #26 12-26-2008, 05:50 PM

glad to hear it went 'relatively well' coulda been worse right?

allenswifey84 · #27 12-26-2008, 06:42 PM

I'm kinda in the same boat... me and my fiance have been together for 5 years, and he has had a really rough past life. But now he has changed quite a bit. But my problem is... my whole life I grew up being a "daddys girl"... and now, I'm marrying someone that my dad doesn't like. They come from 2 completely different backgrounds and what makes it worse is that they are BOTH hard headed and neither one will budge and inch. Which makes it hard on me. I love my daddy to death, but at the same time, I'm ready to start my own family. I'm gunna marry this man no matter what. But what really hurts me is that at our wedding, my father is supposed to walk me down the isle to give me away, and my father won't do that. So I'll be walking alone. I'll be lucky if my dad even shows up. And he always tells me that we need to get family pictures done before my fiance comes home, and I have refused to take pictures several times now. I would just like to get some advice on what I should do??? My fiance is willing to work things out and get along with him, it's my dad's issue now. What should I do!? Thank ya'll bunches!!!

**InsomniaCT** · #28 12-26-2008, 07:31 PM

If you have been really clear with your dad, that's the best place to begin. "Dad, love you and want you to be part of my life and celebrate my joy. You may not love X but I do. I know that you love me and the one thing that I want more than anything is your support. I want you to take this walk with me because you are the only one who can." If talking honestly and directly to him isn't successful, is there someone that you can bring in to help mediate? Another family member? Clergy? A counselor? I wish that there was some kind of magical answer I could provide. Sometimes the people we love screw up, and it sounds like this is one of those times for your dad. I wish you luck in dealing with your family, and congratulations on your marriage.

Kenny's Babee · #29 12-31-2008, 06:42 PM

Just know that their concern comes from a good place, they just might not always know how to express it in the most loving ways. Respect your elders wisdom, process what they are saying and allow yourself the gift of being led by people who might have something worth saying to your benefit and support even. I had people calling me the night before and 10 mins before the ceremony asking me not to marry him, I appreciated their concern but let them know that I had processed this and felt it was right. It's a difficult conversation to have with people, telling them that you're marrying an inmate and although we don't need to defend our loved one we also have to realize that our friends and family are only human, we all have biases until we are exposed and given the opportunity to learn more about a certain population of people.

jeswannabhiswyf · #30 01-01-2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny's Babee

Just know that their concern comes from a good place, they just might not always know how to express it in the most loving ways. Respect your elders wisdom, process what they are saying and allow yourself the gift of being led by people who might have something worth saying to your benefit and support even. I had people calling me the night before and 10 mins before the ceremony asking me not to marry him, I appreciated their concern but let them know that I had processed this and felt it was right. It's a difficult conversation to have with people, telling them that you're marrying an inmate and although we don't need to defend our loved one we also have to realize that our friends and family are only human, we all have biases until we are exposed and given the opportunity to learn more about a certain population of people.

Love your wisdom Sweetie. That was great insight. Thanks!

jeswannabhiswyf · #31 01-01-2009, 11:41 AM

Okay so many of my family members are not taking this well at all. I have gone as far as to cancel the bridal shower I was having with my side of the family. His mom is throwing me one at her home in the state we live in and his sister is throwing me one at her home in the state we're from. So that's that. I do have a little support. I was most worried about telling my 81 year old grandfather who I adore, than anyone else. So I just blurted it out, no chase. "Granddaddy, my fiance is in prison and he and I are getting married March 19, 2009." He asked "Why are you getting married?" Because I love him, he loves me, and I don't want to spend another day without him as my husband. "Well, if that's what makes you happy, do it. And I pray it lasts. (We live in the country so brace for the next statement...lol) I reckon you're old enough to know what love is so I trust your judgement. When I married, I didn't know what love was all about, but I learned to love." Man that was SUCH a relief! Why can't everyone else be as wise as my granddaddy? Hun? Just why? I hate that they try to live my life. Then I have a cousin a couple years younger than me and she made me cry. I don't cry easy, but this is a sore subject. But she has 6 kids and has been through a lot. She said "I learned that even when I tried to please everybody, I couldn't. So do what makes you happy. If somebody is gonna be mad anyway, you may as well be happy". My graddaddy and this cousin rank really high for me right now. I just can't wait until 3-20-09. The day after the wedding. So they can live with it because I am not wasting my time being mad, sad, hurt, or depressed in 2009! I CHOOSE to be HAPPY. And that's what I'm gonna be. Thanks for listening yall. I appreciate it.

allenswifey84 · #32 01-03-2009, 06:05 PM

Thank you guys!! I'm really trying and my fiance's idea was to just take all of us out to dinner somewhere nice and just lay it all on the line. I mean, what's the worse that could happen?? If my dad doesn't understand and wanna be apart of everything, then I guess that is his mistake, I've done my part. But we are slowly but surely workin on getting things back to the right way. Thank ya'll again for your support and encouragement.

Many thoughts & prayer,
Tarah

Warrior Wife · #33 01-03-2009, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EternallyHis

Girl, your family will love you regardless.

For some families this is true...and for others, it's not.

If you are blessed to be part of a family that will "love you regardless", then that is wonderful!

If not, then sometimes there will be some VERY hard choices to make, including standing by the man you love even if it means your family turns against you...and doesn't "come around" later on.

It has happened that way for me, and it is very very painful...but I have NO REGRETS.

I wish you the very best.

xo,

WW