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VsMom · #1 10-28-2007, 02:15 PM

Hello,
My daughter is going to the Ohio Reformatory for Women this week. I am raising her 5 year old daughter, and have been for 2 and one half years. My daughter has made so many empty promises to her daughter about how long it would be until they get their own place. My concern is how to tell her again her mom is going to be away from her for another long time and keep her faith in her strong. I've been telling her that Mom has made some bad decisions and choices but she is not a bad person. Any advice on how to explain this to a 5 year old?

Lost in Ohio

Eddri · #2 10-28-2007, 02:47 PM

Hello VsMom...first of all I'm so sorry for you and your daughter and especially your grandaughter. Most important thing you can do is keep coming back to this site for support. Only advice I'd give you about your grandchild is to be a frank as you feel comfortable and never...underestimate the intelligence of children. They know..they understand...they feel...and they really want to help. Just keep doing what you've been doing...be there for her...keep giving her love..and pray that the same paths don't cross the child as did her mom.
All that being said...don't give up on daughter either...she's made some mistakes...she'll be paying a long hard time...and look at the losses she's going to have. No you...no daughter...no freedom.
Peace & love..
God Bless..
Eddri

VsMom · #3 10-28-2007, 06:05 PM

Eddri,
Thank you so much for you advice. I wasn't sure if I was doing this right. I did get a website form a forum I found and it, along with your comments, made a big difference. I don't feel like I'm in this on my own. Thank you sooo much for your input.

I can do it!

VsMom · #4 10-28-2007, 06:06 PM

Eddri, I do have hope for my daughter. Like I tell my granddaughter, she's just made bad choices, she's not a bad person.

Eddri · #5 10-28-2007, 08:22 PM

You're going to be okay....I can just tell you have the right attitude...we never know where life will take us...no one expects to end up in 'these' situations...but somehow we do....
stay strong...take care..
hope you get lots of good responses....
God Bless..
Eddri

mama's-tears · #6 10-28-2007, 08:39 PM

I know how you feel as a Mom raising your grandchild(ren) and losing your daughter too. I know about sleepless nights and walking the floor and trying not to let your grandchildren know you are worried but killing yourself to get to the phone to see if it's your daughter (or son) calling.
I'm sure our children tried not to give empty promises to us or their children,
but what they get caught up in is terrible and they have to find the road
back on their own sometimes. It's also terrible as a parent to feel better
knowing your child is alive even if they are incarcerated rather than
in danger somewhere else or even worse!
I have listened to the conversations on here about what to tell children.
I personally tell them their parent(s) is away for awhile, working and going
to school. They can talk and write letters, but the visiting part and telling
exactly what happened, I'm not ready to commit to that and I don't feel
that the children should have to bear that burden either. There will come
a time I'm sure that the truth may be known, but I hope the parent is the
one to tell them their side and what they want them to know when they are older and better able to cope with the circumstances of real life problems.
We are there for our grandchildren and our children as much as possible.
We are doing what we can and it is a lot raising grandchildren after raising
your own family. Some of us are alone in this too because our husband/wife has died, divorced or moved on, which even makes
things harder. Now all we do is concentrate on our grandchildrens happiness and well being and give them all the love we can so that they feel as secure as possible. Try to keep the tears of sadness hidden at
times they don't see and live through the nightmares and sleepless nights.
Best of luck to you and everyone out there doing their best to get through this. I am thankful to have found PTO also and if you would like to talk personally, feel free to PM me. I enjoy talking with others and have met
some wonderful people here.
Thanks to everyone for being there for me too.
mama's-tears

L.Seymour47146 · #7 01-13-2010, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VsMom

Hello,
My daughter is going to the Ohio Reformatory for Women this week. I am raising her 5 year old daughter, and have been for 2 and one half years. My daughter has made so many empty promises to her daughter about how long it would be until they get their own place. My concern is how to tell her again her mom is going to be away from her for another long time and keep her faith in her strong. I've been telling her that Mom has made some bad decisions and choices but she is not a bad person. Any advice on how to explain this to a 5 year old?

Lost in Ohio

i was in orw for 5 1/2 yrs. i am 28 yrs old now. a 5 yr old knows alot. if you can take her to orw to see her mom and try to get her to understand that her mom is trying to change her life. i dont have any kids but i watched my now 12 yr old brother grow up from a chair in the visiting hall. it will be hard but you have to try.