Trying to understand the men in jail

[Ghettogyrl1976]

I am seeing this dude in jail that I met while he has been locked down. the reason we started chatting in the first place just so I had someone to chat with when I went to visit with my girls man. We got to chatting and I wrote him a letter describing me and the mail got intercepted and that messed up for me to visit anymore so I got to meet him twice but been talking for over a year now and I have really grown feelings. he gets out this Nov and wants to move in with me and I am scared that he is just playing with my feelings help ??issed:

[leasmith]

Originally Posted by Ghettogyrl1976

I am seeing this dude in jail that I met while he has been locked down. the reason we started chatting in the first place just so I had someone to chat with when I went to visit with my girls man. We got to chatting and I wrote him a letter describing me and the mail got intercepted and that messed up for me to visit anymore so I got to meet him twice but been talking for over a year now and I have really grown feelings. he gets out this Nov and wants to move in with me and I am scared that he is just playing with my feelings help ??issed:

I started like you and now look at me; I am sick of being played a fool and I just talked to ANOTHER woman my guy was writing to and looks like he was saying the same thing to both of us. I found out by accident but looking back there was signs. The C.O. would look like they knew and I realize that it was not a smirk because we was interracial. I am going to cool down but in the meantime, no calls accepted, letters out or money sent to the con.

[starzzmom]

Keeping the relationship going once he gets out it fine. But moving in with you right away. I really don't think that's a good idea. I'd be a little worried about that. If he really wants to be with you to be with you, then he will. If not, then he's just playin' because he has no where to go Be careful!

[Willsgirl]

I agree with starzzmom, dont let him move in with you just yet. Get to know each other more, living with someone is a big step and if he wants to be with you then I am sure he wouldnt mind waiting to make that step after yall have known each other better.

blessings

[1nonlyTeRe]

I agree with willsgirl and starzzmom.. You should wait for him to move in.. get to know him on the outside.. if he really wants to be with you, he will understand!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!

WELCOME to PTO!!! by the way

[usopwilly]

Hi, I agree with Starzzmom. BE CAREFUL.. don't let someone you don't know move in with you..there is a lot of crazy sh*t going on in the world now. Get to know him first.
I'm going to tell you someting that happened to a friend of mine that I met through my husband. Her man is in prison also. She went back with him 3 yrs. ago b/c he messed up on parole and went back in. When she met him, she met him in jail through a friend and when he came out.. he went to bed with her, stole some stuff from her house and when back to prison a few weeks later. She went back to him.. he got her brain washed.. I tried to talk to her but she won't listen.. my point is that when they are in there, they can be so nice, sweet and loving.. say all the things you wanna hear..but you got to remember they are there cause they are criminals..when they come home.. a different person..I'm not saying all of them are full of b/s, there are good ones inside that are real. Think everything through. good luck nena

[j2sq]

welcome to the crew!

be careful. only u know if his feelings r true. if they r and u r sure of that, then continue a relationship. but---i would never let someone move into my house that quick! i am gonna say it again-----be careful! congrats on his out date of november!

[jeffsprincess]

YOU HAVE ONLY MET HIM TWICE? FIRST OF ALL DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER! DO NOT LET HIM LIVE WITH YOU! GO OUT WITH HIM AND GET TO KNOW HIM AND THEN SEE WHAT HAPPENS. IF HE REALLY LIKES YOU HE WOULD ONLY EXPECT YOU TO DO THIS. TAKE IT SLOW. GOOD LUCK!

[kim48]

I am in the same boat, and I wonder about this. He has been back inside since last summer. He talks all the time about living with me when he gets out. I think, to a certain extent, it's because he wants to get away from bad influences in his home town. But we have a big age difference, and I wonder if he's just not facing reality because he's locked up, and he will realize that when he gets out, then I'll be hurt. I keep bringing up our age difference and he says it's who I am that he loves.

So, it's a gamble for me and what if he invites some of his old friends here? I intend to tell him I don't want any of them to even know where I live. They are bad news. So we can't know what their motives are and I guess we have to trust our intuition and gut feelings about what to do.

[Kandee]

My Advice to you ladies is be VERY careful you nenver know what one has planed and even though you have been writing over a year that is really not enough time to get to know someone.

I am not saying that all guys are playing some type of game when it comes to whooing us follow your heart first ask yourself how do you really feel and if there is some type of gut feeling tugging at you then I would hold off on him moving in.

[NatureJunkee]

This is a VERY timely post. I, too, met my boyfriend after he was already incarcerated. Things are going really well and I am crazy about him. There is no doubt in my mind that we will continue to be together when he gets out--I just have a peace about that. ANYWAY--the point of the story is that I think it is natural for them to want to move in with you when they get out. Often, because they have been away from whatever home they had before they went in for so long, their option is to move back in with family--which you have to admit doesn't seem that exciting. Plus, I think there is a lot of romanticizing about what the relationship will be like when they get home, because you have never had a chance to do any of the stuff that "regular" couples do if you met them while they were in. My guy started talking a lot about moving in, and assuming that that was going to happen. I was very stressed out about it because I care about him and want this to be forever, but that is just too big of a step for me right now. I was afraid that if I told him no, he would think my feelings weren't where his are, etc. I know I am rambling, but I do have a point. Last night, I finally just put it all on the table and told him I was freaking out about it and it was too fast and we needed to just date for awhile and he needed to live at his parent's house, and you know what--he was SO fine with it. I had been worrying for nothing. He said he understood, and that we could have it however I want it because he just wants to be with me. I would encourage you to discuss this with your guy and see how he takes it--I think it will give you lots of insight into where his head is at. And, you will probably be pleasantly surprised that you were worrying for nothing.

[babieboo]

Everyone is right...please take your time first of all and let God handle the situation for you. Talk to your man about how you feel and communicate with each other as truthfully as possible. I do it just like Naturesjunkee--I put all my cards on the table and let him know upfront about the way I feel about things..even if I am upset about something he said. There is no reason to rush becuz if you are truly meant to be everything will fall in it's place at the time it's supposed to. Pray about it and let your heart rest...

[babieboo]

Welcome to PTO!

[MissOne]

Welcome to PTO ghettogyrl!!!

Not allowing him to move in straight way would be my advice as well, but you need to access why you feel he may be playing you.

NatureJunkee you are truly my sister in spirit. We have a lot in common and seem to have the same ideas when it comes to posts. I could have typed your post word for word. Whenever I see your name I know there is probably no need for me to add further.

[kreepsgirl]

I agree with most people here. I think you should take your time to get to know him better since you were not able to visit him.