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JaiDan · #1 07-01-2010, 08:26 AM

I live check to check right now. One check is rent, other check is bills $ and a small amount of commissary for him. There is always gad money to get back and forth.

Me and his homie's wife planned a trip to see the guys but that couple had problems, we couldn't rent a van and we weren't able to go last week. R was sooooo disappointed and angry. This was supposed to be his Father's Day trip. This is the first time it has been over a month since we seen each other.

My daughter's godmom offered to lend me money to go Monday, but I checked my bank account and I still don't have money to get our family through the next eight days before the next check and if I asked my family to help me out they and then go jump in a car and see R, they will talk mess.

I don't know if there is any phone money on the account so I mailed him an apology yesterday, but after the first mishap when I couldn't go last week he nearly had a heart attack. He said my word is important he he counts the days to see us. Now I am about to hurt him again. I hate that when I make plans, they fall through. This is not going to go so well. I know how passionate he is about seeing us, but I just can't! I don't want to put him on the back burner or to make him feel like I abandoned him, but I have to consider my finances and my family here first on this one.

Just had to vent....

thatwiz · #2 07-01-2010, 11:00 AM

Look you have to take care of the family thats out here first and I would be angry if you borrowed money from me and jumped to go see him unless thats what you specifically said the money was for that=seems then they wouldn't give it to you. How can he not understand your budget? Its important the kiddies get what they need, then its him. He can be disappointed, but hes a fool if he doesn't understand

Miss_A · #3 07-01-2010, 11:06 AM

Things happen. Life happens. You and the kids come first. I surely hope he understands that.

only1love · #4 07-01-2010, 12:02 PM

This is real life out here. Yes, he will be disappointed, however, no one out here is providing the roof over your head or groceries for your family. You must do what you have to do. He should understand that.

The only thing I can suggest is to just tell him that in the future, you will not commit to a date to visit until the finances are there and it is certain that you are going. There isn't much else you can do that I could think of.

Jillian · #5 07-01-2010, 12:24 PM

I understand what you are saying, but at least you sent out a letter stating the reasons that you aren't coming its not because you have another engagement its just the fact that you are unable to come at this moment because of financial restraints. If he gets mad over that then there is something wrong, he will understand.

I never promise my husband i am coming cause i don't want to put him in that position of worrying or getting upset or anything. I always say I will try to make it on this date, and if i know its not going to happen then i will write him as you did .

JaiDan · #6 07-01-2010, 12:31 PM

Thanks. I throw my hands in the air thankful for y'alls support. He tends to get super sensitive and insecure when things like this happen. But he HAS TO understand. And moving forward, just like it was mentioned, I WON'T tell him when I am coming. I wrote that to him too. He says he likes to be ready and it gives him something to look forward to, but it doesn't feel good to let him down. We only have five more months, so hopefully his disappointment won't last long and we can be "normal" again. Thanks again, yall.

mrzjpope · #7 07-01-2010, 12:34 PM

i understand what you are goin thru i have to remind my poopoo that unexpected bills sometime come up and he forget how expenive it can be the cost of living on the outside. he dont have to really worry about lights, water, 3 meals which are not all that great lol is provide of him. I dont really plan visits ahead nomore i just see how my check lookin and visit when i can. Once in a while i would surprise him with an extra visit.

ghostsbabygirl · #8 07-02-2010, 01:22 AM

I haven't been able to see my husband since April 19 of this year and he got spoiled to at least 2X a month to nothing. He hates it but knows the van won't make it and a 3 hour drive one way and I don't want to get stranded again for sure (no cell service one time and a flat after visit the last). I am financially strapped also but he can gritch about it but he knows the family comes first and when I am able to go-I'll be there with a big smile knowing I was able to surprise him once again.

5 mos left-he will just have to make do cause you are doing all you can and he knows that. These men look forward to having family visit but when it's not up to us then there is just nothing left but pray that something works out. Hopefully, he'll call soon and just tell him what's going and surely he'll understand.

Hope you get things straight and get to see him soon. Take care!

HisBlueEyedGal · #9 07-02-2010, 02:00 AM

Awe...you sound so down... *hug* I know how awful it is to feel like we're letting the one we love down, especially when we're already hurting from missing them. But surely your man knows that when you can't visit it really hurts you, too?

You just keep taking care of you. Sounds to me like you're doing everything you can possibly do. That's all anyone can ask of us, including ourselves. Ya know?

LionessLove · #10 07-02-2010, 06:09 AM

Send some saucy pics to make up for it

That has happened a few times to us too. I had to do the same with dad's day weekend. I thought he was going to flip, but my baby prevailed and was extremely wonderful about it.I eventually was able to see him thanks to an ANGEL! Someone paid for our visit for me!(not even family-my doctor called to offer it!)
Give him a chance to read your letter. He will understand.If there is not money, there is no way you can really go. It costs money for gas, food, etc. Life costs money(usually). Don't worry about it. God knows your heart and He will take care of you always.
God bless!

Ronsbaby · #11 07-02-2010, 07:09 AM

((((HUGS)))))) I know it's hard on us too when we feel like we are letting them down, and the thing is just like everyone said things have to be taken care of out here first! i do try to budget visits in as a bill lol cuz it is kind of a bill, it's a bill so i can see my baby --- now for a few months i didnt get to do that cuz he was entirely too far and was only given behind the glass 1 hr visit and even he was sayin not to come no point in wasting money for that type of visit! we got spoiled when he was still in pa to weekly visit as it was only the cost of train ticket (woulda been cheaper to drive but i was working 3rd shift the majority of his time there and there was no way i could make that 2 1/2 hr drive lol

now he is 4 hr away and a hotel stay in order to visit 2 days so i dunno yet cost to be able to budget it in, cuz we've only done it once so far which was last weekend but i dunno if i can budget it in for 4 weeks a month

plus waiting on the other house to close and once i move it's going to be over 5hr drive ugh! lol

when things do come up and there is no way to visit the other thing that seems to help is reminding them that we love our time with them too and it's hard on us when we can't get to visit and it's not that we dont want to visit! That they aren't the only one's looking forward to the visit!

hang in there and keep taken care of the family out here! it's a must and your doing your best!

JaiDan · #12 07-02-2010, 07:30 AM

Man, I appreciate the love ans support y'all. Let me tell you... apparently he called last night and my older daughter answered. We only had $3 on the phone. He talked toher for a minute, said it was bogus for me not to be home, asked her if I was for sure-for sure going to see him. She said she didn't know cuz I was having money issues (she wasn't gonna break the news) and he told her I bailed on him twice now. (Grrr.....) He also told her to tell me to put money on the phone. She was like, "didn't you hear what I said about money issues?" Then he tried to call back but we only had $0.40 on the phone so I didn't get to tell him anything.

My daughter's godmama rocks and she knows our struggle. She has a super long distant lover who she never met so she offered to lend me the money to pay my dad back and also to go see the man. She said it is in the name of LOVE. LOL. She said I can do a re-payment plan and she trusts me because she knows how much I dislike feeling indebted to someone. I was way gung ho about going now, but thinking about his call with my daughter it seems a tad ungrateful. ????????? This is the longest we have gone without seeing him. He took off all other visitors from his list including baby's mamas so that there would not be potential conflict so this was supposed to be our father's day trip even though my children aren't his. I am sure he will bring that up (again). I just know how much he was looking forward to it. Hmmm....

SouthernGyrl · #13 07-02-2010, 08:29 AM

**Not a popular opinion.**

He seems to be very selfish and lacks concern for your family. So I ask, why would you put yourself further in debt if you're already living paycheck to paycheck? It makes no sense to me. If this man loves you the way he says he does, why would he ignore your families situation. If your children can understand, so should he.

JaiDan · #14 07-02-2010, 09:39 AM

It's OK if it is not a popular opinion. I feel you too.

That's why I am torn about it. I miss him a lot too though. And my lil one was really excited to visit. We'll see.

PEN PAL 2 FEW · #15 07-02-2010, 06:03 PM

Well hopefully he will understand that taking care of your child and you should always come first!! Yes, our loved ones look forward to the visits BUT they need to understand while they are in there and not contributing to the family out here, some times visits can happen and sometimes they can't.
He needs to understand that.
It's not easy being the mom and bread winner too.

JaiDan · #16 07-06-2010, 07:53 AM

I went. His mail is so behind that he had no idea I was not going to go. He knew something was wrong and we talked it out. He was very apologetic for not being there for us right now and understanding of the situation now. There are no promises of future visits or even calls. We are going back to the pen and pad for correspodence for now. He is going back to his art hustle for envelopes. After hearing me vent, he was super thankful for his visit and my lil one enjoyed it so much. If it hadn't been my her and my friend convincing me to go and talk this out with him, I woulda stayed home. I am glad my lil one loved it though. It was worth it to see them laugh so much together. Financially, I have planned for the next several weeks so we should be OK (especially now that I do not feel so much pressure to see/help him and that I have his support). Like yall said, he said too, the girls come first.

JaiDan · #17 07-06-2010, 09:35 AM

BTW, I also believe my girls always came first too. It was just difficult for me to manage thoughts of everything financially last week. Hence, the "vent". Thanks for everyone's input.

ebryant · #18 07-06-2010, 09:58 AM

So Sorry your faced with this decision. I live 8 hours from my baby and I hate that I can't see him everyday or every week. It's hard especially when you kiddos look forward to spending time with him too and you have to disappoint them as well. I can truly sympathize. As disappointed as he may be, I'm sure he knows that deep down inside you would be there if you could. I'm certain that he knows you would come everytime it was possible if you were able. They grumble at us alot, but they know we got their backs. Just hang in there. By the time you do get to visit, he'll be soooo happy he'll forget he missed a couple.

JaiDan · #19 07-09-2010, 08:24 AM

My Boo called last night and he started off right away telling me how much he loves me and appreciates me AND my girls for caring for him and taking care of him during this time. He had just received the letters I sent apologizing and explaining how I could not be there for visit. He said that although he knew it took a lot from me to be his girl, he never really felt it so much as he did when he read my mail and that he is so sorry he cannot be here for us to help us financially and he swore he will make it all up later. He said there was no one there for him but my daughters and I and that he really loves us so much and appreciates us and he just wanted me to remember that. Now that it is nearing it's end, I am so excited for the rest of our life.... the good times and the bad.

iloveyoumore · #20 07-09-2010, 11:11 AM

That is good news...I just wanted to add that I think you are doing a terrific job of holding it down. We know our kids come first but our guys have to fit in there too somehow. We don't just do it for them we need to see our men too...need those hugs! If you are making it check to check (I am too and it is hard) and still finding time to love and laugh with your girls you are doing a fabulous job!