Being labeled an enabler...

[AngelPrincess84]

I would like to know how counselor's come up with their theory of an enabler?

Enabler: One who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.

Has anyone been labeled as an "enabler" of their loved one?

It would be interesting to find out how many inmates are told that their support group are all enabler's. I am really curious to see the statistics on this issue and even have it broken down by counselor.

Do the AIP counselor's use this more often than the counselor's at Institution's that don't offer AIP?

What information or facts do counselor's actually look at to come up with their theory or conclusion?

My opinion on this issue would be, if ODOC took time to interview the support groups of inmate's, then maybe they would have more accurate information to base their theory upon. I know I would be willing to have my man's counselor interview me face to face.

[dmmke08]

Enabler: One who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.

I know 3 people here who have been labled enablers but not for the reasons above..
All of them have been told because these persons are grown adults who dont work and still live at home and are in their 40's That the parent who dont kick these freeloaders out are enablers by allowing them to live rent free, keep a roof over their head and feed them which is costly to 2 of the 3. They do have serious problems with these individuals.. They do make excuses for these freeloaders for sure.

People for various reasons have been listed as an enabler.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by AngelPrincess84

I would like to know how counselor's come up with their theory of an enabler?

Enabler: One who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior. ...It would be interesting to find out how many inmates are told that their support group are all enabler's. I am really curious to see the statistics on this issue and even have it broken down by counselor.

Not sure if you are just venting or actually want some kind of response. The concepts of "enablers" and "co-dependents" are widely used in treatment models, mostly because they are true - and helpful to getting people to understand what it takes for the complicated dynamics of change.

It's very possible for an support group person to not be an enabler, nor be co-dependent. That, ideally, is the defined role of an AA or NA Sponsor. Where many families and loved ones get involved, and end up not being helpful to the "enabled", is in, just as you outlined above, providing excuses and helping the enabled avoid the natural consequences.

Parents who support their children, past the point of the twenties (notice I said, "support") are probably enablers. Not to mention a host of other unhealthy dynamics going on - all having to do with the parents themselves.

My father was a bigamist. At one point he was married to five women at the same time. My mother, said, "fine - if that's what you want, knock yourself out but you won't be married to me..." My mother had no desire to continue enabling my father to live those kinds of lies, and basically treat her and her kids like crap. We learned early that there are consequences for bad-behavior.

As an inmate, and then ex-inmate, I have seen time and time again how people on the outside want to "help" their inmates, which translates into "do it for them". The only thing that really helps people change is when they face the reality that they make choices and their choices have consequences. So, best to make better choices at the beginning.

As a support group member, you always have to ask yourself, "Is what I am doing going to make my inmate a better, stronger, more resilient, self-determined person? OR, is it going to make him/her more dependent on me?"
If the answer is the latter, then one is meeting one's own needs, not the inmates. (And that's the definition of co-dependency.)

[iloveyoumore]

I wish I could thank you more than once for that great definition...thank you dscott.