When you get upset with him do you tell him or just let it go?

[mama2princesses]

My man gets out in 6 days so I dont want to have our first fight in jail now but he really hurt/concerned me

It started yesterday. He got what he wanted and more in a court date. It was awesome and I was on the top of the world... hes had so many "bad" court dates that he needed this. Well then he called. Pretty much the judge told him he could pick up his kid on a certain date. Well hes saying he can ALSO get his child the weekend before for the weekend because that would be his weekend. So pretty much he would get his kid for 3 days, give the child back to the mother for 2 days then go and pick the child up for 2 days then the mothers visit would fall that weekend (because she has every other and if he took the weekend before then it would be fair) so child would go to mom for 3 days then back to dad and it would return back to the normal 10 days with dad and then 3 days with mom. Still in less than two weeks it would be 3-2-2-3 and that seems like a lot for a child (preteen age). ALL I said to him was that there was going to be major drama because the judge said a date and why would she say that date if she wanted him to have his visit a few days before. He was like I dont care, blah blah , even said he would call the cops and show them the papers. TO ME I saw this as stress for his child as well as it backfiring at his next court appearance which is soon. He got real short with me and it just happened to be at the 60 seconds left of call mark so he was like I got to go, love you, bye and hung up.

I was way upset. He was acting childish just like "them" who put him there. Plus I paid soooo much money and took days off of work to get all this court papers done for him because his family refused to so that it would help him win.... so obviously I dont want him to lose that "win" because of a powertrip. I know these people hurt him... but he needs to know that stirring the pot is just going to make it worse. They want to destroy him and fueling their fire is NOT going to help matters

BUT I didnt think TOO much of it because what he says and what he will do might be different things. He probably wasnt really thinking it through just excited to see his child again.


So he normally calls at a certain time in the morning. Today he called and hour later and he said "oh I thought you'd be at work". To me that sounded like he almost hoped I wouldnt be at home. The morning calls are free so he CAN call my cell and yet he called my home phone. Then I said I'm glad you called cuz I thought you were not going to since it was an hour later than normal. And he was like yeah we had a lot of work this morning and just got in here. Then he talked to the kids and then we talked about his release. They told me night and they told him morning. So I said I need to get the sitter situation worked out and he was like well I can always walk to my moms. I was PISSED... it sounded like he didnt give an eff if I picked him up. I'm assuming he was just being pissy but still.. from going from a convo Sunday night about getting married to that!!!! THEN I talk to his mom and he called her and had a "long" call with her before he called me. So why the eff did he tell me he just got in there. I have NEVER got mad about him calling his mom. She refuses to pay for calls so he can only call her in the morning. But at the same time I do EVERYTHING for him and he should want to save me money too. I am the only one that has sent him care packages, his mom put a tiny bit of money on his account twice all the rest has been me, I've written him every single day 1-3 times per day and he JUST got his first letter from family like a week ago. Yet I get him last. He wants me to pick him up then go to his moms then go to his house and see other family, then his best friend is coming... I said when do you have time for me and he was like well you are going to be by my side every second. UMMMM I mean alone time. So he said well that night. I got to wait 12+ hours for him yet non of them did CRAP for him while he was in jail. Plus I have to take a day off work & get a sitter just to watch all these people who didnt even write him or accept his calls get to spend their time with him??

Needless to say I wrote him a letter and got it all out but then threw it away and wrote him another letter that was all generic and "fake". It had zero emotion at all because I feel hurt and betrayed. I know he loves me but WTF


Anyhow, it feels good to get that out..... but has anyone else wanted to say all the hurt and mad then just didnt so they wouldnt have to deal with the drama?

[HisBlueEyedGal]

I understand not wanting to fight when he's so close to being home. That's a stressful time for both people in the relationship - those last few days before release, figuring out what's going on, when he's actually going to be let out (like the morning or evening question), dealing with the fact that everyone's gonna wanna see him immediately and all at once...sounds like you're both completely overwhelmed!

As for your question, when Max upsets me I always have to talk it through with him. I have a hard time letting go when something really upsets me, and I know that if I don't talk it through with him I'll just end up resenting him.

[mama2princesses]

I think I may just wait and talk to him on the phone or in person about it

[PJ4KennyB]

I want Mama2Princess to know that my husband did 4 years in closed security, and just came home to me March 31st. About a week before he came home he was very anxious. I let him stew a little, but without being overbearing I told him that I am a little hyper sensitive and anxious about him being home. I noticed that when he did get home he went through some strange transitions for the first 2 months.June and July have been wonderful. I was silently supporting him because after all, its not about me. I let him go through what I needed to go through, but he knew I was there! So, while he is in there his mind is racing and you can bet he is a little scared. He will figure it out. Dont worry!

[mama2princesses]

thank you. thats what I half wondered... if he is just anxious. he was only in for 2 months but a lot of changes. his family gave up on him getting his child back and put all the childs stuff in storage and moved someone else in his childs room (he shares a house with a sibling).... plus the person that put him in jail ALREADY tried getting him in more trouble in jail, luckily the DA dismissed it because it didnt happen and its easy to prove from jail.. so I know the stress is there. It just hurts that he takes it out on me when I'm the one thats here for him. He went from talking about how we should get married and bragging about how the guys all wish their girl was as supportive to me to pushing me to the side. I know he loves me and I love him... I know we are going to be together long long long term... thats why I dont want to fight because its silly.. but I dont want to be hurt either

[CoNpal]

I would communicate to him how he made me feel. See how he responds.

I would think that he'd want to be with you his first day out but I don't know all the specifics like how long he's been locked up, etc. It IS his first taste of freedom in at least a little while so he should be able to decide what he wants to do. I'd tell him how it made me feel tho and see if he didn't change his mind.

[mama2princesses]

his awesome 6th sense must've kicked in. I got home from work and he had tried calling every 30 mins from 2 till about 10 mins before I got home. Of course now its been almost an hour and no call but they get locked down on Wednesdays for commissary so it might be too late

[JeromesBabyGirl]

i tell him when im mad at him honesty best thing we got

[Temeron0926]

If Ray or I is mad at the other, we let it be known! If it is a "bad" angry, sometimes we will say "I am too mad right now, let's table this for another discussion" Which to US means, let me cool off then we will discuss it. This rarely happens, but it has been known to.

We don't FAKE anything. I will NOT write him a 'sweetness and light' letter when I am not feeling all sweetness and light. I will NOT write him an angry letter when I am angry. After I settle down I will write him an honest to God "my feelings are" letter. As he does with me.

As for your situation, I understand where you are coming from, I really do. Not to excuse his behaviour, but maybe to "explain" it.............when inmates are really close to a release date, their minds go 90 miles a minute about everything they want to do and see. I believe they have short term "ADD". It is really hard for us out here to be able to understand where their mind is. We have never been in their position. We can only imagine what is going on in their brain. Given a bit of time he might just see how flawed this 'plan' is. Try to talk to him, tell him how you feel. He won't know unless you tell him. Remember: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Our brains work entirely different. Good luck!

[mama2princesses]

yeah we talked this morning and never made it to my issues cuz he had issues with his parents today. Its definitley the release cuz one minute he was sweet and nice then his parents came up and it started the ranting then he had to go

todays thing was that no one understands what hes going through and how bad it is for him. IF he didnt have to go I was going to point out that we dont have it all that easy either. He took a plea... against everyones advice.... WE didnt have a say in it. We got punished for his mistakes... Jail is MADE to be hard for him... but we are collateral damage. But he doesnt understand that.I get letters saying I should try to lock myself in my room all day and not come out and it annoys me. He chose to not go to trial. He chose to not listen to advice and didnt even research his charges before he signed the plea and ended up plea'ing to something pretty bad that he didnt do. His family in my opinion was very supportive before jail... they paid for his lawyer and a lot of the other expenses, they took care of his child A LOT to help him with work and court stuff..... Then they got hurt because he asked for advice (about the plea) and they told him pleas are usually for the guilty to get a lesser term and he took it anyhow. And all this in the first place he asked their advice when his ex came crawling back and they told him to stay far far away... and him getting back with her for a short time is what started the drama between the "other" man and him and eventually led to his arrest. So naturally his parents are done. Since he's been in jail I've dropped over $1k between feeding him, court crap, money for him, phone calls, etc... And that doesnt even include all the time off of work and babysitters. Plus I write him A TON (for example yesterday I sent 4 letters and 1 card) and visit 3 times a week. He thinks I still have a life and its cool for me but with my 40+ hour week, my children, and all his stuff I dont even have time to do laundry unless I stay up till midnight. LOL!!!!! Seriously I wanted to get some work done in my backyard and my garage organized while he was gone and neither has been touched!!!!! hahaha The other guys see it in jail. They tell him they wish their girls were down for them as I am for him... and they call him "mr mail" and his cellie even asked him when we are getting married cuz he better hold on to me. He loves the attention but at the same time he doesnt recognize the sacrifices I make and I never did anything wrong criminally yet I have a sentence as well because I have my love torn away from me.

[mama2princesses]

and let me add that I'm not mad that I have had to do all that stuff. I love him and if I was in his shoes I hope and pray (and believe) that he would do the same for me. I just want to say umm hellooooo its not just you. LOL!!

[DYMOND0311]

i ALWAYS express to him when I'm upset with him. For a minute I couldn't control myself and I would just go OFF like a firecracker but I tend to say hurtful things when I'm mad so I told him I wouldn't do that no more, but that doesn't mean I'm going to keep my mouth shut either lol

[BrownEyedGurl]

Tests a tuff one. he is Probably stressed, Yes! But he also needs to know its not ok to take it out on you. I'm sure you are dealing with your own share of stress. Me and my guys talk about everything we feel. Mostly through letters, since that is our main form of communication. It works well, because I can say what I feel with out an instant reaction. Hope all goes well.

[Kenneth_Lorie]

Yes we as their woman want that alone time with them as soon as they get out. They always want to see their families as soon as they get out. Don't take it personal its not that he does not want to spend it with you, he just looks at that he will be spending his life with you and there will be lots of alone time together. As for his family not being there for him while he was gone, well I'm sorry to say this and you may not like it. He put himself there and maybe his mom was practicing tough love with him.

[OoMiracleoO]

He knows when I'm upset. not something I can let go either.

[thatwiz]

Originally Posted by Andre N Lorie

Yes we as their woman want that alone time with them as soon as they get out. They always want to see their families as soon as they get out. Don't take it personal its not that he does not want to spend it with you, he just looks at that he will be spending his life with you and there will be lots of alone time together. As for his family not being there for him while he was gone, well I'm sorry to say this and you may not like it. He put himself there and maybe his mom was practicing tough love with him.

Not necessarily-when my hubby got out last time, I picked him up and the first thing he did was spend alone time with me. He told his family he was taking the bus home and he'd see them 10 hours later. I dropped him at the bus station and they picked him up again. Its up to the man what he wants to make happen and what he wants first.

[Ddpwifey1]

When i get upset yes u damn skippy i tell him.. I dnt let it just boil over time cause if i let it boil i just end up blowin up on him and thats worse so i wld rather tell him and move on..

[HisQueenBee<3]

Well when i do get upset it's no secret I let it b known... I drop it like its hotT!