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bean123 · #26 07-28-2009, 03:02 PM

di, what a great input. the ending was the best part =) i am so happy that you are out of that abusive relationship, not dependant on alcohol, and happy with life!

dijonjake · #27 07-28-2009, 03:17 PM

I mean that I chose to stay in that situation and he didnt force me to drink the alcohol, but it was there so I drank it. But he was really mean to me and to the kids. To this day he sits right outside the window at the courthouse during the supervised visits and he tells the kids not to eat the treats I bring them. We go back to court on Aug 14th. I am trying to get weekend visitation, everyother weekend with my sons. But know this, I am still scared to death of him. I have a lawyer this time though. It is just abuse is so painful for everyone involved. Unfortunately the children are the ones who are the innocent victims in all of it.

bean123 · #28 07-28-2009, 03:40 PM

i really hope the children are/were young enough when all of this was going on that they wont remember it over time.

ForMyBoy · #29 07-28-2009, 05:53 PM

Wow, Di. That took alot of courage to share. You've come so far. That's great. You should be so proud of yourself. The judge is going to see that ahd grant you more time with your kids.

Companionate · #30 07-28-2009, 06:13 PM

I know that you think you are helping and that you do not want to give up. I am a sister too. I have watched my younger sister, the one closest to my age be abused hold her and her children hostage, sell her meager belongings and beat her. My second sister has a man who stole my car and ran a woman down with it almost killing her. When the police came to arrest me she ran off with him. There was a little bit of confusion when I did not turn out to be a black male in a white tee shirt. That is who was seen running from the scene of the crime. She left her children and hid with him for months. I stayed with my husband way past the point when I should have left. I don't even have an excuse I worked it was my apt my paycheck everything was mine but still I stayed. Speaking for myself I can only say that everytime someone tried to "help" I viewed it as interferring and I got that much more determined to stay with my man. In the end I had no friends not because they did not want to be there but I had chased everybody away. He and I were a team and I did not need them telling me what to do. I had to get out of it myself and I did thank you jesus but the best part was when I did make the decision that I did not want this life anymore I picked up the phone and called my best friend Leah and she was there. No judgements, no I told you so just "Are you alright girl". I try to do the same for my sisters. The oldest one she got out. The younger one she's on her way. She has her own house now and her own job and she knows she does not need him we'll see how long it takes her to stop putting up with his bs. I'm sure there is some psycological reason to explain our behavior but I am too tired to go flipping in that book. My point is that all that calling the jail and fighting with him on the phone is uniting them. You are the one being judgemental, you are the one "picking" on them. At least that is how she is going to see it. You are trying to keep them apart and the harder you try to pull them apart the harder she will fight to stay with him.

Rolly18 · #31 07-28-2009, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Companionate

I know that you think you are helping and that you do not want to give up. I am a sister too. I have watched my younger sister, the one closest to my age be abused hold her and her children hostage, sell her meager belongings and beat her. My second sister has a man who stole my car and ran a woman down with it almost killing her. When the police came to arrest me she ran off with him. There was a little bit of confusion when I did not turn out to be a black male in a white tee shirt. That is who was seen running from the scene of the crime. She left her children and hid with him for months. I stayed with my husband way past the point when I should have left. I don't even have an excuse I worked it was my apt my paycheck everything was mine but still I stayed. Speaking for myself I can only say that everytime someone tried to "help" I viewed it as interferring and I got that much more determined to stay with my man. In the end I had no friends not because they did not want to be there but I had chased everybody away. He and I were a team and I did not need them telling me what to do. I had to get out of it myself and I did thank you jesus but the best part was when I did make the decision that I did not want this life anymore I picked up the phone and called my best friend Leah and she was there. No judgements, no I told you so just "Are you alright girl". I try to do the same for my sisters. The oldest one she got out. The younger one she's on her way. She has her own house now and her own job and she knows she does not need him we'll see how long it takes her to stop putting up with his bs. I'm sure there is some psycological reason to explain our behavior but I am too tired to go flipping in that book. My point is that all that calling the jail and fighting with him on the phone is uniting them. You are the one being judgemental, you are the one "picking" on them. At least that is how she is going to see it. You are trying to keep them apart and the harder you try to pull them apart the harder she will fight to stay with him.

I fully agree with you. Every relative and friend of hers hates him, and it only drove them closer. She would tell everyone he changed and loves her. She would deny everything that was truly happening. I could only tell her that if he really loved her he would show her in actions not words. My hope is that having them be apart, will wake her up. If she realizes hes not coming back for a few years, she will meet new people, but as long as the hope of him coming back in a few months is lingering she will continue the course.

However, she is risking her son, by sponsoring him, she lied to DYFS about her relationship with him, the truth will ultimatly come out/

Rolly18 · #32 10-02-2009, 11:24 AM

I had started this thread back in the summer. It was about my sister and her boyfriend. To review he is locked up for eluding,bail jumping, and several drug charges.

He is applying for ISP and is at the screening board stage. They got arrested together, and so on.

To those of you who replied to my question, Thanks again. Im just wondering what is going to happen, only time will tell. Anyhow he got written up twice in a three month period. Will this matter?

What are some honest opinions if he will get ISP?

bean123 · #33 10-02-2009, 12:31 PM

ISP is a rough program. They deff won't let him live with her if he gets released. They are very picky about whom you may live with. I really don't know if your write-ups are reviewed. I know with parole they are to a certain extent and ISP is alot rougher than parole so they more than likely are reviewed. His chances probably aren't too high but it's off he made it this far in the ISP process. Normally if you aren't a good candidate they won't even give you the first interview. I've seen some crazy things happen with ISP/Parole and the DOC in general...really unlikely people getting out on programs etc...so he may be one of those crazy things about to happen.

JmsGrL · #34 10-08-2009, 09:59 PM

I read all of your past posts, and to tell you the truth, your doing all you can do. Usually you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. I know you hope that he won't get ISP's which it sounds as if he probably won't, and if he does, it definitely won't be to her house. Also, it sounds like one if not both of them will end up in prison or jail again if this behavior continues. I would worry more about making sure the 2 yr old is safe, rather than your sister. Shes a grown women and is going to make every decision against what you say, but atleast you can be happy that you saved the most important aspect, being the child.

Good luck with everything, It sounds like he may not be granted ISP, but If i were you I'd continue complaining and complaining to whoever will listen, because eventually it will click, and somewhere along the line they'll realize they are releasing someone who deserves to be in prison.

dijonjake · #35 10-13-2009, 12:19 PM

Yeah, I am waiting to see if my friend gets parole or takes a hit because of a dirty urine back in April. I think he should just max out, because it is highly doubtful he could do ISP without getting into more trouble.

Rolly18 · #36 10-21-2009, 02:19 AM

For those of you who were following this saga- i am so fed up with isp. I've been trying to give my info since july. Only one lady at ISP has been helpfful, the others are useless.

I had made several attempts to talk to the investigator- but he never called me back. I had left 4 messages over about 2 months. I didnt want to call more as I felt it would be counter productive.

Nevertheless the investigator never called me, he did apparantly get the letter I sent. But still passed the case to the screeing board.

I spoke again with the lady that was helpful, and she tried to get me in touch with the screening board person. This guy despite being right next to her, would only say he would call me before the hearing. That was 3 weeks ago.

This people stink- they are so arrogant. I know they are going to give him ISP. Shouldn't all the strikes mean anything ?

I want to call again, but feel that it will be counter productive, but dont want to allow them to forget to call me, which is what I think is inevitable anyway.

bean123 · #37 10-21-2009, 09:22 AM

honestly...the screening board, investigator, and even the ISP office secretary can care less of anything you could possibly have to say.

all they care about is the inmate and his sponsor/people living in the home with him.

they haven't been doing this since last month. this program has been around since the early-mid 80s i believe...it's pushing 30 years. they have seen how malicious, jealous, conniving, manipulative and spiteful people can be. i'm sure they've received hundreds of letters and phone calls from scorned lovers and betrayed friends/family members of applicants.

they dont care who you SAY you are because for all they know, you're an ex girlfriend of his who is jealous and doesnt want to see him come home to be with his new chick.

while i'm sure they've read tons of letters like yours that are genuine concern for a family member this inmate can and will affect and factual information of this inmate's wrong doing, they have also read letters full of blatant lies that were crafted by jealous ex-wives and ex-girlfriends that had no intent but to sabbotage the inmates deserved freedom. there is a fine line between fact and fiction and an even finer line between good intentions and malicious intentions...and they know better than to flirt with either of those lines.

you can sit there and talk until you're blue in the face but they arent going to listen. i'm sorry if this sounds harsh or like i am putting you down, that wasn't my intent. WE know you mean well, but the ISP hearing officers, investigators and whoever don't and they aren't going to waste their time trying to figure out if what you say about him being so rotten to your sister and being such an influence on her is factual.