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KeithsWifeyxOx · #1 11-18-2009, 01:45 PM

Lately Keith and I have been doing really well and everything...But there alwaysss seems to be random people popping up from his past out of nowhere trying to stir things up. His family is crazy dysfunctional, and so are most of his old friends...And none of them like to see him happy...So they try to cause chaos over it. I know drama is a given in any relationship, but how do you deal with it?

I'm usually the type to stand my grounds and blah blah blah, but lately, It's just exhausting and I'm tired of fighting and I feel like I have better things to focus on. It's just soo hard to ignore it though. Whenever somebody random pops up and tries to stir things up, it's so hard to just relax and let it go! But I know that's what's best.

How do you go about dealing with drama? Do you ignore it? Do you confront the situation? Or what? I'd like some input because I really feel like there is NO point in fighting back when I'm already secure in my relationship...Plus I think that's what they WANT...a rise out of you. What are your views on how to handle dramatic situations?

Critter07 · #2 11-18-2009, 01:55 PM

I think you answered your own question, hun. (smile)

There are people out there who just aren't happy and fulfilled unless they're causing chaos for other people. They thrive on it! But as you said, you and your man are secure in your relationship. You know what's going on between you and have trust and faith in one another. If others have issue with that, so be it. Those are THEIR issues, not yours!

I find that humor is often the best way to deal with things 'cause otherwise I could get pissed beyond all get out. (grin) We've had some of the drama going on recently because my baby is coming closer to the end of his sentence and people who abandoned him years ago are showing up now wanting back into his life.

But thankfully, he's wise to what's going on. He recognizes their motives for what they are and isn't playing. We discuss everything, nothing held back because when you're separated like we all are, communication is the most valuable thing you have between you.

We take whatever the situation is for the entertainment value we can get out of it...(smile)...and then move on, letting those who wish to create drama and chaos go find somewhere else to plant their seeds 'cause there is no fertile ground here. You know what you have with your man, punkin'. Don't let anyone get involved in that. It's not their relationship, it's yours. And reacting to them just fuels the fire, in my opinion.

**Onedaycloser13** · #3 11-18-2009, 01:57 PM

Honestly, if it isn't important to me or my man....I don't pay any attention to it....if you don't feed into it eventually people will more than likely leave it alone completely. I let people know how I feel, and did that once and haven't discussed it since, they never brought it back up..but probably because they know I am not dealing with it....

crazycasey183 · #4 11-18-2009, 01:59 PM

I too think you anwsered your own question, But the way I handle it is, I don't associate myself with those kind of people my old man and I have some to far to go back words if you know what I mean..lol, Some people just live for the drama and I can't help but to feel Sorry for them, Hope that helps....

CoNpal · #5 11-18-2009, 02:00 PM

i have not had this kind of drama yet with people popping up but i do expect it will happen once my boyfriend is close to his release date. personally, i would confront most situations head on. keeping an open dialogue with your man will be essential. make sure you guys stay on the same page and then nothing can come between you.

sorry you're having these difficulties.

KeithsWifeyxOx · #6 11-18-2009, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Critter07

I think you answered your own question, hun. (smile)

There are people out there who just aren't happy and fulfilled unless they're causing chaos for other people. They thrive on it! But as you said, you and your man are secure in your relationship. You know what's going on between you and have trust and faith in one another. If others have issue with that, so be it. Those are THEIR issues, not yours!

I find that humor is often the best way to deal with things 'cause otherwise I could get pissed beyond all get out. (grin) We've had some of the drama going on recently because my baby is coming closer to the end of his sentence and people who abandoned him years ago are showing up now wanting back into his life.

But thankfully, he's wise to what's going on. He recognizes their motives for what they are and isn't playing. We discuss everything, nothing held back because when you're separated like we all are, communication is the most valuable thing you have between you.

We take whatever the situation is for the entertainment value we can get out of it...(smile)...and then move on, letting those who wish to create drama and chaos go find somewhere else to plant their seeds 'cause there is no fertile ground here. You know what you have with your man, punkin'. Don't let anyone get involved in that. It's not their relationship, it's yours. And reacting to them just fuels the fire, in my opinion.

You're soo right! And that's what bothers me the most...Many people who have come forth acting like they're so close to him, are people who left him to rot when he got sentenced...And it just gets me so worked up when they try to come back all of a sudden when I've been the one providing support this whole time. Using humor as a way to deal is definitely a good idea...I think I'll try it. It'll make things much more bearable!

Miss Esme · #7 11-18-2009, 02:58 PM

I let the vultures find some other meat to circle over as they eventually get bored of the silence they get from me and my man.

Critter07 · #8 11-18-2009, 03:03 PM

That's exactly it! Just place in your mind and in your man's mind...wow, these people are so lame! Don't they have any clue how dumb they look now after having walked away long ago?!?!"

Keith knows who has been there for him and the man's in prison so he's more than wise to what they're trying to do. I'm sure he's blowing the whole thing off because you're the one that's been his support system. Don't let the turkeys get ya' down!

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeithsWifeyxOx

You're soo right! And that's what bothers me the most...Many people who have come forth acting like they're so close to him, are people who left him to rot when he got sentenced...And it just gets me so worked up when they try to come back all of a sudden when I've been the one providing support this whole time. Using humor as a way to deal is definitely a good idea...I think I'll try it. It'll make things much more bearable!

tomszwifey09 · #9 11-18-2009, 03:36 PM

I had this happen a few days ago it started. His baby's mama & her friends are trying to cause problems I just let it go in one ear & out the other.. & if i had a question about anything I just wrote it in my letter to send off to him.. better to hear it from him, ya know? if you answer them back they'll just continue to annoy you. best of luck <3

Hisoneandonly · #10 11-19-2009, 05:33 AM

I've found that "friends" like your mans friends, will usually go away if you ingore them. I know its hard, but it is usually the best thing to do.

BlueEyedEllie · #11 11-19-2009, 06:39 AM

Ignore,ignore ignore....there are a very select few like this on pto,too.these types thrive on conflict.i call it "stirring the pot".or as another older and wiser pto member pmed me this morning,she calls them attention whores.determine in your own mind to let NO ONE steal your joy.focus on your man and your relationship. it takes two to fight.so if you completely ignore these people they will get bored and tired when they can't get a response out of you.enjoy your man,vent to us if you need to and just block them out of your mind.

KeithsWifeyxOx · #12 11-19-2009, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcsbeth

Ignore,ignore ignore....there are a very select few like this on pto,too.these types thrive on conflict.i call it "stirring the pot".or as another older and wiser pto member pmed me this morning,she calls them attention whores.determine in your own mind to let NO ONE steal your joy.focus on your man and your relationship. it takes two to fight.so if you completely ignore these people they will get bored and tired when they can't get a response out of you.enjoy your man,vent to us if you need to and just block them out of your mind.

Absolutely true! Thank you.

Tina · #13 11-19-2009, 09:40 AM

Most of the time I deal with it by choosing not to get involved with any of it. Drama is just that... drama. People will soon move on to the next thing if you just let it go.

LadyBabyJoker · #14 11-19-2009, 10:10 AM

Sometimes it's hard not to get wrapped up in the dumb drama, and there is a lot of people who always try to come between me n J. It's so tough and rough and I'm 20 so I teeter toter between maturity and teenager imaturity lol. Sometimes I handle it VERY well other times I WANT to murder the people causing the problems and I get involved big. It's hard not to when I'm so emotionally involved with him. I want to stand up for him, I want to defend him and our love. Sometimes I'm really good at being like whatever though. So it really depends. All I know is my baby and I are VERY good at workin it all out and becoming a stronger happier couple at the end.

Temeron0926 · #15 11-19-2009, 02:21 PM

Ray and I have enough drama in our lives we don't need it from outsiders. His Mom tries to stir things up now and then, as she IS the drama queen. I usually let it go right over my head, once in a while she will irritate me to the point that I have to say something to him. He usually replies "You know my Mom is crazy" then we both laugh and it is over.

chelseagreg1427 · #16 11-19-2009, 03:06 PM

what relationship drama?!

fortunately, we just dont go through that stuff

PTO-110524 · #17 11-19-2009, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelseagreg1427

what relationship drama?!

fortunately, we just dont go through that stuff

Yep, what she said!

We're very fortunate and have no drama at all from family, friends, former friends, ex's, etc.

It's basically just us and his dad. Everyone else has gone bubye.

EddiesBaby · #18 11-19-2009, 08:15 PM

I've learned to seperate myself from the drama if at all possible. Ignore it and your life will go MUCH smoother. It's harder to deal with your own problems when someone else is flinging theirs at you or trying to make yours worse.

In one ear and out the other