False Accusations--and a plea for help

[DaveMoff]

You know, one of the things that really troubles me is that for every person who gets into a situation like mine, it ties up the time of courts, advocates, and I know not how many people that could be profitably used to help those who are genuinely in need. There are so many bozos out there who really ought to be dealt with....WHY aren't they? I can think of several who could use the attentions of those who have massed up to give me a bad time.

At present I am not sure where my situation stands. There will be another hearing on August 27th which should settle the matter as far as the law is concerned. However, it seems that I will collect no money or damages of any significance. At best, I may get some of my property back--the stuff that was covered by the original court order of May 29th, 2009. And I hope to get a permanent restraining order against the "ex" which will have some teeth to it so she will not be able to bother me again. Basically, I will win the "principle", but I won't get my house back, and nothing can restore the peace of mind I knew before all of this started.

I might get my legal bills paid....whoopee.

So....I may well "win", but she'll still have the house and all the money she saved while I was paying the bills around there. If I'm very lucky, I won't end up with anything further out of pocket. And her accusation that I am a domestic abuser--delivered from inside a locked psychiatric ward which is practically her second home--will stand. A court proceeding isn't going to change anyone's mind.

I'm feeling rather burned out, to be honest. There may be some future actions possible after this one, but after all the discouragement, all the lies, and the prospect of so little reward....I begin to wonder why I bothered in the first place.

On the other hand, I could not live with myself if I had left things as they were. It's a dilemma.

[crazy2010]

Originally Posted by DaveMoff

You know, one of the things that really troubles me is that for every person who gets into a situation like mine, it ties up the time of courts, advocates, and I know not how many people that could be profitably used to help those who are genuinely in need. There are so many bozos out there who really ought to be dealt with....WHY aren't they? I can think of several who could use the attentions of those who have massed up to give me a bad time.

At present I am not sure where my situation stands. There will be another hearing on August 27th which should settle the matter as far as the law is concerned. However, it seems that I will collect no money or damages of any significance. At best, I may get some of my property back--the stuff that was covered by the original court order of May 29th, 2009. And I hope to get a permanent restraining order against the "ex" which will have some teeth to it so she will not be able to bother me again. Basically, I will win the "principle", but I won't get my house back, and nothing can restore the peace of mind I knew before all of this started.

I might get my legal bills paid....whoopee.

So....I may well "win", but she'll still have the house and all the money she saved while I was paying the bills around there. If I'm very lucky, I won't end up with anything further out of pocket. And her accusation that I am a domestic abuser--delivered from inside a locked psychiatric ward which is practically her second home--will stand. A court proceeding isn't going to change anyone's mind.

I'm feeling rather burned out, to be honest. There may be some future actions possible after this one, but after all the discouragement, all the lies, and the prospect of so little reward....I begin to wonder why I bothered in the first place.

On the other hand, I could not live with myself if I had left things as they were. It's a dilemma.

What about victims compensation??? I just stumbled in this and didn't go back to read more but as a victim of a crime most states have a compensation fund. You might want to inquire about it? Just a thought.

[DaveMoff]

Appreciate the thought. At this point, the proceedings are civil and therefore don't fall under the guidelines for victims' compensation. It is possible for some of the matters which will be presented to be prosecuted criminally (it's up to the judge whether he wants to refer them to the county attorney) and if they are, I will put in a claim. Will just have to see how this all shakes out.

[nimuay]

Dave, the sad and frightening thing that I see in this whole saga is that you are going through almost exactly what women victims used to. The lack of belief, the loss of so much financially and emotionally, the displacement. . .

Doesn't make it right, just an eerie parallel.

[DaveMoff]

I entirely agree. There was a time in this country (not all that long ago) when women were essentially regarded as property. Thankfully, that particular horror has more or less passed and to greater or lesser degrees (depending on where you are) people are recognized as people.

Unfortunately we have a way to go before things like presumption of innocence and a few other Constitutional niceties truly become the law of the land. Mind, in my case, I do not so much blame the system as I do a person who is extraordinarily skilled at manipulating it. Not always lawfully, no, but for the most part she is extremely gifted at getting other people in trouble merely because they are perceived as being in her way. And because of certain assumptions on the part of law enforcement, etc., she is believed.

A few words from one of more of her doctors would go far toward ending this sort of thing. Unfortunately (and as she well knows), they are bound by confidentiality and cannot say a thing. Mind, she's had no problem making some sort of accusation against at least four of her doctors for no reason I can see other than that she felt like it.

[nimuay]

Yes, abusers are distinctly manipulative. And they have to be really stressed for them to lose that mask and start showing the true 'them', the raging, name-calling, chair-throwing, phone destroying reality.